Han Liu said slowly.

"I've been waiting, in these three years, maybe I always subconsciously feel that we are not separated, I always feel that you are just angry, you will come back in the future, I have been waiting for you, after the college entrance examination, I know that one of the places you applied for the school is slippery, I followed you, although my parents did not want me to come to this city, but I still want to find you. ”

"Because, only in this way will I be closer to you, I can't get too close to you, I'm afraid that you will be unhappy to see me, I will see you turn around and leave, I am a little scared, to be honest, I applied for the school next door to you. ”

"I often thought afterwards, I think if we have enough fate, we will meet again in some corner of the campus, if I see you, what should I say?"

"I've been waiting, I've been looking forward to it, it's been in my dreams countless times. ”

He told me about the intermittent past, and the two of us missed it again, and we were completely different from each other, and the good time of that high school seemed to have been cut out by the director as if a vague clip had been cut out.

This is really like black and white film, with a very simple and very persistent kind of love, so that the heart is enough and affects us for a lifetime.

This kind of thing has really made me feel very uncomfortable, I feel like I have fallen into a side, the two of us are so wrong, and the two people who love each other are only tormented by these sensitive suspicions and years like a pebble.

There is no more water chestnut, no more passion, like a small stone in the water.

I'm afraid, I'm afraid, this kind of feeling will erupt again, because even if it happens, there will never be any communication between me and him, because of Ouyang Bingbing.

So I didn't want to hear him talk about it anymore, and I interrupted him with a cruelty.

"Han Liu, don't say it anymore, let the good things in the past become a thing of the past, forever become a part of the memory, it's long over. ”

But Han Liu didn't pay attention to my emotions at all, and still kept talking intermittently, bits and pieces, as if he was only telling to himself, just like the autumn cicada in summer.

"You know what? I never deliberately intended to find you, because I was scared, even if I found you, you would forget, you would forget the relationship we had before, I can't accept the fact that if I look for it like this, then it will really be humiliating to me, I can't accept that you forget me. ”

"Do you know? That day happened to be Ouyang Bingbing's birthday, and I never accepted Ouyang Bingbing, because I had already accepted Zhao Yibo's birthday PA

Ty, I just went to participate, but I never expected that I would meet you again on that kind of topic, and I realized that I could never forget you. ”

"You know what? I think I'm really unlucky, my luck is really bad, I don't even think I thought I didn't expect to meet you again, you were actually with Ouyang, you know? At that time, my heart was like falling into a cliff. ”

"In fact, you don't know that even if the best people stand by your side, with your talent, you don't have any loss at all, and you can be more glorious and brighter. ”

"I've been watching you that night, I'm watching you, I don't leave a trace, I'm afraid that you will find out that I see that you have a good relationship with Ouyang, you are very happy, you can sing a lot of songs, I just found out that you should be happy with him, otherwise why did I never see you in high school with that kind of chic smile in life?"

"Later, when I returned home, I finally found out how much I grew up, how uncomfortable, I gave you all my love throughout the peak era, I was afraid that when I got to college life, I said that you were not by my side, and I was still very persistent in keeping this love to you. ”

"After I went back that day, I drank a lot of wine, I felt that I couldn't have you, I gave up on myself, I even wanted to cry, I wanted to go to your dormitory to find you, but I didn't have the courage, well, this Ouyang Bingbing has been waiting for you under the dormitory, she helped me back, and after going out with me, she accompanied me to get drunk. ”

"Because I knew that I didn't drink at that time, what else could I do, I couldn't stay sober, and if I was sober, it would be even more unacceptable. From that moment on, I knew that I was going to lose my beloved forever!"

"When I woke up, I found that I was actually lying in a house in Ouyang Bingbing, I couldn't accept it, I did a very bad thing, I have to be responsible for her!"

