Maybe I've done a lot of wrong things before, because I don't understand the rules, hurt a lot of people, and then I slowly found out that every time I pretend to be strong, I want to protect the people I love the most from harm, I used to think that as long as I want to be stronger, I can protect the people I want to protect, but one day, I found that I was wrong, the more I want to protect the people, the more I can't do it, I really feel a little powerless, I really feel that I am the stupidest person in the world, I have always hoped that through my own efforts, my mother can at least live a life of food and clothing, but I still don't do it well enough, not filial enough, for exampleI always thought that as long as I did a good job, I was hiding from my laziness, I didn't know what I was like when I was born, maybe it was my mother's repeated connivance that made me look like this, when I entered the society, I found out that I was an uneducated child, and everyone else knew the rules, I didn't understand, because my mother was an ordinary rural person, and she didn't teach me how to be a good child at all. Pen | fun | pavilion www. ｂｉｑｕｇｅ。 ｉｎｆｏ

When we were young, the house we lived in at that time was always leaking, we grew up in such an environment, we were most afraid of every rainy day, a few days of rain will be our biggest problem, we don't know where to hide, and because the family was very poor when we were young, often we couldn't even pay the tuition, always went to school to pay the tuition on credit, or one time, the school was about to end, my tuition still hadn't been paid, the teacher found me, and talked about it, the content needless to say everyone knows what it is, but I still don't have the money to pay the tuition, I had to put it off again and again, because as a junior high school studentI said to myself, I must study hard in the future, go to the big city to live, this is my goal, but the goal is still the goal of the way to achieve the same, when I graduated, it was already difficult to find a job, I decided to go to the south to work, in fact, when I experienced the days of part-time work, I still know, hard work is certain, but money may not be earned, this is true. Later, after several trips, I still returned to my hometown, but in the later days, because I was a patient, I had a strong desire, that desire is to be able to eat like a normal person, sleep like that, work like that and enjoy life, but I don't even have such a right, I don't know how I spend every day, every day is a live broadcast, I know, but I worked hard, I still can't control my condition, always fighting with death, I can't say so ugly, it should be said that I fight with illness, the result of the struggle is the same, that is, I want to live happily and freely like ordinary peopleThat's my greatest wish.

Because I am a patient, a depressed patient, but I have not given up my goals and ideals, I always work hard to live, to restrain my sad emotions, sometimes it backfires, the disease is still sometimes serious, sometimes light, as for when it is serious, that is, when you encounter things that you can't think about, you will naturally have all kinds of symptoms, let yourself think about it, think so many impossible things, this is the worst association, think too much or scare yourself. I don't know how to get out of this shadow, but this shadow has been hanging over me, and it has also made me a person with a different temper, sometimes happy, thinking that everything is good, sometimes when I have something on my mind, I have insomnia all night long, I don't know how to change myself.

Yesterday and the day before yesterday there was another illness, my biggest performance is cranky, thinking a lot, I don't want to think about it, but I still can't stop insomnia at night, which makes me very distressed, today is really not good, I had to ask for leave to go home, take medicine, rest all day, sleep all day, so that when the rest is good to overcome their inner fear, I don't know what kind of symptoms other depressed people have, but my symptoms are like this, because today's health is not very good, or rest early, write less, and when the body is good, it is okay to write more。 Don't force yourself, take a good rest, and put your pen on hold!

Yesterday to a few days, I forced myself to take medicine, and then forced myself to sleep, if I didn't be able to sleep normally at all, I really wanted to be a normal person, but there was still no chance, I don't know what went wrong with myself, in short, this simplest desire has become a luxury, I don't know what life will become in the future, I just know that I can't do without medicine, and I can't take care of myself at all on days without medicine, maybe it's such a situation, so I don't have any confidence at all, I can't even take care of myself, let alone take care of others, I really don't know where my life will go in the future, I am still a very young person, the road of life in the future is still very long, but without drug hypnosis is not able to sleep, I have become dependent on drugs, I don't know from what direction to work hard, to find a way to cure the disease, I also deeply realize that the body is the capital of the revolution, without a good body, everything else is in vain, it is just a fantasy, that's all, but I still don't know how to raise my body well, let myself get better soon, in fact, I am also very worried about my own state, because there will be a lot of problems to face in the future, such as giving birth to children, taking care of children, these are problems, I can't take care of myself, let alone take care of others, but I still insist on going to work, but sometimes when I am at work, I can't remember anything that is very simple, like having amnesia, in fact, depression and amnesia should be a kind of excess, I am also afraid that I have amnesia, so it is even worse, today's leader asked me about things, I always answer what I asked, I don't know why this happened, but I really can't remember when it was, what was the matter at that time, I can't figure it out, I also know deeply that such a disease is a kind of torture for anyoneBut I still hope that I can work hard to live, after all, there are so many beautiful people and things, after all, I can also see the sunrise every day, maybe look at the smiling faces of my relatives, I can see that I am doing what I like to do every day, this is the greatest happiness and satisfaction, I really hope I can live a normal life, but still can't!

I also gradually realized that it is difficult to be an ordinary person, because I can't, there are so many problems in my body, and such diseases are still deepening, I have also become an optimistic person, I slowly accepted the reality, because I can't change the reality, it's not that I don't want to change, it's that I work hard, I really can't change, so I have to do this, I can only try my best to live every day, this is my idea, because every day is live, and after every day, this day will never come, not only for me, for anyone is the same, so I take my every day seriouslyand never let yourself regret it.

Because of the poor health, or can not write more, a day can only write some short words out, and then rest early, the body to settle down, today I also found that I am a little stupid, stupid, I don't know why, or maybe everyone who has depression is like this, always so unenergetic, we have a bad weather here today, is a veritable cloudy day, or hope that the sun comes out of the day, you can enjoy the warmth and comfort of the sun in the sun.

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