I rested Xiaoya's head on my shoulder and told my story in a deep voice, trying not to disturb the other passengers.

I slowly recalled how I missed a life because of a youthful commotion, and became a spectator and an outsider.

Although I was not a very poor student, I was the only university student in the village, and I was admitted to a university in Kyoto.

Grandpa said that this is the middle move, he insisted on setting up a banquet, to treat guests, our poor family, finally see hope, finally someone is going to Kyoto to study.

They didn't know how inferior I was in front of my classmates in the city, and they didn't know how hard I worked to learn Mandarin and practice English, but the thick mountain accent always made me feel inferior.

Once, when I accidentally mentioned that I could earn 200 yuan a month as a tutor, my father lost his temper with me for the first time.

He thinks that I have made so much money and don't know how to send money home, to see a sick grandfather, to subsidize the family, and that it is too ignorant.

My life can be said to be very dark, I have been studying, taking classes, taking exams, and making money.

My classmates said that I was a miser, and they would come to me whenever they had the opportunity to work part-time, and half-jokingly said:

Hey, I heard that you can do anything as long as you can make money.

I just pretended I didn't care: yes, I would.

Half of the money earned so desperately is paid for his own tuition and half for his family.

I don't want anyone to see my suffering, except her.

She is my classmate and the same family, from Langzhong, Sichuan, a small and delicate Sichuan girl

I went to the school first, and after settling in, I wandered around the school.

I met her on campus, who had just arrived at the school, with a lot of bags and small bags, like a small mountain, and asked me about the registration of new students.

I helped with the luggage, carried the bag, took her to check-in, and found a bed, and her mother was a skinny elementary school teacher with glasses.

They had to invite me to dinner, so I went, and I secretly paid the bill after eating.

Her mother refused to give me money, and I blushed for a long time. took her around the school again and helped her find her way.

Later, she said that she had liked me since then, tall and thin, very worried, as if she had a lot on her mind.

Everyone else said she was a little beauty, but I didn't even dare to look at her more.

Yes, I was worried at that time, after paying the food bill, what will I do with my food expenses for the week?

I didn't think about finding a girlfriend, let alone a sleek and beautiful city girl like her.

As a result, she often came to me, came to our class to sit in and ask others about me.

I was particularly touched by the fact that on my birthday, she bought a cake and waited for me at the door of my dorm room.

I went to tutor and came back at 10 p.m., and she waited for me for more than five hours, in the cold wind of early spring March in the north.

Since I was a child, no girl has been so kind to me, I took the cake in her hand, held her hand in my palm, and warmed her.

Someone still remembers my birthday.

She said I know you're under a lot of pressure, don't be afraid, let's share it together, okay? She was so naïve, and I was so naïve back then.

That night, we kissed.

People who are fascinated by love are desperate, not afraid of anything, and dare to say anything.

I said I would give her everything she wanted, even life!

One day, she said that her parents came to see her at school and asked me to go with her to the restaurant next to the school to eat.

Her father, who was the director of the city's cultural relics bureau, frowned all the time, looking at my worn-out jeans and crumpled old shirt.

The suit on the outside is still the one she just bought for me, and I don't know how to remove the stickers on the cuffs.

Sitting helplessly in front of her family of three.

I think this contrast between rich and poor is too much like a shot in a movie or a novel, which is really unacceptable.

I can't forget what her father said to me: My Xia Lian has never suffered a little since she was a child, and she has never suffered a little grievance.

Can you do it, lad? I didn't answer, I knew I couldn't do it now, and now she suffers with me.

I know how much she sacrificed to be with me.

She saved her living expenses and helped me pay my tuition, and she bought my suit, as well as her leather shoes.

Being with a poor lover can bring her so much helplessness and giving, endlessly giving, from time to material.

She said: If you love you, you won't feel bitter.

But my heart hurts, it really hurts, it hurts like my whole body is going to be torn apart.

I can't choose where I come from, but why should she choose me? Choose such a heavy burden.

I swore that I would be kind to her for the rest of my life, even to the point of giving my life for her.

However, half a year later, in the early summer, everything came to an abrupt end (10,000 words omitted here).

That summer was my nightmare: I don't know how many times in the past year or so, I woke up from a dream, dreaming of Xia Lian, covered in blood, looking at me sadly.

My frightened eyes were bleeding, my mouth was wide open but I couldn't speak, and I couldn't hold my outstretched hand, so I floated away quietly.

Drift into the vastness of the universe......

Xia Lian is my first love, and it is also the pain of my life.

I have been together for less than nine months, two hundred and sixty-two days,

She is gone, and she has left me, and she has come to the kingdom of heaven.

Her death is not because of me, but I don't kill Beren, Beren dies because of me!

She was a pure person, a beautiful girl who loved to laugh.

She is from Langzhong, the land of abundance, a thousand-year-old city.

I like her rubbing my hair with both hands and calling me a "melon baby".

I love her cooking and calling me "Habar" in front of the dormitory building! Thorn Rice ~~",

I love that she holds my head in her arms and gently pats me on the back. She is not tall, but she is small and delicate, plump and round.

She likes to be naughty and cute, and she makes me unbearable, and she jumps away with a smile and beckons: "Come on!" Come on! ”

She likes me to call her "mother-in-law", but she doesn't become my real mother-in-law, we don't cross that line.

In the 90s, the university spirit was still pure, and the feelings of college students were still pure.

Her name was hidden deep in my heart, I couldn't touch it, and once I touched it, it was a heart-rending pain, so painful that I couldn't breathe.

Her name is Xia Lian, like a lotus flower that has just come out of the water, so white and flawless.

Originally, I was expecting her and I to have a peach and plum flower affair, looking forward to future happiness;

Build dreams with the people you like under the sun and look forward to happiness;

Guarding a period of time intertwined with cold and warmth, slowly growing old, relying on each other for happiness.

I was waiting for my summer lotus to bloom, but she had not yet sprouted, but she had withered early.

The beauty when I first saw it was because I had a relationship in my previous life, and I couldn't do the calmness of "as long as I had it, I don't care about how long it lasts".

The beauty of first love is that at the beginning, you don't ask what the ending will be, even if it ends bleakly, at least you can keep a memory and forget it until you die.

Bai Juyi's sentence: "I am often forgetful when I am old, but I don't forget to be lovesick."

The lovesickness of first love is a memory engraved in the bones, and it will not be until death.

Incompleteness is also a kind of beauty, how many people have survived the green summer in order to wait for the autumn leaves.

I returned to my hometown of Yunguan, a mountain town, writing our story and dreaming of being a writer. But this writer's dream in the countryside is a fool's dream, a joke!

A few days ago, my little sister took a telegram and said that their textile factory was recruiting male workers, and they had already helped me register, and I could earn two or three hundred a month as a worker.

My dad put together a deposit of 500 yuan for me to enter the factory.

I really borrowed 500 yuan from my grandfather and grandmother, and yesterday morning, I got on a bus from my hometown to Longcheng.

But how was he deceived on the road, and how he ended up in Jiangcheng, and finally met her.

After listening to my story, Xiaoya was silent for a long time.