Sad, ridiculous, lamentable.

And I cut off contact with everyone during this time, except for my parents, I blocked everything.

Life... What's the point?

I found myself out of control as soon as I asked this question to myself.

I don't have a goal now.

Elementary school thought about junior high school, junior high school thought about going to high school, high school thought about going to college, college thought about finding a girlfriend, girlfriend found it, got married, found a job, bought a house, and then my wife left, my job was gone, and my savings were exhausted......

I was tired of living my life, and I couldn't see the meaning of a long life.

Stay alive...

Why live?

Why am I in this world?

In order to survive the constant self-denial, I went to watch movies about superheroes that I used to love.

Seeing those superheroes with various abilities full of a sense of justice to save the world, I was even more empty.

The earth is still rotating without me and all mankind, and even the earth is just a concept given by human beings, human beings do not exist, and celestial bodies that have not been given the name of "earth" will still exist here.

The world doesn't need humans, and it doesn't need humans or strange heroes to save it. The so-called "saving the world" has always been self-righteous human beings.

So what's the point of my birth?

What is the significance of the birth of humanity?

What's the point of this cruel world?

When I think about it, it's an even more terrifying nothingness.

Under this nothingness, the shadow that Lin Ruyan gave me was just inconspicuous dust.

I walked over to the washbasin and filled it with water, and looked up and down at the mirror and my withered face on the water.

And then......

I buried my head in the water, and through my own apparition, I wanted to see the "real".

"Ahem!!"

I lifted my head before I lost consciousness completely, and after shaking off the drops of water on my head, I gasped and looked at the fear in my eyes in the mirror.

My instincts won't let me die.

My body was telling me that I wanted to live.

"Alas......"

I let out a long sigh, I'm in a terrible state right now, I have to do something.

Let's take a trip, right?

I've been in this gloomy house for so long that I have to go out for a walk.

So I put on some clothes casually, went to the convenience store downstairs to buy a pack of cigarettes, bought a bottle of wine, and kept wandering around like a homeless man on the road.

Passers-by immediately avoided me when they saw me, and I didn't care, and moved forward on my own.

Finally I got to the highway bridge, leaned against the railing and watched the sunset, and watched the river east.

Standing all the time, standing until now.

It was dark, and I looked up but couldn't see the stars.

The boundless and dark canopy of heaven seemed to be the torso of the evil beast "Nothingness".

It's so powerful that I can't defeat it, and I can't escape it.

That's the end of it, right?

I looked at the rushing water below and thought that the cement guardrail was so low that I would turn over and jump down without much effort.

It's simple, it's easy, and it's just what I want.

Airplanes!

"Huh?"

The phone in my pocket rang, I frowned, held the phone in my hand, and realized that it was my father who had sent me a message for the first time.

[Son, how are you doing?]

I hesitated for a moment and typed two words in the message box - [okay].

Then I put my phone back in my pocket and continued to think about the question of whether to jump or not, how much time I would have after jumping, and the current temperature of the river.

Airplanes!

News came from my father's side again.

[Then why didn't you send money home this month?]

I felt a little bored, and I responded with three words - "busy and forgot".

Airplanes!

[Is that still going well?]

Why again?

Realizing that there might be a flurry of questions that followed, I could only hold my phone in my hand and start replying.

[Okay]

[How's the relationship with Ru Yan?]

I haven't told them about me and Ru Yan yet, and it seems that they haven't heard from them either.

[It's okay]

I replied.

[It's almost the New Year now, are you going home this year?]

Belch?

I was stunned, and it occurred to me that I hadn't been home for a long time, and that lifeless house wasn't "home" at all.

When I hesitated how to reply, the message from my father's side popped up like a cannon.

[You were out of town last year and the year before that, and we haven't seen you for a long time]

[Your mother and I really want to see you]

[You haven't taken the initiative to contact us much, so you'll go home once this year, right?]

I......

His eyes were a little moist, and his fingertips trembled as he tapped the screen and replied:

[I've been in a little trouble lately]

[Looks like you're in a lot of trouble?]

My father's side was sensitive to the question in my reply.

Then, a phone call came.