"I'll admit it was a minor accident, absolutely, but I don't want to pass the buck for this, and I'm now on top of responsibility for this, um. ”

"In addition, at that time, my grandmother was terminally ill, the doctor had stopped giving water, and it had been announced that there was only one month to survive, and I was in a very bad mood at that time, I was completely standing on the edge of the cliff, whether it was going forward or backward, I always felt that I had no way to survive, and I took the next step like an abyss. ”

"Then I heard that you were sick and in the hospital, and I was really entangled, you know? I wandered around your hospital room for a long, long time before I finally made up my mind to go in. ”

"When I came into your room, I was less than 5 minutes in total, and when I came out, I looked at your phone, and I confirmed that it was 2019, August 7th, and I stayed for a total of 5 minutes, but this time is really a luxury for me, because I can talk to you so much, we stayed together back then!"

"But why don't I feel like we're all together, because I'm scared, I'm scared I'm going to get out of control, I'm afraid I'm going to say something that you and I can't help myself, I'm afraid that my words will hurt you and make you embarrassed. ”

"So when I think about seeing you, I feel really broken, since my grandmother died, I feel that my life has come to an end, I can't find an exit, I shut myself in the house, I smoke over and over again, I miss you over and over again, why is there no fate between us? Is it because I don't love you deep enough? Or is it because I'm not good enough, but because God doesn't give me this luck?"

"I love you, I love you, I have exhausted all my passion, all my vitality! When you called me that night, when you said you wanted to follow me to the end of the world, I was already ecstatic, this time and this opportunity was too luxurious for me, as if God had given me a reward. ”

"I had already made up my mind that I had to get rid of the world's notions, that I didn't care what they thought of me, that I didn't care what they were supposed to do, that I knew that I had to take you with me now, and if I didn't go to hell, let me go to hell. ”

"I'm sorry, Leng Shuiyue, when you were sleeping on the sofa, I looked at your pale face, my heart ached and hurt, I really searched the Internet for those gossips about you, I read a lot, but when you think about it, I pretend that I don't know anything, I feel pitiful, I feel humble, I feel cowardly, I can't get what I ask for. ”

"Until that night you had a nightmare, you cried and you shouted and you called you the name of another man, you had a very painful look, I was scared, I couldn't control it, I said those very mean words, I hurt you, in fact, I hurt myself. ”

"I'm sorry Leng Shuiyue, I really shouldn't have said those words, I'll be sorry to you, that's not my true words, I really love you, I can't help it. ”

"Later, you were hurt by me and you walked out of the room angrily, I knew that I had made a terrible mistake, I went to pursue you, at that time I really knew that my life was really completely over, even if you no longer love me one day, you are no longer by my side, I can't stop loving you, I can't stop this thought, such love, maybe forever is really like a knife engraved in my heart, and I can no longer erase it. ”

"Yes, I realized at that time, I just can't stop loving you, I never dreamed that when you told me about those things, I never thought that you would suffer so much guilt in your life. ”

"Every time you say every word and every thing, it is like a knife being executed in the depths of our hearts, and I know that for so many years, it turns out that I am not the only one who has suffered from the hell of these natural pit people, in fact, there are also you!"

"Well, what happened to me is more terrible than mine, and what happened to me in front of you is really not as good as in the past. ”

His voice slowly deepened, with a faint language that restrained the emotions in his heart.

"So I tell you these things today I must let you know, I will not hurt you, I know that you are sad, you are sad, you may not have reservations about your feelings, but in any case, please believe that I have never tried to deceive you, I love you so much, yesterday was so, now is so, and the future is the same. ”

He looked at the clouds in the sky and was confused, and said another word behind his back.

"Yes, Leng Shuiyue, I love you all my life, whether we are fate together or not, maybe there is really no fate, of course, I have no regrets. ”

I looked at him, my heart was really about to cry, this man is the man I have loved for so many years, this man is the man I have loved with all my vitality, how can that high-spirited teenager in high school have been tortured in the process of changing years.

Who's at fault, who's at who's fault? Yes, I don't know, and there's no way to give me an answer.

I even thought if I could reach out and heal that little bit of his wound, but I didn't have the qualifications to do so.

Yes, I don't deserve it.

He and I have suffered so much from these years, we stumbled all the way through the ups and downs of the years, I finally wanted to hold her hand tightly in this torrent of history, and finally the years have cut us farther and farther apart.

In the end, he didn't hold my hand tightly, and I couldn't find his target anymore, so we didn't get along with each other.

