"The subject of our dissertation, the painting that was picked up on the side of the street. Perhaps, at some point in history, in a certain way of opening the world in a timeline, that Lady Carroll became as great as Mary Stevenson Xart. Whether it's with the pen or with the idea, we all see such potential in that old "Old Church". ”

Katsuko Sakai sighed lightly: "It's a pity that those beautiful possibilities didn't happen. There is no page in the history of art that belongs to her. There is no bustling queue of tourists in front of the bulletproof glass in front of the museum, admiring her work with longing eyes. ”

"In the real story, some of them are just an old painting that is dusty and disposed of at a low price."

There are too many blood-stained poignant stories behind the history of art, from speculators who are good at drilling camps to masters who have disappeared in the vast sea of people.

The best painters don't necessarily come out, and the best painters don't have to be the best.

This is the cruel paradox that fate has left for artists.

"So, Gu Jun, at the beginning of your life, you ...... Why do you pick up a paintbrush? ”

Gu Weijing was stunned.

He originally thought that he was a person with a firm goal and a dedication to his artistic heart.

At this time, when asked by Katsuko, he suddenly became a little in a trance.

What is your artistic heart?

Become a great painter.

It seems like this is an obvious answer.

Mr. Sloth says that children are the shadows of their parents.

His attitude towards the art of painting is very different from that of his father, who went to Paris to start a new life, but his attitude towards life is not necessarily similar.

Revitalizing the family business, getting rid of the fate of poverty, and being a real human being, these thoughts have also been thought of by Gu Weijing.

I want him to be so immortal that he takes a pen, ink, paper, inkstone, a pot of wine and a pot of tea, and goes to the mountains to be a hermit who is poor and happy, just to paint his paintings well.

This kind of thing is too difficult for him.

But does he just want to be a successful man in the worldly sense, selling a painting for hundreds of thousands of dollars, a million dollars?

When Gu Weijing relied on "The Little Prince" to earn the first $10,000 and the first $100,000 in his life.

If you look at the whole year, maybe that number will turn into a million dollars.

Of course he was excited and happy.

But it didn't seem to be as excited as he imagined that he couldn't sleep at night.

Gu Weijing found that what he enjoyed was the sense of acquisition that improved his technique, the satisfaction of drawing the cover of the little prince who was both physical and spiritual, and the sense of recognition represented by the publisher's payment of the million-dollar check.

Money is very important to Gu Weijing, but when he really saw the numbers that kept accumulating in his account, he donated it very calmly.

Sometimes, it is really difficult to distinguish exactly what you really want, and you confuse the process of pursuit with the result of pursuit.

"At the beginning of life, you ...... Why do you pick up a paintbrush? ”

Gu Weijing followed Sakai Katsuko's voice and sank towards his heart.

He remembered the irrepressible urge to write in his chest when he looked at the beautiful and beautiful murals on the plain white walls of the Shwedagon Pagoda in the deserted ancient temple.

I remembered the subconscious rejection and disgust of how he relied on money laundering and speculation to make him a national artist in Southeast Asia in the face of Brother Hao's colorful promises.

When he remembered the heartfelt smile on his face when he was a child, his grandfather Gu Tongxiang, whose hair was still black, held his hand and pointed out the first plum blossom on the paper.

……

Gu Weijing kept sinking and sinking in the heart lake.

Step back in time.

The scenes in his life passed in front of his eyes, and all kinds of scenes seemed to be a villain book that turned over quickly, and finally re-settled in the gloomy afternoon just after this year's Spring Festival.

Before he got a system that was enough to change his life, he still chose to refuse in the face of an invitation from the underworld group.

And that...... It may be that the original Gu Weijing is in this barren land, the most realistic road leading to the road of the great painter.

In the past, Gu Weijing longed for a successful career day and night.

At this moment, he suddenly realized so clearly that success is very important, and then there are still some things in his heart that are more important than wealth and social status-

He wants to be a good person, he wants to paint his picture well, and this is his greatest desire to embark on this path.

When Katsuko Sakai's fingers stroked over Gu Weijing's chest, she felt the sound of her heartbeat becoming soothing and long.

