He was afraid of the night, which was as quiet as stagnant water, and he did not dare to close his eyes in the dead of night.

Every time he closed his eyes, familiar faces covered in blood swayed around him, and they pisted and refused to give up!

When he was too tormented to bear, he hugged her to the pillow, his hands gripping her arms tightly, his legs firmly between her legs, and they were tightly intertwined behind her back.

She woke up from her sleep, "Are you having nightmares again?"

He pressed his head against her neck and nodded.

She stroked his cold hand, "Time will make people forget everything, don't think about it anymore, go to sleep, husband." ”

A person who lives completely in the past, time can only be a gradual and profound torture for him. They were rooted in his memory like a cancer, deeply ingrained and indestructible, and contradictions and pain were intertwined into a lingering nightmare.

"I really want to leave the past behind, I would rather be sad than feel sorry! I choose to live a life, and my life is destined to live in the past. ”

"It is the good that creates the pain, and since we can't forget it, why can't we try to separate the pain from the past and leave only the good. ”

This sentence surprised him, "Looking for beauty from the unbearable past? Do you know whose face I am most afraid of seeing every day?"

"Your own?"

It seems that she understands, "Every time I see the mirror, the person in the mirror is not me at all, it is him! He looks exactly like me! How I long that people die and only turn into dust, and if they are gone, they are gone, and the dead are not nostalgic, and the living are not sorry." You want me to leave the pain of the past as hard as it is for me to forget what I look like. ”

"Seeing that he is a father, he is still so fragile, my dear, go to bed quickly, I have to get up early tomorrow. ”

In the morning, she simply ate a few bites of breakfast, quickly put on her makeup, and hurried to her father's company.

He took advantage of the nanny to clean up the house, and quietly went to a corner she didn't know - only his attic.

He opened the hidden box, and the jazz hat in the box was shiny in the darkness.

In the darkness where they could not see their fingers, they appeared......

They all surrounded him, staring at the hat in his hand with him.

He took his hat and put it over his face to hide their distorted faces.

The hat touched his face lightly, the touch sliding off like her fingers, giving a comfortable temperature as warm as her skin.

He also smelled the body fragrance left over from the hat, faintly retaining the smell of her youth.

These wonderful comforting sensations reproduced and amplified the beauty that he had overlooked in his memory.

He realized what she had said last night, "Why can't we try to separate the pain from the past and leave only the good." ”

He glanced through the gaps in the sides of his hat, and to his surprise, the lingering around them gradually dissipated. Perhaps, they could not cross this hat to appear in front of him.

His figure also became blurred, and before he was about to disappear, he said to him, "One day, the smell of the hat will dissipate, and it will become rough and cold, and I hope that at that time, you will not see us again." ”

He nodded to the empty nothingness, "I don't want to see you again." ”

Later, he was especially fond of rainy nights, and whenever it began to rain, he immediately ran to his attic.

Sitting on a cushion prepared in the corner of the windowsill, leaning against the wall and resting his head against the window, he slowed his breath and listened intently to the "whooshing" world outside the window.

What a wonderful world on a rainy night, its gentle intoxication made him calmly ponder the past. Sometimes, the tranquil melody of a rainy night is mixed with a little high-pitched, pushing the contemplative past to the heartbeat of the heat.

What fascinated him the most was the sound of these raindrops hitting the glass, they were crisp, they were straightforward, and they were fickle. They come from the same cloud, go through the same journey, but tell him a different past.

With a smile on his face, he closed his eyes slightly, and memories of the rainy night came to his mind.

He privately drew a happy end to the past that had never been the same, so that the memories were no longer real.

When he woke up, his body was still sore, and he still remembered when he fell asleep, but he clearly remembered Fang Cai's dream.

In the dream, he went back to the past, to the past when he was reversed by himself.

He looked at the clear sky after the rain, at the washed steel and concrete buildings, and at the hurried pedestrians hiding from the stagnant water downstairs, and he experienced the emptiness after a sweet dream.

