"Looking at the sun and the moon, I think about it, the clouds of the road are far away, and the clouds can come?"

I don't know much about it, but I remember it all the time.

It was the poem I used to recite to the boy in my dreams when he traveled far away to say goodbye to me.

In the dream, he couldn't distinguish his face, behind him was the overwhelming darkness, and the only double star-like eyes fell into the depths of my mind, and every time I thought of it, my heart would be flooded with joy. But I was still awake, it was just a dream, a dream that would turn into nothingness at the first glance of my eyelids.

The night banquet in the palace was my first meeting with him, and it may have been a catastrophe in my life. He overlapped with the sparkling eyes of my dreams, and the two clusters of fire swept straight into my heart, menacing, not giving people a chance to struggle, and were bound to burn a hole in my heart.

I hid behind the tree, looked from a distance, and saw that the familiar young man's face was like a crown of jade, with a slow belt and a light fur, and his waist was as straight as a Zhilan jade tree.

I watched him in a daze, but I didn't notice him leaving in a hurry.

"Little girl?" Suddenly a clear voice came from my ears, which frightened me to kneel down and kowtow again and again.

"Hey, you get up."

I bit my lip secretly, cautiously raised my eyes, and looked in front of me through my forehead.

It's him!

In the twilight of spring night, the breeze was slow, blowing the young man's wide white robe in the wind, handsome as a god, a pair of slightly upturned eyes spring and moonlight together, in the deep twilight spread out a beautiful scroll, as I saw in my dream, but clear and excessive.

I lowered my eyes unnaturally, my fingertips tightly twisting my cuffs, trying to calm my heart.

"Are the people in the palace so boring?" The young man kicked the stone at his feet and said in a rough voice, "Don't kneel, get up, I'm not an official yet!" ”

I stood up as I was told, but my head still hung down, staring at my toes in silence.

After a long silence, I could only hear the sound of the wind rolling and falling flowers, and when I raised my eyes helplessly, I saw him sitting down next to the begonia tree, carrying a pot of stolen wine, and drinking a petal of begonia in his mouth. He drank his wine, turned his head sideways at me, and melted into the moonlight, "Just raise your head, what a pretty little girl." ”

I don't think I can look at him anymore, even if I look at him again, I'm afraid that the heat in my eyes will be difficult to hide, and even scare him away. So it was the first impulse in my life, and I trotted away without saying hello, and I could faintly hear him wondering behind him in the night wind.

I don't know where to run to the palace, I gasped and stopped, looked around in a panic, and saw that no one dared to cover my heart, desperately trying to press the heart that was beating too violently in my chest. I'm a little annoyed by the impulse just now, I must have left some bad impression on him, right?

I pulled my lips, so what? He and I, I'm afraid there is no possibility of meeting again?

I sat down, curled up, hid the humble and unspeakable thought in my heart, and thought of him in my dream.

"When I went to serve tea to the lord of the country today, I saw General He again, he seems to have made a great contribution! Alas, what a handsome look! He has already become a general at a young age, and it must be a blessing that a girl can marry him, which must be cultivated in several lifetimes......"

My hand pruning the branches and leaves paused, and my fingertips accidentally dug into the palm of my hand, until I saw the petals swimming red, and I looked at the blood-colored petals in a daze, and my thoughts surged.

General He, General He, I nodded secretly, the girl who can marry her must have gone through a few lifetimes.

I have never mentioned to anyone the man in my dreams, and I have carefully lived in this dull and cold court with this humble and unspeakable thought. Every time I look at the expressionless faces in the palace as if I have lost my soul, I think of the young man in my dream, think of his clear eyebrows and eyes, and a slight pain in my heart, and then I can clearly perceive that I am still alive.

On the winter solstice, it snowed in Yuzhang City, facing Mobei, the cold wind was terrifyingly cold.

I waited outside the palace of the concubine, and the wind poured in from my cuffs, squeezing out goosebumps. Listening to the ambiguous wheezing sound coming from the palace, I shuddered, and remembered the greed in General Fang Cai's eyes when he looked at him.

"Hu Tao, you come in." The concubine's coquettish voice came from the palace.

I walked in tremblingly, knelt down, and did not dare to make the slightest mistake.

"Hu Tao, you follow General Wei."

I jerked at my sleeves, catching a glimpse of General Wei's greedy and ugly face, and my stomach churned.

General Wei's withered yellow hand reached over and took me into his arms, saliva still dripping from the corners of his mouth, "Beauty, go back with General Ben!" ”

I only felt that all my strength had been drained, staring blankly into the void, there was still snow in the air, and the sky and the earth were vast gray, stretching endlessly, and there was no end.

I never resisted, and obediently lay in that rotten embrace, and let him tease me.

He carried me back to his own mansion, threw me on the bed, tore my clothes apart three times and twice, and took me in his arms and gnawed at me, and entered me like a wild beast like a wild beast, as if he were going to tear me to pieces, and he grabbed me by the hair and threw me to the head of the bed, so that I burst into tears.

"You women in the palace are cheap, but your body is really fucking charming." The man smacked me in the face, pinched my chin, and spewed a foul breath from his mouth, "Damn, scream! You woman, you can't be a sweetheart, right? Haha, women like you don't know how many times you've been played with by men, and you're still thinking about finding a man! Say, isn't it? ”

In the hazy vision, the candle flame faintly traced a figure, I gritted my teeth and looked fixedly, shaking my head, "No...... Sweetheart. ”

Blood kept gushing out of the hole in his forehead, and a few drops of blood mixed with tears fell into his mouth, so salty and bitter that it was hard to swallow.

I had another dream in the darkness.

"Looking at the sun and the moon, I think about it, the clouds of the road are far away, and the clouds can come?"

In the dream, he went to the border, and I saw him off.

Thousands of miles of rivers and mountains and snow, but the boundless spring color stopped under his eyes. He stretched out his hand to me from afar away and lay a bend of moonlight in his open palm.

This dream is as far away as Huangliang.

It's a pity that in my vain obsession, I didn't even know his name.