"Hey..."

I got through.

"Are you kid in any trouble outside?"

“......”

I remained silent in the face of my father's familiar voice, but in fact because I was speechless now.

"It's okay, you've spent so much time outside, and you haven't asked for much help from home, we're very proud. Don't have too much pressure, we have saved the money you send every month, and we have added 100,000 yuan to it, and we will save some interest in the bank, so that we will give it to you in the future. After the call, we will give you the card number and password for your birthday. ”

"I..."

"If it's not enough, we can make up for it. Don't worry, your mother and I are not too old, and we are still moving. If you're in trouble, we're here to help. After all, if we are just your son, will we really treat you badly?"

......

I remembered something very important.

I only remember the strictness of my parents, but I forgot their gentleness.

They asked me not to rely on them in the future, but they didn't let me rely on them.

I thought about self-improvement, I thought about independence, and I forgot that they were still silently backing me.

I've always seen asking them for help as a failure, but I now feel like I couldn't have been more wrong.

How is it that a child who cries because of his injury is not qualified to return to the arms of his parents?

My memory has always blocked their presence because they were like air in my childhood, like water, light and invisible, yet indispensable.

If... If I had opened up to them earlier, and asked them for help earlier, would I have changed a lot of things?

But the past can't be changed, just assum, I won't know the real outcome.

But I also know that it's not too late to do it.

[Mom and Dad, I'll be home this year]

[I did encounter a lot of trouble, but I have almost solved it, but it may not be handled very well, anyway, I will go back and tell you about it]

After typing, I put my phone back in my pocket.

I wiped the tears from both sides of my cheeks and looked up at the blue night.

Isn't that a lot of stars?

The stars hidden behind the dark clouds were revealed, and the stars in the sky made the night no longer dark.

The monster named "Nothingness" fled.

And I was ready to leave the city, and the dilapidated house that had more than a decade of loans left should be sold.

After getting rid of the "tail" here, I can go home to rest or develop.

I want to be in charge of my life, not be dominated by it.

But when I go back, I guess I'll get harsh criticism from both of them, but shouldn't I be taught a good lesson?

What's more, the criticism from my parents no longer frightens me now, on the contrary, I still miss it a little.

Maybe it's just an itchy skin?!

Ha ha!!

I laughed so hard that I lost count of how long it had been since I had laughed so much.

"Eh, why is there still a cigarette?"

When I was about to throw away the cigarette case in my hand, I found that there was actually one cigarette left in the cigarette case.

So I decided to go back after smoking this cigarette, which can be regarded as a complete goodbye to my previous self.

"Uncle, do you think this water is cold?"

Halfway through my happily smoked a cigarette, a schoolgirl walked up to the guardrail near me and asked me a rather strange question.

"It should be quite cold, after all, winter ......."

Am I being called uncle? Am I that old?

I turned my gaze to the schoolgirl who was standing three steps away from me. I noticed that the school uniform she was wearing seemed to be from a nearby high school, and it was almost eleven o'clock, so it was time for the non-boarding students to go home after evening self-study.

"Classmate, aren't you going home? It's dangerous for you to be a girl outside so late. ”

Smoking in front of students doesn't have a good impact.

After I extinguished the cigarette butt, I looked her up and down with puzzled eyes, and through the light of the street lamp, I could see that this girl, who was obviously taller than her peers, had long black hair, neat bangs just covered her eyebrows, and her face was pure and pure, if she was more mature, she would be at Lin Ruyan's level.

The girl's chapped lips moved in the face of my question, but she didn't say anything, just shook her head.

And as she shook her head, I saw two clear lines of tears on her cheeks.

"Hey!!"

The silent girl suddenly held the guardrail with both hands, and I sensed something was wrong when she made this gesture and immediately stepped forward to stop her.

However, I was still a step too late.

She jumped off the bridge anyway, and the river made a "clattering" sound.

"Hey, hey!!Someone overboard!Come on......"

My shouting came to an abrupt halt, because at this time, no one else was present on this remote road bridge.

"Tsk!"

I didn't think too much about it, I just took off my coat, stepped on the railing and looked at the girl who was washed away on the river, and then gritted my teeth and jumped down.