She felt that Gu Weijing understood.

Katsuko Sakai never felt that he would hesitate to get lost before this question.

From the time of day-to-day interaction, from the serious and calm eyes of this boy looking at the canvas, from the documents that can be gleaned from the stubborn word-for-word research of his dissertation, just to get closer to the historical truth that no one cares about represented by the letters "Carol".

Miss Sakai already understands his attitude towards art better than Gu Weijing herself.

As a matter of fact

A painter who is only obsessed with marketing himself and runs towards success utilitarianly often does not be as sad as Gu Weijing just did.

Only a pious person would be willing to devote such a heart.

Lookers-on see most of the game.

Now, it's a good time for him to recognize himself and stop being confused.

"So Gu Jun, there's nothing to be afraid of, is there? We just need to draw our own pictures, and the rest, whatever. But do good deeds, don't ask about the future. ”

When each artist first picks up a paintbrush, he is a child looking at the stars in a watchtower.

When they were young, they were either led by their teachers or unintentionally idle, and they looked up at the magnificent and charming art galaxy.

Since then, my soul has been haunted by dreams for a lifetime.

Later, they continued to grow, taking entrance examinations, signing contracts with galleries, participating in art exhibitions, and the process of ascending step by step after becoming famous is like constantly climbing on a watchtower, passing through layers of evening fog, and getting closer to the stars.

It's just that too many people climb and climb the watchtower and mistake climbing the watchtower for a pursuit itself.

The moment when the clouds dissipate.

They are obsessed with the status of the tower, neglecting to look up and admire the quiet and stunning starry sky.

The painter will encounter too many things in his life, and he will determine the status of the watchtower in terms of seniority, and he has to compare many things.

Than the teacher, than the network, than luck.

Better than who signed a gallery and media relationship, and stronger marketing and promotion capabilities. than who is favored by a certain great art critic. than are all excellent painters, who can be on the cover of the "Oil Painting" magazine for an exclusive interview......

There are too many external conditions that make the painter helpless.

The quality of the paintings is only a small link in this long chain of comparisons.

Helpless people are always restless, they are just a small piece of dust wrapped in thousands of torrents.

Those who fail want to succeed, and those who succeed are afraid of losing.

Painters who can calm down are usually devout believers in art itself, and they can't do it, but they seek to themselves.

Let the world change, the vicissitudes of life.

They just want to paint their own pictures.

"Katsuko, I don't even know myself, when I first picked up the paintbrush when I was young, was it for myself or for my grandfather's happiness, would it be very impure?" Gu Weijing asked.

Van Gogh and Goya wanted to become a priest, Manet thought of being a lawyer, and Renault first switched to painting simply because he earned more than his apprenticeship in an Oriental porcelain shop. As long as you have a pure desire to paint well, it doesn't matter why you pick up a paintbrush. ”

"Being a great painter like my father is also the motivation for me to paint!"

Sakai Katsuko put her cheek on Gu Weijing's chest with pity, and deliberately took herself as an example, "Our desire to paint well is originally composed of many factors. ”

She knows that because of the gap in the family of origin.

Gu Weijing sometimes seems to be a persistent artist, and sometimes he is like a scared child, worrying that he is not as good as others.

"Gu Weijing, you are really a very good person. If it weren't for you, I might still be painting some empty and boring works. My past life was a glass marble, and when I met you, this marble had a spiral of the rainbow in the middle. You are the bright color of my heart. Ten thousand Komatsu Taro can't compare to this. What do you have to fear and feel inferior to? ”

"Fear ......"

Gu Weijing felt the warmth of the smooth skin on his chest, and Katsuko's body was very warm, as if it had turned into a pool of hot water, about to melt into his body.

"You ask me what my greatest desires and fears are. Katsuko, would you like to hear what my fears are? ”

Miss Katsuko lay on his chest and rubbed gently: "As long as you are willing to talk to me, I will always be willing to listen." I can already guess it, though. ”

"I'm afraid of failure."

Gu Weijing touched Katsuko's hair.

