In July, he returned to Chang'an.

The war and carnage of the past month was full of tension and blood, and I almost forgot about the emperor. When I saw the outline of Chang'an City from afar, I suddenly realized that the years ahead may not be as easy as I imagined.

The vast grassland scenery made me feel a lot stranger to the high city and deep pond of Chang'an. Even more unfamiliar was my mood.

"Chang'an, is it a hotel or a home for me?"

At the city gate, the dark red imperial flag representing the majesty of the Son of Heaven flutters high, its Chinese cars are covered with red covers, iron horses are lined up, the halberds are forested, and the armor is distinct, which is the emperor's guard of honor.

I was apprehensive, and I felt a kind of pressure with such a big fanfare.

Yan Qixing in the carriage also seemed to feel abnormal, lifted the curtain to take a look, and immediately ordered to stop.

So the dismount dismounted, the dismounted, and Yan Qixing, as the chief and deputy envoys of the Xiongnu, met the emperor one after the other under the guidance of Lu Guang.

After the ceremony, Yan Qixing briefly reported on his work, I stood beside Wei Qing with my head down and silently, and Wei Qing whispered: "It's dark, it's thin, it's hard." I smiled gratefully at his concern.

Looking at the emperor's face, I saw that he was full of spirit, his spirit was flying, and he had a gentle smile on his face, so normal that he didn't have to say anything.

On the way, the words that Lu Guang said to me suddenly sounded in my ears......

"The Han army who came back reported that after the death of the military minister Shan Yu, Lord Yan had asked Lord Liu to come back first, but you had to stay in the Xiongnu whether you lived or died. Later, Prince Yu Shan, General Li Guang, and General Cheng Buzhi all wrote to Your Majesty, telling you how you charged into battle like a man on the battlefield, and how you took people to the desert to find people for a few days and nights after Lord Yan disappeared. Lord Liu, I don't understand this, this chivalrous and courageous, and it is good to put love and righteousness on men, but you are a woman's family, what kind of life and death, what kind of affection is important?"

Lu Guang's words were clearly in his words, and he reminded me in a roundabout way.

The shattering of Hetian jade will cause many crises, the most serious of which is the emotional crisis. can't go back home, and his love for Xiao Jian is tantamount to a bubble. Thoughts and memories constituted my spiritual pillar in the past, but now this pillar suddenly collapsed, and my heart was as empty as something, and I always felt weak and powerless in midnight dreams, and my heart was extremely sad. The emperor's heart for me, my heart for Yan Qixing, everything has become unimportant, I don't want to face it, I don't want to think about it.

But now when I return to Chang'an, the first thing I have to face is the emperor.

"When we get the Hetian jade back, you and I will have to make a decision. ”

The jade is broken, and some things still have to be decided.

I was absentmindedly standing aside thinking about my thoughts, and suddenly heard Lu Guang calling someone, and raised my head blankly "uh", Lu Guang said reproachfully: "Lord Liu, Your Majesty is calling you." ”

I turned my head to look at Emperor Wu in a daze, perhaps it was the appearance of his soul that made him think, and there was a hint of melancholy in his eyes.

I hurriedly stepped forward to salute: "I'm sorry Your Majesty, I ...... just now Well, iQue is too empty, and I've been a little tired lately, so I'm not so focused. ”

The emperor nodded: "I know, Hetian jade is broken, and the saddest thing is Liu Qing, let's go back to the house to rest first." Zhong Qing, send Liu Qing back. ”

"Yes. "I bowed respectfully, and I was so touched by his thoughtfulness that I really needed time to catch my breath.

Glancing at Yan Qixing, he bowed slightly at me, so he pulled the horse and walked to the city gate, Wei Qing first looked at the sweaty BMW, and asked in surprise: "This horse is such a miracle horse, where did you get Liu Dan?"

I lazily climbed on my horse and said to him, "I'm in a bad mood and don't want to talk, so I'll talk about it another day." With that, the horse ran briskly on the streets of Chang'an City, and after a while, Wei Qing was left behind.