When I jumped into the river, I realized how cold the river was in winter, and the blood in my body seemed to be frozen.

But I tried to slide my limbs and follow the water to get closer to the girl.

Although I choked on the water a few times, I managed to catch her and hold her in my arms.

"Wake up!!"

I slapped her cheek with my holding hand and grabbed the rebar on the cement pier next to me with the other.

And this unknown high school girl has fallen into a coma, if it weren't for this abandoned cement pier stuck her, I wouldn't even be able to touch her in the face of such a turbulent current, but her heartbeat and body temperature are still there, and people can still be saved.

But my physical strength is not enough to take a high school student out of here, and even if the other person is slender, I can't carry them with my current strength.

She had to be woken up and the two of them could swim together before they could get ashore.

I tried to pinch someone, but she didn't respond.

In desperation, I could only take a sharp breath and give her artificial respiration.

"Ahem!ahem!!"

After some effort, the girl coughed and spat out the sand and water in her mouth.

"I... What am I?"

She looked left and right, as if she thought she was supposed to be dead.

"Don't look, you're not dead yet. ”

I grappled at the rebar, the icy water rapidly eating away at my strength.

"Do you know how to swim? I'll take you ashore later." ”

"No, you leave me alone. ”

The girl shook her head and refused my help, and even reached out and pushed my chest to escape from my arms. And this made me angry, and now I can't use my hand, so I hit my head on her head.

"Hmm!"

This bump hurt me, let alone this schoolgirl with fine skin and tender flesh.

"How old are you?!

I saw that she seemed to be a little sober, and immediately rebuked her:

"Think of the people who will cry because of your departure! Even if you feel that life has no meaning, you have to live for them. Besides, how can life be meaningless? It's just that you haven't discovered it yet. Without tomorrow, how do you know what tomorrow's sun will look like?"

"I... I'm sorry!"

The girl cried in the face of my preaching, and I don't know if she was on point, but I could feel that she was no longer pushing me now.

"You grab me by the shoulder, and I'll take you to the shore. ”

I let go of my right hand that was holding her, and the girl obediently grabbed my shoulder.

Now that she has given up the idea of suicide, there are many chances of successfully going ashore below.

Just as I was looking at the surrounding waters and considering how to get ashore, the girl suddenly shouted in my ear:

"Be careful!"

I looked up and saw a pile of driftwood rushing towards us from upstream.

“WTF？！”

I had to let go of my hand and swim downstream with the current, trying to avoid the driftwood.

The girl shouted anxiously, "We can't dodge!"

However, my physical strength was already insufficient, and I had to fight against the current, and I couldn't swim fast enough.

Faced with the pile of driftwood that was coming towards the two of us, I had to hold the girl in my arms and use my back to block it.

"Hmm!!"

I heard the sound of my own bones breaking, and the potential energy of this driftwood rushing from upstream was so bad that I was afraid that it would have cracked my shoulder blades.

"I caught it!"

The driftwood that hit me slowed down because of this, and the girl I was guarding took the opportunity to grab the driftwood.

At this point, however, I felt that my shoulders were completely unconscious, unable to hold on to driftwood, unable to swim, and only swept downwards by the current.

"Hmm...!"

But I wasn't just swept away, the girl grabbed my already immobile right hand, she gritted her teeth and her pretty face twisted, struggling to cope with the weight of my adult male and the impact of the current.

"Let go of me!hmm! I can't move anymore......"

I endured the pain and fatigue and shouted to her to let go, by which time most of my body had lost consciousness, and my survival rate in this situation was infinitely close to zero.

If the girl doesn't let go, I'll probably take her with me into the water.

"No!"

The girl stubbornly refused me, and she was pulling me up the driftwood as much as she could.

"If you exert yourself, you can come up. ”

"Good...!"

I swayed my numb legs against the icy current, trying to relieve the pressure on the girl's side.

However, as our movement hindered the flow of the driftwood, the pile of driftwood rushing from behind rushed towards us.

Boom!!

"Uhh

"Hmm!"

We each let out a scream, and we were both swallowed up by the icy water......