I want to be a voice actor.

It seems like a dream of mine.

The reason why I say it seems is because I, as a person, have never really felt what I want to do.

Always given, arranged, rightfully accommodated.

So when I wanted to struggle and resist, the first thought that came to my mind was that I wanted to be a voice actor.

It's not so much a dream, but rather a "rebellion" in it.

Even so, I am deeply convinced that this is Hoshino Mori's original dream.

I knew very well that my parents would oppose me and would never pay for me, so I kept working hard.

When I was in my third year of high school, I relied on the money I earned from my part-time job to enroll in the Japan Broadcasting and Acting Research Institute, and I officially became a student there.

Since Jinguji-san's assumption of the position of student president, my burden has been lightened a lot, and I have my own personal time after school.

Because I got the university early, the credits are completely sufficient, and even if I don't go to school occasionally, it won't have any effect.

I made my exact choice and moved towards my dream.

Same as the yarn silo.

I planned my life for myself, and before I met him, I never thought that I would be able to make my own decisions about life.

Until that day, until my mother was in my room, she found the voice actor acting textbook in the drawer.

They were furious, but in the face of such parents, it was incredible, I didn't feel scared, and I didn't have a trace of remorse.

In return, I was kicked out of the Hoshino Mori house, and at the same time, they wouldn't pay me a penny of tuition.

I didn't seem surprised, as if I had expected it in my heart.

Even so, I can't hate them.

It was I who didn't respond to my parents, I didn't live as an appendage to them, and I felt so guilty.

But.

I want to.

I want to be my true self.

Keio University is one of the top private universities in the country, and the tuition fee is not cheap, and all my savings have been used to pay for the Acting Research Institute.

So, I made a trade-off.

I'm not going to go to college at this point.

So when I heard that Jinguji-san wanted to follow me, I was really scared.

I was afraid that he would go there desperately in order to pursue me, only to find that I was not waiting for him.

I was afraid that I would become a woman of lies in his mind.

But I'm not giving up.

After graduating from high school, I applied for a leave of absence from college.

During this year, I worked hard to study the voice actor course, worked hard to work, and earned enough money for me to live on my own and go to college.

I believed in myself and that I could get everything I wanted without relying on anyone.

It's just that it takes time, many, many times.

Because I'm not a genius.

If I were a genius, I could have gotten more scholarships.

If I were a genius, I might be able to enter the graduate school as a special student without spending a penny.

But I'm not a genius, I already knew that.

I started living alone.

Every day, in addition to going to voice actor classes, I work non-stop, and when I have a lot of time, I have to go to four or five different places every day to work, and I only sleep three hours a day, and I always fall asleep on the train and sit at the station.

For a box of discounted eggs, housewives in their forties and fifties competed in the supermarket, and many credit companies distributed free paper towels on the street in the rental house, which could save a lot of money on paper towels.

I experienced a disease that I had never tasted since I was a child.

Poor.

The more I realized the importance of money, the more I felt guilty about my parents.

They gave me such a rich life, but I was not satisfied with wanting more, even freedom.

I would go back to visit them, but every time I returned to that tower-like home, it was as if I had stepped into a prison, and the sound of chains dragging across the ground was all I could hear.

My mother treated me as a transparent person, and I obviously came into this world from her body.

She gave me a precious life, was my favorite mother, and treated me like a stranger.

Pain, helplessness, despair.

But I'm not going back.

I have tasted the taste of freedom, tasted the pain of freedom, and turning around at this time can only show that I am a loser who has fled from the wilderness.

Then, I will move forward.

And so I got through the first year.

When I learned that Jinguji had entered the University of Tokyo, I was proud of him, but I also seemed to feel a little happy and disappointed.

I'm glad he didn't come to me.

Lost, he didn't come to me.

I don't know how to deal with him, and if he knows that I didn't go to college, he will be disappointed in me.

With such anxiety in my mind, I always hastily cut off contact with him under the pretext that something was wrong.

In the spring of the following year, I finally entered the university and became a first-year student at Keio University.

After a long time, I finished all the courses at the Broadcasting and Acting Institute and graduated without any problems.

I said I could do it.

I still enrolled in Kyung University, and I also graduated as a rookie voice actor.

I just need time.

While going to university, I worked part-time and looked for a voice actor agency, and that's what I, Hoshino Morino, is all I have been living today.

So, what is he doing now?

After entering the University of Tokyo, did you study hard and did you make friends with the people around you?

Are you still drawing, have you found your dream, will you ......

Will you think of me from time to time?

…… I will.

In the dead of night, listen to the sound of broken faucets in the kitchen, ticking water.

The sound of newspapers glued to the paper door, whirring by an electric fan.

In the middle of summer, the annoying cicadas outside the window, does he also feel annoying and hot?

Wanted to see him.

See him and ask him how he is doing.

Obviously, he deliberately avoided him and deliberately rejected him. After successfully becoming a college student, after completing the voice actor course, I seemed to swell.

I see.

I'm afraid of being despised by him, and no matter how beautiful it is, I still want to be the target of his followers.

Probably, this is what people often call love?

I don't quite understand.

But when the encounter came suddenly, I didn't have any defense, it was like I was suddenly kicked open the locked door of my heart, exposing everything about myself.

But he didn't look at me.

The emptiness I felt at that moment could remain in my heart for such a long time.

Yes...... It turned out to be this feeling.

The so-called broken love is probably like this.

It's painful.

But there is nothing to be done.

I can only pretend to be and wish him happiness.

(End of chapter)