For three days, I stayed alone in the bedroom, the door did not go out of the two doors, and it was strange, no one came to disturb me, the people in the house seemed to have been taken care of, except for grooming and eating, I was not ordered to even see a person, and the strangest thing was that even Xiao Huo did not show up.

But it's okay to be sad alone in a sad mood and mourn alone.

Looking at the portrait of Xiao Jian in the room, I felt that the bits and pieces between him seemed to be from the last century, and his eyebrows and expression were still so clear. Those dull memories of childhood, those unspoken feelings after encountering again, were taken out over and over again to read, recall, and taste.

Ask yourself, Yan Qixing does make me tempted, he has a kind of ability that people can rely on, but this does not mean that he can erase his heart for Xiao Jian.

It is not impossible to love a man and be attracted to another man at the same time, it just depends on who the object is.

Liu Dan, admit it, it turns out that you are just an ordinary woman, and your feelings will be fragile and wavering.

However, I have loved Xiao Jian and really loved him, although there is inferiority complex and concealment in front of him, but that sincere heart has made me so sweet and longing. Because of my love for him, my life has become no longer lonely, the ugliness and darkness of the world have quietly faded, the sun and rainbows often appear in my eyes, I have begun to live with purpose and hope, although there are diseases and sorrows, there are difficulties in life, but it is the best time of my life.

Maybe in the future, I will marry another man, and he will marry another woman, but those innocent years will become the most precious memories, like the poplar tree, forever.

Take down the portrait of Xiao Jian and look at it one by one: the contemplative Xiao Jian, the smiling Xiao Jian, the melancholy Xiao Jian, the naughty Xiao Jian, the brilliant Xiao Jian, the memories of each scene are like a movie, leaving the last image in the brain...... Then put it in the bottom of your heart and lock it!

Goodbye, Xiao Jian!

Goodbye, dream home!

In the early morning of the fourth day back to Chang'an, I pushed open the bedroom door and saw a face that I hadn't seen for a long time.

"Xiao Huo?" ran over in surprise, picked him up and spun him around. "Stinky boy, I haven't seen you for a month, and I've grown taller and heavier. ”

Xiao Huo was blushed by my affectionate performance, and struggled to shout, "Master! Master! Alas, men and women can't kiss each other." ”

Rubbing his hair maliciously, I said angrily: "What kind of men and women don't kiss? I am your master! Tell me, which bastard teacher taught me? It is clearly poisoning our little Huo's young heart." ”

"It's me, the bastard teacher, who taught me. A familiar voice sounded, it was Wei Qing, who turned from the corner gate with a smile.

I straightened my face and said: "I know it's you, why can't you teach him this kind of pedantic truth? Feudal etiquette is the most harmful, don't use the Confucian system to Xiao Huo in the future, so as not to teach bad children." ”

Xiao Huo hurriedly said: "Master, Master, don't quarrel with your uncle first, Your Majesty has an order, saying that Master needs to rest and we are not allowed to visit, and the apprentice is dying at home, I heard that you have gained a lot from your envoy to the Huns this time, tell me about it." ”

This child is three sentences that do not depart from his nature.

I smiled bitterly and said, "What is the gain, it should be said that it is a loss." And it's a huge loss...... But if you want to say that there is a harvest, you kid should really thank me. ”

Xiao Huo's eyes widened: "What is the harvest? Is it related to the apprentice?"

"Yes, it's not just related, it's a fatal relationship. ”

What I said was naturally the Bank of China, although the Huns had a lot of trouble on this trip, in addition to Xiao Huo's future troubles, I, as a master, were finally comforted. So I added fuel and vinegar to what I said in the middle of the killing, my eloquence is good, and a story is told very eloquently, Xiao Huo and Wei Qing both listened to it with relish, and they were fascinated.

"It's wonderful. Xiao Huo stroked his palms and shouted, and suddenly lowered his head and said in frustration: "It's a pity that I'm not here." But Master, the apprentice still hasn't heard what this BOC says has to do with me?"

Knocking on his head, I said: "It's really stupid, I can't even think of such a simple truth? Don't you want to destroy the Huns? The Bank of China said that he knows the situation of our dynasty very well, and he is insidious, cunning and resourceful, and he is left in the enemy camp, knowing both the enemy and the enemy, and if you can't think of an idea one day, it will kill you. And you ......" I pointed at Wei Qing, "you will also lead the troops in the future, anyway, how can you thank me?"

