Chapter 3: Marriage matters must be seriously considered

(1) My aunt was ordered to persuade her, which triggered the analysis and reflection of several cases of failed marriages

Qiu Yue officially moved back to the factory dormitory.

On this day, Qiuyue's little aunt came to the factory to look for her and said that there was something important. She received her aunt warmly. After a few words of greeting, my aunt said, "I came to persuade you to reconcile with Xiaohou on your mother's orders, what do you think?" ”

Qiu Yue said, "It's really impossible for me to reconcile with him, so you go and tell my mom that I won't compromise and resolutely break up." ”

Aunt said; "I saw that Xiaohou was quite pitiful, and he also cried and begged me, you see, a big man, crying and begging someone, how pitiful it is, you just agree."

Qiu Yue said, "Auntie, think about it for me, can I marry him like this?" Isn't that ruining your life? ”

My aunt smiled and said; "It looks like I can't complete this task, I'll go back and get back to my life." Qiu Yue politely sent her aunt out of the factory.

After sending her aunt away, she came back and repeatedly thought about her love process with Xiaohou, from the realization of the breakup, Xiaohou did put a lot of effort into his love career, and his care and care for his family really touched his heart. Like what. When the weather changes suddenly, Xiaohou will take the initiative to send clothes and umbrellas to his mother, and when his sister is in the countryside, he also takes the initiative to follow him to run dozens of kilometers of mountain roads a day to see his sister. These pictures are like a movie, one by one. Still, she couldn't give her life to him. But she thinks that Xiaohou is a very good young man, except for the fact that he is almost good in ability, but he is excellent in other aspects. She repeatedly asked herself, what kind of person do you want to find, is her ideal? She thought, thought, her eyes were blurred, her mind was confused, she really didn't know what kind of person she was going to choose?

There was a bleak scene of Jiang Taoyi's marriage in front of him, because of his poor consideration for a while, he left a lifelong regret, which made him in a dilemma. She assumed that if she really compromised, it would be difficult to say whether it would be like Jiang Taoyi's result in the future.

Thinking of the story of once sticking a knife in the ribs for his friend, comes to mind,

The origin of the story of the unhappy marriage of a friend who marries in order to survive begins here;

Case (1)

The factory has built a new collective dormitory, each room lives ten people, and rooms and beds are allocated according to the work team, (high and low bunks) are to facilitate the life and rest of shift workers. My lower bunk is a married older sister who is six years older than me. The surname is Jiang, and his name is Taoyi.

He is a high school student in the third grade. She was a worker who entered the factory in 1970. In addition to being good-looking, she is also very knowledgeable. I admired her literary talent very much, and often listened to her talk about literature and novels, so we became good friends.

Although Jiang Taoyi's sister is smart and capable, her fate is also very tricky for her. Her father was a high-ranking officer in the Kuomintang. Because after taking a concubine, she abandoned her mother and son, that is, her mother, brother, sister and her. Each person only has a small amount of living expenses and tuition and miscellaneous expenses every month, and later, even the little living expenses they have are gone, and it is too difficult to rely on the mother to do odd jobs to earn money to support the family, and to provide for the three children to go to school. After three years of hardship, the odd jobs were not done. As a result, she barely finished her sophomore year of high school and dropped out of school and went home. Because she had no source of livelihood, in order to survive, she chose to work in a tea plantation. The tea field is in charge of rice, and there is a subsidy of two yuan per month for daily necessities. This is the real purpose of her choice to work in the tea farm. The subsequent torrent of the Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution hit this unfortunate family, and her mother, who had been abandoned by her father for many years, was identified as the "stinky wife of the Kuomintang reactionaries" and was controlled by the streets.

She was introduced by a friend and married her current husband. He is a demobilized soldier who works in a heavy industry state-owned enterprise in the city. He is tall and looks handsome, but there is no ink in his belly. After they got married, they had a monotonous and rough lifestyle, and there was no interesting family life. She was tired of this animal-like life, she regretted her recklessness, and she regretted her ignorance. In a daze, he married himself off.

