As you get older, you will inevitably know more and more, and this is true of almost everyone. But for Nian Hao, he doesn't think that after time is lost in him, he will gain more experience. He lost a lot and even deliberately forgot about it. This situation always disgusted him with his life. Every time I am alone, my whole body begins to be lonely, and the mood that follows is more mixed with all kinds of depression and misanthropy. For Nian Hao, every second of time increases, the words he has accumulated in his few years disappear from his mind. How good it would be if you didn't grow up, you can choose a year and stay in it forever. Nian Hao even prayed that the sun would not rise every day, that his poor heart would stop beating forever, and even that he was lying on the bed in the dark and trying to restrain his breathing, waiting for his heart to go into hibernation and slowly lose consciousness, so that he could have a little comfort in his heart. But helplessly, every time he was about to enter eternal darkness, the damned heart would always pull him up with a powerful muscle beat. I thought I would sleep peacefully, but I didn't expect that it would be like a suffocated person suddenly being rescued, every inch of skin in the body, and even every organ betrayed him, desperately fighting for the oxygen pouring into his lungs.

Every time, I wake up in the middle of the night in this state. The time points to twelve o'clock in the morning, and all this can tell Nian Hao is that this is just a mark, fixed a coordinate point above a certain meaning. Nian Hao looked at the darkness around him, and then under the little light pouring in from the window, his shadow was sitting at the foot of the bed, silent. Well, the shadow can't speak, only silence.

When he was eight years old, he saw his shadow detached from his body in the dark. At first it was not a pleasant feeling, but it was not all that scary. Fortunately, such things only happened when he was alone. Eight-year-old Nian Hao didn't know what to tell the people around him, but all this didn't end well, and the people around him just gave him the title of a 'imaginative' child. When the light of dawn came, the shadow lost itself and returned to Nian Hao's body as if it had never appeared, and so on, the shadow always haunted Nian Hao's solitude.

Until that time, Nian Hao saw Yao Luoxuan's figure.

It was a month ago. Probably because there are more and more vehicles in the city, causing more and more traffic accidents, the school organized a safety lecture. It's a cliché, and the practical significance may be just a corner of the news page, but it's fun for the students. Especially for students in the third year of high school, under the high-pressure living conditions, they suddenly take a day off, although it is not their favorite activity, but at least this day can be separated from the boundless sea of questions.

The event was held on the school's playground, which was small but could have enough benches. The rostrum of the playground is made of these long tables, on which strips of white cloth are placed as tablecloths, and several large billboards are hung with newly designated posters standing in the back, which cannot be simply arranged. The host of the live event was temporarily transferred from the sophomore high school students, and his speaking was quite clear, but his whole body was extremely stiff when he played on the spot. This kind of activity still begins with a few school leaders speaking, a long bunch, it took more than ten minutes, the whole speech announcement about traffic safety is only a few sentences, more to motivate students, and to affirm the way they lead. After some boasting, something interesting happened, but only a few minutes passed.

The traffic safety propaganda actually invited firefighters to come over to demonstrate fire handling? Nian Hao was extremely boring, but when he saw this kind of scene, he obviously felt that it was too different, and he couldn't help but take a few more looks. The city that has just ended summer is still extremely hot, and the students who are sitting in the playground have been asleep since the school leaders spoke, and the occasional fire drill has relieved them. But what does traffic safety have to do with fire? In the school square, firefighters even brought in gas canisters and several tin boxes filled with gasoline. The drill was as simple as closing the valve when the gas tank caught fire, and then extinguishing the gasoline with sand or a fire extinguisher, and then the firefighters left.

At this point, the school leaders spoke again, and the next words were to praise the outstanding students. Among these outstanding students, Nian Hao's name was even mentioned. Abandoned by his parents since he was a child, without the help of his family, relying on himself, his academic performance has always been in the top ten, or that kind of cliché through the megaphone, diffused in the cochlea of everyone present. Then he called on everyone to learn and continued the cliché. These words are actually a kind of harm to Nian Hao, and people born in orphanages are most afraid of people mentioning their parents. Doesn't the school leader understand? The corners of Nian Hao's mouth twitched slightly, he lowered his head, clenched his fists, and felt an insult. After saying this, the school leader added that the ten students whose names mentioned above were asked to come to the stage to receive a small reward. What kind of environment is in it, it is bound to cater to this environment, as long as it does not involve too many bottom lines: in view of the ideas here, Nian Hao can only reluctantly step onto the rostrum.

"Everyone applauded, and our small awards were presented to the students by the police officers who were going to give you a lecture on traffic safety. The school leader said with a smile.

