The weather in April is already very hot, and there is always a cool and faint smell of sweat when the breeze blows from the door to the face. I wasn't a good student, never have been, and no good student has a score as low as mine. I'm not a bad student either, I'm obedient and obedient to all the teacher's arrangements. The saddest thing in the world is moderation, and what is even saddest is that people who are moderate never feel moderation. I don't know when I always woke up in the middle of my lunch break, when my mind was still wandering between dreams and reality, and my body was temporarily out of reason. Looking at the room full of classmates, my mind went blank. Leaning against the wall weakly, he began to subconsciously repeat a sentence in his heart: What is what······ Until now, I don't understand what "what" is, and I wonder why I am the way I do.

Looking through the window, the sky outside was taller and bluer. During the lunch break, the campus was somewhat quiet, and occasionally one or two lazy students slowly walked past the playground of the University and disappeared into a corner. The air outside the classroom was very fresh, and the wind was softer, and I felt a lot more relaxed when I watched the four seasons on both sides of the avenue swaying slightly. I still like to look at the sky in a daze, I always feel that it is the freedom of the eyes, but the sky is always just the sky, and I can no longer hold the fairy tale in my heart. "It's a sad thing to grow up" I often think that there is no reason or I don't want a reason at all, and we get a lot out of the way we grow up, and the reason why we feel this way is because we lose a lot, and it's not a blessing, at least for me a lot of the time.

School is a cage, and we learn the freedom of thought in this imprisoned place, which is somewhat funny and helpless, but it seems to be what we have to do, this is our way out, the only way out, and the way out is that we make the rules, learn the rules, and then adapt to the bigger rules. I often wonder when our rules will be broken, and I also understand that it is impossible, because the rules are the world, and the world includes us.

This city is also a cage, one of the many cages larger than the school, there are more people in this cage and more different "freedom", the only thing to be thankful for is that there is a larger green space in this cage, although it is not pure natural, it is still quiet and fragrant, every time I lie on it, my eyes will be involuntarily closed, smelling the flowers, touching the grass, my mind is blank, but my heart is quiet.

I'm glad I was able to find this kind of holy place, so I come out from time to time to cool my heart. Some people say that people nowadays are very irritable because they can't handle the stress of life well. There are more people who are happier than our students, and they don't need to face the society directly. I understand the people who say this, although many of them have come from their school days, and only the ones who are "facing it now" are right, so they are right because they don't understand.

I met Shen Jing on this meadow. That time I was lying on the grass as usual, closing my eyes, all kinds of fragments jumping in my mind, just as I was about to fall asleep, I heard someone say, "Sleep here?" Although I only vaguely heard that my sleepiness disappeared immediately, I opened my eyes to find Shen Jing standing next to me, with an innocent smile on his face. I couldn't help but be stunned for a moment, thinking that I must have seen this kind of smile there. Shen Jing saw that I didn't react, so she bent down and looked into my eyes and said, "I'll catch a cold when I sleep here." "It's still a clean smile, it still feels familiar, and I still can't remember where I've seen it.

I sat up and didn't speak, just smiled at her subconsciously. Shen Jing is a very good student, she has never lost the title of the first in the school, she is also very beautiful, and she is the crush of many boys, but I know that I have nothing to do with me, and I think it should have nothing to do with Shen Jing. The vigor and youthful vigor of our age are all contributed to the thick books and a not-so-large number: 750. In all the contributions, we should be relatively large, our energy is limited, our freedom is more limited, so we are always doing the "right" thing. Shen Jing also sat down, in fact, Shen Jing and I have been classmates for two years, but like all obedient students, Shen Jing's friendship with classmates is pitiful, plus his grades are outstanding, and others' friendship with him is also greatly discounted, so students like me, especially boys, Shen Jing can only be a hurried passerby, and he is the kind of person who disappears in front of the window.

"How do you have time to come out?"

This sentence popped up on its own. Every day I hear Shen Jing's name, both from the teachers and from the students. All the teachers in our class like Shen Jing, this is inevitable, for them Shen Jing is their harvest, and it will be a rare big harvest, although failure is the mother of success, but we are often an unfilial person, the same teacher also seems to be willing to transform filial piety into love, and quite the more the better, and with practical actions to prove: eggs in a basket more certain. Students also like Shen Jing very much, here is not as unified as the teacher's feelings, and there are several for no reason: for boys, a few are envious of her grades, and for girls, most of them are "super envious" of her favor, of course, there are a few people who are envious of the standard.