She asked for a divorce, but it was incomprehensible to divorce as soon as she got married. One after another, children were born. She left her home after giving birth and returned to the farm alone to live a single life. However, the child is the thing she is most concerned about, whenever she thinks of the child, she always bursts into tears, and she hesitates to divorce.

During this period, someone introduced her to the object, but because she did not have a formal divorce, it was inconvenient to meet with others casually, and she went into a misunderstanding at the beginning of her marriage, and now she has understood that life is not just a simple thing like eating and dressing, and she is more careful and cautious, she hopes that her husband is a knowledgeable and emotional person, and she hopes that her family is full of joy, fun, warmth and not just a simple job and a peugeot figure is enough.

After meeting the boys, she always asked for a period of time to exchange letters, trying to get to know each other as much as possible. Look at the other person's literary talent and whether they have a common point of view with you before making a choice. From this point of view, she should belong to the stable category, but in that era when love was closed, she was considered a restless person by most people. Some colleagues secretly monitored her behavior, and most of her letters were taken away, and few of them reached her, because she could not receive letters, she was said by the other party that she was not sincere, and many good young people missed it in this way.

I was directly assigned from the school, and I didn't have much experience, but I exchanged a wide range of letters, and many of my classmates were in rural areas or frontiers in other places, as well as in the army's art troupe, and so on. Because of the simplicity of my experience, no one else intercepted my letters. On the contrary, whenever a letter arrives at the unit, someone always informs me to pick up the letter from the doorman as soon as possible.

One day, Jiang Taoyi told me that Yang Jixuan picked up a letter from her in the toilet. And show me the letter. After reading it, I didn't find anything wrong with the letter, and I didn't understand the purpose of her showing it to me, so I returned the letter to Taoyi, and then looked at her and smiled, but didn't say anything. She stopped me and said, "Why don't you speak?"

I asked, puzzled; "What did I say? I don't know what to say. ”

She said, "Then Yang Jixuan helped me pick up this open letter in the toilet, and then handed it to me, it can be said that she is a good person, and I am very grateful to her." I'd also like to ask you what you think about it.

When I saw her ask, I unreservedly put together my own views on the whole thing. Say; "I don't think she could have picked it up in the toilet, because that place is the dirtiest place, and who wants to pick up a pile of waste paper in that place? I think, it's very likely that after she opened your letter and read it, she didn't find anything wrong, and she didn't have any value to her, and in turn she returned it to you, and she could please you and be a good friend with you, did you say yes? ”

After listening to my explanation, he said; "That's what you think, too, but I also want to hear your opinion, so I'm here to ask you."

She continued, "You see I'm in such a bad situation right now, everything I'm watching, my future is ruined. ”

At this time, I had no choice but to comfort her, saying; "You don't have to be so pessimistic, let her monitor if others want to spy on you, and you haven't done anything unseemly, what are you afraid of?"

She said; "I still want to find my own happiness. Do you see my current environment, in such a situation, do I still have my own pursuits? ”

I said comfortingly; "I think time will tell, and if we wait, maybe things will change."

"Alas, youth is fleeting." She sighed.

I don't know what to say. Silence.

She finally spoke again, saying; "I'd like to discuss something with you."

"Say it".

"You know my situation, you also know my situation, I won't say more, now I want to use it in your name, is it okay?"

"In my name? What's good about my name? Where do I have a name? You're joking. ”

She said solemnly; I'm not joking, I'm serious. I want to write your name on the envelope when I correspond with others, and you will pass it on to me, so that my letters will not be lost. All right? ”

"That's it, you can use it!"

After that, she reached out to a male friend using my name. I've been dating for two years. For two years, they fell in love. After that, the boy offered to marry her, but every time she went to see the child, she subconsciously blamed herself and felt sorry for the child. After that, she opted out. As a result, the two broke up by letter.

However, their feelings and rational handling made everyone who knew them feel sorry for them and weep for their last resort.

After five or six years, the child is about to go to school. The man took the initiative to send the child to her. Let the child stay with her on weekend nights and pick her up on Monday mornings. This one after another also enhanced their connection and affection. The most important thing is that the child needs to have a stable family and a mother who really loves her.