After the words fell, the five first-year high school students, each carrying two cloth bags full of things, stood on the side of the rostrum. And Yao Luoxuan took the stage at this time, she was dressed in a police uniform, her hair was tied up, hidden under the white duty hat for female policemen, and her face was painted with light makeup, and she was heroic. Yao Luoxuan took the cloth bag from the students next to him and handed them to each student one by one. And when Yao Luoxuan handed the things to Nian Hao with both hands, the bodies of the two trembled at the same time, less than a second. Nian Hao stretched out his hand to take it, but his shadow was sluggish for a second and followed. Just because no one finds it doesn't mean it hasn't happened. Yao Luoxuan presented the reward and stood aside, but her eyes kept unintentionally aiming at Nian Hao.

After that, Nian Hao's eyes also kept falling on Yao Luoxuan. After going down the stage, he sat back in his place, but he squinted and looked at Yao Luoxuan with no thoughts.

Yes, she was very familiar with the woman in front of her, but she couldn't find any news from her memory. And in the following days, Nian Hao was even more surprised to find that Yao Luoxuan was actually on duty at the intersection next to the school, and had even been there for a year. You must know that at this crossroads, since Nian Hao was admitted to this high school, it has been two full years of back and forth. Nian Hao struggled to search for the memories he could know, and was shocked to find that he had remembered the change in this intersection from his eyes. Then, for the next period of time, Nian Hao always wandered at the intersection for a while before leaving, but he kept watching Yao Luoxuan's figure.

In any case, whether you know or not, or take out all the opportunities in the future. Nian Hao just knew that he was deeply attracted to Yao Luoxuan.

"Why do you say?" asked Nian Hao when he was alone at night, and asked the shadow who was sitting on the side. Obviously, there was no answer, and Nian Hao didn't need to know anything from the shadow. A shadow is always a shadow, even if it does not coincide with him, but it is still a shadow. Under the light and shadow, the black mark of his own appearance is drawn shallowly.

Since then, Nian Hao has lost sleep, and for a whole week, he closed his eyes and was Yao Luoxuan's figure, especially Yao Luoxuan's every movement of standing at the intersection to direct traffic, so beautiful and unforgettable, and repeatedly appeared in the illusion of his closed eyes. There is also a scene, that is, when Yao Luoxuan handed the gift to Nian Hao, the two looked at each other, a kind of spiritual shock, filled with Nian Hao's blank mind. Yes, Nian Hao knows that this kind of shock is not only in himself, but also in Yao Luoxuan. Finally one day, one night, it was a sleepless night on the seventh day, Nian Hao changed his clothes, opened the window, and looked at the moonlight at the end of the city, and countless neon lights were tearing at its beauty, making the whole night fall apart. Even if the world is shattered, so what? No one can answer themselves, and they can't know the answer to everything, only the shadow silently follows behind. Nian Hao decided to look for Yao Luoxuan at night, and when he found Yao Luoxuan's residence in the dark, as he imagined, Yao Luoxuan was sleeping peacefully with her husband on a big bed. After Nian Hao watched for a while on the roof opposite Yao Luoxuan's residence, Nian Hao left. But the shadow lingered there, and it was not until dawn that the shadow returned to him.

Nian Hao has never been afraid of why his shadow would exist alone, acting independently. It's just that whenever the shadow appears, Nian Hao's heart is surrounded by comfort. Nian Hao didn't investigate why this happened, he knew since he was a child that he should hide his heart, including the current shadow. Nian Hao didn't want others to see through him, and he didn't even need too much protection.

When he was twelve years old, the welfare home was ready to give Nian Hao to a caring family for adoption, but Nian Hao's cold gaze made the owner of the family feel scared. After thinking about it, this guy gave up the idea of adopting Nian Hao. Of course, the elderly in the welfare home are also very supportive, so that Nian Hao can continue to grow here.

This old man was a veteran of the Anti-Japanese War and a national soldier, who was captured during the Liberation War until he was pardoned in the tenth year after the founding of the People's Republic of China. At that time, he was 52 years old after the amnesty, and he could not find a suitable job for himself, so he had to serve the lonely elderly in this welfare home. He was allowed to make mistakes, but he could not erase his heroic deeds of bravely fighting the Japanese invaders in Luodian, Shanghai. During Nian Hao's years in the welfare home, the old man has been taking good care of him. The old man once told Nian Hao that he had also been married and had children. After winning the battle against the Japanese, his wife and children were taken to Taiwan, and there has been no news since then. The old man even suspected that the national army picked up his wife and children under the guise of just letting him die.