Shen Jing's expression was obviously melancholy, and for a moment it was covered by that smile.

"Come out and breathe"

Everyone has their own troubles, which seem to be unavoidable, whether it is cold or inactive, our hearts are always known only to us. I sat quietly with Shen for a long time that day, mostly in silence, and I saw a trace of sadness in her eyes more than once, I didn't know what it was, and I didn't know how it felt. When she came back, Shen Jing said that this place is really good, rare and clean, every time she goes to this place, her heart is very peaceful, it is a feeling that has disappeared for a long time. I nodded slightly, thinking that many things were actually the same.

As usual, the classroom was filled with the rustle of ballpoint pens on paper, and sometimes there was a light cough and yawn. Everyone is working hard, and all they see is a head top, and sometimes a head suddenly pops up, most of them are a pair of red eyes and lifeless slightly pale faces under thick glasses, so the school is rarely daring to enter during the evening self-study, especially in the classroom of the third year of high school, no one can withstand the sluggish head behind the book mountain.

I'm working hard like everyone else, unlike them, they work hard to get things done, and I'm troublesome, except for my Chinese teacher, who is a little skeptical, all the other teachers are very resolute, especially my math teacher, the old master, in fact, our math teacher is not old, only in his thirties, fat and short, he always wears a round thick glasses, and adds a fat and slightly "innocent" face, just like a big sweet potato version of the old master. He once said very seriously that if I work hard, I still have a seventy or eighty percent chance of being admitted to a good school, but if I am still like this, the chance of passing the test will be pitiful, and the leakage will undoubtedly expose the nature of the math teacher.

I said that I was a very obedient student, so the "troubles" I was engaged in were gradually replaced by "serious things", but unfortunately it never disappeared completely, and I was still secretly working in fear in the evening self-study that the teacher could not see.

My tablemate Wang Ming is a complete "bad student, good person", saying that he is a bad student because his grades are always at the bottom, and this evidence has led all teachers and most students to come to the above conclusion. And he is a good guy because he has never committed any of the actions of a student who has been expelled, not even a sign of it, which is why most people think so.

I think he's a good guy, and the reason is more reasonable: we have the same hobbies, I write messy articles when I'm bored, and when he has nothing to do, he holds a thick book and reads hard, he reads quite a wide range of books, from fairy tales to popular science, so he always knows a little bit about heaven and earth. Of course, these books are all classified as fee books by the teacher without exception, Wang Ming doesn't care, he always says that young people have to do something they like, and over time the teacher doesn't care, the reason is very simple, because Wang Ming is a bad student, Wang Ming came to the conclusion that "no matter what we do, we can only follow others." I couldn't help but shake my head and sigh, I don't know if Wang Ming is pretending, and there is a faint pain in my heart.

Wang Ming doesn't like Shen Jing, he said that children who can read are happy, and people who are forced to do things that they are not interested in are really painful, he has some sympathy for Shen Jing, I still don't know if he pretended to be this sentence, but his mind was blank for a while. Wang Ming stuffed a note: Write the first one for me to read. Writing a note is a very common thing in our class, and it was forced by the old master. He once made a rule: no talking during self-study, and no third person is allowed to hear what he says, otherwise he will be severely criticized once he is caught. The reason is not to affect the learning of those who want to learn, he not only made the rules but also implemented them very strictly, which made us startled, and we collectively began to seal up.

But the math teacher should not understand the truth that the mouth of the people is more important than the defense of Sichuan, it turns out that the old master does not have this need at all, the reason why King Zhou You wants to defend is because his power has not been well played, and the hegemony of the old master is very strong, since the suppression, no one dares to commit it, it can be seen that in many cases power and violence can always be combined to better criminalize. Old Master's measure did not fundamentally solve the problem: everyone always wanted to talk and always wanted to speak. Now that the power to "speak" has been stripped away, only "words" remain.

Another fact proves that where there is oppression, there is resistance, and the wisdom of the people is unlimited, so someone came up with the method of writing notes, and this idea immediately swept the class, but in order not to be killed by the teacher, many notes were secretly carried out in private, so it went smoothly. Some people have also said that we use the methods we did in elementary school against high school teachers, and they are very successful, so are we more powerful in elementary school? Or are high school teachers more stupid? This question can only stay at the level of questions, because no matter what the answer is, we will inevitably be depressed, so we choose to bypass the difficulties, but we don't understand that this is from that teacher.