People are afraid of death, although birth, old age, sickness and death are the most natural things, but many people in the topic of death, it is inevitable that they can not look at death with a normal heart, including me, in October of that year, when a bird flu disease covered every corner of my city, I was also the same as others, I had a high fever, runny nose, such a situation I did not think so, I used to fight against the cold, I never went to the doctor, because it turned out that even if I saw a doctor, took medicine, and took injections, it was still not curable, and the doctor always gave the right medicine every timeIf you have a runny nose, you will be prescribed some medicine for runny nose, and if you have a headache, you will be given some medicine for headache, and the doctor with a fever will give you some medicine to reduce fever, which is what we all know, so when you are very sad about being eroded by the cold virus, you will find a doctor to see, and then the treatment method is all of the above, I know that this method cannot completely cure the cold, so I stubbornly think that my body can still compete with the cold virus every time, at that time, I even insisted on being sad, and later when I had a fever, I knew that I had bird flu, and I was very afraid of death at that time, when the doctor asked meWhen you have a clear nose or a white nose, I know that this is the only way for doctors to judge avian flu and common cold, because we are in rural areas and the medical conditions are not very developed, so doctors diagnose diseases based on their own sights and smells, so all this is not strange. Pen, fun, and www.biquge.info

At that time, I had a clear nose, but I lied, I said white nose, so the doctor didn't isolate me, what a sad thing it was to be quarantined at that time, it meant that I would be sentenced to death, or it meant that I couldn't see the faces of my lovely relatives, and I was afraid of the feeling of being isolated, so I lied, but I knew how serious my condition was. At that time, there were death tolls of bird flu in the news every day, and the words on the banners on the streets, and I could see clearly that bird flu could be cured, not terrible, and I was terrified to the extreme. At that time, I called her, I wanted to be comforted by her words, but she called me back with great concern, and then only asked: "Is it quarantined?"

Perhaps her remark was proof that it was not bird flu, and I said, "No." ”

She then hung up the phone, I know what she thinks, she should think like this, it's not bird flu at all, deliberately scaring me, in fact, I know my condition, but I can't prove myself. In the following days, I still went to the hospital every day according to the doctor's treatment method for the common cold, every time I took a hanging injection, a few large bottles full of them, but after the infusion, I would have a high fever within half an hour, this situation really scared me, I didn't know how to stop myself from having a high fever, at that time every time I would have a fever of 39 degrees, I also got the inexplicable fear and fear in my heart, I had to plan for the worst.

Later, for the next few days, I still had a fever, and at that time I really felt that there was nothing I could do, and I had a high fever, how to cope with life. Things after the fever are even more incredible, I gradually feel my body began to clang, like the sound of ice breaking, and then I don't know anything, my mind is in chaos, but I have a strong desire to survive, because at that time I just graduated from college, I have not yet joined the work, I am afraid that I am sorry for my mother's efforts and expectations, I am the same as others, I am a person who has studied high school and college, the tuition fee when I study is not very expensive, but the tuition fee plus living expenses is also a lot of investment, my mother is the same, for a child who grows up in a single family, the hardships of life can only be experienced by themselves, I'm really afraid of leaving this world, leaving my mother alone, such a thing is cruel, not to mention that in order to study, my mother has suffered a lot, how many times have I suffered for such goals and dreams, but I got sick just after graduating from college, such a fate is something I dare not accept, at that time I was really afraid of death, afraid that there would be no harvest for hard work, and I was afraid that my mother would be sad and disappointed.

That's what I thought before, so I was scared of death at that time, but thankfully after that illness, the doctor actually revived me and I was healthy again. Later, I was looking forward to the end of the world for a reason, and it was also in the days after graduation that I unexpectedly fell in love with someone, but that person didn't like me, she left me with only pain, so many days, she never answered the phone I called her, and she ignored me.

The person in my life, she left me only crying in the middle of the night and the sadness in my heart, I was full of her 24 hours a day, some people may say that I am stupid, people don't like you, you just choose to give up early, don't embarrass yourself, I also think so, I thought of a lot of ways to give up, but the final result still ended in failure, at that time I also read a lot of books about feelings, and even consulted a psychiatrist, but the results were not ideal, those words of giving up all became psychological chicken soup in my place, all of them didn't work, which is a verification of a sentence I had read in a book before, no matter what kind of feelingsNo matter what way and reason you break up, there is only one reason that the love is not deep enough. I have to admit that in that day without her, I was just a walking corpse, I didn't want to live at all, others had a strong desire to survive, but I felt that my life was worthless in front of feelings, I only loved her, and this kind of feeling was just unacceptable to her.