He took a breath of cold air, and the heat he exhaled blurred the window and blurred his vision.

Gradually, his mind fell into the past, and he couldn't see anything clearly outside the window.

After a long time, the window glass reflected a vague "he" and asked him, "You brothers exchanged half of their lives, and he finally chose to die, in this case, do you still choose to exchange?"

"Why should I trade with him when he is innocent?"

"You mean he killed the three people who hurt Xiaoxue. ”

"I mean he killed Grandma with his own hands!"

"He's also forced to do it. ”

"How many of the people who killed people felt that they had no reason to do so? He said that he helped his grandmother relieve his pain, but who knows whose pain he relieved? He said that his grandmother took the initiative to beg him, and only he and his grandmother were at the scene, who knows whether it was true or not? He had been away from home for so many years, and he may have lost his relationship with his grandmother. ”

"If he doesn't, the hopeless grandma will only suffer more. ”

"If he does this, will Grandma's spirit in heaven be at peace? Grandma thinks I did it, and she will haunt me for the rest of my life!"

"You hate him for killing grandma in your name, so that grandma's spirit in the sky mistakenly thinks that it is your killer...... So you hate him, not because he killed grandma, but because he put the charge of killing grandma on your head. ”

"He was the one who killed his grandmother, and he did it! No matter what, he can't escape the charge of great rebellion!"

"You want him to go to hell?"

"I ...... I ......"

"Don't you hate him? What's the matter, and you can't bear to let him go to hell?"

"What does it matter to me whether he goes to hell or not?"

"Doesn't it matter? He went to hell for this, and he did it for you. When God judges you, do you think you can be a good person?"

He asked rhetorically, "Does Grandma's death have anything to do with me?"

On the day of the Chinese New Year, grandma asked you for his phone number, and you didn't want to give it out of some kind of selfishness, but when she pounced on you, you didn't go to help but dodged, you let grandma pounce in the air, and fell heavily on the concrete floor, and she never got up again!

"I was ...... I didn't mean to ......"

"You are an adult, and you should be responsible for the mistakes you have committed! Xu Ming and Ergou hurt you, and they said to you, 'I didn't mean it', will you forgive them?"

"Definitely not. ”

"Grandma is bedridden, and the burden of serving grandma is almost all on his shoulders, what face do you have to blame him for ending grandma's suffering? What the hell have you done and paid for grandma? Grandma is seriously ill because you have harmed you, and you who hid in school afterwards are qualified to blame others!"

He lowered his head.

"When burying grandma, as grandma's most beloved grandson, but did not fulfill his due obligations, you are ashamed of your dedication to Chenzishan, so let him experience the happiness of being a student, do you think this can make up for the debt to him? Do you think this can fill the black hole of his life? Don't forget, the student qualifications you have, the student happiness you have, but he gave it to you when he endured the hardships alone! When you took the high school entrance examination in the hospital, you deliberately answered some questions incorrectly, what is the purpose? You were worried that their sisters would meet him at a key high school, so you deliberately entered a regular high school...... The tribulation is yours, the happiness is his, the living should be his, and the dead should be you...... You deprived him of his happiness, deprived him of his whole life, and in the end you got your sentence 'death is more than innocent'!"

"You're right, the damn one should be me. ”

He picked up the hat in the box and put it on his head, he pulled down the brim to cover his eyes, and also to hide the "him" on the glass.

......

The Deputy General Office of the Lin Group.

Xu Shiya put a stack of documents on the vice president's desk, "Mr. Lin, I have sorted out these documents, you can sign them directly." ”

She looked at the mountains of papers and slowly stretched the sadness on her face, "I'm glad to have you by my side." ”

Xu Shiya flipped through the page that needed to be signed, and said with a smile, "I also want to say that thanks to you, you don't dislike my academic qualifications and let me be your assistant, if it weren't for you pulling me, I really don't know what I can do." ”

She signed her name on the document in unison, "I understand you, you understand me, although we are not related by blood, we have similar experiences...... You are younger than me, so call me sister in the future. ”

Xu Shiya nodded gratefully.

