From the moment he sent "Hundred Flowers", Tang Ning was planning for Gu Weijing's despair at the moment.

She's going to ruin this contender.

Professor Lin Tao is a professor at CAFA.

On the one hand, he is twenty years older than his younger sister Tang Ning.

On the other hand, compared with Tang Ning, who has lived and held exhibitions in various European countries over the years, Lin Tao is the one who lives in the ivory tower among his brothers and sisters.

He really didn't mean anything.

This WeChat told Gu Weijing to take a look at the interview, just to inspire the younger generation, reminding him that he wanted to be Cao Lao's closed disciple without the ability to do anything, and it was not an easy task.

Even in Professor Lin's heart, he thought that for the candidate for the closed disciple that Elder Cao might choose, this blow was a fart.

It's drizzling!

CAFA is the best art academy in Eastern Xia.

The students who can be admitted to CAFA and can also be selected to enter Lin Tao's studio are also the best among the best among the proud sons of the sky.

Not to mention that everyone is an artistic genius who grew up under the media spotlight like Katsuko Sakai.

At least he is also an outstanding student who is arrogant and self-confident and not weaker than others, and relies on his tenacious personality in the midst of thousands of troops to successfully squeeze out the kind of examination emperor who crossed the single-plank bridge.

Talents selected in the high-intensity competition environment of Dongxia.

Nothing else blows.

Just the mentality and basic skills, looking at the whole world art environment, are actually quite strong.

Those squeamish European students, behind closed doors, engaged in a painting training camp for a month or two to prepare for the exam, and if they didn't have a good mentality, they would directly collapse their paintings.

Even many of the students with whom Professor Lin used to come into contact were more or less narcissistic.

Narcissism – this kind of character is never a bad thing for artists.

The most successful literary and artistic workers in the world are often classified into two major personalities.

One is represented by Van Gogh, Benjamin, and Munch, who get up in the morning and look in the mirror, crying at every turn, and exclaiming, "Ah, Mom, I'm going to die".

The other type is Dalí, Andy Warhol, Picasso, who got up in the morning and looked in the mirror, stared wide-eyed and exclaimed, "Lying in a big groove, the people in the mirror are really awesome, how can there be such a perfect and lovely person in the world?" It's so unfair to others, all girls should fall in love with me unconditionally".

The main thing is narcissism.

Sensitive artists are more inclined to integrate the environment into their brushes, spring, summer, autumn and winter, sadness and joy, like a clean mirror, reflecting every trace of emotional change through the works, and the audience looks at their paintings as if they have experienced a deep journey, walking through thousands of fragments.

Sweet and sour, all on the heart.

The narcissistic artist speaks to the world with his own powerful and passionate soul.

They don't have to look outward, their own minds are a world of colours, and their works are more aggressive and conquering.

The sensitive painter wants to guide the viewer slowly to his own work.

The narcissistic painter is like an imposing speaker and opinion leader, and his work is like a loudspeaker, asking Balabala to instill his worldview and stirring emotions into everyone.

There is no difference between good and bad emotions, and both can go very far on the road of art.

But the latter is proportionately larger.

It is no accident that a large number of famous painters, like Professor Boggs, have a narcissistic style that is difficult to adapt to.

Narcissistic artists are more likely to get rid of the influence of the big filter of "self-doubt" and "self-destruction".

In Professor Lin Tao's heart, Gu Weijing is so talented at a young age, has such a strong learning ability, and is accompanied by beauties, he must be a narcissistic person.

As a matter of fact.

Gu Weijing is a sensitive and sensual painter.

Sensual people are the hotbed of all emotions.

When he is happy, the world in his pen is happy, and when he is sad and desperate, the repressed negativity will be like the bacteria on a petri dish, crazy self-propagation, unable to restrain himself.

Even if the trigger for this negative emotion is not the wisteria tree that has been removed from the Royal Botanic Gardens.

As long as Downing planted the seeds of doubt in his heart.

At other points in time, it will be nourished by negative emotions and break through the ground.

"Meditation, you are not as bad as you think, you will definitely be able to draw. Don't think, don't think about it, calm down. I want to calm down and think about the wisteria mantra that Professor Lin Tao taught me. Now I only think about this and forget about everything else. ”

"Forget about it."

Gu Weijing broke away and Sakai Katsuko took his hand.

He patted his hot cheek vigorously with his hand, and once again grabbed the brush in his hand.

Gu Weijing is now like a bull in the bullring that is scarred and unwilling to fall.