I thought of a lot of reasons to excuse her, I met her when I was working, in the days of working outside, we were all the same, maybe we were deceived too many times, we didn't dare to trust others easily, I sent her messages many times, she never replied to me, that's when I know, every time I talk to her, it's like talking to a wall, it's not a wall, there is no response at all, but why can't I give up?

I was very distressed, in that world where a person talks to himself, everything is so boring, I will like it no matter what she is like at that time, including being beaten and scolded by her, I will also feel happy, but still no, I unexpectedly feel that I am just an outsider in her world.

I like someone so much, but I don't get joy and happiness, that mood is very depressing, every time I am left with only the sound of crying in the middle of the night, I really don't know how to exist, how to suppress my emotions, I can't change my feelings, but I call her but no one pays attention to me, and no one responds to text messages, sometimes when I'm impatient, I use a public phone or someone else's mobile phone to call her, and the result is the same, so I'm very frustrated, what is she busy with every day? I knew clearly at the time that there was a warning posted on the wall of her company, which read: "Maliciously harassed, call 110 to call the police." "I don't know if I think I am harassing her, at that time I think even if she calls the police, even if I have to go to jail, I still can't change my love for her, I also inquired about what kind of legal punishment there will be for harassment, but the result is that she didn't call the police, I am willing to draw a prison for her, in prison I slowly grow old, I am still willing, no regrets.

When the feelings are the strongest, what I want to do most is to see her, that is the best comfort to my soul, but I wandered many times at the door of her company, and still did not see her shadow, once I wanted to go to work in the company opposite their company, the company opposite them happened to be recruiting general workers at that time, I am willing to be a college student to do general workers, I don't feel aggrieved and aggrieved, from the opposite company can see her company's dormitory, that is where she often exists, I just think that I can look at her from a distance, is my greatest happiness。 But it often backfires, and I still don't even see her shadow.

I used to think that I had the most terrible idea, that is, to kidnap her, many kidnapping cases have some kind of deep reason, but I kidnapped her just to see her, a look will send her back safely, at that time I don't know why I am not afraid of the legal sanctions, I once designed such a kidnapping case, in order to see her, I thought in my heart, others kidnap tickets for money, I kidnap tickets but not for money, squatting at the door of her company for two months, I still don't believe that I can't see her come out, this idea lasted for a while, if the judge asked me: "Why kidnap her?", I will definitely say, I want to see her, is this reason a reason, then the police officer will definitely think that I am a psychopath, in order to see others, to kidnap, too exaggerated some facts, the police officer will also think that she is really, want to see each other, as for such a big sensation, it is really a bit unbelievable, two abnormal people. Later, I dispelled such thoughts, because my heartfelt thoughts were that I didn't want her to be hurt psychologically, I loved her, I couldn't hurt her, this was my principle, I couldn't kidnap her regardless of her feelings, I wasn't allowed to do anything that hurt her, I still cared about her feelings. At that time, I said to myself, I hope I can use my practical actions to move her, this is the only way, I really want to know, how long will it be before she is unwilling to treat me so indifferently and can't bear to hurt me.

Once a friend of mine, when he heard me tell my heart that day, of course, he was a very good friend, and he would tell his deepest secret, he concluded that this woman would not pay attention to you in this life, and I really believed him at that time, because I knew that there was no hope at all, at that time I pursued her for 5 years, and still did not hear a word from her, I never knew what kind of hardship she had, I still secretly felt sad for my hopeless feelings, but the saddest thing was that I couldn't give up. Every time I go to find her, I will quietly bring her my heart, I wandered many times on the road of her city, counting every street there, still there is no her, then I feel that I seem to be in love with the women in the palace, those beauties who were chosen by the emperor, but I am the lover who was left out in the cold, and finally could not escape the fate of life and death, at that time I also wrote an article called "The Woman in the Palace Wall" with great interest I don't dare to let her read the article I wrote, because I'm afraid she'll be sad, I'm afraid she'll be hurt, I'm afraid she'll be sad, since I met her, I know that feelings have become the theme of my life, and all my other things revolve around this theme, and my greatest happiness is to be able to go to her city every year in my spare time to take a walk around and relieve my depressed soul that can't breathe.