Wei Qing looked at me thoughtfully, and suddenly said: "I can't imagine that Liu Dan, who has always refused to kill, will actually kill when he arrives in the Huns." ”

When he said that my heart was sick, his face sank, and his heart was half cold, and he suddenly felt that those so-called "heroic deeds" had no meaning. After a long time, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders and said sullenly: "In short, the world is impermanent, there is no principle in the face of fate, and there is no eternity in the face of time." This is probably called development and change. ”

Xiao Huo would look at his face, and when he saw that I was unhappy, he hurriedly stepped forward and took my hand, changed the topic and said, "Master, my uncle said that you have a new horse, which is very good, take me to see it." ”

mentioned that Ma Weiqing also came to the spirit, so he came to the stable. The sweaty horse is grazing, the shiny mane is smooth and smooth, and the sun is shining obliquely on it, as if covered with a layer of red light. When he saw me, the horse neighed in greeting, and then twisted his head haughtily, and went to eat its grass, ignoring the big and the small.

Xiao Huo's eyes widened with excitement, and he asked again and again: "Master, Master, where does this horse come from?"

I told him that this was a bloody BMW, and Xiao Huo and Wei Qing both gasped and were extremely envious. Wei Qing said: "It is said that the sweat and blood horse is rare in the world's first horse, Liu Dan, you are very lucky to have this good horse." ”

Xiao Huo wanted to step forward and get close, but the horse made a "whining" sound to warn him. Xiao Huo was so anxious that he was rubbing his hands beside him, but he didn't dare to approach. I took out a few pieces of candy and handed them to him, saying, "If you want to take it, you must first give it to you." This horse is a glutton, I bought it with a few pieces of candy, you can try it too. ”

Xiao Huo was overjoyed, took the candy and mustered up his courage, and sent it to the horse's mouth, the horse smelled the aroma, looked at Xiao Huo, and really ate it unceremoniously, Xiao Huo was so happy that he almost jumped up, so soon, one horse and one person became good friends.

"What's its name?" Xiao Huo asked me with a blushing face.

I thought about it for a moment and shook my head: "No name, no name." ”

Xiao Huo said: "If you can go to the battlefield in the future, this horse will definitely champion the three armies, Master, just call it the champion, okay?"

I raised my eyebrows lightly, and I knew what the hell this kid was up to as soon as I heard it.

"Okay, let's call it a champion. I laughed. "It would be even more perfect to match it with the master of the three armies of the brave crown, Xiao Huo?"

Xiao Huo smiled "hehe" and didn't speak, his eyes were full of pleading.

I didn't hang his appetite either, and said with a smile: "Okay, the champion horse and the champion Hou, that can be regarded as a match made in heaven." I've sent you. ”

"Ah?!Thank you, Master!" Xiao Huo was so excited that he got carried away, knelt down and kowtowed three times in a row, turned his head to look at his horse, and shouted "Champion, Champion".

Wei Qing pointed at me: "You, you are eccentric." Such a good horse to send a child?"

I squinted my eyes and smiled: "It's okay not to be partial, who told you not to be my apprentice?" haha!"

Wei Qing was stunned, and said dejectedly: "I knew this was the case, why don't I worship you as a teacher?" After thinking about it, he asked: "Just now you said that the champion horse is worthy of the champion Hou, what does that mean?"

I raised my hand to touch my beard and felt empty, and then I remembered that the fake beard was gone, and said mysteriously: "I, I have front and back eyes, and I look at it for 500 years and look at it for 500 years." Ten years later, Xiao Huo will be crowned the Marquis, the champion Hou!"

Wei Qing naturally didn't believe it, but just laughed.

"Liu Dan, when you return from this mission, you seem to be a little different. Wei Qing Zhengse said. "In the past, you were quite high-flying, but now although the surface is the same, but in the end there is less brightness, more heaviness, and even the smile is different from before. ”

I patted Wei Qing on the shoulder, speechless.

