Only fortitude can achieve great things

Whether you admit it or not, people with low self-esteem lack the courage to face life and cannot compete with strong external forces, causing themselves to struggle in the trap of pain. Who wants to be a person with an inferior character? Probably not. All friends who say that they are inferior to something in real life think that inferiority is not a good thing, and they are eager to pull out the "inferiority" from the depths of their hearts like a rotten dead grass and throw it far away, or throw their inferiority complex to the ground, and from then on hold their heads up with a confident smile on their faces.

People with an inferiority complex are like this: they don't like themselves, and they always feel that they are dwarf, which is inferiority. Of course, these "unpleasant" and "shorter" are all based on others: "I have dark skin", which is "black" compared with others; "I'm short", short is relative to tall; "I have small eyes", there are many big-eyed people in the world, which brings out "small". These places that are different from others are really placed there, so that you can't hide, hide, deny, or forget, so you have a reason for inferiority. You pity yourself and hate yourself, so you spend a lot of mental energy and time and energy trying to change what is different from others, but often with little success.

People with low self-esteem do not want to feel inferior, but because they lack a sense of inner security. They are always very "good" at discovering their flaws, shortcomings, and aspects of life that are not good for them, and then putting them under a magnifying glass to look at them, and the result is to freak themselves out - since they are so bad, how can they compare themselves with others and compete with others? In order to protect themselves from possible defeats (mere "maybe"), they avoid competition, avoid socializing, and as a result, increasingly lose opportunities for development. The constant setbacks seem to prove again: Look, you just can't! This is how the vicious circle is formed.

Only by breaking the vicious circle of low self-esteem can we gradually build self-confidence. But it takes a bit of determination, a bit of courage, and a bit of science to "break" – asking an unconfident person to do something that is very difficult for him will only increase his anxiety.

"Breaking" is a process from cognition to behavior. Without cognitive change, it is difficult to make a breakthrough in behavior; Without behavioral breakthroughs, no new experiences can be generated.

Let the inferiority complex walk away from your life, and you will be confident that you can do one or two things well, and use this as an opportunity to do great things!

Zeng Guofan believes that only by being self-reliant and self-reliant can we achieve great things. He pointed out that since ancient times, emperors and generals have not become sages who have not started from self-reliance and self-improvement, and they also have their own methods of self-reliance and self-improvement, so that they can be independent and fearless, unswerving. Throughout history, many saints and sages, heroes, famous generals, and sages and philosophers have achieved success because they have no lack of fortitude and uprightness, which is an otherworldly spirit, an unstoppable force, and an indestructible self-confidence. This is what people often call "rigid". It is just a person's skeleton, relying on this skeleton to stand in the world, to overcome a lot of difficulties and obstacles, and to surpass ordinary people; Only by overcoming the psychological predators of fear, pessimism, negativity, and fear of difficulties can the potential of human life be unleashed unleashed. If a person is not strong, he will not be self-reliant, and if he cannot be self-reliant, he will not be self-reliant. Rigidity is the source of human life, otherwise, life becomes powerless, worthless, and meaningless.

Zeng Guofan has been instructed by his grandfather since he was a child, "being a man is ashamed of the four words 'cowardly and rigid'", therefore, Zeng Guofan believes that the word "stubborn" is indispensable, and meritorious articles must have these two words running through them, otherwise nothing will be achieved. When he was an official in the capital in his early years, he was willing to fight with those who were famous and high-status, and he had the spirit of standing proudly and not afraid of violence. In practice, he gradually realized that if it is too rigid, it is easy to break, and if it is easy to break, it will not be able to achieve the goal of self-improvement. On the basis of adhering to the ancestral teachings, he summed up based on his own personal experience: Only by combining rigidity and softness can we achieve the goal of self-reliance and self-improvement. People can not only have a "skeleton", but also have "flesh and blood", only in this way, can they become a dynamic person, and will have a glorious life journey. "Softness" is a person's "flesh and blood", which is the most vital and long-lasting thing. Zhuangzi said in the chapter "Mountains and Trees" that there was a bird named "Yi Xian" in the East China Sea, which was very weak and always crowded in the flock of birds to survive, and when it flew, it did not dare to fly in front of the bird team, nor did it dare to fly to the back of the bird team; When eating, they don't compete for food, and only pick up leftovers from other birds. Therefore, it is neither harmed nor rejected by the birds, and travels all day long, away from calamity. It can be seen from this story that softness is not weak and unrigid, but a charm and a way to deal with the world.