"Since there are so many places where the fate of a painter is not determined by himself, or even by the painting itself, what if I am really a person who cannot reach the highest peak of fine art? Your mother told us to go on with support, but what if I couldn't do it? ”

Katsuko said, but do good deeds, don't ask about the future.

It's just that this is not easy for Gu Weijing.

Letting a sensitive person tell others about his greatest fear, his deepest cowardice, is tantamount to making him strip naked and show others.

It's just that Miss Sakai is so gentle, so gentle that he is willing to tell these deep emotions to the other party.

"Did my mom threaten you?" Katsuko frowned slightly.

"No, my aunt once gave me three chapters of the law, and promised me to be with you after completing certain goals. Later, my aunt never mentioned these things again, but I can see that in your mother's heart, the other half of Katsuko must be an incomparably shining man. I can draw well, but whether it's bright or not, there are some things that I can't decide. I think she'll be disappointed if I can't. ”

Gu Weijing said softly.

"No, it won't." Miss Sakai shook her head.

"Do you think I'm going to make it? So you have so much faith in me. Gu Weijing smiled.

Katsuko Sakai stretched out her hand and smoothed the corners of her brows that were still wrinkled with worry under the blackout blindfold.

"No, Gu Jun, I mean, if you shine, you are my lover, and if you really can't go to a high place, you are also my lover. What I like about you is that whether you can achieve fame or not is not the cornerstone of our relationship. If you can't shine in the world, you can also be my rainbow. ”

The girl seemed to remember something.

She smiled lightly and whispered into Gu Weijing's ear, "If you're really worried about my mother." I'll tell you a secret, my mom is actually a very knife-mouthed tofu-hearted person, and she is much more emotional than she appears on the outside. As long as you really work hard, she won't blame you. ”

Sensibility?

Gu Weijing recalled the Professor Cruz who asked him to meet in the office and told him very arrogantly that he was not allowed to touch her daughter if his work did not sell for $10,000.

I really can't associate that mean mouth with the word "emotional".

"I'll tell you a story, I told you before that my father had a similar problem when he was younger. He is in a much similar state of mind to you, failure, being judged by critics, self-doubt, and a vicious cycle of each other. At that time, his contract with Ota Geiro was only half a year. Japanese-style galleries are more volatile than European-style galleries, and they sign long-term contracts, but galleries generally have the right to terminate the contract unconditionally after the first six months. If you can't push it up with some resources, hurry up and get out, don't swagger under their golden signboards. ”

"So behind every successful painter in Japan is the bones of a loser. My dad almost became such a loser who was abandoned by the gallery. ”

"It's very difficult for a painter like him who has no roots to get a contract with a big gallery like Daejeon Gallery. But if he messes up, no gallerist will give him a second chance. His life was tied to that contract of dozens of pages, and he was losing that contract little by little. ”

"It was the darkest half of my father's life, and he was scolded by critics, and the gallery withdrew its promotion to participate in the Yokohama Art Exhibition, but he was rejected even for the entrance audition. Later, when his self-confidence collapsed, he often stared at the canvas for an hour and an hour in a daze, because his brain was blank and he couldn't even write and write. ”

"At first, the agent hired a psychiatrist for him, and then the agent gave up on him. My mother took him to Sensoji Temple to burn incense. That's when the Zen master gave him a lecture about the scriptures—"

Katsuko Sakai spoke in a calm tone.

Gu Weijing listened attentively.

He vaguely heard on the Internet that Uncle Sakai was once famous before he became famous, and there were times when he was criticized by critics and did not have his own characteristics.

It's just that I didn't expect that Professor Issei Sakai, who was wide in heart and fat, weighed 200 pounds, was worth more than the same weight of gold, and had infinite scenery, so depressed back then.

"And then? When your father listened to the Zen master's lectures, he realized that he was also very wise. Gu Weijing said with admiration.

"Why? Didn't I tell you, he didn't believe in the Kyoto monk at all. I think the old Zen masters are all shitting. ”

Katsuko Sakai tilted her head.

At that time, he bought a pot of charcoal online, and he decided to die the day he got the gallery's termination notice.

(End of chapter)