He asked again: "Now that Hetian jade is broken, what are your plans for the future?"

I lowered my eyelids and shook my head and said, "No, I haven't thought about it yet." ”

Wei Qing hesitated for a moment, and said resolutely: "You go into the palace." ”

I looked up and was extremely shocked: "Entering the palace?

Wei Qing said: "Don't worry, listen to me, Your Majesty does have affection for you, if you enter the palace, even if you can't be a queen, you must be a lady, and Your Majesty likes you so much...... Alas, in short, it must not be wrong to marry him. ”

I snorted and didn't speak.

Wei Qing said: "Now that everyone inside and outside the DPRK knows that Your Majesty is interested in you, who in the whole world dares to marry you?

I was silent, and in fact I've been thinking about it a lot these days.

After all, Liu Che is the emperor of the emperor, and it is simply unimaginable for him to repeatedly show his love. Although I can still tolerate it at the moment, I know what the consequences will be once the bottom line is crossed.

But I really don't want to enter the palace, except for the love factor, the important thing is that I know that I can't adapt to the life of the palace, and I stay in the deep palace every day to wait for my husband, and I can't wait for it, I can't live a day at all. And I also know that I can't enter the palace, because there is Empress Wei and Mrs. Li in the history books, but there is no Mrs. Liu, Liu Meiren or Liu Jieyu. If I enter the palace, Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty will never give me a lower level title such as "Eighth Son" and "Seventh Son".

I can't think about Yan Qixing, Wei Qing is right, with the emperor's favor, who eats the bear's heart and the leopard dares to marry me, even if he dares, do I dare?

So I only have two ways: either I go to the palace and live a life of deceitful invitations and favors, or I will never marry, as Wei Qing said, and I will die alone.

I choose the latter. Although lonely, there is freedom. I love freedom, especially the freedom of the heart, above all else.

"Don't talk about it again. I waved my hand tiredly, "The killing ring is broken, and the person has changed, but this is the only one that will never change, you can't live in the palace, and you can't die in hell." ”

Wei Qing closed his mouth, and from then on, he really never mentioned the matter of entering the palace again.

In the evening of the same day, Princess Pingyang held a banquet, one to welcome Prince Shan, and the other to wash the dust of the two envoys to the Huns.

Yan Qixing didn't come.

I was still dressed in a simple official uniform, sitting next to the princess, and Wei Qing was by my side.

Singing and dancing in front of the court, the silk strings are tactful, the banquet is staggered, the laughter is noisy, I laughed heartily, and told the princess about the interesting things about the Huns (in fact, there are no interesting things, there are many things that add to the blockage, but I must make up some interesting things to say, otherwise how should I stay up this night?), talk about the recent situation of Princess Nangong.

My smile may have been a little too much, which made Wei Qing look at me a few more times.

Yu Shan, the upstart who was enshrined in Anhou, sat on the right side of the princess and was toasted by a group of female dependents. I heard that Emperor Wu of the Han Dynasty loved this nephew very much, and every time he saw him, he would be called "my son", and his relatives were not even as noble as Princess Wei Chang, no wonder everyone looked at this Xiongnu prince who was defeated in the Han Dynasty.

Princess Nangong, who is far away in the Huns, should be at ease.

I drank silently, and an indescribable melancholy filled my soul. After a while, Yu Shan came to me, his face was red, and he said to me with a wine cup in his hand: "Lord Liu, when I was in the Huns, I never thought that Lord Liu was a woman. ”

I picked up the wine bottle and smiled politely: "Master Hou is polite." "Drink it all.

Yu Shan was informal, sat down beside me, squeezed Wei Qing to the side, and said, "It's a pity that Lord Yan can't come because of his injury, otherwise he will have three hundred cups with him." ”

My heart moved, and I asked, "Isn't his injury almost healed?"

Taking advantage of the wine, Yu Shan said: "Where, my uncle said that he was not lightly injured, and asked him to raise him in the house, and gave an order that he was not allowed to leave the house during the period of recuperation, and no one was allowed to disturb him. I wanted to see him, but I was kept out of the house. ”

This is the reason why Yan Qixing did not come to the banquet.

