At night, the village of Baijia, nestled in a mountain col, falls into silence, with the occasional barking of dogs, and the sound echoes through the valley as if from a distant place.

Han Han's dunzi ate dinner, walked around the house, fidgeting, pestering his mother to come to Xiaobai's house next door, but saw that the door was closed, and the cold wind was blowing behind the house, and there was no rest.

In Bai Jianping's house in the village, a family of four sat together, Yang Yi held up her big belly, quietly glanced at Bai Zhiqiang, and saw that he looked serious, so she swallowed back the words brewing in her stomach and remained silent.

The atmosphere of the house was a little oppressive, the charcoal fire was burning in the brazier, the door was not closed, leaving a gap, and the night wind blew in, blowing charcoal sparks in all directions.

Bai Jianping blocked these sparks with his big hand, and said in a deep voice: "I agree with your mother's opinion." ”

Bai Zhiqiang's face changed, he didn't know what he was thinking, and he neither agreed nor disagreed.

But since there is no consent, it can be understood as a silent refusal. He said hello to his parents last year, and after Yang Yi had a big belly, he asked Ma Lanhua to come to Yancheng to help take care of him, but now, his mother decided to stay and take care of Teacher Jiang.

He got up in silence and went back to his room, closing the door behind him.

In the county hospital, Xiaobai sat on the edge of the bed, talking to his grandmother, and singing songs from time to time.

Boss Zhang said that she sings well, her confidence is getting stronger and stronger, and she likes singing more and more.

Zhang Si was peeling apples, grandma looked at him sideways, and suddenly asked, "Boss Zhang, how did you meet Xiaobai?"

Zhang sighed and said: "My family opened a late-night school park.,Take in children who don't have adults to take care of them at night.,Xiaobai is in this school park.。 ”

Xiao Bai laughed and said that the little red horse is so fun, there are a lot of melon babies, there is a cute mother lost millet, there is a confused storyteller Cheng Cheng who is particularly powerful, there is Hiahia who likes to giggle Xi'er, there is a naughty bag to cause trouble, and there is a nasty ghost Luo Zikang......

She counted the children in the Little Red Horse School Park, and said with relish, everyone can tell a little bit of fun.

Grandma asked a few more simple questions and finally said, "Thank you." ”

Zhang Si cut the peeled apple into six petals, put it on a plate, and handed it to grandma, "No thanks, I do what I can." ”

"It's hard for you these days, you and your girlfriend are good people. ”

Grandma gave the cut apple to Xiaobai, Xiaobai and Zhang Si were about to leave the peeled apple, marveling at how the apple peel could be connected into a string, and her eyes couldn't help but shine.

She looked at Xiaobai and said lovingly: "My Xiaobai is a good doll, she is fierce because of her lack of security......"

Zhang Si listened carefully, and after grandma finished speaking, she was silent for a moment and asked, "Can you help me call the nurse in?"

"Good. ”

Zhang Si got up and called the nurse, and the grandmother wanted to wipe her body.

The nurse prepared hot water and towels, Zhang Si closed the door, came to the corridor, answered Su Lan's phone call, and chatted with each other about the current situation.

After the phone call, the nurses came out with buckets and towels.

Grandma's voice came out, "Sigh, come in." ”

The room seemed empty, and Grandma sat up slightly, with two pillows under her head, and Xiaobai was combing her full silver hair.

"Goose goose goose~~ Look, uncle, Xiaobai is combing grandma's hair. ”

The little one was so happy, it used to be her grandmother who combed her hair, but now she can also comb her grandmother's hair.

"Grandma, do you want a watermelon head? The watermelon head is so broad~~"

She wanted to comb her grandmother's watermelon head, and her grandmother smiled and said yes.

Xiaobai laughed and became even more energetic, using his grandmother's silver hair as plasticine and dressing up at will.

She tossed her grandmother's silver hair for a while, and she couldn't comb her watermelon head, because she could only talk high, and finally simply tied it to the back of her head, sighing that she wanted to learn this strong point.

"What's wrong with the claws, a lot of hair. ”

Xiaobai found that a lot of hair had fallen out on the sheets, all of which had fallen when he had just combed his hair.

It is a natural phenomenon that when people get older, their hair starts to fall out.

Grandma smiled and said it didn't matter, she asked Xiaobai to tell her a story.

These days, Xiaobai volunteers to tell stories to her grandmother every night, no matter whether it is good or not, she enjoys it anyway.

"Grandma, what do you want to hear?"

In an instant, more than a dozen stories ran out of Xiaobai's head, and she wanted to tell them to her grandmother, a small mouth was not enough at all, if only there were two.

Grandma can say anything, as long as it is Xiaobai.

Xiaobai decided to talk about "I Want the Moon", and while listening to it, grandma tried to embroider Xiaobai's clothes that were two years older.

She could only lie flat, raise her head slightly, and embroider with difficulty, in order not to make mistakes, very slowly, very slowly, fortunately, there was not much left.