After the old man got off the battlefield alive from the battle for Luodian in Shanghai, he fled a long way with his superiors, until the Liberation War began, and he returned to the battlefield again, but that time, not a single shot was fired. On the third day after arriving in Shanghai, their commander surrendered, and so did he. After surrendering, the old man spent ten years in prison reforming. The old man changed from prison to prison three times in ten years, and in the middle of the time he met the last emperor Pu Yi. That's the emperor! This is something that the old man often brags about to the outside world. But what if I met Pu Yi, it was nothing more than accepting the transformation of New China in the same capacity.

Nian Hao came to the welfare home, and the old man liked Nian Hao very much. Maybe it's because I don't know if my child lives or dies. Nian Hao learned to read words and counts in the welfare home, and it was all taught by this old man. Sometimes, Nian Hao, who used to be a child, said to the old man, how good it would be if you were really my grandfather. When the old man heard this, he just shook his head, he didn't answer, he just told Nian Hao that the real thing had to be found by himself.

Nian Hao didn't tell the old man about the shadow. It's just that since the shadow came out, Nian Hao felt that he had never been clear, and he was clear about the people and things around him. For example, before the age of eight, the world is not known, but after the arrival of the shadow, after the age of eight, the world can be thought. This kind of change is visible, and the old man doesn't ask questions, but just asks, what do you want to learn?

What can you teach me, old man?" Nian Hao asked the old man jokingly. The old man was not angry, he said, do you know how I survived in Luodian when the Japanese invaded Shanghai? Nian Hao shook his head, but still guessed, didn't Nuo rely on luck? Yes, the old man once said that, he was hit by two bullets in the shoulder and thigh, and he couldn't move in an instant. At that time, foreign reporters were around, and in order to act for foreigners, they asked the military doctor to pull the old man away from the battlefield, so that the old man could survive.

Two machine guns, as well as more than two dozen rifles, were aimed at me. Only two of them hit me. Do you think it's still luck? The old man finally told Nian Hao about himself when he was ten years old. Nian Hao blinked, smiled lightly, and asked the old man: Are you finally ready to teach me something?

Swordsmanship, this is something that the old man taught Nian Hao. At that time, when Nian Hao was eleven years old and just turned old, the old man casually found two bamboo sticks and began to tell Nian Hao that he didn't know what kind of kung fu he practiced, but it was very effective. He didn't know who taught him, he didn't know the name of that person, he only knew that he was a Taoist priest, who took dozens of apprentices down the mountain to resist the Japanese invasion, they met by accident, and the Taoist priest taught the old man this set of swordsmanship. What happened to those Taoist priests in the end? The old man replied: I heard that they were all dead, dozens of people, wielding long swords, and their momentum was huge, but in front of the two machine guns, they all fell in less than a few seconds, and they didn't even get close to the Japanese ten meters away.

So what's the use of this sword technique? Nian Hao continued to ask.

After the old man finished speaking, he couldn't help pinching the corners of his eyes, as if he was holding back tears. The old man continued: "I was afraid of death, so I ran away, but my brothers were all dead.

revealed his true feelings, Nian Hao saw it, and didn't ask any more. So in the next three years, as soon as Nian Hao returned to his residence in the welfare home, he swung the bamboo strip with the old man.

Indeed, the swordsmanship that the old man taught Nian Hao was just hiding, blindly hiding. This is simply not enough to pose any threat to others. When Nian Hao almost comprehended everything, Nian Hao's own shadow actually danced in the middle of the night. Shadow's movements are also this set of swordsmanship, except that it seems to change most of its movements. After Nian Hao had been learning from the shadow for a few months, the shadow suddenly pointed at him. Nian Hao understood, he grabbed the bamboo stick and drew it with the shadow. After each of Shadow's instructions, Nian Hao learned the tricks of improving his swordsmanship on it. Sometimes Nian Hao suddenly felt that this set of swordsmanship seemed to have always been his own, and others had just given it back to him. Unfortunately, the shadow can't speak, and won't reveal anything.

A modern martial artist? Nian Hao accidentally defined himself like this, and then he shook his head, he knew that all this of his was by no means so simple, what was the reason? Do you need to pursue it? It seems that it is not needed, all this is everything, why bother to think about the reason?

When Nian Hao had just reached the age of seventeen, the old man died, dying in his cold room, without any warning, without any pain on his expression, a kind of serenity. After searching for a long time in the old man's house, the old man was finally traced in the museum built after the war. The funeral was quite perfect, probably because of the old man's performance in the war against Japanese aggression, and it was specially arranged very decently. Some leaders who had never shown up came one after another before the old man's burial, but none of the old man's comrades-in-arms were present. Yes, the old man did not need their comrades to come and mourn, because the old man followed in their footsteps and left.

"The old man didn't say he was a martyr. Nian Hao sighed. A few months after the old man left, Nian Hao said like this.