I smiled bitterly, this Liu Che is really sensitive and suspicious. In contrast, he was much more polite to me, only grounded for three days.

But what does he mean by that?

In the past few days, I deliberately did not go to visit Yan Qixing, just to avoid suspicion in front of Emperor Wu, for fear of causing trouble for Yan Qixing, and now it seems that this Yan Mansion really can't go away, lest it be too deliberate and suspicious.

After glancing at Yu Dan, I remembered something and asked tentatively: "Master Hou, on the day of your ascension to the throne, you threatened to lead the Huns to sweep the Han Dynasty, didn't the princess reproach you for this?"

Yu Dan was obviously drunk, and said with a smoky drink: "Hey, that's an expedient measure, how can my mother reproach me? That day, King Zuo Xian promised to respect me as the king of the Huns, on the condition that he would not be close to Han. There is also the guy who chased the king of the day, I don't know where to see the flaw, recognized you as a Han envoy, and forced me to kill you, but fortunately I lied to him and said that when the rebellion is settled, I will kill you to avenge your father, otherwise you will die in the royal court at that time. ”

I see!

I smiled bitterly and had to sigh that it was hard to disobey God's will.

History could have changed, but because of my mistakes, it came back to its place. Therefore, history is immutable after all. Although the military minister Shan Yu died a few years early, although Yu Shan ascended the throne as the king of the Xiongnu, he still fell short in the end.

And God also kills two birds with one stone, straightens the history that was almost messed up, and gives me a big punishment by the way.

I raised my glass to the sky and drank it.

I raised my glass to the sky and drank another glass.

Wei Qing looked at me, his eyes full of worry.

"Hey, don't worry, this little drink won't kill me. "I showed him the empty lamp.

Somebody came to toast and drink, and somebody came and drank again, and whoever came, I laughed and drank with him. Because I don't know what else I can do other than drink.

Okay, just get drunk and relieve a thousand sorrows.

The sheng song is gone, and the night is quiet.

Thanking the princess for her kindness, I staggered out of Pingyang Mansion, and Wei Qing silently supported me.

I recited the poem figuratively: "The bun is loose and loose, the lead is lightly made up, the red smoke and green fog cover is light, and the flying floc is uncertain." If you don't see each other, you always seem to be ruthless, after the sheng song is dispersed, the wine wakes up slightly, and the moon in the deep courtyard is quiet. ”

"Ah, what a big moon. "I pointed to the sky. "Is it the Mid-Autumn Festival today? Why is the moon so round?"

Wei Qing said in a muffled voice: "Today, on the first day of the eighth month, where did the moon come from?"

"There really is a moon, but you can't see it. "I was burping, my vision was blurry, but I spoke very fluently. "The moon in my heart, big, round, and beautiful, can show me the way home......"

I stopped suddenly, turned my head to look at Wei Qing seriously, and said seriously, "Wei Qing, I want to go home." ”

Wei Qing said, "Okay, I'll send you home." ”

I stubbornly said, "It's not a house, it's home, I want to go home." My home in Beijing, no, my home is not in Beijing...... It's not in Dalian, by the way, it's Harbin, I'm from Harbin. The moon is so round, the snow is so big in winter, the ice sculptures are so beautiful, and my home is there. ”

I raised my hand to the sky and sang: "My home is on the Songhua River in Northeast China, where there are soybean sorghum all over the mountains...... Ninety-one-eight, ninety-one-eight, from that miserable time, out of my hometown, wandering, wandering, wandering all day in the pass, wandering, wandering, which year, which month......"

I slid out of his support and crouched on the ground with my hands on my knees, my chest heaving violently, my body twitching, tears dripping silently on the ground.

"What should I do? Wei Qing, what should I do?" I buried my face in the crook of my arm, tears quickly wetting my sleeves.

I felt that Wei Qing reached out to hug my body, I didn't move, let him hold it, his arms were generous and warm, much like Yan Qixing......

"You can do whatever you want. He said.

I felt so tired, sleepy, and wanted to sleep.

"I'm drunk and sleepy, go ......," I muttered, literally asleep.