Throughout the ages, how many heroes and celebrities have suffered misfortune because they are too "rigid". Guan Longfeng and Bigan were killed by Xia Wei and Shang Xuan because of their uprightness and outspokenness; Hai Rui has a rough life due to his upright and weak temperament, and is not reused. In Zeng Guofan's view, the mutual use of rigidity and softness cannot be abandoned, too soft is beautiful, and too rigid is broken. Softness is the means, rigidity is the goal, retreat is the advance, softness overcomes rigidity, and the realization of true self-reliance and self-improvement is the essence of softness.

In history, Gou Jian's destruction of Wu is a story of being soft on the outside and strong on the inside, in order to strive for self-improvement. In the Spring and Autumn Period, after Goujian, the king of Yue, was defeated by the king of Wu, he adopted the strategy of making peace with the Wu country, declared himself a slave to the husband, and offered the treasures and beauties of the Yue country. Every time the husband went out, Gou Jian always respectfully asked the husband to step on his back and get into the car, and led the horse for the husband in front of the car, and even tasted the manure of the husband when he was sick to show his loyalty. Even if someone scolds him, he doesn't care, he always has a low-eyed and pleasing face, and he is deeply pleasing to his husband. Over time, Fucha relaxed his vigilance against Gou Jian and returned to Yue Guo. Gou Jianshen was ashamed of the battle of Huiji, while lying on the salary and tasting the courage, working hard, caring for the ministers, educating the people, and developing production; While going to the husband to greet An, Xianbao bewildered the husband. After several years of unremitting efforts, he finally defeated the state of Wu, captured Fucha alive and dominated the princes. Gou Jian used the means of concealing the rigidity and softness, so as to achieve the goal of destroying Wu and hegemony.

Anyone who has read "Romance of the Three Kingdoms" is familiar with the story of Zhuge Liang's "Seven Captures of Meng Huo". The chieftain of Nanzhong (present-day Yunnan Province) Meng Shu repeatedly violated the borders of Shu, and Zhuge Liang decided to go south to conquer. In the first battle, Meng Shu fell into the encirclement of the Shu army, and he had to abandon his horse and flee, and was captured alive by Wei Yan, who had already been ambushed on the mountain, and the southern army was defeated. Zhuge Liang ordered the southern soldiers to be rewarded with wine and food for the captives and released. The southern soldiers are all grateful. Only Meng was unconvinced, saying that he was arrested because of the steep mountain road. Zhuge Liang let him go back to the cottage, and Meng Shu reorganized his men and horses to fight Zhuge Liang to the death. He often drank for fun and was fierce to his subordinates, and his subordinate Marshal Dong Chana, in order to repay Zhuge Liang for not killing, took advantage of Meng Shu's drunkenness to tie Meng up and send him to the Shu camp. Meng Shu saw Zhuge Liang and shouted unconvinced, saying that he was captured by his own men. Zhuge Liang attacked his heart and released Meng Huo twice. Meng Yu returned to the cottage and secretly discussed with his younger brother Meng You, so that Meng You would enter Shu and surrender, and the inside and outside should cooperate in order to defeat the Shu army in one fell swoop. Zhuge Liang was confident, he was like a god, he drunk Meng You and others with medicinal wine, Meng Huo attacked the Shu camp that night, and became a prisoner for the third time, Meng Huo still refused to accept it, Zhuge Liang once again happily released Meng Huo's brothers. In this way, three times to catch and three releases, until Zhuge Liang carefully planned to capture Meng Shu alive for the seventh time, and still said to Meng Huo that if he was not satisfied, he could go back and prepare for another battle, Meng Huo was so grateful that he shed tears, saying that the southerners would never rebel and were willing to reconcile with Shu forever. Zhuge Liang used the means of "Huairou" to defeat the enemy with softness, subdued the strong southerners, achieved the goal of stabilizing the border of Shu, and eliminated the worries of Cao Wei in the Northern Expedition.

"Weakness is better than strength" is a famous statement of Lao Tzu. He said, "There is nothing weaker in the world than water, but water can strike against anything that is hard and strong, and nothing can overcome it, because nothing can replace it." Resisting rigidity with softness and overcoming rigidity with softness often produce special effects when applied to the self-reliance and self-improvement of personality.

