In the week before the college entrance examination, in order to relieve everyone's nervousness and let everyone have a good mentality, the school gave us a big vacation. For those students who are looking forward to a better university life, this week is a good opportunity to check and fill in the gaps and sharpen their guns. Naturally, it is inevitable to go home and let the parents supplement the camp to motivate and motivate the fighting spirit.

And for people like me and Wu Kai whose results are almost a foregone conclusion, this week has really become relaxing. As soon as the teacher announced the holiday, the two of us couldn't wait to rush out of the school gate, standing outside the school gate and looking back at the campus where we had lived for almost three years.

When I first walked into the school gate three years ago, I was full of pride, but now I am running away in a hurry, and I am inevitably embarrassed. In the last days of that school, everyone was sprinting for the final exam, and only Wu Kai and I were idle all day long. There is no consciousness that he is about to participate in an exam that will determine his fate, and naturally it has attracted the eyes of countless people.

We seem to be unfazed, but our hearts have already been flooded. Obviously, for farmers like us, being admitted to university is undoubtedly a good opportunity to change their fate. Since then, he has left that land, taken off his peasant identity for several generations, and has become an urban white-collar worker, a business elite, and a political darling, with unlimited possibilities.

It's just a pity that all this has nothing to do with us, everything is our unattainable dream.

We left the school as if we had escaped, rushed into the Internet café, and played games for a week in the dark. When you are sleepy, you sleep on the chair, and when you are hungry, you ask the boss to make instant noodles. In this almost masochistic way, we want to forget about the upcoming exams and the unknowns we are going to face.

It's just a pity that everything we do is just self-deception. The day before I went back to school, Wu Kai finally couldn't stand this extremely suppressed emotion and pulled me out of the Internet café. I found a small restaurant at random, and he didn't remember what he ordered, but we both remembered this detail clearly when the boss served a case of beer.

This is not the first time I have drunk, since I met Wu Kai, the two of us will go to a small restaurant from time to time to order two side dishes, and then have a drink. But this was the first time I had ever served a case of wine like this, and of course it was the first time in my life that I got drunk.

That night, the two of us chatted all night on the hill behind the school, and at the end of the conversation we both burst into tears.

Under the influence of alcohol, the two of us stood under a small pine tree at the top of the mountain, screaming and roaring as much as we could. vented his inner dissatisfaction and resentment, and poured out all his resentment and hatred towards this world.

For me, poverty is a huge barrier to getting out of the cycle of fate, and it is like a spell that has been placed on us for generations. Since my grandfather's generation, my family has fallen into the middle of the road, and my father's failure to break through has indirectly caused me to have to accept the fateful arrangement.

I once secretly thought that maybe I could be selfish and use the hard-earned money of my parents and sister for a few years to get a bright future for myself. But when my sister dragged her tired body after the night shift, transferred the hard-earned money they had worked hard to get back from the boss to my card, and told me to study hard, I was shaken.

Yes, maybe my parents' woodenness and lack of communication made me lose a lot of warmth in my childhood, or maybe the embarrassing living environment they provided made my low self-esteem follow me all the time. But if I really want to ignore their situation, and accept their constant supply of living expenses with peace of mind, my conscience will not be at peace.

Most importantly, I didn't have the confidence to change the fate of my family. I'm more worried than my own future that I won't be able to give back to them after spending all their life savings. I couldn't face their disappointed eyes, and I couldn't imagine what it would be like for them to be old and helpless.

I can only take the one that hurts them the least. I think they would be more acceptable to retreat now than I was powerless after four years of college, and it is. After I expressed my thoughts to them, they chose to respect.

For Wu Kai, fate seems to be more cruel, if it is just a simple learning ability not four times, it is not a big deal for peasant children like us. Learning a craft, or going out to work hard, is enough to get back food and clothing.

But he was born in such a family, and all the children in the family except himself are stars with dazzling halos. Under their aura, Wu Kai, who was mediocre in his studies and even confused, was very eye-catching. Fortunately, the elders saw his efforts and did not criticize him too much.

But obviously, he can't accept his ordinary self as easily as his elders. More than once, I saw him hiding under the covers in the middle of the night and reading with a flashlight, and watching him memorize knowledge points with a small card written by himself during a nap between classes. However, the reality is so cruel, just like he said, "Talent is more important than hard work".

All his efforts failed to get back a decent score in the end, let alone regain the self-confidence he had lost over the years.

Beneath his sunny and cheerful exterior lies a soul with low self-esteem and a cowardice. So, through the effect of alcohol, he finally confided his dissatisfaction to the world. When a trace of fish belly white was revealed in the east, we shouted that we were tired, and our tears were almost dry.