Of course, the man's perseverance and broad-mindedness also played a role in influencing her. Thinking about it in connection with his own life experience, he finally decided to return to the family that got married hastily because of survival for the sake of the happiness of his children.

Of course, I also agree with her going back, because the child is innocent, he is not able to choose his parents, so he should not pay for the immaturity of his parents' considerations.

Marriage is not child's play, but what kind of marriage is the ideal marriage? The old society was an arranged marriage, and people felt unhappy, so it was abandoned, and now it is a free marriage, which also does not ensure its happiness. That's a real headache.

Look at your family again, both parents have some culture, plus they are relatives, they are blood tables, (and aunt's son, uncle's daughter. And they have grown up together since childhood, and the elders are naturally close to each other, and they all know each other without introduction, and it should be a very harmonious and simple family structure, but due to the shortage of economy, family life is often beyond their means, and relatives come to visit very frequently, which also adds to the financial burden of the family. As a result, they occasionally make a few noises. The father complained that the mother had no plan and no ability, so she couldn't manage the family. But the brother said that his mother had taken all the money and taken care of her sisters. Wait a minute. However, I feel that this family is still relatively happy. At least the parents are on the same page in terms of values, so there is never a fight at home.

If the life of the husband and wife is only for money, the mother wants to marry Xiaohou herself, which is of course the most correct reason. However, where is the fault of Jiang Taoyi's marriage? Didn't she marry to survive? As a result, I wanted to divorce after less than a year of marriage. However, if the problem of survival is solved, do we still need to consider other factors of marriage and family?

If marriage only requires the spiritual needs to be considered after solving the basic life, then Qin Lingying's marriage does not seem to be her ideal life. However, in order to maintain the existence of the family, she can still basically accept her husband's irresponsibility for the family, and I can't accept this kind of life. That's all, I really have to think about it.

There is another case, classmate Wu Xueqian's marriage is more like a nightmare, and the good life ends in sorrow before it even starts.

Case (2) A marriage ruined by 100 dollars

In 1975, my classmate Wu Xueqian fell into a fight in marriage.

Although Wu Xueqian is the daughter of a capitalist, she is progressive in thinking, active in work, cautious and modest, and is listed by the leaders as a good successor who can be educated.

She and her colleague Zhang Qinghua had more contact with each other due to their work contact and developed into a pair of lovers. Xiao Zhang was a descendant of poor middle peasants, active in work, politically motivated, and a big celebrity at that time. In the eyes of everyone, they are the most suitable objects.

Xiao Zhang is not only good-looking, but also smart and capable, and he is a favorite boy. Xiao Wu's parents also liked him very much after seeing him, and the marriage was a matter of course, and they registered their marriage, but because the unit did not have housing for a while, the wedding was not held for the time being. Let's call them a couple-to-be.

Xueqian's younger brother graduated from high school, but because he was unwilling to go to the countryside to join the queue, he had no job to do at home, and the political workers of his father's unit often came to the house to do mobilization work, repeatedly emphasizing that if the children did not go to the countryside to receive re-education from the poor and middle peasants, and did not do a good job of reforming their world view, there would definitely be no way out in the future. If you continue like this, you will become a waste person in the future. As you have all seen, many young intellectuals have actively responded to the party's call to go to the mountains and go to the countryside, where they will work for a few years and then be transferred back to the city to join the work, and many of them have gone to universities and received higher education. It's better to mobilize the child to respond to the call, this is the only way out for him, etc., and so on.

From time to time, there are people in the school who come to do mobilization work, and the meaning is similar. It makes it impossible for them to live a normal life. There were many young people like him, so they came together and discussed what to do in the future. There is really no future for this kind of life.

In the end, someone suggested that we smuggle out, because there might be room for us to survive abroad. In this way, they quickly unified their minds and decided to take a risk,—— smuggling out of the country. Then everyone went back and prepared.

Get ready? What is there to prepare? Isn't it just that you need money?

Since there was no previous plan in this regard, Xueqian's younger brother suddenly proposed this plan to the family, which frightened the family, if this matter was leaked, it would be illegal, and his father objected. Xueqian and Zhang Qinghua did not speak on the side. But the two of them looked at each other for a moment, and it was really called "the heart is a little clear." "It can be seen that they support their brother on this path.