Once, Song Taizu Zhao Kuangyin was holding a slingshot to shoot birds in the back garden. Suddenly, it was reported that a minister had an urgent matter to see. As soon as Zhao Kuangyin heard that there was an urgent matter, he did not dare to slack off a little, and immediately summoned the minister to listen to the performance, but after listening to the performance, he thought that the matter was not big, so he reprimanded the minister and said: "What kind of urgency is this!" The minister was dissatisfied with the emperor's attitude, and said casually: "This is more urgent than the matter of hitting birds!" Zhao Kuangyin was annoyed and angry, picked up the handle of the axe and slashed at the minister's mouth, and the minister's teeth were immediately knocked out of two teeth. He picked up the knocked out teeth without being humble or arrogant. Zhao Kuangyin became even more angry: "Do you still want to save these two teeth and settle accounts with me?" The minister said, "How dare I argue with you?" Naturally, the historian would have written it down. Zhao Kuangyin was shocked when he heard this, and hurriedly comforted him with a smile on his face, and gave the minister a lot of gold silk. The minister was weak in power and status, and could not compete with the supreme throne, but he adopted a weak attitude, but he was strong in reason and personality, conquered the supreme emperor, and achieved his goal of not being afraid of violence and self-reliance in personality.

The regression is wide and flat, and the light is long. Zeng Guofan is a person who is good at absorbing wisdom from ancient sages, and he is also a person who is good at thinking about the connection between the knowledge he has learned and his life experience. Strive for fame and profit, then you should be humble and retreat; If you start a family business, you should be strong, and if you are happy, you should be humble and retired; If you should be connected with the character, you should be strong; If you enjoy it with your wife and children, you should be humble and retreat. Under what kind of situation should we fight, and under what kind of situation we should retreat, we should judge the situation according to the objective situation, and use both rigidity and softness. Relying one-sidedly on "rigidity" and ignoring "softness", or one-sided reliance on "softness" and ignoring "rigidity" will lead to failure. In the face of major rights and wrongs, in the face of the righteousness of the rise and fall of the world, what should we do? In a difficult part of life, in Vanity Fair, in the land of wealth and nobility, in the face of interpersonal rights and wrongs, why is it bad to back down? Therefore, it is said that only by being a person and making good use of rigidity and softness can we stand tall for a long time and be self-reliant.

Let life form a strong wind

The word "gang" is a personality shared by those who have acquired a successful character. Zeng Guofan's specialty is: just fit the heart and stand up for life. His rigidity is closely related to his desire to acquire a successful character.

Zeng Guofan's evaluation of people shows his unique style of life. He advocated uprightness and believed that Fan Xu of the Han Dynasty was a husband full of uprightness. He pointed out: The heroes of the early Han Dynasty, only Fan Xu's temperament is coarse, and he cannot be compared with the sages. Therefore, Han Xin, the Marquis of Huaiyin, was ashamed to be with him. However, when I look at them, there are two unreachable people. When Liu Bang first entered Xianyang, he saw the Qin Dynasty's palace, tents, dogs, horses, heavy treasures, and thousands of women, and wanted to stay there. Fan Xu said: This is a luxurious thing, and it is the reason why Qin died in the world. May the king return to the dam in a hurry and don't stay in the palace, this is the first thing. Gaozu was sick and bedridden, and those who were edicted could not join the ministers. Fan Hao went straight to the admonition. How brave it was in the past, how tired it is now. And cite Zhao Gao's matter as a lesson, two also. These two things are the actions of those who are worthy of the great personality and the heart of the king. The person who has the strongest masculinity will have an unconcealable grandeur to achieve the truth. It is seen in the manners, and there must be a heroic style that does not offend. The Hongmen, the sword and the sword, the invitation to return the army to the dam with the husband, and the advice to row out the sick are all done by masculinity. There is no one who can stand in the world without masculinity. A gentleman with lofty ideals raises harmless and earless.

