Young people like to imagine the future, while older people are obsessed with reminiscing about the past. I have to say that this is a very peculiar phenomenon in the world.

Now 90 years old, I sit alone on the endless Shuobei grassland, watching the sky blue, the wind blowing the grass low, and the horses galloping, but I don't have the slightest feeling of relaxation.

The feeling of loss has been with me since I was twenty-five years old, and now it has not diminished in the slightest, but has increased day by day after sixty-five years. Clouds of smoke from the past drifted through my mind, and many memories were so fragmented that I couldn't put them together. However, I still reminisce.

Only in my memories will I forget the time when the white horse passed by, forget the loneliness of standing alone, and forget my stinky skin. Even though those memories are full of remorse, pain, and melancholy, I am still immersed in them, as if I have returned to my youth, to those absurd and bizarre stories, and to the storm of sixty-five years ago.

There is a rule in the rivers and lakes that I have hated for decades.

When you see a living, you must always report your name.

One asked: "In the Lower Peach Immortal Sect Liu Qianshan, dare to ask Your Excellency's surname?"

The two replied: "Long admiration, long admiration! ”

Back and forth, the name alone was so loud that the opponent was shocked.

However, the thing I hate the most in my life is that people ask me my name.

This incident originated from my first master, his name was Chen Bamao, and he was a ranger. said that he was a ranger, but he was nothing more than a wandering swordsman, with no door and no faction, no support, gags all day long, and lived a nightmare life.

When Master Eight Spears took me in, I had just turned one year old. At that time, the northern Dajin Kingdom destroyed the Great Song Kingdom, Kaifeng Mansion fell, and my parents died in the war. Master rescued me from the knives of the golden soldiers, and at the same time, rescued three other children.

At that time, the war was in chaos, and the four of us were all in their infancy, and the Eight Spears Master inquired in many ways, but only asked about our surnames, and there was no way to know the names at all.

Master took the audacity and gave us a new name.

He thought that he saw through the vicissitudes of the world, and often said that "good fortune and misfortune are happening", so he gave these four words to the four of us respectively, with "A, B, C, D" as the order to distinguish the eldest and the youngest. My eldest brother's surname is Zhao and his name is "Zhao Jia", my second brother's surname is Song and his name is "Song Fuyi", and my fourth brother's surname is Zhang and his name is "Zhang Xiding".

And I'm ...... The surname is Ji. Yes, my name is "Ji Dan Bing"!

Every time I think of this name, I am so excited that I want to scold my mother. However, Master Eight Spears often said that in these years, there are many soldiers and horses, and hunger is everywhere, and it is the best thing in the world to be able to eat egg cakes, so my name is blessed.

That year, in the second year of Jingkang, Kaifeng, the capital of the Great Song Dynasty, was broken by Jin soldiers. Huizong and Qinzong were both captured, which became a great shame for the Han people in the world.

Later, the twenty-one-year-old King Kang, the ninth son of Huizong, Zhao Gou, was proclaimed emperor in Yingtianfu and changed his name to Jianyan. This is the famous Emperor Gaozong of the Great Song Dynasty in later generations.

Soon, the news of Gaozong's establishment spread all over the north and south of the river, and for a time the whole country was jubilant, and the large and small sects on the rivers and lakes ran to Yingtian, vowing to share the same hatred with the imperial court and jointly resist Dajin, in order to avenge the revenge of "Jingkang" and protect the rivers and mountains of the Great Song Dynasty.

However, these beautiful visions were soon crushed by the iron horses of the Dajin Kingdom. Just when the whole country was looking forward to Emperor Gaozong going north, regaining the lost territory in one fell swoop, and opening the capital. Emperor Gaozong suddenly summoned and said that the Jingshi could not return and wanted to inspect the southeast.

There was a sudden scolding on the rivers and lakes.

In the second year of Jianyan, Dajin Guotie rode south and hit outside Yangzhou. Emperor Gaozong had already fled at this time, crossing the Yangtze River from Zhenjiang and heading south.

The five major sects of the rivers and lakes, Shaolin, Taishan, Huashan, Beiming, and Donghai, were unwilling to give up the great rivers and mountains, and led more than 1,000 disciples to prepare to meet the Dajin Iron Cavalry in Yangzhou.