She spent a night embroidering a little cute tiger on Xiaobai's clothes and asked Xiaobai to wear it and try it on.

It's just two years older.

Xiaobai can fit sooner or later, as long as you wait.

It was late at night, and it rained lightly at night, and the temperature dropped a lot at once, getting colder and colder.

The nurse on duty came to check on the grandmother, and the air conditioner was turned up a little.

Zhang Si looked at his watch and wanted to take Xiaobai back to the hotel.

Xiaobai was reluctant to leave and wanted to stay here, but was persuaded by his grandmother to leave.

"Grandma, by~~~~"

"Goodbye, little white. ”

There was no one keeping vigil in the ward tonight, only the nurses on duty in the building.

The lights in the long, old hallway were dim, and in the hospital room, the lights on the ceiling were turned off, except for a night light at the door of the bathroom, and two night lights on the wall under the bed, close to the floor.

The light is dim, grandma is lying quietly on the hospital bed, her eyes are not closed, she has no sleep at the moment, her heart is surging, turbulent, and the pictures of life emerge one by one.

The rain outside the window first made a small noise, then became violent, angry, wrapped in the wind, blowing on the glass window, and then gradually became smaller, and became a trickle, if there is nothing, it tends to be calm, and finally returns to the way it came, the wind and rain are gone, and the night is quiet.

It's like life.

After a night rain, it should have been early in the morning, and there had been no footsteps in the corridor for a long time, so everyone had gone to sleep.

Grandma stretched out her hand from the quilt, there was an extra object in her hand, she pressed it, and the object lit up fluorescent, it was a mobile phone.

The old man's mobile phone that Xiaobai bought for her.

Her hands trembled, her phone didn't hold steady, and she fell on the bed.

When she picked it up again, her withered right hand was already stable, as if Xiaobai taught her to use her mobile phone a few days ago.

She turned on her phone's recording function, paused for a moment, and tried to organize the language.

In the homes of ordinary people, when a major event happens, it is as if a hole has leaked in the sky, torrential rain pours, and people and ships are overturned.

Grandma fell and never thought that it would lead to so many difficult choices and affect the lives and fates of so many people.

Everyone is making choices because of her wrestling, she sees it in her eyes, she is anxious in her heart, after so many days, she finally thinks it through and makes her own choice.

Her choice is not to bother others.

She is a kind and quiet person, she never wants to trouble people, she has persevered all her life, and she doesn't want to bring so much trouble to the people around her at a critical moment in her life.

Since the moment she fell, she suddenly realized that she was no longer an independent person, and she still stubbornly adhered to her personality, but in action, in body, she had lost her independence and autonomy, she had to use the money earned by her little granddaughter to treat her illness, and she couldn't even eat and go to the toilet by herself, how can this be called a human being.

She realizes that she has become a trouble, and she is least willing to trouble someone else.

From this moment on, a terrible thought came to my heart.

She thought of death.

The old man who died a few days ago gave her a glimpse of her future. If you are in pain, the people around you are also suffering.

According to the natural law of a person's life, she still has some time, but she does not want to lie on the hospital bed to survive, she wants to say goodbye to this world with dignity.

When I think about it, that terrible thought is not terrible. It is no longer hideous, desperate, and maddening, it exudes hope, like the smell of spring in the mountains and forests, with the revival of plants and the fragrance of earth.

For most of her life, she has always faced the sun and warmed her heart, even if her husband died, her son died, and her daughter-in-law died...... Life has given her one malicious joke after another, and she can persevere, still smiling, still hopeful, and still looking forward to tomorrow.

She has experienced a hundred battles, is full of holes, is an old bone, gentle and stubborn resistance, and is not afraid of any wind and rain.

Now, fate has lost patience with her and is full of malice to knock her down.

She wants to live her life decently, but she doesn't give it.

But she didn't resent it, and even wanted to thank it for giving her a malicious joke, not Xiaobai.

She took it all.

Fate was doomed to disappointment.

Because she did not seek death out of despair, she decided to run to death with hope, as if she were waiting for another great victory.

She is giving herself to fate, not being taken by force.

She hasn't lost in her life, and she can't lose decency in the end.

No one can knock her down unless she unloads herself, takes off her helmet, lays down her weapon, and disarms herself.

In her life, she was mostly pushed by fate, and in the last journey of her life, she had to make decisions for herself, choose a path, and go all the way.

In the quiet ward, my grandmother held the mobile phone in one hand, raised it to her lips, and said in a clear voice with all her strength: "I left last night, and my heart was like water when I left" (1)...... The only one who is not worried is Xiaobai...... But Xiaobai has you, I don't have anything to worry about......"

(1) This is the first sentence of the suicide note written by an 81-year-old man living alone in Nanjing before his death, the original sentence is "I left last night (the 15th day of the eighth month of the lunar calendar), and my heart was like water when I left......