Thinking of Newton, he did not leave any record of being close to women in his life, he walked through his great life alone, and in his later years he sought solace in religion; I also remembered Ben Shuhua, who believed that men and women should be like hedgehogs, not too close and not too far away. This inspired me that maybe I just need to act like a nimble porcupine on the emotional stage, and never fall into extremes.

According to this "hedgehog" theory, I silently comforted myself: as long as I don't become Hans Christian Andersen, although he is the greatest fairy tale writer in the world, but in reality, he failed to get together with his childhood sweetheart's first love, and finally could only weave his own love fairy tale alone.

In order to change the decadent state that I was trapped in love all day long, and at the same time, in order to prepare for the increasingly intense study, I decided to adjust my mentality and deal with this relationship with a normal heart.

As a result, I gradually reduced the frequency of contact with Amei. From sending more than a dozen text messages a day, he gradually transitioned to two or three a day, and then only two or three a week. After a while, the two seemed to get used to each other's rhythms.

In addition, I no longer use the "intimate" language of the past, and use more of a relatively flat expression, such as: "I haven't been in touch for a few days, how are you doing?" "Is the weather good in Wuyishan today?"

Although, I knew we had to keep in touch, but I didn't dare to touch on the topic of feelings, as if it was an insurmountable minepool.

Although, I know that first love is like a glass of strong wine, and it is easy to make people fall for it when you drink it, I also understand that time is the best hangover medicine.

Although I know that she has always taken the initiative to contact him, I also understand that they are separated from each other, and for those who have a heart, it is distance that produces beauty, and for those who have no intention, it is distance that makes people alienated.

People's mood is like the weather, and oneself is the god of one's mood. In order to relax, one weekend, I came to Fuzhou Riverside Park after a long absence.

At this time, the riverside park, with blue sky and white clouds, green trees and red flowers, made me feel like I had entered a picture scroll. The turquoise water of the river, like a huge and flawless jade, shimmers like gold in the warm sun. A few dragonflies seemed to be drunk, sometimes flying over the weeping willows, faintly, sometimes falling on the water, lightly dotting, the water surface rippled with slight ripples, round by circle, gently flooded into my heart.

In the park, people come and go. Pacing back and forth, I found my classmate Lin Yihai in a corner of the park. The difference is that he did not come alone, but was accompanied by a younger sister - Xu Hongyan. What surprised me even more was that the two were still snuggling together, eyebrows and affection, which was unbelievable.

Lin Yihai, with long hair, a long nose, a pointed, sharpened nose, is like a thin maltose cube sucked by a child, and a large black-framed glasses are set on it, which occupies almost one-third of his face. The thick lips below are like an eggplant cut into two petals, and we often tease him: "Ah Hai, don't you keep pouting and pretending to be cute!" And he replied with a grin: "How can there be a pout? I'm called a natural beauty, okay! ”

In order to match his "natural beauty", Ah Hai, who is 1.72 meters tall, was originally neither tall nor short, not up or down, in order to make himself a tall image of 1.80 meters, he usually wears more than 8 centimeters of "inner height", and even the slippers for washing his feet.

In our sophomore year, we were roommates. Ah Hai is usually quite confident, in addition to regarding Wu Yanzu as his idol, he prides himself on his appearance as the teacher's version of "Wood Takuya". At that time, Zhao Wei, who was the teacher's version of "Daoming Temple", was quite unconvinced.

Because this dissatisfaction has been brewing for a long time, one day, Zhao Wei said to Ah Hai with a little contempt: "You said that you are like Timber Takuya, and I haven't seen you bring any girlfriends to the dormitory!" I think you're bragging! ”

Not to be outdone, Ah Hai retorted: "What a brag, I'm dating three girlfriends at the same time now, I just didn't bring the dormitory!" ”

Zhao Wei didn't give up: "If you lie and don't make drafts, I think you don't have a girlfriend at all!" ”

Ah Hai continued to retort: "I'm not like some people who take a girlfriend to the dormitory as soon as they have a girlfriend, but they don't know that opening a room in the dormitory will affect other people!" ”

As we spoke, the smell of gunpowder grew stronger, and the two of them were about to fight, and we stepped forward to persuade them, only to prevent the situation from deteriorating further. Although Zhao Wei is too proud, everyone knows that Ah Hai is indeed "bragging" about this.

But I didn't expect to meet in Seaside Park today, which impressed me. It turns out that Ah Hai not only has a girlfriend, but also how many seniors are fascinated by his girlfriend, and how many juniors can't think about riding the school flower of "sister" - Xu Hongyan!

Xu Hongyan, who looks like a wild goose, between her two slender eyebrows and a high nose, there is a pair of big eyes embedded in neither high nor low, as crystal as the stars in the clear sky on a summer night, as clear as the water of a small stream in autumn, and she is the star of our department. I remember the National Day of my freshman year, the department held a celebration party (we were sophomores at the time), and she took the stage to sing Xu Ruyun's "If the Cloud Knows", her charming voice, bright eyes, and graceful posture fascinated many boys in the audience!