It's because of such a feeling, I have no interest in other things, at that time I also hated myself, since she doesn't like me, or don't bother her as well, but I just can't do it, so in order not to embarrass her, not to upset her, not to let her negative emotions bring her, my greatest wish is death, then everything will be a hundred with my death, and then just a handful of loess to end it all, her world I shouldn't have come, but I met in a moment, only a moment of retrospective, destined to miss a lifetime。

This is the reason why I look forward to the end of the world, I have seen those who have cancer, spend a lot of money in the hospital without sparing, in order to have a glimmer of hope for survival, others are struggling to escape on the edge of death, but I am on the edge of survival looking forward to death, and others are so different, I deeply feel ridiculous and alternative, but I dare to admit that I really look forward to the death of the end of the world, that kind of death should be a relief for me, maybe a devastating revolution, I hope to be in the grave with so many people, the end of the world when everyone is destroyed together, it is also a spectacle。

The end of the world is a movie "2012" in the United States , This film left a shadow in people's hearts, in the days of that year, I, like many people, watched the prophecy about Mayan culture, the first four of the five prophecies of Mayan culture are very accurate, which confirms the credibility of the fifth prophecy, I really think it is true, other people's rumors are also godlike, rich people can change their fate with money, the only Noah's Ark has become a special seat for rich people, and we poor eggs can only resign themselves to fate.

I told my mother about the latest news, the end of the world, and I thought my mother would be surprised to hear the news. My mother said very indifferently, the end of the world is the end of the world, anyway, the situation of our family is not good, so many rich people don't feel pity, we don't care, that casual mood shocked me, but it's okay, after all, my mother can gladly accept such a natural disaster.

At that time, many people fell into fear, they all felt that if they spent the money they didn't spend before the end of the world, so as not to suffer, they would enjoy life with a lot of hype, some for travel, some for eating, drinking and having fun, some for selfish desires, and some felt that they were not married before the end of the world, and they did not have a girlfriend, which was simply the biggest regret of coming to this world, so they did everything they wanted to do before the end of the world, so that they did not feel regretful, it is this kind of thinking and practice that some people have changed from rich to poor because of their profligacy。 And those who bought the seats of Noah's Ark, and later bought themselves as poor eggs, we also want to squander, but we are poor, we have no money, even if it is the end of the world, we can't do anything, we can only wait for the result.

That day soon came, it was December 22, 2012, which was recognized as the end of the world, and I had been waiting for this day for a long time, and it was rumored that the sun would not come out for three days and three nights from this day, and there would be no dawn, and all kinds of other claims. Maybe it's worrying, I woke up early, at 5 o'clock, the first thing I did was to get up and look at the sky, I didn't even care about wearing clothes, the sky was still as bright as before, the Mayan culture was not as accurate as I imagined, I was in a very complicated mood at that time, a little disappointed, disappointed that I had not succeeded in the death I had been pursuing, I was still a little happy, happy that I did not sell all my property like others, and the news reports for several days in a row were all about people who became poor because of this prophecy, and they couldn't stand such a big blow, crazy, jumping off buildings, aboundingI have nothing to lose because of this prophecy. I feel that I am really a bit of a foolish and pedantic, I do not have a great sympathy for those people, but gloat, I don't know why I have such an attitude at this moment, this is an attitude I have never had before, to my own kind, such cruel ridicule and sarcasm, I am puzzled.

In the days of a week, the sky is still so far away, the water is still so blue, there are still fish in the sea, everything is as usual, I know that the end of the world is just a reverie of my own, but also a trap designed for myself, of course, there are also those who have made a fortune because of the prophecy of the end of the world, but there are too few such people, and then in the face of death, when the danger is approaching and coming again, we still choose to flee for our lives, this is the eternal truth, but those who can't sit still for the sake of prophecy, in the end it is not a more tragic end, as the sketch said, the saddest thing in life is that people are still there, and the money is gone。

Life is still the same as before, nothing has changed, but one thing I have changed, I have become a lot more cheerful, I always feel that life is my own, but luck is someone else's, no one can say the fate of things, many times, no matter how we are not God's accurate calculation, in many cases, we are often forced by reality, we have to go to that path, I have learned to cherish life, every day as the last day of life to see, really effective, I live very happy, but also live a very full life, every day is very fulfilling, in order not to let yourself regret, when recalling the past, do not regret because of wasted years, Don't be ashamed of doing nothing, this is me, living every day is the greatest happiness and joy, just like Shi Tiesheng, even if there are only three days of light, you must grasp the moment, do what you want to do the most, do the most perfect life, and don't let yourself regret and regret.

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