Looking at her pale face, Xu Shiyaguan asked, "Sister, I see that your face is not very good today." ”

She stopped, "Yes, I'm wearing makeup, you can tell?"

"Well, it's serious...... Is it because of pregnancy?"

She pulled out the mirror in the drawer, "I guess I didn't sleep last night." ”

Xu Shiya understood something, "He has nightmares again, right?"

She sighed into the mirror.

Xu Shiya said worriedly, "It's not a way to go on like this." ”

"We have done every step according to Chenzishan's method, and we have also asked the best psychologist to show him, and the result is still ......"

At this, she shook her head silently.

"Chen Zifeng's IQ and EQ are too high, no matter how good the psychiatrist is, there is nothing he can do. I feel like we have to find someone who can break through his mental defenses. ”

Her eyes lit up, "Do you have an idea?"

Xu Shiya pondered for a moment, "I guess that his emotions and thoughts are deeply involved in some change in the past, and he is trapped there and can't get out. ”

"Where the hell can't he get out?"

"You told me that he often talks to himself, what does he say?"

"I really don't know, every time I get close to him, he's noticed. ”

"Well, what's wrong with him?"

"What else is out of the ordinary...... she remembered something, "and when he has nightmares, he often talks about his grandmother." ”

"His grandmother?"

Xu Shiya snapped her fingers, "On the day of the beach, all the past he told was based on their brother's immersive experience, except for the cause of his grandmother's death, which he narrated with a conversation between me and him!"

Her eyes widened, "You mean he lied to me!"

"He wasn't lying, one of them did mention it to me, and if he did, I would have told you as soon as he did. ”

"I don't quite understand what you mean. ”

"Think about it carefully, if the person who cried to me about the cause of my grandmother's death was Chenzishan, what does it mean?"

"What does that mean?"

"It shows that Chenzishan is a complete fool! How could such a shrewd person spread the world to the world that he had killed his grandmother with his own hands?"

She added, "Since their grandmother died, Chenzishan and Chenzifeng have started a one-day rotation life, so it is entirely possible that the person who said this to you is Chen Zifeng." Even if Chen Zifeng said it to you, what does this mean?"

"You weren't there, you couldn't feel the hatred in his tone. The hatred in his heart came from his brother and from himself. He can't get over this hurdle in his heart, and he urgently needs someone who listens to the depression that has been precipitated in his heart for a long time. ”

She added, "He needs more than just listening, he needs someone who can save him from the fire and water when faced with the choice between brotherhood and nurturing." ”

Xu Shiya sighed, "Chen Zifeng once said that the only person who can help him get out of the predicament is Chen Zishan...... Chenzi Mountain is not in this world, who else can help him?"

"We found his symptoms, but we couldn't find anyone to heal him," she sighed. ”

After some time, Xu Shiya received a call from the prison.

Xu Shiya rushed into her office, "Aunt Hat is calling, Aunt Hat is finally calling!"

Confused, she put down the papers in her hand, "What did you say?

"Chen Zifeng's mother! Aunt Hat confessed to me on the phone, she said that she is Chen Zifeng's mother!"

"Isn't Chen Zifeng's mother missing? Where is she now?"

"She's not missing, she's in prison. ”

She was stunned, "Prison!"

"That's why we couldn't find her. ”

"What else did she say?"

She didn't say much, she just wanted to see her daughter-in-law. ”

"Go, take me there. ”

When they arrived at the prison, they hurried out, fearing that they did not have enough documents to prove their relationship with his mother.

When they arrived at the registration office of the detention prison, they learned that his mother would be sentenced to death tomorrow!

They are attending his mother's execution meeting today!

When she and Xu Shiya learned such shocking news, they couldn't relax for a long time.

She said lightly on the phone that she had only been in prison for a few years, and that they would never have thought that today would be her last day in the world.

They were taken to the interview room by prison guards, where they learned the reason for her death sentence.

