Nuo Bai stared blankly at the line of [I also hope] that he subconsciously typed, and raised his head in distraction.

The warm light of the dusk sprinkled in the room, only the wind and snow falling, and the sound of the kind old man moving chopsticks, the warmth of the fire penetrated into the heart, this is the peaceful life that I have been looking forward to for a long time.

Nobai was silent, his finger hovering over the delete button.

I don't know how long she hesitated, she silently deleted the original line.

Then type the next line again:

[Happy New Year, I wish you a safe year ahead]

After sending a message to Su Mo, Nuobai continued to eat.

At this time, Grandma Zheng suddenly smiled and said, "The message from the boy? ”

Nuo Bai blinked and typed:

How do you know? 】

Grandma Zheng laughed: "Oh, the corners of that mouth are almost up to the sky, I can't see it?" ”

Nuo Bai was stunned for a moment and rubbed his face.

[Was I laughing just now?] 】

Grandma Zheng said kindly: "Yes, I didn't even react, did I?" It seems that the other party is a boy who makes you feel very good, and he laughs unconsciously. ”

Nuo Bai was a little embarrassed and kept touching the back of his head.

Grandma Zheng grabbed Nuo Bai's hand and said earnestly: "Bai girl, Grandma won't ask much about your private life, I just want to give you some advice from people who have come over." ”

"The most important thing for a person to live a lifetime is to recognize what he really wants. Don't think it's easy, it's hard. ”

"Sometimes you think you want something, but at the end of your life, you find that it's just a bubble."

"Take my grandmother as an example, I have always been a little woman, I have no ambition and no talent, and my biggest wish when I was young was to find a reliable man to marry, have children, and live a safe and stable life."

"But you also know that my husband and daughter are no longer there, and when they just left, I felt that there was no hope in life, and I couldn't live this life at all, and I really wanted to die early."

After hearing this, Nuo Bai hurriedly sat down next to Grandma Zheng, held her hand, and kept shaking her head.

Grandma Zheng let out a hearty laugh, gently stroked Nuobai's back, and said, "Don't worry, don't worry, the words are not finished yet." ”

"Later, day by day, you moved to this community, and at first came to me every few weeks to buy soy sauce, rice, oil and salt, and then occasionally came to chat with me and play chess."

"Suddenly one day I found that every time you leave, I always look forward to your next visit, eh, life doesn't seem to be so hard, and there is hope again."

"That's when I understood that life itself doesn't really matter at all, what matters is who you live with."

This sentence made Nuo Bai fall into deep thought, and he lowered his eyes and was speechless for a long time.

Grandma Zheng smiled knowingly and said softly: "White girl, you have always been very mysterious and secretive, and rarely mention the past to me. ”

"I only know that you are alone, you don't have any social circles, and you seem to be used to living alone."

"But you have to think about it, is this really what you want?"

"Are you really enjoying this life without company to your heart? Or are you misthinking yourself all along, and deep down in your heart, there are things you didn't realize? ”

There was silence all around, the warm light swaying inside the house, and the snow falling outside.

After eating Chinese New Year's Eve dinner at Grandma Zheng's place, helping to clean up the dishes and chopsticks, watching the New Year's Eve party together and seeing late at night, Nuo Bai returned to his home.

There was no light on in the bedroom, and she sat by the windowsill against the wall, holding a sleeping cat in her arms, silently looking at the night view of the city.

Tonight, the Crescent City is as bright as ever, shining with the lights of thousands of homes, and every family is immersed in the happiness of reunion.

Gradually, time passed, and it was New Year's Eve at 0 o'clock.

As the melodious New Year's Eve bell rings in the distance, New Year's fireworks begin to bloom in the night sky, and brilliant colors adorn the entire Crescent City, like bright stars falling into the mortal world.

Nuo Bai listened silently to the sound of fireworks outside the window through the window.

The fireworks came and went, and the sound was warm, but for some reason it sounded a little cold.

Looking at the fireworks that had nothing to do with her, in a trance, she recalled her experiences along the way.

Once upon a time, she was also a timid and crying child, because she lived on the street without parents since she was a child, she picked up garbage, slept on the street, stole things, and did not know how many abuses and beatings she received.

But what can be done? Alone, she could only silently wipe away her tears and swallow the bloody food.

Later, she was pushed by fate to become a mercenary, shuttling through the flames of war all year round, licking blood on the tip of the knife, in order to get rid of the illness that was chasing after her, she could only run desperately with time, hurt people, kill people, and keep sinking in the dark

From childhood to adulthood, there was an inexplicable sense of emptiness that accompanied her.

She couldn't tell what it was, she just thought it was brought to her by her breathless mercenary life.

So she wanted to cure her illness all the time, and then hurry away from those days.

Later, she successfully retired and lived an ordinary life as expected.

Yes, this kind of life is very good, every day is cats and dogs, flowers and plants, the body and mind are very calm, and there is no need to struggle to live.

But that inexplicable sense of emptiness has not disappeared, it still lingers there day by day.

Why is that

Nuo Bai listened to the cold sound of fireworks and closed his eyes.

She tried to imagine the scene of others at this moment, imagining that in that warm family, relatives sat around the dining table, and laughter filled the whole room.

Imagine friends gathering to play games and board games, with snacks and soda next to them for this special evening.

I also imagine couples exchanging the first kiss of the new year under the fireworks, strolling through the city streets hand in hand, snuggling happily, and looking forward to the vision of next year together.

Then, she began to think back on her life.

No loved ones.

No friends.

There is no lover.

Nothing.

A person comes into the world.

Growing up alone.

A man is struggling to survive.

A person lives silently.

lonely

Suddenly, Nuobai realized.

That sense of emptiness that has accompanied her since childhood. It's loneliness.

All along, she just wanted to live, but she didn't think about how to live.

She used to want to escape from fighting and strife all the time, but she never thought about why.

She thought she wanted the peace of being alone.

But it's not.

What she wants is to get rid of that loneliness.

At this moment, Nuobai's heart seemed to have been hit by something, and unspeakable throbbing surged all over his body, and the pathos that came from nowhere spread in his heart.

She hugged the cat in her arms tightly and looked silently at the sky intertwined with snow and fireworks outside the window.

It's lonely. (End of chapter)

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