At that time, the person Nian Hao was talking to was Yao Luoxuan. The second year after the old man left, it was also the second month that Nian Hao was infatuated with Yao Luoxuan. Yao Luoxuan took the initiative to make an appointment with Nian Hao to meet. That appointment was not Yao Luoxuan's intention, and Yao Luoxuan didn't know that Nian Hao had been wandering at the intersection of her duty for a month. At this time, it was the commemoration of the victory of the world's anti-fascists, and in order to cooperate with the publicity, Yao Luoxuan's unit finally learned from the police station that the lonely and widowed old man who died in the welfare home was also an anti-fascist warrior. But the old people who are familiar with it, except for a few old men and old ladies who speak unfavorably in the welfare home, are Nian Hao, who has been growing up in the welfare home.

Although Yao Luoxuan is not the only female policeman in this unit, her qualifications determine the excellent interviewer to commemorate this old man. After several twists and turns, Yao Luoxuan finally learned about Nian Hao, and she decided to give full play to her other professional skills to commemorate and report on this old man who had only passed away for a year, so she made an appointment with Nian Hao.

"How rarely did the old gentleman tell you?" asked Yao Luoxuan.

Nian Hao nodded.

"The old gentleman is indifferent to fame and fortune. ”

"Maybe he's found a better way to live. Nian Hao said: "After all, he can't do the things that make his comrades die by his side to highlight himself for glory." ”

"Looks like he's educated you well. ”

Nian Hao sighed, talking about the deceased, always made him a little uncomfortable: "At least teach me and let me recognize myself." ”

The two had been sitting on the promenade by the Huangpu River for a long time, and Nian Hao also told Yao Luoxuan everything about the old man. Yao Luoxuan is very competent to record them one by one, but Yao Luoxuan still feels uncomfortable, why should he let himself do this kind of commemorative event? Doesn't the unit have a guy who is specifically responsible for publicity? Maybe the reasons of the leadership can convince him, but it is really not what he is good at.

After closing the notebook, Yao Luoxuan said, "Thank you for telling me so much. After finishing speaking, Yao Luoxuan added. "Young man, I heard that you have good grades, you are already in your third year of high school, you have to work hard. ”

"Yes, after my junior year of high school, I was eighteen years old. ”

"Eighteen is an adult. ”

"When I became an adult, I was going to leave the orphanage and live on my own. ”

"Live on your own?" Yao Luoxuan frowned and asked, "Do you want to be independent after the age of eighteen?"

"It's good that the government will take charge of me until I'm eighteen, and when I get into university, I'll have to do everything on my own. ”

"It's up to you for living expenses and tuition?"

Nian Hao nodded and confirmed.

"That's going to be hard. What are you going to do. ”

"To make money, maybe I don't go to college, I go directly to work in an electronics factory in the nearby city of Kunshan. ”

"Reading is very important. ”

"But I know what I can do, life is sometimes more important than reading. Nian Hao only took out a cigarette from his pocket at this time and lit it for himself, after a long conversation, he had endured it for a long time.

"Seventeen isn't a good smoker. ”

"Would you like one?"

Yao Luoxuan shirked: "I don't smoke!"

"Really?"

When this question came, Yao Luoxuan was stunned, did he smoke or not? She had smoked and had never smoked. But she actually remembered the ashtray and cigarettes placed in her bedside table in the house, which was true! But in the unit, she was always tired of her colleagues puffing smoke around her.

"It seems that you don't understand yourself. ”

Yao Luoxuan's eyes widened, and the sudden doubts came to his heart. Nian Hao smiled faintly, took out a cigarette from the cigarette case and handed it to Yao Luoxuan. Yao Luoxuan didn't think much about it and took the cigarette. Then Nian Hao lit it for her, and after taking two puffs, Yao Luoxuan coughed, obviously not suitable for smoking and had never been exposed to cigarettes.

"It's that you're not used to it, and you're lying to yourself that you don't know how to smoke. Nian Hao concluded.

"You kid, what are you doing!" Yao Luoxuan felt like he was being played, dropped his cigarette, and said angrily.

Nian Hao sat down, leaned on Yao Luoxuan, and looked at the riverside in front of him.

Now you should be angry, you should go away, you should do what you should do, but Yao Luoxuan just wants to sit quietly at this moment for some reason.

"Do you know yourself?" this is what Nian Hao said.

Yao Luoxuan frowned, looked at Nian Hao with a sideways face, and didn't understand what he meant.

"The first time we met, you sent me the supplies that the school had prepared for the useless purposes. Nian Hao said: "After that meeting, I thought, have I seen you?"

Without waiting for Yao Luoxuan to reflect, Nian Hao continued: "After I went back, I found that I didn't have you in my memories since I was a child, but I still clearly knew that I knew you, and I knew you very well. ”