Escorted by many bailiffs and armed police, a haggard woman wearing handcuffs and shackles walked into the interview room, and Xu Shiya rushed into the crowd and hugged the skinny woman.

Xu Shiya looked up at the gray-haired and old-faced woman, and couldn't help but shed tears, "Aunt Hat, you're so stupid......"

The woman suddenly knelt in front of Xu Shiya, "The mistakes my sons have committed to you, I, as their mother, have knelt down for you! It is my connivance that makes you suffer too much, and it is all my fault!"

Xu Shiya hurriedly helped the woman up, "Aunt Hat, get up quickly! You are my savior, without you, I would have been hurt by those wicked people!"

"Without the folly of my son, you would not have fallen into the hands of the wicked. ”

"Aunt Hat, I heard them say that you gave Brother Guang their ......"

The woman said lightly, "Killing people pays for life, and it will remain unchanged for eternity." ”

"But Brother Guang, those people are obviously not you...... Why did you take him for the crime?"

"You're wrong, I didn't take anyone's guilt, it was all my crimes. ”

She looked at her mother-in-law, tomorrow was the day of her execution, but at this moment, her face was full of stubbornness, and there was no trace of sadness, "On the day of my sister's accident, my father called you first, and you were the first person to arrive at the scene...... I may not understand how a mother would feel when she saw her son leave behind three corpses, or what she would do when she saw her son commit a heinous crime, but as a sister, as a lover, and as me, I also had the same urge in my heart to bear the responsibility for him and the wrongs he had committed for the sake of heaven.

The woman walked up to her, "You're Lin Shiyu, right?"

She nodded.

"You are too similar to your father, not only in appearance, but in your bones. ”

Speaking of this, the woman lowered her head in shame, "I'm sorry to meet you in this place. ”

"I'm also sorry for the selfishness I used to be, if it wasn't for me ......"

The woman waved her hand, "My sons have also deceived you sisters, we are now a family, there is no need to worry about who was right and wrong in the past. ”

She held the woman's handcuffed hands.

The woman glanced at her belly, "How many months pregnant?"

"More than six months. ”

"You're so thin, with such a big belly for more than six months!"

The woman's withered hands clasped her delicate hands, "Can I touch your belly?"

She nodded.

The woman caressed her high bulging belly, and the low emotion on her face also stretched a lot, "Child, you are the same as me at that time, the same thin, the same big belly. ”

The woman is immersed in the touch of life, immersed in the joy of life, "If you want me to say, the happiest and hardest stage of a woman's life is when she is pregnant." ”

The woman frowned and frowned, "Think about me at that time, their brothers were less than five pounds when they were born, and their grandmother was so angry with their father that she also made a physical mistake, and from the time they were born to the time they were discharged from the hospital, there was no one by my side to accompany me...... By the time I was discharged from the hospital, my body was too weak and my brothers were too small, and I was worried that my two arms would not be able to hold them, so I found two of the largest hats and just put them in them, so that I could hold the hats. I looked at the sleeping brothers in their curled hats, and I would not abandon them even if there was so much suffering in this world...... But I didn't do it......"

The woman touched her belly and burst into tears, "I'm sorry that the children will never see their grandmother after they are born...... I'm sorry I can't wait for your confinement...... I'm sorry that a dying man insisted on meeting you who were ashamed...... I'm sorry to leave you and your children with only sorry ......"

The woman wiped the tears from her face, "My ignorant son and future grandson will be handed over to you." ”

The woman put down her affectionate hand and said to the bailiff beside her, "The meeting is over, please send me back to my cell." ”

She grabbed the woman's hand tightly, "Mom......"

The woman lowered her head, "It's better for the new life not to touch the dying too much." ”

She cried out in pain, "Mom, since you didn't kill the person, and since Chenzishan is dead, is it necessary for you to bear the charge for him?"

The woman glanced back at her, cold and hot intertwined her eyes, she was not only a heavy remembrance of her son, but also a deep reluctance to her grandson.

