What does it feel like to like people?

Xu Yan doesn't know if it's because she had a serious illness when she was a child, and she doesn't understand things that she loves very well.

For the love between men and women, she understands more through books.

In junior high school, there were already some precocious girls and boys, going to and from school together, and many boys passing by her desk after class.

Xu Yan was very envious of the boys and girls who were together, because they looked very happy.

I also know what the boys who approached her, intentionally or unintentionally, were thinking in their hearts, because their eyes had already said everything.

But junior high school is still too early, whether it is reality or not, she feels that a boy's love for the opposite sex is not love.

Childish admiration may grow up, and there may be a day when you want to mature love.

But that needs to be a joint effort on both sides, not a unilateral effort

Xu Yan always felt that there was someone waiting for her, so she turned a blind eye to the eyes of the boys around her.

By the time she was in high school, she met the first person in her life who she could call a confidant.

Lin Jiajia also likes to watch love, and the taste is the same as hers, and the two exchanged each other's views on love.

Often discuss what love is until midnight.

What is love, is it written in books that men and women are attracted to each other's pheromones, or is it a spiritual resonance?

On this point, Xu Yan and Lin Jiajia have different views for the first time.

Lin Jiajia believes that spiritual resonance is too difficult and takes time to run in, and love should start with pheromones and be loyal to spiritual fit.

Xu Yan disagrees with her point of view, if love begins with pheromones, then the uniqueness of love is a fairy tale, and when you fall in love with someone, you must be spiritually loyal to each other's consciousness for a lifetime.

This is the first time that Xu Yan and Lin Jiajia have ambiguity in their views on love.

It was also after that time that Xu Yan learned that Lin Jiajia actually had a boyfriend who was one year older than him.

The boy is on the school basketball team, and his growth is not bad, every time he plays, there are girls watching near the court, and Lin Jiajia is just one of them.

Lin Jiajia, who was too quiet, would find such a boyfriend, which was completely unexpected by Xu Yan.

Xu Yan herself has never been in love, and she can only remain silent about the relationship between the two.

But is that really good?

Xu Yan was always worried, can Lin Jiajia and him really achieve the spiritual fit she said?

She didn't want to lose this rare friend, and she kept this worry deep in her heart.

Until that Christmas.

The basketball team of No. 3 High School won the championship in the city's basketball competition, and the boys of the basketball team invited the girls from their dorm room to participate in the celebration party.

There is no teacher, it was spontaneously organized by Lin Jiajia's boyfriend and other members of the school team.

Xu Yan didn't like this kind of party where she didn't know too many people, so she didn't go.

She returned home that day, and much later, she received a text message from Lin Jiajia.

'I can't do it, help me.' ’

As soon as she received the text message, Xu Yan panicked and called desperately.

But several calls went to naught, and she finally called the police.

When the police took her to the hotel where Lin Jiajia and the others were, the rest of the school team and the people in their dormitory had already left.

The only people found were Lin Jiajia and her boyfriend, who were sleeping in a bed in the hotel room.

Because the two are boyfriend and girlfriend, and they are both over eighteen years old, the police just criticized and educated and left.

This matter is concluded with the first experience of a young couple and misunderstanding other people around them.

However, it didn't end there, and began to ferment slowly.

The other people in the dormitory had a similar relationship with Xu Yan and Lin Jiajia.

After this incident, Xu Yan often heard them say that Lin Jiajia was willing to go that night, and she was willing, and Xu Yan was nosy at all.

Even in the first few days, they congratulated Lin Jiajia in a strange tone, but as Lin Jiajia did not respond, they gradually fell silent.

The girls in the same dormitory all felt that Lin Jiajia was originally a withdrawn person, and it was not surprising that she did not respond to them.

Only Xu Yan noticed that Lin Jiajia was very wrong, and she had fewer words to her.

Lin Jiajia would send a text message like that night, she must not have done it voluntarily, being hurt by someone she liked, it should have hit her hard.

Because she was worried about Lin Jiajia, Xu Yan had been with her inseparably for half a month.

Her boyfriend hadn't come to see Lin Jiajia once during this time, and Xu Yan gradually felt uneasy.

Half a month later, Lin Jiajia seems to be in better spirits.

Talking about Xu Yan, maybe boys are like this, and the reason why they don't come to her is probably because they feel responsible for her for the first time and spend their time studying and basketball.

In the future they will definitely get married.

When she said this, Lin Jiajia's face was filled with brilliance that Xu Yan had never seen before.

