At 8:19 a.m. on October 18, 2019, as usual, I got up to prepare breakfast for you. In the refrigerator, there is also half a plate of fish-flavored shredded pork left over from last night, a bowl of sauerkraut vermicelli soup, I put them in the rice cooker and steamed them, and mixed a small half bowl of red oil cowpeas.

You like to eat my mother's soaked cowpeas, so every time we come back from my hometown, we always put one or two cans of soaked cowpeas in the inferior suitcase we bought from Taobao, and the sour taste will turn into a piece of kraft candy, which will exist in the suitcase for a long time.

Of course, today is an ordinary day, just like usual. But only if that doesn't happen......

At ten o'clock, you packed your things and were ready to go out, and the company was going to let you go on a business trip, I didn't care, because you left, only temporarily, and you will always come back. I didn't hug and kiss you, I didn't fix some messy bangs on your forehead, I was sitting on the couch reading a book when you told me you were leaving, I just answered casually.

I didn't look at you one last time, you left, never to be seen again.

At three o'clock in the afternoon, I was feeling a little hungry and ready to get up to find something to eat. At this moment, the phone rang, it was your number, but it was another man who spoke, and I suddenly felt inexplicably uneasy in my heart.

"Hello, is it Mr. Liu Muchen?"

"Hmm. ”

"Is your wife Chen Miaomiao? ”

"Hmm. ”

"I'm Wang Lan from the Bazhong City Police Station, your wife ......"

I really can't remember what he said later. Time shattered and chaotic at that moment, shattering my whole body and soul together. My memory also ended with that phone call.

Officer Wang told me that you died in a car accident. At that time, the truck's brakes suddenly failed, ran a red light, and crashed into you as you walked on a zebra crossing. He also told me that I could get a sum of money by going through the legal process.

I went to the driver's house for you. The man is from northern Shaanxi, and the woman is a native of Bazhong, who looks to be in his fifties, has two children, and is crammed into a small space of only 20 square meters. When I went, they were polite, even a little apprehensive. After kicking the child out, the man knelt directly in front of me, kept apologizing to me, and when he was about to kowtow to me, I helped him up. Then, I smiled and asked the woman next to me, "Sister, I'm hungry, can you cook me a bowl of noodles?"

Later, I didn't go to them again, I didn't go to the court, and I didn't ask them to scrape together the 100,000 yuan. I know, you'll understand me.

I didn't tell anyone else after your accident, but they all seemed to know. Lynn specially wrote a eulogy for you, which was written in ancient Chinese, and one of the sentences was "What does the sky mean, let Yulan wither first, Xia He is distorted", he is still the same as before, he likes to borrow metaphors when writing articles. I burned it to you yesterday, you can take a closer look.

When I chose clothes for you, I was a little hesitant, but fortunately, Xiaoyu picked out a light blue dress for you, the kind that can be dragged on the ground, you wanted to wear it before, but you couldn't bear to buy it, and said that I would wait until I was more comfortable in the future, and now that I think about it, I always regret it. You're not comforting me, are you? I dreamed of you again last Saturday and you told me that you love this dress.

I also specifically asked people not to put on makeup, I know you don't like it. You always tell me that in this world, truth is beauty. But after you left, I found that I couldn't tell the difference between what was true and what was false. It seems that everything around me is illusory, and I have been dreaming, living someone else's life. Otherwise, how could you not be?

When I went to the hospital to pick you up, the wedding ring was still on the ring finger of your left hand, but it was stained with your blood. I thought about it, but I took it off, wiped it with toilet paper, and put it on the ring finger of my right hand. Now, I have two wedding rings on my hands. I also took it to my nose and smelled it, and there was a faint scent, the smell of the lemon-flavored hand cream you usually use.

Your underwear and shirt hanging on the balcony have dried, but I haven't taken it back, because, I'm waiting for you. By the way, I'm going to give the little turtle to Chen Yi in two days, she told you before that she wanted this little turtle, but you couldn't bear it. But for now, I know you'll agree, right, after all, I can't even take care of myself.

Miao Miao, I miss you, after you left, I realized how stupid I was, there were many things I couldn't make up my mind, but I always complained that you didn't respect my opinion.

When I came out of the funeral home with you, Dad was waiting for us at the door. Mom didn't come because she was lying in the hospital, but you don't have to worry, my brother is there to take care of her. After you left, her diabetes got worse.

I discussed with my father and was going to take you back to my hometown in Zigong. We chose to take the train because it would be a longer journey and you could stay with me a little longer. I took you in my arms and gently covered you with my clothes.

I've been watching you all the way. You on the urn are still so quiet, cute, with a smile on the corner of your mouth, this photo was taken when we went to Huashan in the past six years. When the funeral home owner asked me which photo to use, I immediately thought of this one, because you are the purest in this photo. Remember? You told me yourself.

We didn't have a wedding, so I didn't give you a funeral. We all like simplicity, and we used to think that as long as two hearts are together and live together, they are already together. What's more, having received a marriage certificate, legally, we are also husband and wife, so there is no need to care about so much red tape.

It's the same now, our hearts are still together, you're still by my side, you're my legal wife, and there's no need to pay attention to so much red tape. But for some reason, I always felt a little indebted.

During the time you left, I was very calm, I didn't cry, and calmly handled what happened after you. I don't sleep or feel sleepy, I don't eat or feel hungry, and I can even comfort our relatives and friends in return.

But I'm going to take you back to your hometown, to that town. I cried when I sprinkled your ashes on the roots of a small sapling and covered it with the last handful of dirt.

At first, it was a silent cry, and then it gradually became heartbreaking, as if he wanted to spill out the tears that had been stored for so many days at one time. Tears fall on the dirt, mixed with your ashes, and moisten the saplings to grow.

When I was going home, I saw a person on the road, like you, I chased after me, but I couldn't keep up......

Two

I'm sitting at my desk now, surprisingly calm, as if I'm not telling our story, I'm telling you someone else's story. Every time I write a sentence, I look at where you used to sit, and you like to sit there and watch me write, and sometimes you take a book, and I write, and you read.

I know you're still there, I just can't see it, I can't touch it, but I can feel it. It's you, your eyes, your thoughts, your smile that's all there, you're not there.

I'm becoming more and more reluctant to speak now, and my friends say I'm becoming silent. Only you know, in fact, I have been talking all the time, but rarely with my mouth. I've been talking to you all the time, day and night, when you're awake, and when you're asleep. They can't hear it, it's their problem, not mine.

We've also talked about death. Yes, you and I both know that everyone dies, it's just a matter of time. When I proposed to you, I told you that I love you, but I can't promise to be with you forever, but not surprisingly, I've been there for decades since.

Yes, if nothing else, you should have brought me a glass of milk right now, and then taken my pen and criticized my writings, why is there always a little pessimism. However, you didn't, which makes me feel that I am a liar and a sinner, and it seems that it is because I was not determined at the beginning and allowed the accident to happen, so you will not be there.