Maybe it's really not that we don't love enough, we've all exhausted our life force to love, it's that our time is too extravagant, our time is simply not enough for us, we don't go where we were and can't find each other, we turn around and go farther and farther in each other's direction.

At that time, we didn't know how to cherish this relationship, we thought that as long as we turned back, we could find each other, and we could be together again forever.

The young time of youth, in fact, I don't know at all, when we go back to look for batches, at that time, things are already wrong, and the return of the teenager is no longer the teenager of the year.

The world has told us that there is never a regret pill and that there will never be a new one.

I tugged my hand tightly and let these things float up with the wind.

There are those, paper towels are folded around by me, making a lot of messy marks, in fact, for so many years, I haven't learned to do my own handicraft at all, it's not that I can't learn it, it's just that I'm afraid to face it.

He turned around, took the tissue from my hand, and seriously folded a paper crane for me and placed it in the palm of my hand.

I just looked at him blankly, I really felt like back then, Han Liu smiled at me really like, so many years ago, we maintained a purity and a beauty for each other, um.

Yes, just like back then, always smile at me, always open his mind to me.

"Leng Shuiyue, do you remember when we were in the Chinese New Year's Eve, you invited me to eat a spicy ice skewer, when I also folded a thousand paper cranes on this table, I saw you quietly put this thousand paper cranes in your pocket, do you know what my mood was at that time? I was anxious, I felt that you accepted a love from me, at that time you looked so timid, so hesitant, I really felt a kind of touch, at that time I had secretly made up my mind, I want to give me to use up my vitality, I want to give you love, I let you no longer question, don't worry about me using all my happiness to protect you and care. ”

As he spoke, he looked at the heavens.

I also looked up at the sky, and my tears were already in my eyes.

"I'm sorry, Leng Shui Yue, I really tried my best, I really tried, but I didn't do it. ”

I really don't know what kind of state I am in after separation, and when I go back to school, I feel like a zombie on the road.

Lisa was waiting for me in the dorm.

But I always had such a look of Han Liu in my mind, and the things he just told me were like an illusory voice from the sky.

How nice it would be if all this was like the love of a boy and girl, how nice it would be if all this passed all at once, how nice it would be if he didn't love me so deeply!

I'd rather he had forgotten me a long time ago, never replaced me again, and treated me like a stranger, a passerby, which was really nice!

I even wish he had abandoned me and left me with no way back, how good it was!

I wish he would never smile at me, he will always look down on me, despise me with disdain, but he smiles at me and smiles so brightly.

The fog under his eyes, like a dagger, slashed at my heart.

I used to love him like that, and I love him so much now, but I have used all my life to hold his hand tightly, but this hand of fate does not hesitate to break my fingers one by one.

I can't have him anymore, I've lost him, I can't find my way to find him.

Han Liu said that his luck in this life was not very good, and said that he didn't get me, but in fact, the person who really had bad luck was me, if I had been lucky, we wouldn't have come to this point.

It's all my fault, it's the twists and turns that fate has brought to me, it has affected him, made him suffer so much, I feel guilty, I feel my uneasiness, I feel myself a very hateful burden.

To this day, I am very selfish in thinking that I hurt him, that I should not have called him that night, maybe it was like a wound, so that one day it would scarred and not bloody.

I had insomnia all night long, I couldn't concentrate at all, I couldn't eat at all, I had always lost myself in the traces of time, and I punished myself in this way.

Thankfully, Lisa has been there to comfort me, encourage me, and accompany me.

Maybe Green thought that I was worried and scared about my surgery a week later, and Broken Flower has been helping me find a single room in those apartments at the school, hoping that I can find a short-term rental time to survive this crisis.

During the day, when Lisa helped me find a house, I was alone in the dormitory, staring blankly at the sky, and not saying a word for a long time.

I ate and slept, and I didn't even bother to answer my phone, but one night, my phone rang a strange call, and I kept thinking that I didn't want to answer it at all.

But this call was very persistent, and after calling several times in a row, I answered the call.

The thought of the phone was a woman's voice, and this voice carried a very gentleness, a very calmness, as if everything was under control.

I even thought that this woman should be very beautiful, very generous, very dignified, and as good as her voice.