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Most parents have a common perception of their children: whatever I do is for your own good.

"I'm mocking you in public for your own good, why don't you see me mocking the two dogs next door"

"I'm scolding you like this for your own good"

"I'm forcing you to learn xxxx for your own good"

"I don't let you have pets for your own good"

"I'll slap you in public for your own good"

"I'm giving away your favorite toy for your own good"

"I don't let you fall in love for your good"

"I'm letting you get married early for your good"

"Everything I do is for your own good, you can't refuse" but all the things that are forced to accept in the name of "for your good" are due to the unsuccessful experience of parents, who are eager to get satisfaction from their children's lives.

For example, if they are not sociable and have a wooden personality, they will ask their children to be cheerful and dissatisfied with children who like to be alone;

When they were studying, they were not admitted to university, so they would require their children to have good academic performance, and dislike children with poor academic performance.

When they themselves were laid off, they would ask their children to join the system, and they disliked the children who were running around and working outside;

Most parents are indeed for the good of their children, blocking and controlling for fear that their children will fall on their heels, but they always have to remember their own blue nose and swollen eyes to understand how to take the right road;

Doing your good is the worst reason in the world, and it always puts the wrongdoer on the moral high ground. Parents always tell their children right and wrong utilitarianly, but ignore their children's joys, sorrows, and sorrows. When I was young, my parents thought that I should be satisfied if I was well fed and warm, and that I didn't have to worry about anything, and that I had to do well in exams. When I grew up, they praised simplicity, and it was a matter of pride for my children not to dress up and not pay attention to appearance, and as long as I expressed the slightest sign of love for beauty, they would be struck and ridiculed.

The worst thing is that my mother is keen to tell my relatives and friends all the bad things about me, and every time I see them, I feel that others look at me very delicately.

When I tried to persuade my mom not to be so loud-mouthed, she would tell me that she had never done such a thing, and when I went further and was sure that she would say it, she looked unhappy: "What's wrong with you, why are you so glassy, do you keep telling me that you want me to apologize to you?" I was speechless.

I have seen many examples where many parents do not feel sorry for their mean language and say anything nasty, but they do not realize how much damage their inappropriate language can bring to their children, and some can even destroy their children's dreams. And like to deny all their mistakes, magnify all their credits, and let you repay while talking about the greatness of family affection.

In their eyes, their children must be degraded. When others praise you and praise you, they say nice things to make you happy, and only your parents will say that you are not, so over time, they have developed the habit that as long as you want to do anything, their first instinctive reaction is to deny it, deny it and deny it.

This is the behavior of common parents in China, even if you know that they don't think so in their hearts, you know that they still think they are good, but when you hear the sharp and mean words, you will still feel sad in your heart, and feel that you live to withstand all kinds of blows.

They always feel that their children are children after all, and no matter how much they interfere in their children's lives, they will never cut off their relationship with them. Under this level of cognition, they will unscrupulously try to control the child, giving orders to the child instead of choosing to listen.

Parents gave themselves life, and it is undeniable that they have worked hard to raise themselves, and we also love our parents from the bottom of our hearts, and we also hope to repay our parents.

But it doesn't mean that we are willing to be hit by the incompleteness of the body, to put it bluntly, it is precisely because we care about our parents that the emotional control from our parents is effective. It's hard enough to be born and live, and I try my best every day not to let myself collapse. We need more encouragement from our parents, rather than all kinds of words that hit our self-esteem and think that you can't do this or that.

Parents want their children to follow the route they have planned.

After graduating from college, you want to be a freelance writer, and then, naturally, fall in love, and marry the other half of your choice, at this time, your parents will jump out and deny your idea, they think that you can't support yourself as a freelance writer, and hope that you can take the civil service exam, and then introduce you to boys with good conditions to marry and have children;

If you refuse their advice to you, and the communication is ineffective, they will say that "it was not easy to raise you, and now you don't even listen to words", and the hat of unfilial piety will be buttoned off. I have a friend who is now in his twenties, two or three years out of school, and single. Then her mother has been looking for a blind date for her since the day she graduated, and she pushes it every time she can. She communicated with her mother: "I don't want to accept that the blind date feels like I can't sell it in the meat and vegetable market in the evening, waiting for a wave of people to pick and choose."

But her mother thinks that her own conditions are not very good, and she must find a better partner through blind dates. My friend didn't know how to react when she heard this, she never knew that in her mother's mind she could only find a partner through a blind date. "I know she's doing it for my good, and it's too heavy for this goodness. ”

In addition to this, parents are particularly keen to compare their own children.

Like what

"You see that your classmates not only took the piano test for grade 10 and had the first academic performance, but you also know how to play games all day long"

"Wang Xiaoli next door has two children, and you don't even have a partner until now"

"Look at your Uncle Liu's house, his son took them on a trip again, why are they so powerful and making a lot of money, what about you?"

"When you were asked to take the lawyer's exam, you had to read any literature, look at your former classmates, they all became prosecutors, and you still have nothing"

Many similar words such as pins and needles are physically and mentally exhausted

We really love our parents, but we can never accept their views in their entirety, and when conflicts arise, even if we insist on what we think is right, when faced with sad or angry parents, we still constantly question whether we have done something wrong.