Even though his mind was pierced by the sword of self-doubt again and again, he still had red eyes, raised his hooves, and rushed towards the matador in front of him.

The red cloth shaking in the hands of the bullfighter is the dream of a great artist that has burned in Gu Weijing's heart since childhood.

This time.

"The Little Prince" was a big hit, the ingenious idea at the Singapore Art Exhibition, and the promise of Cao Lao's apprenticeship...... He had just felt that the dream was close at hand.

How could Gu Weijing allow it to drift away from his body?

There are some wonderful things that you can never forget once you see them.

They are all from humble backgrounds, and they are all "small-town painters", so Gu Weijing suddenly discovered at this moment that in a certain part of the soul, he is really the same person as Miao Angwen.

The same is the fear of losing after getting it.

The same inferiority complex and full of fear.

Miao Anwen is afraid of losing the rich life given by Brother Hao.

What Gu Weijing is afraid of losing is the dream of becoming a great painter.

Afraid of what the system gave him turned out to be a mirage-like illusion.

At best, he can only be a craftsman with superb skills.

Because what he has is only external conditions, and he owes that vital ...... The ...... that only a true genius like Ms. Downing possesses

The artist's clear heart.

"Sheep's hair is applied to titanium white, the tip of the pen is adjusted to rouge, the side is dotted with petals, and the flower hook is ......"

Gu Weijing tried to concentrate all his attention on the wisteria flower painting mantra recited in his mind, and tried to use his concentration to suppress the clutter and fear in his mind.

He even opened the system panel directly.

When I paint, my eyes are fixed on the Chinese painting techniques column on the panel.

Gu Weijing no longer cares about drawing more than a dozen strings of wisteria flowers in order to make the experience value of the progress bar jump a little.

It doesn't matter anymore.

Now only the experience points of jumping up can make him feel a moment of peace of mind and steadfastness.

If the remaining 100 XP points are missing and he needs to draw a thousand strings of wisteria flowers to make up for it, then he is willing to draw a thousand of them.

This at least speaks.

A person without aura, relying on the hard work of a tendon, still has hope to break through the bottleneck of painting.

Art, a cruel industry that relies on talent to eat, and the fact that diligence can make up for its clumsiness and usefulness is the placebo that Gu Weijing needs most now.

Pity.

Drawing is not a physical test running, as long as you practice for a long time, you can always improve.

It is the sand that is grabbed in the palm of someone's hand, and if you deliberately want to hold it, it will lose more and faster.

"Sheep hair titanium white, nib rouge, side ......"

"Gu Weijing, it is a pity that you were not shortlisted for the Singapore Biennale, thank you for your support and trust in the organizing committee of the project."

"Sheep hair titanium white, nib to adjust rouge ......"

"Alas, at this level, you also want to be my closed disciple? There is no aura at all. What's the use of me getting a photocopier that can draw. ”

"Sheep's ......"

"Gu Weijing, didn't you say that we want to go to a high place together, you want me to be my Monet. Where is your heart for painting? Why I can't see it at all. ”

As he recited the mantra of painting, the murmur in his head did not tend to die down, but became louder.

At the beginning, Gu Weijing just silently read the mantra in his heart, and regarded the painting technique of wisteria flowers as something like the "meditation mantra" of Zen Buddhism, trying to calm himself down.

After a while.

He was already almost shouting.

But as his voice became hysterical, the volume of the villain in his mind became equally deafening.

It's no longer just Downing and his own voice.

The rejection letter of the Singapore organizing committee, Cao Lao's disappointed gaze, and Sakai Katsuko's questioning eyes—all kinds of phantoms appeared and disappeared one after another, and finally formed a huge symphony of chorus echoing in Gu Weijing's mind.

It was a piece of music about the tragedy from which there is no escape.

The Buddhist scriptures say.

The demons of the heart are haunted, and all kinds of sufferings are born, like falling into hell.

It's ridiculous that Gu Weijing just drew a sketch of a cat a few days ago to treat Jane Arnold's son for psychological problems.

In the twinkling of an eye.

He himself was overwhelmed by a tidal wave of negative emotions.

Tony can escape into his closed heart.

And Gu Weijing is chaotic is the heart.

So he has no way to go.

If Dr. Kim Anqing had witnessed this scene, the psychiatrist would have realized that Gu Weijing was experiencing an extremely classic textbook depression scene.

It is also the most typical way for depressed emotions to hurt sensitive people.

The problem Tony faced is known in psychology as bereavement.

Gu Weijing's current state is called "PLOM", which is an abbreviation of the phrase "poor and weak me" (note).

