Or overestimate his ability to withstand pressure. I had insomnia all night last night and haven't slept until now.

I don't have any thoughts on coding words at all.,I'll continue to serialize testimonials today.。

Anyway, the friends who can stay here now should be used to it, haha.

By the way, I would also like to share my experience as a loser and provide some lessons for those friends who are interested in online articles.

................

This book has been in turmoil until now, and the direct reason is that I can't bear the impact of bad reviews with my glass heart.

But what is the root cause? I used to be a positive and optimistic person, why did I become the way I am?

I thought about it for a day and a night, and by the way, I also looked back on my career in the past six years.

Old readers may know that my family conditions are not rich and expensive, but they are also worry-free. So I decisively gave up the graduate school entrance examination and job search at the beginning, and chose my dream after graduation.

It was clear to me at the time that being a full-time writer was an extremely precarious job.

And I was like, "If I can't starve to death even if I hit the streets, why don't I do what I love?" ”

But it's not that simple.

The most direct reason is the opposition and incomprehension of the family.

When I say this, of course, I don't mean to be like a clown and throw the pot on the head of the so-called "original family".

In fact, what bothers me the most about this is that I know—

My family is really for my good. Many of their objections are right.

My father has a higher education than me, has a wider range of knowledge than me, and sees problems more deeply than me.

So at the beginning, he asked me:

How long can you do this, have you thought about it?

There can be a few evergreens in the online literature industry who have been in the industry for more than ten years, how long can you guarantee that you will be popular?

After the age of 30, most people's careers are slowly getting on the right track, what about you?

What do you want to do for the rest of your life?

I can't answer.

I didn't think much of it. At that time, I just wanted to embrace my dreams like a moth to a fire.

Secondly, he has also been questioning me:

What do you do socially when you do this kind of work?

It's not that I'm not social. I have many good high school brothers in my local area, and there is no shortage of social activities.

But after all, it was high school classmates, and as time went by, everyone would slowly focus on their family and work.

If you want to buy osmanthus and carry wine, it is not the same as a teenager.

They won't be with you forever. If your work doesn't get in touch with society and you can't expand your network, how should you live the rest of your life?

A lifetime at home, a lifelong family cook?

I still can't answer.

Finally, he asked one of the most fatal questions:

You say you're doing your dream job, are you really happy?

I stubbornly said that I was happy, but this was not the case, and everyone in my family could see this.

The daily serialization, the Gu-raising traffic competition, and the Matthew effect recommendation algorithm all make me feel suffocated and at a loss more and more.

I told myself again and again in my heart, you are not bad for money, you don't care about grades, just like the teenager at the beginning, just write what you want to write.

But can I really not care about grades?

No.

Online articles are commodities, and the only criterion for evaluating good or bad is grades.

If there are no achievements, it means that there is no recognition, and there is no spiritual sense of gain.

The most important thing is that in the face of my family's well-founded opposition, I have to get results.

Without results, I can't refute their objections. After all, you can't even be financially independent, so what qualifications do you have to talk about dreams and hobbies with the people who spend money to support you?

Thus, a vicious circle begins.

The more my family objected for my good, the more I wanted to make something happen so that everyone could truly recognize me.

And the more desperately I aspire to success, the more sensitive and fragile I become, the more I evaluate in the unexpected world, and I am afraid that my poor writing will affect my grades.

So every bad review frightened me, made me more and more aware that I had lost my aura, and I was afraid that I would be ruthlessly eliminated by the market.

Then my family saw that I was so entangled and miserable in order to write a book, and the more they didn't support me to continue doing this job...

Finally, during an argument, my father said something that hurt me deeply: "You are the biggest failure in my life." ”

yes, he gave everything for me.

If I had followed the blueprint he had designed, I would have been a decent white-collar worker by now.

But I became an otaku who "went to jail" at home.

He earns more, and he is not proud. He cares more about my physical and mental health, and wants me to be a "normal person".

And he and I actually know very well that I can't make that much money every book, and I can't keep on being popular.

When I took this path, I was destined to spend the rest of my life as a waste lying flat on the legacy of my parents.

Unless I can have greater success, real success.

This success does not mean that you should become a god immediately. It's about getting rid of the limitations of the same people.,Write a good original book with acceptable grades.,Prove that you're capable of telling a good story completely on your own.,Do this job well - after all, if I want to keep working.,It's impossible to write until I'm 3 or 40 years old.,And continue to live by eating the dividends of shonen manga.。

That's why the pressure on me is especially great for this transformational book.

......

I said yesterday, I'm going to laugh at myself, I want to tell the story I want to tell.

That's really what I really think.

That's why I started writing books.

But the gravitational pull of reality is too heavy. It's really too hard, it's too hard.

I forced myself to become a fan jin in the new era, so reading was no longer fun, just for the sake of lifting, in order to straighten my waist in front of my wife and father-in-law, and in order to gain social recognition.

My family is for my good. They rationally advised me that while you are still young and can turn back, then change careers as soon as possible.

Otherwise, the longer it drags on, the older you get, the more difficult it will be to find a foothold in society.

I know that's true. But I'm really not reconciled.

If I give up on the path I have chosen, then will I really become the "biggest failure" in my father's mouth?

So this sentence put more pressure on me. Because every time I write a book, I get a year older, and the harder it is to change paths. So I have to break through as soon as possible and succeed as soon as possible...

A new round of spiritual internal friction has begun again.

Alas...

Let me rest for another day and think hard about how this book should be written.

I also think seriously about how my life should go.

Thank you, and for listening to this nonsense. Thank you.