However, I didn't expect such a beautiful and moving school flower to become the girlfriend of the mediocre Ah Hai. Ah Hai's counterattack was like a student with mediocre grades who was suddenly admitted to Tsinghua University and Peking University, and he slapped all of us in the face with his extraordinary performance. For this scene, if Zhao Wei witnessed it with his own eyes, I am afraid that he would hurriedly cover his mouth and flee like some kind of animal, but he was too tall, and he must have been recognized by a fan girl on the road and exposed his "escape" traces.

I stood in the distance of the park, staring at them in amazement, my heart full of envy. In the eyes of ordinary people, the mediocre Ah Hai actually caught up with Xu Hongyan who was sinking fish and geese, which was as difficult as "turning backwards for two and a half weeks and turning and bending for one and a half weeks" on the 10-meter jumping platform, but he successfully completed the whole set of movements, and it is estimated that there is "sea" in the name, and it is destined; I was inspired by this, and I thought to myself that if I could "move forward" like Ah Hai, would I be able to catch up with Ah Mei, who "has a heart"?

It's just that this kind of "courage to move forward" can't find a way forward in Amei. I couldn't rest assured of her, but I didn't dare to disturb her too much, this psychological contradiction put me in a dilemma.

So, I had to change my strategy and shift the target to Xiaoqiang. I sent a text message to warn Xiaoqiang: "If you are good to Amei, you must make it clear to her, and there must be no emotional element"; "If I find out that you cheated on her, I won't let your ...... go"

Something like that, I sent several texts in a week, and he didn't respond as usual. However, one day, as if the sun was coming out of the west, he actually replied, "Didn't you claim to be her boyfriend?" How do you make me be nice to her now? ”

For Xiaoqiang's unexpected irony, I was shocked and angry, but I was helpless, and it took me half a day to hold back a sentence: "She said that you still contacted her!" ”

"Yes, she took the initiative to contact me, didn't she contact you?"

At that time, I felt like I had been stabbed in my heart, but I replied without saying anything: "She often contacted me, but once she mentioned that you once kissed her......"

"Oh, is it? I don't remember! ”

"How can you say you don't remember? You know that this behavior of yours is extremely irresponsible! ”

"What am I willing to do, that's my freedom!"

"Then can't you think more about her? If I were you, I would never do this to her! ”

"It's weird! You are good to her, you just tell her directly, why bother to talk to me about this? ”

……

I couldn't bear it anymore, so I edited the whole process and Xiaoqiang's attitude into a long message in detail, and told Ah Mei without reservation. Maybe it's a bit of a small report, but in my opinion, it's a kind of respect for rules and order.

After about an hour, Amei replied, "It's none of your business. Please don't tell me anything about him again. ”

I was speechless, as if I had been stabbed in the heart again, and it was still the kind that hit the heart, which made me miserable.

Perhaps, girls in love are so "bent on going their own way", but for themselves, this is by no means "bent on going their own way", but "without distractions", and finally "without distractions" they can't listen to anyone's advice.

I also know very well that in order to win Amei's heart in this situation, it must be more difficult than Lin Yihai to catch up with Xu Hongyan. But thinking of Ah Yi's heartfelt encouragement and Ah Hai's counterattack story, I told myself that I couldn't give up easily!

In the days that followed, I gradually came to terms with the reality and was ready for a long battle. I remember reading Chairman Mao's "On Protracted War", although the article is about the War of Resistance Against Japan, there are places for reference in the strategic ideas in it. My relationship with Amei has to go through at least three stages: "strategic defense, strategic stalemate, and strategic counteroffensive".

So, how to defend in the first phase? In order to stabilize yourself in this emotional battle? At that time, a classic line from the movie "The Godfather" made me ponder: "People who spend half a second to see through the essence of things, and those who spend their whole lives unable to see the essence of things, are destined to have completely different fates." ”

I knew that I wasn't the kind of person who could see things for half a second, and after some hard thinking, I realized that the key to defense was to find a way to change Amei's mind by treating Xiaoqiang and me "equally". Only when she "treats us equally" in her heart can she effectively resolve her "obstinacy", so that the two of us men can enter the stage of "unpredictable victory or defeat".

In order to achieve this phased goal, I communicated with Amei many times. On one of the occasions, I sent her a long message: "Amei, can you consider me and Xiaoqiang as your ordinary male friends for the time being?" You also understand that we have known you for about the same time. You've only known Xiaoqiang for a month longer than you've known me! Therefore, everyone's starting line is the same...... Can you make us play fair? Let time test our feelings for you? ……”

In response to this seemingly reasonable request, she replied after a while: "Then let you play fair!" ”

At the time, I was ecstatic and asked, "Really?" Do you really say yes? "My heart blooms like a spring flower meets nectar.

"Hmm!"

"You're not going to take sides with him, are you?"

"No!"

However, Amei texted "no", and then her attitude towards me became more "ordinary". Originally, it was good to be an "ordinary friend" first, but later it was so "ordinary" that it was even a bit "stranger". If it weren't for the occasional texting, I really doubt she had forgotten about me!

