I also specifically asked people not to put on makeup, I know you don't like it. You always tell me that in this world, truth is beauty. But after you left, I found that I couldn't tell the difference between what was true and what was false. It seems that everything around me is illusory, and I have been dreaming, living someone else's life. Otherwise, how could you not be?

When I went to the hospital to pick you up, the wedding ring was still on the ring finger of your left hand, but it was stained with your blood. I thought about it, but I took it off, wiped it with toilet paper, and put it on the ring finger of my right hand. Now, I have two wedding rings on my hands. I also took it to my nose and smelled it, and there was a faint scent, the smell of the lemon-flavored hand cream you usually use.

Your underwear and shirt hanging on the balcony have dried, but I haven't taken it back, because, I'm waiting for you. By the way, I'm going to give the little turtle to Chen Yi in two days, she told you before that she wanted this little turtle, but you couldn't bear it. But for now, I know you'll agree, right, after all, I can't even take care of myself.

Miao Miao, I miss you, after you left, I realized how stupid I was, there were many things I couldn't make up my mind, but I always complained that you didn't respect my opinion.

When I came out of the funeral home with you, Dad was waiting for us at the door. Mom didn't come because she was lying in the hospital, but you don't have to worry, my brother is there to take care of her. After you left, her diabetes got worse.

I discussed with my father and was going to take you back to my hometown in Zigong. We chose to take the train because it would be a longer journey and you could stay with me a little longer. I took you in my arms and gently covered you with my clothes.

I've been watching you all the way. You on the urn are still so quiet, cute, with a smile on the corner of your mouth, this photo was taken when we went to Huashan in the past six years. When the funeral home owner asked me which photo to use, I immediately thought of this one, because you are the purest in this photo. Remember? You told me yourself.

We didn't have a wedding, so I didn't give you a funeral. We all like simplicity, and we used to think that as long as two hearts are together and live together, they are already together. What's more, having received a marriage certificate, legally, we are also husband and wife, so there is no need to care about so much red tape.

It's the same now, our hearts are still together, you're still by my side, you're my legal wife, and there's no need to pay attention to so much red tape. But for some reason, I always felt a little indebted.

During the time you left, I was very calm, I didn't cry, and calmly handled what happened after you. I don't sleep or feel sleepy, I don't eat or feel hungry, and I can even comfort our relatives and friends in return.

But I'm going to take you back to your hometown, to that town. I cried when I sprinkled your ashes on the roots of a small sapling and covered it with the last handful of dirt.

At first, it was a silent cry, and then it gradually became heartbreaking, as if he wanted to spill out the tears that had been stored for so many days at one time. Tears fall on the dirt, mixed with your ashes, and moisten the saplings to grow.

When I was going home, I saw a person on the road, like you, I chased after me, but I couldn't keep up......

Two

I'm sitting at my desk now, surprisingly calm, as if I'm not telling our story, I'm telling you someone else's story. Every time I write a sentence, I look at where you used to sit, and you like to sit there and watch me write, and sometimes you take a book, and I write, and you read.

I know you're still there, I just can't see it, I can't touch it, but I can feel it. It's you, your eyes, your thoughts, your smile that's all there, you're not there.

I'm becoming more and more reluctant to speak now, and my friends say I'm becoming silent. Only you know, in fact, I have been talking all the time, but rarely with my mouth. I've been talking to you all the time, day and night, when you're awake, and when you're asleep. They can't hear it, it's their problem, not mine.

We've also talked about death. Yes, you and I both know that everyone dies, it's just a matter of time. When I proposed to you, I told you that I love you, but I can't promise to be with you forever, but not surprisingly, I've been there for decades since.

Yes, if nothing else, you should have brought me a glass of milk right now, and then taken my pen and criticized my writings, why is there always a little pessimism. However, you didn't, which makes me feel that I am a liar and a sinner, and it seems that it is because I was not determined at the beginning and allowed the accident to happen, so you will not be there.

What happens when a person dies? Will he actually enter another dimension, or will he live in another form? It's a philosophical question, I don't know, you probably know. We also joked before that no matter which of the two of us goes first in the future, we must give our dreams to the other person, and we should make some preparations in advance. But why haven't you told me yet?

I don't know if there really is heaven and hell in this world, but I believe that there must be a place where your soul can live. There is a golden wheat field, where people work leisurely, and a reciter stands in the setting sun and sings softly. There are also mountains, rivers, and the sea, with sunshine, four seasons, and rain and dew.

But I believe that as long as you can still think and have memories of the past, you can't be carefree. Because, there are no mom and dad, no little turtle, no me.

But what does all this have to do with me, you are gone, leaving me alone. In the world where I exist, there is no longer sunlight. The sun still rises every day, shining on the earth, everything grows in the world with a grateful heart, and people are also bathed in the sun to study, live and work, except for me.

After you left, I came to realize my stupidity. I don't know how to cook, do laundry, clean up the house, and my house is gradually making a mess of me, and I am no longer as neat and clean as before. Every time I go to the toilet, I still forget to turn off the lights, I am used to going out without a key, and the moon flowers on the balcony have not been watered for a month.

After you leave, time suddenly becomes capricious. Sitting at my desk at noon and thinking about you in a daze feels like just a moment, but time has passed through the whole afternoon, and tossing and turning in bed at night feels like a century has passed, but time has only passed for a few minutes.

After you left, I suddenly looked forward to a kind of destruction, or a rebirth. From the land of no, born from the land of you. I think it's a kind of happiness, and even you can't deny me. But don't worry, I won't run away. I know in my heart that everyone comes to this world not naked, but with some responsibilities and missions. Now that you're gone, I'll continue with both of us. Don't worry, when I'm done with this life, I'll take you to see the sea.

The day before yesterday, I took a solo trip to Mount Qingcheng, where it was snowing. In the past, you always complained that we hadn't seen snow since we came to Chengdu to work, but this year I went to see it, but I only went to see it......

Where is the word? The years are not old, and the heart has already declined. The reason for staying awake late at night is not because of how much youthful energy has accumulated in the chest, but because there is an indescribable sadness and happiness. The world seems to have a lot of pursuits in life, but in fact, everyone understands in their hearts that it is excellent to be able to live a life of relaxation and comfort, but this is just a luxury. I don't think there are any carefree people in the world, but there are just a lot of worries, and those who are worried are sad, and those who are worried often laugh. But how much of the laughter in the eyes of others is true and how much is false? Bitterness, joy, sorrow, and joy, are probably only clearer to the person concerned, but they are only clearer, and they may not necessarily be able to truly know the bitterness and joy in their hearts. In other words, if a person is completely carefree, he will not be able to feel what it is like to be happy, and this is not the greatest worry?