That year, he saw her for the first time, and the first time he saw her, he only felt that the heavens and the earth were about to melt, and it was his heart that melted first.

Luckily, he was in the same school as her, and every time he saw her, his heart always beat faster, and the corners of his mouth inadvertently showed a sweet smile, which made him feel sweet and made him feel bitter, this feeling appeared for the first time in his life, and he didn't understand what it was like anymore.

Is this feeling love?

He asked himself this more than once, but again and again he denied himself, because he felt that he didn't know what love was, because he was only 16 years old that year.

When he sleeps at night, he always holds his soft pillow, as if he is holding the person in his heart, he always feels guilty about doing this, but he can't let it go, sometimes, the habit may be formed like this.

When the lunch break, other classmates went to the playground to play, but she used to chat in the classroom, for her, he sacrificed all the lunch break, but he never regretted it, when he was itching to go out, he always unconsciously secretly glanced at her face, when he saw her lovely face, he never wanted to go out again, just wanted to be in the classroom, in the eyes of her a few more times.

But for some reason, whenever he saw her sweet smile, he would have a deep inferiority complex, that feeling went deep into the bone marrow, making him feel unprecedentedly uncomfortable, his appearance was average, his academic performance was not outstanding, and he almost did not have any achievements. And she, with excellent academic performance, is beautiful, and is so beautiful that people are intoxicated, at least in his heart.

Perhaps, he and she sometimes say a few words, make a few jokes, and he can talk eloquently in front of others no matter what the topic is, and he will always be a dumb person who can't hold back a word for a half a day in front of her.

This feeling made him secretly hate himself for being useless, but he was also helpless, because no matter how he tried to find a way, it had no effect at all, but became more serious, so he was always deliberately avoiding the opportunity to talk to her, which made him even more inferior.

He often felt ridiculous, he laughed at himself for being a fool, stupid and stupid. But no one cared.

That's it, he hasn't changed, and neither has she.

In the blink of an eye, it was time for the high school entrance examination, and his grades were very different from hers, and they could no longer go to the same high school.

She may never know how long he was sad about this, and after the sadness, it turned into a deep self-deprecation: What if he could still go to the same high school? Is it the same as now, to continue to be a stupid idiot?

Silly.

He is an idiot, he is an idiot, he is an idiot, he is an idiot, he is crazy......, he is crazy

These words, which were originally very well-known, were so appropriate to put on him at the moment, he felt a deep sadness, since he was a child, his heart has never been so tired, so tired that he wants to die like this, don't think about anything anymore, in his eyes, fleeting exhaustion, is heartbreak with a capital letter.

Time is the best medicine, in the blink of an eye, in September, he started his high school life, everything seems to be so natural, but he always feels that his vitality has lost something, as if he can't find it no matter how hard he tries to find it, his heart is empty, as if the most important thing in his heart has been stolen.

He didn't know when he had a headache, and when he got up, he had a high fever, which was very embarrassing. He didn't know what to do, and he bought a lot of medicine for his living expenses every month, and eating it could only be a temporary pain relief, not for a long time.

His headaches are getting more and more frequent, and he is taking more and more medicines, as if he thinks about her and never cares about his feelings, and he never looks at the side effects when he takes medicine.

Soon, his body collapsed, he spent half a month in the hospital, had to drop out of school and stayed at home, and may never be able to return to school in the future.

He is not sad, because he seems to have paralyzed this feeling, he only feels that there is nothing to do at home, a mobile phone, a computer, every day except for playing with the mobile phone is missing, endless missing, he is crazy to play with his mobile phone, just want to cure himself of this terminal disease called missing.

He's a boy, but I don't know why tears have become so worthless since I met her, every time he hears a sad love song, he always thinks of himself, his eyes become moist, and tears will flow out of his anger, and the more he flows, the more empty he becomes.

His hands seem to be quite good, so he wants to record all this, use his computer, and write a novel, in which the heroine is just a flash in the pan by the side of the hero, leaving the hero with the most beautiful memory, and then he will never find it again, just like he is now.

At the end of the book, he may write that the male protagonist meets the same old female protagonist again in his old age, but none of them will dislike anyone, just like an old friend talking to each other, talking about his colorful life, talking about his own stupidity, and talking about his life that lacks the most important thing. Because he hopes that his old age will be the same, and when he is 80 years old, he will tell her, who is also old and can't walk, that the feeling she felt more than 60 years ago is really love.

Once when he was a teenager, the phrase "I love you" was bound by the disgusting rules of the world, but he believes that by the time he is seventy or eighty, love will become more pure, and the old and somewhat trilled "I love you" will become more real.

I don't envy couples kissing on street corners, I only envy old people walking hand in hand.

The obsession in his life may become the belief he pursues in his life, and it will become an inexplicable certainty.

His life may be lonely, he is a seed of infatuation, he will always be the purest feelings for her, a faint foolish smile, laughing at the glitz and falling moonlight, laughing at the quietly passing flowers.

The three thousand threads of morning and twilight snow are nothing more than deep love and self-obsession. The most rare heart is like a warm jade, reflecting the neon sky and thousands of miles of sun.

He finally understood that there was a thought in the world that could not be described in words, rough and sad, beautiful and heartbroken. The echo of a thousand knots is white, and what awaits is persistence.

The thousand-year-old bell of the secluded ancient temple is all an idiot's dream.

On the contrary, I am willing to be an idiot for a lifetime and find a dream for a lifetime.

I just hope that hundreds of millions of reincarnations can make foolish dreams come true.

Finally, put pen to paper.

Everything is a bubble fantasy, and all this is only in my pen, because I know that my reality has absolutely no chance of being realized.

The last sentence was given to myself.

I laugh at myself. Stupid thoroughly, madly arrogant. Obsessed.