(Note: PLOM-Poor little old me)

What started out was just a small emotional twist, like the first snowflakes that fell from the top of a mountain.

And then

The ripple effect began.

Negative emotions will accumulate and accumulate as the snowflakes roll down the mountain, faster and faster.

From snowflakes to snowballs, and then to avalanches that collapse all over the mountains as emotions sweep through the waves.

Objectively, the patient may have a successful career and a successful family, but in the process of expanding negative emotions, the patient will be like a gamer, constantly playing various "tragic me" roles in his mind.

They constantly imagine the tragic scenes they will face, and they are hurt by such scenes again and again.

Cycle on and on.

The scariest thing about this game is that.

If the patient is not able to retreat with supreme perseverance and discernment of awareness, he will be drawn away by gravity and fall towards the center of the earth.

Then he will really become the poor and weak "me" in the "PLOM" game.

This is how most people with depression mess up everything good in their lives and then go to self-destruction.

Whether it is a fantasy or a prophecy, it is all in a thought.

The brush in Gu Weijing's hand gurgled because of his involuntary force, and the bamboo pipe even had a little bent meaning.

I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing.

When he went out to play, Gu Weijing was reluctant to bring the old pen handed over to him by Gu Tongxiang.

Maybe.

If he used that set of jade-colored brushes today, the hard and cold touch would have calmed him down.

Perhaps.

The jade body of the precious old pen will break from it due to the lack of moisture and toughness in Gu Weijing's unconscious force.

[Title: Wisteria]

[Chinese Painting Technique: Lv.4 Class 1st Order (4902/5000)]

[Emotion: A simple work]

……

[Title: Wisteria]

[Chinese Painting Technique: Lv.4 Class 1st Order (4902/5000)]

[Emotion: Inattentive]

……

[Emotion: Inattentive]

……

[Emotion: perfunctory]

[Emotion: perfunctory]

[Emotion: perfunctory]

"Meditation! Meditation! Calm me down, okay if you calm down! ”

Gu Weijing forgot what painting mantra to continue to recite.

He watched blankly as the evaluation on the system panel changed from [simple] to [careless], and then uncontrollably jumped from [careless] to [perfunctory] again.

Perfunctory, perfunctory, perfunctory......

These four words are like a spell that can't be jumped away.

No matter how hard Gu Weijing tried, the system would tell him with cold facts.

The effort he poured into the wisteria flower only deserved the lowest evaluation of perfunctory.

This moment.

Gu Weijing knew that he really couldn't paint like this anymore.

Hold on to the salary to fight the fire, the salary is not exhausted, and the fire is not extinguished.

His spirit is the burning flame, and the wisteria flower in front of him is the burning firewood of the flame, which is scorching his thoughts and inspirations from the inside out.

Katsuko Sakai refused to use Gu Weijing as a model for her daily practice, and the girl was smart enough to realize -

In case the painting practice is not smooth, the bad mood and Gu Weijing's face will be practiced together, which will affect the relationship between them.

Now, he's going to paint it like that.

The wisteria flowers in front of him and even the Chinese painting itself will become the anchor of Gu Weijing's negative emotions, and every time he lifts the brush again, he will be brought into inferiority and self-doubt by the situation.

Put down the pen and admit defeat, although let go of the heart of an artist and let go of the dream of becoming a great artist.

He can still be a craftsman who relies on the technique of the system, and he can still be the Louis troy.

Think about it.

Louis troy is pretty good, too.

Although they were sentenced to life in prison, they also mixed up with the awards of the Chigago Biennale that year.

Although he has become Cao Lao's successor or something, it is estimated that there will be no drama in this life.

But Miss Sakai has such a good personality, maybe people won't dislike her? Isn't the soft rice also delicious! Mix it up, and this life will be mixed up.

If he didn't put down his pen, maybe this negative emotion would spread to all areas of painting, just like those PTSD American GIs who shivered when they heard the gunshots when they came back from Afghanistan.

Pick up the pen and you'll hear these noisy noises in your head.

He couldn't even be a skilled craftsman.

But Gu Weijing just can't put down the pen, it's ......

Unwilling.

As if holding a pen, he grabbed a piece of the sleeve of his childhood dream, grasped it firmly, clung to it, grabbed it with all his strength, and begged not to let it slip away.

Will there be such a 1 in 1,000 chance that God will have mercy on him, and he can really hold it?

What Gu Weijing grasped was not hope, but despair.

