When the question was discovered, Yang Han's face was not red and his heart was not beating, and he said eloquently: "The truth is the same, what Dad means is that if you want to learn to refuse, you must draw this bottom line clearly in your heart." ”

"However, I actually know my bottom line, but sometimes I still feel that I can't be too selfish. Like Pan Guanliang, they are all classmates in the class, and I have only been here for more than a week, if I have an unpleasant quarrel with him now, will it give people a very difficult feeling to get along with?" Yang Ruoyi said with some distress.

Originally, after she became a star, she was very worried that she couldn't get along with her classmates, and worried that her identity would keep everyone at a distance from her. She finally made everyone feel that she had no shelf, so that everyone could treat herself as an ordinary friend, and now if she does what her father said, will there be a situation that makes her worries come true?

"So in addition to being principled and having a bottom line, you must also have a correct mentality before refusing!" Although Yang Ruoyi was worried, her father's calm and confident attitude still made her let go of her anxiety and listen patiently.

Yang Han doesn't talk about it now, he still has to explain this question to his daughter rigorously: "What is the right mentality? The correct mentality is that you have to understand that everyone is responsible for their own actions and emotions, not for the actions and emotions of others!"

"Like you said, when you say no, you feel guilty about rejecting someone, and that's not the right state of mind. ”

"Another example, if someone borrows money from you, and you think he is unreliable, he may have borrowed money everywhere because of gambling debts, and lending him is equivalent to throwing money into a bottomless pit. So you don't lend it to him, and then he loses his temper because he can't borrow money, do you think it's your fault, or do you think that this person has a problem in the first place, and you should be glad that you recognized this person's nature earlier?"

Dad gave this example is actually very clear, Yang Ruoyi understood it, and she naturally replied: "It's not my fault, it's that this person has a problem with his ideas." ”

"Yes, in fact, the principle is the same, take your example to analyze, this classmate Pan is just a weakened version of the person who borrowed money that Dad said, if you don't want to give him a gift, and he gets angry and has an unpleasant relationship with you, do you still think it's your own fault?" Yang Han smiled.

Yang Ruoyi hesitated for a moment, first shook her head, but when she wanted to stop talking, her father spoke again.

"Dad knows what you want to say, and you still have a lot of concerns, worried that other classmates will have opinions. That's also the wrong mindset, because you still want to pay for other people's mistakes, or you want to give up your own principles in order to please others. Yang Han smiled, "But you should think about it, others may not have such opinions, everyone is a person with their own ideas, and they will not change their opinion of you because of a small gift, and they will not want to play with you because of Pan, Pan, who should not have such a big influence, right?"

"Of course, if you try to please others and make them form the idea that you should bring gifts to everyone, then everyone may really get a small advantage from you because of habits, and once you are not satisfied, they will feel that why have you changed? But you live for yourself, not for others, don't you?"

Dad's words made Yang Ruoyi fall into deep thought, she hadn't thought much about such a complex interpersonal relationship problem, so she could only ponder slowly.

After taking two bites of rice and reminding her daughter to eat vegetables, Yang Hancai continued, and said slowly: "You always think that you have to have the correct mentality that your father said, so that you can know how to say no clearly and firmly, but at the same time, flexibly." ”

"We have to make different coping strategies for different situations. ”

"For example, borrowing money and confessing just now, this kind of situation that touches your principles, you must refuse, and you must refuse it neatly, and you must not drag the mud and leave a little thought for others. You see, to give hope to others is to get yourself in trouble!"

"Hasn't there been a lot of news in the past few years that many boys have failed to confess, or who have been unconvinced after breaking up, and have brutally killed girls?" Yang Han said to her daughter with a somewhat solemn expression, "Dad told you this, not that it was the girl's fault that this situation occurred." Rather, we must stay away from these people with flawed personalities!"

Of course, Yang Ruoyi remembered that every time there was such news, her father would call her to watch it, which was very worrying, and she couldn't believe in love several times.

"If you know how to refuse, know how to keep your bottom line, and know how to refuse neatly, the more you can draw a line with these people who are prone to extreme ideas!"

"When you meet someone who loses your temper if you can't borrow money, or you have to stalk someone who can't confess, you don't need to consider their feelings at all, and you don't need to think about whether it will affect your friendship, you should be glad that you can see this person's character clearly as soon as possible, and be glad that you can not have such a friend earlier! The more you don't give them hope, the farther away they will be from you!"

"We don't have so many friends, as long as you are good enough, you don't have to worry about not having excellent people to be friends with you!"

Yang Ruoyi is in the rebellious period of youth, but after going to "The Birth of the Girl Group", her rebellious spirit has become much smaller, and after experiencing the cruelty of society, she also understands that her father is wholeheartedly, invisible and selfless to herself!

So, although she knew that her father was reminding her not to fall in love, she still didn't rush her eyes, but listened very carefully.

"Of course, in your usual study, as well as in the work life of the girl who follows the trend, you may not face such extreme situations, and there may be some small things that you need to refuse, but you don't need to refuse so strongly. Yang Han waited for her daughter to digest it before slowing down her tone and saying with a smile.

"For example, Sister Xia invited us to her house for dinner just now, but we don't want to go?" Yang Ruoyi blinked wide, very cleverly to provide an example to her father.

"That's right!" Yang Han said with a smile, "In this case, there is no need to refuse so bluntly, you can use the method of making excuses to refuse." ”

"It's not a lie, you can be very sincere, like Dad just tell her directly, why don't I go to your house for dinner, it's because I want to go home early, my daughter has to rest early, and she has class tomorrow. This is a very normal reason, and it is also a reason that she can understand, so I can refuse easily, and I don't need to worry about what Sister Xia will think we look down on her, Sister Xia will think that we are not friends enough, etc. ”

"No, your sister Xia is not this kind of small-bellied person, if it really is, we don't need to make friends with such a person, right?"

Yang Ruoyi nodded again and again, she felt that listening to her father say this, her head became clearer and clearer, she really had too many worries before, maybe let go of these worries and think more about herself, but things can be handled more cleanly and simply!