It's raining today, and the air temperature is much softer in early autumn. But I don't want to code words, so I just want to talk about a waste of nostalgia for life ideals!

On a rainy day, there are always many, many thoughts that can't help but come to mind. I am a person who is more focused on a comfortable life, I like to drink, I like to drink tea, and soak in the life of raising flowers and grass.

Quiet, elegant, and old books......

Now I have reached a very embarrassing age, 24 years old, homeless, without a job, and even without the ability to raise myself. I had suffered from severe depression, and I hadn't been through many ups and downs, but it came in a hurry, leaving an indelible scar on my entire youth. Probably for a more delicate person like me, the meaning of life is nothing more than wanting to change life a little, even a little.

But it was not satisfactory, and in my two-year public examination journey, every time I paid for the pain, I gained a stark contrast. At this age, I am confused and even desperate about my expectations for work.

My family forced me to get married, gossip in the neighborhood, and outspoken sarcasm from some...... These are like sharp needles pricking my heart.

I still like to miss, choose to stay in the memories, those memories are always beautiful and with a little bit of fragmentation, like a paper kite with a broken line in the sky, I will not be willing to leave it, but I can only watch it slowly fall into the distant sea, the waves are bursting, the waves are blooming, rolling my sadness, drowning my optimism.

I want to come to life as light as a chrysanthemum, daisies are in full bloom and afraid of wind and rain, delicate and powerless to choose to open in the greenhouse, it is not so gorgeous, in every sunny and rainy day, can only be on the windowsill that can not break the shackles, far away to the heart to tell the ideal.

What is Ideal?

For example, people's worldviews will be aligned under equal education!

Another example is that the outlook on life will be consistent in the same environment!

Or is it the consistency of values based on self-thinking or orientation!

The benevolent see the wise and the wise see the wise, and people will express their opinions when discussing it, so what kind of ideal is meaningful for people?

In the final analysis, it is inseparable from dedication, contribution to the country, to the nation, to the society - lofty ideals!

I am a person with distorted values, and in an environment where I grew up, I am just a stubborn and rigid person in terms of worldview and values.

Life will weed out some cowardly and incompetent people, and I am one of them.

Many years ago, an enthusiastic sister handed me a painting. The painting is an avenue with dense crowds of people, moving towards the ideal of the masses. However, in this dense crowd, the road abruptly branched off, and a lonely person chose to embark on a road of no return.

Without any hesitation, I pointed at him and said, "This is me!"

Life has no light, overflowing with temperature for life!

Even if you go everywhere, when you are alone, do you feel out of place in this world?

Is it the gloom of the night, the fear, or the creepy worry?

Walking on the road covered with red maple leaves, the illusion is that everything is like the sunshine spreading all over the garden, reflecting the footprints of the walk, and the laughter and laughter of the overlap of the years; weeping willows caress the water surface, ripples, and colorful fish, frozen in the clear pool water, reflected on the lotus leaves. Suddenly, he unscrupulously walked towards the place where there was a crowd, sucking the delicious food from the passers-by with his mouth open, stumbling his steps, running wildly all the way, falling all the way, his hair scattered, and his whole body was dirty.

He would never dare to make a loud noise, even if he stood on the top of the mountain with his arms outstretched, facing the mountain wind that he had been looking forward to, overlooking the majestic peaks.

One step, forever into the abyss.

You can also cry loudly, wipe your sleeves with tears, swing your legs on the cliff, and hold the stone that has been polished by the wind and rain with your hands......

But he still didn't dare!

I have never advised to delve into the true meaning of words, behind the book is a more dangerous world, one step at a time, never looking back.

It is better to say that the sea of bitterness is boundless, and there will never be a return.

Over the years, Haizi, who has been yearning for lying on the rails, Gu Cheng, who killed his wife and hanged himself, and Sanmao, who traveled all over the Sahara with hope...... They are shining brightly at a cold light in my heart!

Thick black clouds hung in the sky, accompanied by roaring and raging winds, covering the hills, breaking branches of strong pines, withering flowers, and staggering pedestrians...... Another day of locking myself in my room, staring coldly at the narrow window at every slope, every hill and mud that the rain stirred up, sticky to every slope and ridge that the wheels glided on. I would like to be a loach without dreams, lie in this mud, and swim to my heart's content.

I used to think that this lonely road would eventually blossom like a brocade of flowers and beautiful scenery. It's wishful thinking after all. "Heaven and earth are unkind, and all things are used as dogs. "Most things in the world are like this, and so are human feelings, which can't withstand the elimination of time, and all things rise and fall. In the end, because of the world, cowardice by nature, more than destiny, less than personnel, so that at a fork in the road, he embarked on two completely different paths that are difficult to cross in a lifetime.

In the future, there will probably be no sadness, no joy, no contention, no disclosure, no manifestation, and if it is not for Zhu Xi's reasoning to extinguish desires to preserve the Tao, it will not be possible to achieve the Buddha's "four major aggregates" and "five aggregates" are empty.

I am a person, I don't want to make a new start for any love, this life is just spring breeze and rain, miserable wind and rain, all wind and rain.

is still a person, endured half a life, and suffered all his life.

So be it.