When the black pressure army surrounded Yangzhou, the five major sects were dumbfounded for a moment. Even if the martial arts are outstanding, they can't withstand the unison of thousands of arrows and the thunderbolt of the bow. More than a thousand disciples of the Five Great Sects were shot into a sieve before the sword was unsheathed.

In the eighth year of Shaoxing, Gaozong summoned and moved the capital to Lin'an. I was 12 years old, my eldest brother was 14 years old, my second brother was 13 years old, and my fourth brother was 11 years old.

The revenge of killing the teacher is not shared. At first, the four of us brothers were imprisoned in the dungeon of Lingfeng Village in Yandang Mountain, looking at the thief who killed the master, gritting our teeth with hatred, and weeping bitterly for the master of the eight spears for two whole days.

Two days later, we were starving. Ma Weijin, the owner of Lingfeng Village, sent us a piece of meat, which was roasted to the outside and tender on the inside, not to mention how fragrant the smell was, just the oil flowers that came out between the skin and flesh made the four of us drool more than tears.

If you say, a piece of meat is not enough for us to let go of our master's hatred. Then two, three, every day, and over time, the lard covered our hearts and lungs, and the four of us became bandits.

Ma Weijin asked me what my name was.

I said, my name is Ji Danbing.

Ma Weijin laughed and said that he liked my name very much, so he asked me to be his personal bodyguard. He said that he was a guard, and he was the first to wait for him to eat, dress, wash his feet, etc., and sometimes he snatched a few girls from the village down the mountain, and often asked me to take care of them.

When the brothers in the village saw the girl snatched by the owner of the village, their eyes lit up, and they couldn't close their mouths when their saliva wet the gowns on their chests. At that time, I was too young to know what was going on. Every time Ma Weijin claimed to interrogate a girl alone, there would always be a strange cry of "oops" coming from his room.

Every time I heard Ma Weijin interrogate the girl, I was very scared. Standing in the doorway, listening to the heart-rending shouts at the door, I thought he had used the most cruel punishment on the girls. The girls were terrified at first, looking for death, but in the end, they scrambled to be the first to be arraigned.

Once, a girl who had not been tried for a long time took off her clothes in front of me, and said that if I gave her a few kind words to the owner of the village, she would grant me all my requests.

At that time, I was young and ignorant, and when I saw the woman looking at me pitifully, her eyes were full of tears, and I was moved by compassion for a while. Under her guidance, I fell into the green porot, like a spring breeze.

After that, the girl stopped clamoring for the owner. But in the dead of night, they will meet me. I couldn't resist her, so I came every night as scheduled, and went to Zhou Gong with her.

Once, I asked her what her name was?

She said, "My name is Zhao Xiao'e. ”

I said, "Your name is so nice." ”

She smiled, buried her head in my chest, rubbed my shoulder with one hand, almost rubbed the next layer, and said, "Your name is more interesting." ”

For some reason, a wave of anger suddenly arose in my heart, and her originally warm and jade skin became disgusting like rotten flesh in my eyes, which made me sick.

I haven't looked for her since.

Four months later, Zhao Xiao'e died in her room. She hung herself on the ridge of the roof with a white silk, and when she was found, it was really a mess of rotten flesh, and the smell of corpses was unbearable. Many people carried her and buried her in a corner of the barren mountain.

At night, I sneaked to her grave while no one was noticing. She was buried shallowly and casually, one hand still cocked out of the dirt, fists clenched as if she were holding something.

I pried her fist open, and a small piece of blackened egg cake slipped from her palm. I was so scared that I broke out in a cold sweat, but luckily no one else found out. In my mind, many images flashed staggered, and suddenly my nose was sore, and a tear flowed from my eye.

The first woman in my life is gone.

Two years later, our brother from the cottage robbed the government of the silver. Officers and soldiers surrounded us. That night, rockets rained down on the cottage, and the fire burned for three days and three nights, and the sound of hissing was endless, and the small cottage was as terrifying as hell on earth.

The brothers of Lingfeng Village suffered heavy casualties, and the brothers who survived also scattered and fled.

That year, my three brothers and I were separated and never heard from them again.

Escaping from Yandang Mountain, I looked back at the ups and downs of the mountains, my heart was confused, looking at the Canglang Avenue, stretching for thousands of miles and not knowing where to go.

Since then, life and death are unknown, and the future is uncertain.