"Okay, I'm foul." Chen Bosheng smiled helplessly: "It's not a love word, your senior brother's heartfelt words, okay." ”

"Oh." Jian Jia said in a very nasal voice: "Senior brother, are you some kind of philosopher?" ”

"When you have a literary and artistic boyfriend, and you are still sentimental and crying when you can't move, you will also become a philosopher." Chen Bosheng connived: "Is it easy for me to coax you, who is like you, coaxed so perfunctory." ”

Jian Jia didn't look up, and said in a low voice: "Senior brother, did you hug me like this when you were in high school?" ”

"How?" Chen Bosheng asked.

He knew that he had been doing psychological guidance recently, and his voice was gentle: "Do you remember anything?" ”

"I remembered a few." Jian Jia said: "When you found me just now. ”

"Hmm." He asked, "Can you say that?" ”

"Senior brother, when something happened at my house, did you come to look for me?" Jian Jianne spoke: "When I came out of the café where Jiang Mei asked me. ”

"Like tonight." Jian Jia slowly grabbed Chen Bosheng's coat: "In me." ”

He choked up for a moment: "When I wanted to jump off the stairs." ”

Jian Jia had never regretted the desperate choice so much, and cried bitterly: "...... I'm sorry. ”

I really, really, forgot about you for years.

Chapter 79: The Flowers Are Blooming Again

Summer 2017.

Jian Jia pushed back the bank card with a balance of 200,000 on the table.

"I don't need to."

Jiang Mei glanced at him hesitantly: "Are you sure?" As a person who has come over, I advise you, young people don't want this compensation for the sake of some so-called backbone. You'll need money for high school and college in the future...... Don't say I'm hurting you and you can't study......"

Jian Jia no longer listened to her.

After returning the card, he stood up and walked outside the café.

The June day in Yunjing was gloomy.

It's like a torrential rain is brewing all the time.

He walked out in a trance, not knowing where he was supposed to go for a long time.

The once familiar streets and alleys have now become a criss-crossed labyrinth. Several times when passing through the intersection, the delivery rider rushed up from behind and almost hit him.

"I'm talking about you!" The little brother said: "I've honked the horn several times, why don't you hear it." ”

"I'm sorry." Jian Jia subconsciously replied.

The green light is on.

He continued on his way.

The little brother muttered, "Hey, classmate, are you okay?" ”

He looked again, and the boy had disappeared into the crowd.

What becomes of a person when he dies?

Jian Jia had read from books before that after death, it was like a person submerged in the crowd, and the water dripped into the sea, silently.

Jian Jia walked aimlessly for a long time.

The body is tired, but the mind is active.

He didn't think much about it, he just asked himself repeatedly why? Why yourself? Why does this happen to you? Why can Jian Zhengnan say that if you don't want it, you don't want yourself? Why? Why exactly?

Jian Jia seemed to be caught in a circle of thinking.

He's not the kind of person who can't resist pressure.

As long as he is given a little hope, he can look at one thing with infinite optimism.

Therefore, in this aimless walk, Jian Jia was not as disillusioned as described. He just kept looking at his present and his future.

There is no brief proof of the future of the South.

If those debt collectors find him, how should he respond? How can I protect myself?

In his optimistic assumptions again and again, Jian Jia overturned himself again and again.

And in the terrible endings of overthrowing himself, he was tormented mad by the gloomy future he imagined.

Tired.

There is no one way to solve all the problems.

Jiang Mei's words exploded in her heart like a huge thunderbolt.

- If you can't stand it, then you will kill yourself!

In Jian Jia's seventeen years of life, these two words have never appeared.

But when it appeared, he felt that it appeared so appropriately.

Ren Shuhe's death brought him a blow, and he has not completely come out of it.

Jian Zhengnan's choice undoubtedly exacerbated Jian Jia's inner burden and negative emotions.

Yes.

His mother was gone, and his father abandoned him.

Why can't he go with his mother?

Jian Jia was shocked by this idea and broke out in a cold sweat.

If Mr. Zhao saw him at this moment, he would definitely tell him.

Jian Jia, you are sick, and the disease in your heart is also a disease, you should go to the hospital to seek help from a doctor. This is no different from other diseases, and can be cured by taking medicine.

Jian Jia fell deeper and deeper into this terrible thought.

So much so that in the end I tasted a hint of revenge.

Until now, children think that the most effective way to retaliate against their parents is to hurt themselves.

He wanted to know if Jian Zhengnan would regret it if he saw his body. Regret that he made this choice, regret that the heart of a child who is only seventeen years old is too strong.

The moment this decision was made, Jian Jia didn't feel that there was anything wrong with her.

Because he is not without positive and optimistic ways to live well.

He tried a lot of things, and the world still didn't give him a chance.

The despair of that moment was not instantaneous.

Rather, there is a feeling that I have persevered for a long time and finally been crushed by the last straw. In fact, when he woke up from nightmares again and again, the seeds of death planted a curse in his heart.

Jian Jia went to school first and asked Lao Zhao for leave for evening self-study.

The head teacher took turns off today, and the disciplinary committee member in charge of asking for leave felt that Jian Jia's face was not good, so he asked, "Jia, are you okay?" ”

"It's good." Before a person wants to die, he is quiet, no different from ordinary people.

"I see you don't have a good face."

"Hmm. I'm going to go to the hospital for self-study in the evening. ”

"Uh-oh." During this time, Jian Jia asked for leave frequently because of family changes, and the classmates in the class more or less understood him: "Then you pay attention to your body." ”

After thinking about it, the disciplinary committee member said, "Actually, life will be better." ”

"Yes." Jian Jia also laughed: "It's going to get better." ”

Except for him.

He won't be any better.

Jian Jia took a leave slip from the deputy class, and went to the Political and Educational Office to approve the application for leaving the school, and the journey was unimpeded.

He walked slowly around the school and seemed to write it all down.

The clock in the International Department building pointed to six o'clock in the afternoon.

Jian Jia walked out of the campus gate when the bell rang.

He went to No. 8 Huancheng Road and Ren Shuhe's cemetery successively, and the house had been sealed because of the mortgage.

Jian Jia stood at the door for a while, and finally went to the noodle restaurant near his home to ask for a hot noodle. He only ate two bites before he threw up all of them for physical reasons.

When he finally passed by the flower shop, he picked out a yellow carnation for himself.

Jian Jia's destination is a dilapidated building that has been abandoned for a long time.

There are not many people passing by, and even if you fall, you will not hurt others.

It's going to rain heavily in a while.

The rain would wash away his blood.

He didn't know how he had climbed up the stairs step by step.

Tears kept falling, all the time flowing, and in the distance of a few floors, all the good and bad memories of life played out in his mind.

Until he stepped on the last step, tears seemed to flow out.

Summer in Yunjing is sweltering, twilight, thunder, and rainstorms are about to pour.

Jian Jia walked to the rooftop without a protective fence and thought quietly.

Is there anything else he wants to leave to the world, no. In fact, at this moment, the only thought in my heart is particularly clean and simple.

I don't know if I can have time to see the previous Shuhe when I die now.

He really has a lot of grievances, and a lot of things he wants to say to her.

He really wanted to cry in his mother's arms.

Then the first drops of this heavy rain fell without warning.