Wu Kai sat on the grass against the pine tree and asked me, "What do you think I should do in the future?" ”

His question froze me on the spot, a proposition about the future that I had not dared to touch for a long time. Not only him, but I never even thought about my own future. It's not that I don't want to, but I don't dare. I don't have the courage to face the fate of being able to see the end of my life at a glance, so I've been trying to avoid this topic.

I never really thought about it, hoping that it would slow down the day when it came, but I didn't expect that I would have to face it after all.

Following the lessons I learned from my parents' life trajectories, I found a factory job and earned a small salary. Getting married and having children at the right time, and then repeating what they have walked and leaving hope to the next generation, that's probably all I can think of at the moment.

But obviously, Wu Kai has other options, and what he wants is definitely not such an answer. His family background determined the height of his starting point, and I even think that even if I had spent my whole life I would not have had what he has now.

So the answer to this question is obvious, but it's also something I can't say, do you want me to tell him, "You don't have to do anything now, you're already a winner in life?" "Seeing that I didn't speak for a long time, Wu Kai probably had already figured out my thoughts.

"Do you think that I can live comfortably now even if I don't do anything? With the current conditions of our family, I can be a rich second generation who eats and waits for death? ”

Wu Kai's expression was solemn, and he continued with a gloomy expression: "Actually, I also thought about it, but I just couldn't pass my own level. Indeed, my parents have surpassed many others in their achievements now, and I have much more resources than others even if I don't do anything. Coupled with the other relatives and friends in the family, it shouldn't be difficult for me to do anything. But Yuanzi, you know what? I don't dare. Since childhood, I have lived in the shadow of my older brothers and sisters, and I have always been compared to them as a teaching material. The higher they accomplished, the more useless I felt, and over time I became less likely to associate with people. ”

His voice began to tremble, his chest rose and fell, and his emotions were visibly agitated. I lit a cigarette and handed it to him, and he took it and took two deep puffs before calming down a little.

"I'm glad I met you, if I didn't say it, you wouldn't have imagined what I was like before."

After his reminder, I realized that it seemed to be the case. After getting to know him, the people who talked to him the most were his all-powerful brothers and sisters, and it seemed that they had never heard him talk about his own past. I lifted my eyelids and motioned for him to continue.

"Have you noticed that our classmates from junior high school hardly play with me?"

This seems to be a fact, usually when you first enter the school, you will have a small group of alumni of the former junior high school or those who are familiar with them. But Wu Kai seems to be an exception, he rarely plays with his classmates, and those people rarely take the initiative to contact him. My curiosity was immediately captured by him, and there seemed to be some unknown story in it.

"Because of my parents' relationship, my teachers took good care of me from elementary school to junior high school. However, my academic performance has been very poor, and I have been steadily between the bottom 1 and 2. In fact, I really want to learn well, like my older brothers and sisters, to be regarded as a role model and an idol by others. But it always backfired, and no matter how hard I tried, my grades hardly changed. Occasionally, if you are lucky, you will be in the third place from the bottom like the New Year. When I was in elementary school, everyone was just playing, and it didn't seem to be anything, but after I went to junior high school, the circle changed. The good grades play with the good grades, and the bad grades play with the bad grades. You also know who the bad grades are, fighting, smoking, falling in love, anyway, the teacher doesn't let you do anything. It stands to reason that I shouldn't have to think about my grades and should be mixed with them, but the teacher stares at them every day. From time to time, they also talked to me and told me that it was okay to study badly, but don't follow them, because you will learn badly. ”

As he said this, he looked up at the sky, and his expression became more and more solemn. The ending was almost doomed, because of poor learning, he could not fit into the circle of good children. Because of his family background, he couldn't be accepted by the bad boys, so he was isolated.

It's no wonder why he bribed a dormitory member of our dormitory with "Soft China" on the first day he entered the school, because he didn't want to continue to be "neutral". A brutal, even somewhat sad story, I don't know if that counts as a form of violence. When he was just forming social consciousness, he was isolated by society and became an outcast of society.

I finally understood why he had been so close to me for three years. Aside from me, he rarely forms a fixed relationship with anyone else. He is the captain of the basketball team, but he rarely skips class to play, and certainly does not have the experience of going out to surf the Internet all night. Naturally, he couldn't really be accepted by his teammates on the basketball team.

His outstanding appearance made him favored by many girls, and he was once the king of school topics, but he also became the target of public criticism. No matter where he goes, in addition to the envious and adoring gaze, jealousy and hatred are naturally indispensable. In the school, which is considered to be the purest and cleanest, he experienced the evil of human nature early on.