Zeng Guofan often wrote to his younger brothers and children, saying that the descendants of the Zeng family inherited the fierce temperament of their mother Jiang, so they achieved something. He further believes that the word uprightness, "meritorious articles, all must be permeated with these two words, and they are all made from the word stubbornness". When his mother Jiang first married into the Zeng family, the Zeng family's economy was not well-off, but the Jiang family adhered to the Zeng family's family motto, and was more diligent and thrifty in housework, and the family gradually prospered. In particular, the Jiang family is virtuous and very attentive to serving his grandfather and grandmother. Even if my grandfather was bedridden for three years in his later years, and all the feces and urine were pulled on his body, she and her husband took turns guarding the bedside day and night, and they had no complaints. Therefore, Zeng Guofan praised: Mrs. Zeng "came to Zengmen, served her uncle and aunt for more than 40 years, and bowed to the times. Since the Jiang family married into Zengmen, they had five boys and four girls, "all of whom are poor". Zeng Guofan's father often thought that "everyone is poor", while Jiang always used "good words for self-improvement" to persuade him, or "humorous words to relieve suffering". She often said to her husband: "Although my family has many children, they have a certain industry to study, a certain industry to cultivate, and a certain industry to work." I work inside, and my sons work outside, how can I worry about poverty? In a letter to his family, Zeng Guofan said: The reason why I can't have perseverance in writing is because my weak willpower has worn it down day by day. Today, because I heard Wu Zhuru's words, I realized that this matter is definitely not something that a person with a tired and weak will can do, and he must be strong and brave, and he must take out the kung fu of bloody fighting, and he must not be weak, these two points cannot be changed. We must keep in mind the two items of "chicken eggs" and "boiled over fire" in "Zhuzi's Language", and we must not forget them at any time. It can be seen that those who achieve great things must be strong in their hearts!

If the rigidity is too strong, it will be covered with softness

Zeng Guofan's "rigidity and softness" kung fu arrived at home, and when he was in his heyday, he saw that the rigidity was too strong, so he covered it up with softness, and emphasized the difference between rigidity and rigidity, which is worth pondering.

Zeng Guofan's recruitment and training of the Hunan army was a great success, which gave great stimulation to the Hunan people, and as a result, "joining the army" became a custom of the Hunan people. There is a saying in China that "a good iron does not hit a nail, and a good man does not serve as a soldier", but this is not the case in Hunan. In Hunan, many wealthy families also let their children go out to serve as soldiers, and often all three brothers in the family came out to serve as soldiers, so being a soldier may be the fate of the poor and scoundrels in other places, but it is a legitimate profession in Hunan.

Zeng Guofan's stoic and outstanding will and unyielding bearing made him an "indescribable Zeng Guofan". However, behind his "resolute" image, there is indeed an amazing word "soft".

Zeng Guofan once carefully studied the "Book of Changes", and in his book "Bingjian", there is a "Rigid and Soft Chapter", which is divided into three sections: "General Discussion on Rigidity and Softness", "On Outer Rigidity and Softness", and "On Internal Rigidity and Softness", which are dedicated to discussing the principle of profit and deficiency. He said: "In the middle of the day, the sun is in the west, the moon is in the wan, the sky is lonely and empty (referring to the incompleteness of the sun), the threshold of the earth is (lacking) in the southeast, and there is no one who is always complete." ”

The "peeling" hexagram is a sign of the "re-hexagram", which the gentleman thinks is gratifying; The "salty" hexagram is the beginning of the "noisy" hexagram, which the gentleman thinks is dangerous. Things are like this, blessings and misfortunes depend on each other, the so-called bitterness is sweet, desperate to survive, mountains and rivers are exhausted, and willows and flowers are bright. Therefore, after the great luck, it is the time of great trouble.

Everyone loves auspiciousness and instinctively avoids evil. So, is there a way to stay auspicious and avoid evil? Zeng Guofan's method is to be submissive, restrained, and hold on to the defects. He believed that in times of good fortune, good luck could be achieved through suppleness. Most people only know that "fortitude" is too much to need to be supple, but they don't know that they also need to be supple to achieve results.

What is Docile? Zeng Guofan said: "Supple, so keep its shortcomings and dare not seek perfection." "If there is a little flaw and regret, let it have a little flaw and regret, and do not ask for perfection, roundness, and fulfillment, this is to hold on to the defect. Many people do not understand this, and blindly pursue great victory and complete merit; But once the victory is complete or the merit is complete, then danger and calamity will befall you. Therefore, Zhu Bailu of the Qing Dynasty admonished his heirs: "There should be room for everything, and it is not appropriate to go back to success." ”

Zeng Guofan is well versed in the way of yin and yang in the Book of Changes, and in his later years he became more supple, which is his transformation from rigidity to softness.