"There is no way to eliminate this situation, so I frowned, but I was in my heart." Finally, in the middle of a lonely night, I could no longer stand the spring meow outside the window, so I struggled to get up from the bed, closed the window, plugged my ears with the earphone cable, and wrote her the following long letter at my desk:

Plums:

See you in good faith!

Some things are like a dumb man's dreams to me, and I can't speak; But if you don't say some things, it's really uncomfortable to hold them in your heart.

Once, I saw many plots and heard many stories. The heroine in it, because she insists on going her own way, can't listen to anyone's advice, and can't see the advantages of other members of the opposite sex, thinks that as long as she has no distractions or loves vigorously, she can find the prince charming of her dreams as she wishes. But why do they often end up unsatisfactory or unpleasant?

Here, I would like to remind you that please do not accept any "feelings" of the opposite sex, including me, of course. As the saying goes, "the road knows the horsepower, and the people see the hearts of the people over time", but I don't know that the things that make people feel good at the beginning may not be the same in the end, especially in terms of feelings!

I understand that a girl who is new to love is inevitably ignorant, and her so-called love is often immature, and she is kept in the dark. As a result, the "symptoms" that are manifested, such as: loyalty with a soft spot, and can't help but be desperate. This kind of stubbornness is estimated to be unable to pull it with a few horses. On the contrary, she cruelly turned away suitors who loved her more and perhaps had more potential, leaving them tormented and miserable.

Not only that, but she often makes up for the "guilt" of those who love her more: "I'm sorry! You're fine, but feelings don't mean good or bad."

Literally, she is right, there is indeed a kind of "firmness" to move forward and the "awe-inspiring" of women who do not let their eyebrows go; But uncovering the surface and gaining insight into the truth of the matter is actually an excessive, abrupt behavior!

Perhaps, as a "third party", I should not be criticized. Because she is in the "Lushan", she naturally "doesn't know the true face of Lushan"; What's more, God never leaves a mark on some men's faces, such as playing with feelings.

Because the "feelings" are too selfish, they often make people get carried away, resulting in inability to treat people correctly, and finally "say one thing openly and do one thing behind the scenes": on the surface, she will say to the man who loves her more: "Then let you play fairly, I won't take sides!" In fact, she couldn't help but be desperate for the so-called "lover" in her heart, and her duplicity was negligent and neglected the sincere man who loved her more.

Indeed, there is no room for a third person in the world of love. And the saddest thing is that the infatuated man who longs to be loved and never gets anything in return. From beginning to end, he tasted the bitterness of betrayal and deception, and experienced the pain of life worse than death. His very existence is correct (under concealment), but why is he placed in the position of a "third party"?

Could it be that he is destined to be an episode arranged by God to be an emotional script?

Could it be that he is destined to fall victim to this war of love?

How unfair the world is! His devastated heart will always be engraved with two words: "sorrow"!

Please know that he is innocent and innocent. The innocent thing is that even after the truth was revealed, he was as innocent as ever, but he was ruthlessly betrayed by his innocent "object", and even sprinkled a handful of salt on his wounds.

Having said so much, I hope it can play a little side knock effect, if it can cause a little ripple in your heart, I am already satisfied.

You may be unconvinced: "My relationship with him is extraordinary—we truly love each other. ”

But I would like to ask, where is your relationship "very"? Have you experienced any trials and tribulations? Has your relationship stood the test of time?

If the answer is yes, I must deeply admire your feelings, and I will definitely retreat from the difficulties and silently bless you!

You also admit that it's a feeling to like him. I think that if it wasn't "love at first sight", then "love over time" must have played a role. If so, you must have been together for a long time? I have known him for a month, but only a month longer than I have known me!

Do you still refute, "We hate to see each other late", but as far as I know, only if we fall in love with each other, can we call it "hate to see each other"!

In fact, in the world, everyone will meet a lot of feel-good opposite sex in their life, but can we have feelings for all of them? If so, isn't it a water-based poplar?

Because I like you, I have become extra strong, which is in stark contrast to my shy self in the past, and even my friends around me find it incredible. Not only did I have the courage to boldly confess to you, but I also bravely challenged my rival.

originally thought that I would be like the great poet Pushkin, and have a duel with Xiaoqiang for love, but who expected his reaction to be so indifferent, so indifferent that I had extreme contempt for him. What's more, I'm even more worried about your so-called insistence.

What I can't get used to is that he is so careless about you, and yet he can easily get your affection. I warned him not to hesitate to confess to you if he really likes you.

I don't know, did he confess to you later? Even if I finally confess, I think it's because of my pressure, and I'll tell you the truth, you don't have to mind.

Perhaps, this is a preconceived reality that is difficult to change, but sensible girls never disdain it: they know how to weigh the pros and cons, and how to distinguish between what is an impulsive feeling and what is a lifelong real feeling.

Therefore, if you can take a step back sensibly, maybe you will open the sky: give me a chance, and give yourself a chance!

I've said so much to you, and I still feel that I'm still not satisfied, but if you have a slight change of heart about me, even if I don't say it, you must know it in your heart.

Let time tell!

Best wishes!

A person who longs to be loved

5/16/05

However, after sending this letter, I did not receive any reply from her. A person who longs to be loved seems to have become a foolish dreamer!