My father looked at the people present, most of them supported risky chess, and after thinking about it, he didn't insist on his opinion anymore. So. Where will the money come from?

Xueqian said, let's all make it up. In the end, I scraped together two hundred dollars. Let the brothers be entangled. Mother took out a small cloth bag from a very hidden place, and in front of everyone, opened the cloth bag, revealing a small piece of yellow things, and the mother said, "There is only this bit of gold left in our family, and I wanted to give it to your sister, but now that your brother is in trouble, I will give it to him to use first, and then he will return it to me, and then give it to you." Mother finished. looked at Xueqian with his eyes. Xueqian nodded knowingly and agreed.

Brother Wu and they set off. But before leaving, he still rejected everyone's kindness, saying; "On the way, it was not safe to carry the gold with him, so he took the two hundred yuan that his family had put together for him and set off.

According to the pre-arranged plan, they took the Dongxing route, first to Vietnam, and then to find another way. Everyone thinks that this route is easy to walk, but who knows, the sentry posts have been very closely watched these days, and in addition to the routine patrols of the border guards, the armed militia is also very vigilant about the surrounding movements. Because, before they acted, several groups of people had already been smuggled and caught.

They lurked at the border for many days, never finding an opportunity to cross the border, unable to cross the border. Everyone's entanglement didn't last long, so they decided to go home first and wait, and then try a good plan.

Coincidentally, Xiao Zhang went to Dongxing on a business trip, and at this time the family was also worried about his son's future, so he decided to let his son-in-law bring some money, and then handed over the borrowed 300 yuan to Xiao Zhang, and his mother took out the cloth bag again, saying, you still bring this to him, it doesn't make much sense to leave this thing at home, he may still be able to use it abroad. Mother also said some truths about the rich road of the poor. Xiao Zhang happily accepted the task and set off.

After finishing his business, he went to see his brother, at this time, a greedy thought came to his heart, he thought, "Since my brother has gone abroad, why do you give him so much money, it's easy to make money over there, anyway, the money is on me, no one will know if I give him less, and it is impossible for my brother to confirm how much money my parents-in-law asked me to bring him, isn't this unaware?" So he withheld a hundred dollars, and after the meeting, he gave his brother the two hundred dollars and the half of the gold brick, which he had prepared.

After a few more days, they still couldn't get out, so they had to come back.

Xiao Zhang heard that his brother-in-law didn't go out, and now that he has returned, he couldn't help but be scared. In order to prevent him from contacting his family, Xiao Zhang chose to go to the police station to report the case, saying that they were going to smuggle out of the country. Then, the public security bureau came to arrest people, who knows, the brother-in-law only stayed at home for a while and then went out, and the public security officers didn't meet him, so he asked about the situation and left.

In this way, the news leaked, and the brother-in-law did not dare to go home again, and Xiao Zhang introduced to the Public Security Bureau that the brother-in-law might go to his uncle's house, so the public security officers rushed there again.

After the matter was revealed, Xueqian's solution was divorce! A marriage that seemed to be very good was ruined by this mere 100 yuan?

Is this something to be thankful or sad about?

On Xueqian's side, it must be something to be thankful for! Because through the interception of this hundred yuan, his selfish and greedy nature was exposed, and later because of his brother's return, in order to cover up his selfishness and greed, he actually made a vicious operation to destroy his brother's future, so that Xueqian recognized him as a vicious wolf with a personal face and a beast's heart.

Hey, this is really in response to the old saying "know the face but not the heart"!

Through these cases, she thought about this problem clearly, whether you are happy in life depends entirely on your own feelings, not on money, of course, it is unrealistic to have such a marriage without material security, but it is also sad to have empty material and empty thoughts. It is desirable to have both, but this requirement may be extravagant. Because money cannot measure the amount of it, but if you do not have high requirements in terms of material enjoyment, it is still easy to achieve spiritual enjoyment only if you only ask for the basic life. Therefore, it is completely possible to choose your own happiness according to your current conditions.

Thinking of this, she made up her mind, no matter what way or means her mother adopted, it was impossible for her to make marrying Xiaohou a fact.