Not only is the pointer of the emotional table firmly locked on the evaluation of [perfunctory], and it doesn't even mean to shake it.

Even the techniques began to regress.

[Chinese Painting Technique: Lv.4 Career 1st Order (4857/5000)]

[Chinese Painting Technique: Lv.4 Career 1st Order (4632/5000)]

4321、3532、2613……

The wisteria flower he drew began to fall like a boat against the current.

3000, 2000, and 1000 have all fallen below the level of the first rank of the profession and returned to Lv.3 semi-professional.

The artist's painting technique is inherently positively related to the artist's emotional state.

When a painter paints a work, it is normal for the work to be higher or lower than his own technical level.

If you can meet extraordinary performance, you can encounter abnormal performance, and you can't expect a painter who is in such a bad mood that his hands are shaking that he can paint such exquisite brushstrokes.

Gu Weijing turned off the system panel.

It wasn't that he succeeded in calming down, but that Gu Weijing finally despaired.

A painting of despair can also shake the viewer's mind, like the dark and grotesque gloomy Saturnalia by the Spanish painter Goya Lucientes.

But a painter who despairs of his painting skills can only paint extremely bad paintings full of mistakes.

For example, at this moment, Gu Weijing's pen seems to be densely trembling and twisted into wisteria flowers.

"Please, please, please take care of it, please calm down, please, I really beg you."

Gu Weijing thought desperately.

So, he really calmed down.

The kind in the physical sense.

A basin of icy lake water was poured over the head.

It's cold and biting.

At noon in the summer of 35 degrees in Yangon, being stirred by such cold water, Gu Weijing felt that a tight string in his heart had finally been torn off.

The brush at hand falls freely.

Gu Weijing was also powerless to go down.

He did not fall on the grass beneath him, but into a soft embrace.

"It's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay......" Katsuko Sakai knelt on the grass and gently brushed his scalp with her fingertips, comforting him like a child.

Beside the girl was an empty bucket.

"I'm sorry. Katsuko, I tried, I really, really worked hard, but maybe, I'm really not the Monet who can play Manet. ”

Gu Weijing looked at the sky blankly with empty eyes, and couldn't stop apologizing softly.

"I'm sorry."

He was defeated.

"It's fine." Katsuko Sakai muttered softly.

"Miss? Is Mr. Gu okay? "Uncle Alai has already run over, and he has just been with the female bodyguard and realized that something is not quite right with Gu Weijing.

It's just that he doesn't know how to deal with the artist's psychological problems.

"Get out of here, immediately."

Sakai Katsuko said without raising her head, she intimately put Gu Weijing's face into her arms, and wiped away the tears on the other party's cheeks mixed with the lake water with her fingers.

Shengzi was unwilling to let Gu Weijing's embarrassed appearance appear in the eyes of outsiders.

"Is he unwell? Epilepsy? Need to call an ambulance! The bodyguard lady rubbed her hands on her clothes and suggested. Is that snot? I have tissues. ”

"Get out! I'm getting you out of here! I don't understand the words. Miss Katsuko commanded in a very rare and gruff angry voice.

This moment.

The female bodyguard suddenly realized.

This soft and cute girl who has always been very good at talking is the daughter of a billionaire's family.

When you want to be majestic.

Katsuko can also be very majestic, even the air seems to be frozen.

"I'm sorry, I'm not in a good mood."

After a moment of anger, Katsuko returned to normal, and her tone softened, "Please leave for a while, by the way, take Jasmine with you, and take her to eat." She is not suitable to see Gu Jun like this, when you come back, I can return her Gu Brother Gu to her as it was intact. ”

The female bodyguard wanted to say something, but was pulled away by Uncle Alai.

Gu Weijing's eyes were still looking at the sky blankly, ignoring everything around him, as if he didn't care anymore, and as if he hadn't heard it at all.

Katsuko Sakai put Gu Weijing's face on her lap and looked at his black pupils.

Gu Weijing's eyes were confused, and he had no focus at all.

Miss Katsuko didn't look away, just stared at each other so persistently, as if she wanted to see the sea dry and rotten.

Long.

Katsuko Sakai nodded slightly.

"No, you're not Manet's Monet."

Gu Weijing's eyes blinked, and it seemed that the last part of his heart was also shattered.

Katsuko Sakai smiled.

"You are not Manet's Monet, you are my Gu Weijing. Miss Katsuko Sakai's Gu Weijing. ”

"Gu Jun is so cute, give Monet, I won't change it."

Katsuko Sakai kissed it gently.

(End of chapter)