"Son, I know who you like, and since you've made your choice, live according to your heart's desire. ”

When the woman left, she tried to stop the woman's footsteps, but was stopped by the armed police, "The execution meeting is over, please pay attention to your behavior!"

The woman disappeared from everyone's field of vision, and she and Xu Shiya hugged each other tightly, crying nonstop.

The bailiff shoved a letter into her hand, "This is the suicide note left by the prisoner, and I have handed it over to you." ”

......

In the dimly lit and dreary lethal injection chamber, women lie on a special execution bed (similar to the operating table in an operating room, except that there are fixed bracelets on both sides).

The judicial police first fixed the woman's torso and then the woman's limbs.

The woman opened her mouth, and her breathing became short and rapid.

The judicial police repeatedly confirmed the degree of bandage, and nodded to the full-time forensic doctor beside him.

The full-time medical examiner inserts a needle attached to the medicine into the woman's vein, and the rest of the work is computer operation.

The woman's body tried to struggle, but the straps held her firmly, and the only thing she could do was clench her fists and wait for the end of her life.

When she and Xu Shiya saw this, they silently left two lines of tears.

Standing beside them, he seemed extraordinarily calm.

The forensic doctor pressed the "injection button", and the medicine in the syringe slowly flowed into the woman's body.

The woman's hideous pupils stared at the ceiling, and the blood vessels swelled from the woman's tense arms, neck, and face.

She couldn't bear to see him, and buried her head behind his back.

Xu Shiya also lowered her head and hid behind Wang Meng, the captain of the criminal police, to avoid this tragic scene.

The muscles on the woman's face began to twitch, and then her whole body trembled violently.

After trembling for dozens of seconds, the woman gradually quieted down, gradually stopped wheezing violently, and her dying pupils finally dimmed completely.

From the moment his mother was brought here until the moment she died, his deep and painful eyes never left her.

He silently recited the suicide note left by his mother.

"When your brother was seven years old, I took a batch of diamonds from Lin Tao's hand, and I naively thought that I could take you away and fly high, but it backfired. ”

"After I handed you over to my grandmother, I decided to go to Lin Tao alone, and since then, I have started a life of wandering. ”

"But I have never forgotten your brother in my heart, and on several occasions I have approached your grandmother and given her your child support, but she has rejected it, and she wants me not to disturb your life anymore. ”

"I owe the old man so much that I can't go against her will, and every time I come back, I can only look at your brother from afar, and never come forward to speak to you. ”

"Your grandmother is a stubborn person who treats her family too harshly. Including your brother's runaway, she has an unshirkable responsibility. ”

"When she was very sick, I had just come back from Japan, and she was dying and said to me, 'I'm blind, but I'm not blind, I know which child is watching for me.' I treated him like that, but he worked hard to serve me and pee. He told me that he would never go his dad's way, and I didn't listen at all. I might as well be blind and can't see who is taking care of me. While he goes out to buy medicine, you can end my suffering, and your son's suffering.'" ”

"I ended her life and only added to everyone's suffering...... In order not to let you hate me, your brother took the charge of killing grandma alone. ”

"Your brother is a good boy, he has always paid for others in his short life, and all of us are ashamed of him. ”

"Your brother is gone, I will erase all the stains he left in the world, I will let him go clean, this is what a mother should do. ”

"Chen Zifeng, if you want to hate, hate me. I did not bring you a happy childhood, did not bring you a good environment for growth, but added a lot of psychological shadows to you, I am not worthy of being your mother. ”

"Some people say that the person who knows the child in the world must be the child's mother. After listening to this sentence, I just want the life of an ordinary person, I just want to be the most ordinary mother in the world, I don't know why it is so difficult. ”

"Now I just hope that this son will die blindly, and I just hope that another son will live happily. ”

"One last thing I beg of you, scatter my ashes in the sea where your brother died. ”

He watched as his mother's body was pushed to the place of cremation, and he held the suicide note left by his mother firmly.

He said to Wang Meng beside him, "I know where my grandmother is buried, can you help me cremate them together, and I will scatter them together into the sea where my brother died." ”