And I never noticed this, it turned out that our two lonely souls inadvertently became each other's dependence.

I didn't answer him, and I couldn't offer words of consolation, because I did ignore it. I can't tell if it's intentional or not, and I don't know what kind of emotions I have in my subconscious for him. Obviously, I didn't value him as much as he valued me.

I secretly despised my impure soul, and I was ashamed of my impurity. In our relationship, it was clear that I was the one who was more taken care of, and he had been passively accepting my domination.

I took a deep breath, patted him on the shoulder and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't think of this and ignored your feelings. ”

He also reached out and put his hand on my hand and patted me lightly twice, indicating that he had received my kindness.

"It's okay, I'm used to it, I'm used to being ignored, I'm used to stealth. However, you are already better than everyone else, I don't know how many times, besides you, you have seen anyone who has taken the trouble to give me lectures; Who else fetched me food when I was injured and carried me to class; Who else will give me new clothes that he hasn't worn once? Who else will remember my birthday and prepare a gift for me. ”

Wu Kai recalled these insignificant little things that had been forgotten by me, and a satisfied smile appeared on his face.

"Actually, I know what image I am in the eyes of other people, and they all think that I am just a good-looking rich second generation with a few stinky money in my family. Except for you, there doesn't seem to be anyone who chooses to be friends with me because of my money. Sometimes I really hate my own family background, and if I didn't have that, I might have lived a little more peacefully. Wu Kai continued.

Although I think his words have a bit of Versailles, but if you think about it carefully, what he said is not unreasonable. It seems that his wealthy family background has not brought him more benefits, but has become a heavy shackle on his back. If Wu Kai is really a gentleman who doesn't learn and doesn't know how to do it, it would be fine, but he was born in a scholarly family, I think the words and deeds he received since he was a child would never allow him to become such a person.

However, he also has a head that is not particularly bright, and it can't match the huge aura on his body. This eventually became a stain on his life and a gap for others to attack him.

At this time, I should have spoken comfortingly, and even encouraged him to work hard, to strive to match the responsibilities and pressures imposed on him by the world. But when the words came to my lips, I had to swallow them back, because I knew that he didn't want that. I also know that in addition to his lack of learning ability, his ability to perceive society is even more lacking.

His knowledge and understanding of this world is even more extreme, and it is extremely unreasonable. His worldview is black and white, and there are only two kinds of good people and bad people in the world, and almost all his arguments jump on two extremes. Everything is absolute in his eyes, so much so that he is very uncomfortable with the different opinions of others. Under Wen Tun's character, there is a stubborn self, and naturally a contradictory self.

I didn't want to continue to dwell with him on this topic and let him continue in this self-denial, but I threw the topic back to him and said, "Then what are your plans, since you asked me, then you must have a plan." ”

As soon as my voice fell, Wu Kai actually smiled shyly and said, "I said you can't laugh at me."

After saying that, he repeatedly asked me to promise that I would not laugh at his plan, and after I swore by heaven and cursed and vowed, I almost took my heart out of him. He finally slowly stated his intentions, and it gave me a new understanding of him and their family.

"In fact, since the third grade of primary school, my parents probably already knew that I would definitely not be able to study well, and they also did a lot of things to help me, and even took me to the hospital for a check-up."

Speaking of this, he smiled again, and then continued: "It's a pity, the test results are all normal for me, and I can't change the result of poor study." So they stopped pushing me and even comforted me a lot, telling me not to be stressed. I also said hello to my teachers, as long as I don't learn badly and don't be naughty. As for my studies, it's up to me. My dad said, 'A man's happiness is not because of how many books he reads, how much he earns, or how great his revenge is.' It's about the ability to make the people around him happy, and to be able to bring value to the world. In fact, I have been struggling for so many years, and I have always lived with a very low self-esteem. But my dad kept telling me not to give up hope, because I definitely had a stage of my own. ”

When he said this, Wu Kai's face had long since lost the decadence just now. The eyes are resolute, the tone is sonorous, and the eyes are deep into the distance. Then he waved his hand and said with a big eye on the world: "Indeed, I am not smart, and I may not be destined to achieve anything great." I was also lost, even hopeless, but now I have accepted this reality. My parents asked me about my plans last month, and I told them that I would go to Shenzhen to learn some technology when I graduated. Learn how to dig at Blauflair, or learn some cooking and become a chef at Newest. ”

When he said the high school in the middle of the night, I laughed decisively on the spot. The depressed mood of the whole night was completely released at this moment, and I thought it was time for me to seriously think about my life.