At that moment, Xu Yan thought that maybe Lin Jiajia was right, there should be many kinds of love, maybe there was Lin Jiajia, who got on the bus first and then made up the ticket, and he would be happy in the future.

Xu Yan blessed the two of them to the end in her heart.

But the matter is willing, that summer, Xu Yan heard the bad news of Lin Jiajia's suicide.

Maybe we're all wrong. ’

This is the last text message Xu Yan received from Lin Jiajia.

Are we all wrong?

That winter, it snowed in the south, where it rarely snowed, and Xu Yan was unprecedentedly shaken in the quilt alone.

Xu's father and Xu's mother knew about this and took turns to enlighten her during the Chinese New Year.

Tell her that there are differences between people and people, there are good people and bad people, even if it is wrong, don't give up hope, keep your heart, there is always hope in life.

The words of her parents made Xu Yan gradually open her heart, and she remembered how she felt a long time ago, there will always be someone waiting for her.

Life goes on, Lin Jiajia is gone, and her boyfriend and another girl who often watches him play come together.

Xu Yan knew that Lin Jiajia's death must be inseparable from him, but she didn't say that this was Lin Jiajia's choice.

Lin Jiajia has few friends, and Xu Yan doesn't want her to be talked about after she dies.

But if she doesn't say it, naturally someone will say it.

Especially on Christmas Eve, the incident of her calling the police was brought up again.

Many people say that Lin Jiajia was killed by her, because she called the police, and the originally beautiful things were disturbed by her, so Lin Jiajia's boyfriend alienated his girlfriend who was good with her.

Things were distorted and turned ugly, but Xu Yan couldn't come up with enough evidence to justify it.

Although she had two text messages from Lin Jiajia at that time, one was determined to be a misunderstanding, and the other was just Lin Jiajia's last lament, except for themselves, no one understood the feelings and stories contained in it.

In order to maintain his image, her boyfriend also took advantage of the situation to blame her.

For others, a good high school life is like living in hell for Xu Yan.

In the end, not only the girls, but even the boys' eyes changed when they looked at her.

After struggling to get through to the second year of high school, Xu Yan still can't forget Lin Jiajia's affairs.

Everyone seemed to have forgotten about it, and only occasionally when their eyes fell on her, they would talk in a whisper.

Until one day in physical education class, a basketball rolled in front of her, and a boy ran over to pick it up.

After the boy got the basketball, he didn't leave immediately, and looked at her with the basketball.

"It must be hard to be alone, do you want me to help you? ”

"What are you talking about?"

"I see that you are just one person at school, and everyone seems to have a misunderstanding with you, or I will explain it to you. ”

The boy's smile was very hearty, and he was a little bookish, Xu Yan wanted to say no, but the boy had already decided on his own.

"Behind the library after school, where am I waiting for you. ”

After the boy finished speaking, he left with the basketball in his arms.

After school, Xu Yan hesitated for a long time and brought a bottle of gel water to the back of the library.

Almost no one usually comes to the back of the library, and being asked to go to this kind of place, Xu Yan has already prepared for the worst.

If there are many people, run directly, if there are few people, see what he wants to do, if there is an accident, spray his eyes with gel water, and run away.

As a result, when Xu Yandu was behind the library, he was the only one.

"What the hell is going on with you, I don't need your help. ”

"Don't be so nervous, I'm doing it with good intentions, in fact, I already knew that Wang Feng was not a good person. ”

"The rumors he spread must have distressed you, I have evidence in my hand to prove that before Christmas Eve, Wang Feng stepped on two boats and got along with his current girlfriend. ”

"Obviously I don't love wholeheartedly, but I still have to sleep with her, even if I'm a man, I can't stand it. ”

From the beginning of the meeting, this person has kept a distance of two meters from her, not like there is any malicious intent.

Xu Yan gradually relaxed her vigilance and listened to him talking there alone.

"No, I don't want Jiajia to be talked about underground by others. ”

Things have passed, no matter what is proven, people will not come back to life, the damage has already been done, and no amount of words will only appear hypocritical.

Xu Yan's first meeting with this boy ended with her leaving alone.

She thought that after such a simple refusal, the man would not come to her again.

But two days later, photos of Wang Feng and his current girlfriend spread on the Internet, followed by articles that added fuel and vinegar.

When she returned to the dormitory that day, Xu Yan learned from her new roommate that Wang Feng and the boy had a fight in the gymnasium.

The next day, rumors were flying all over the school.

Xu Yan and the boy met again still in the back of the library, and someone ran to her classroom, saying that her boyfriend was looking for her.

It's inexplicable, she doesn't even know when she will have a boyfriend.

But if she wants to say who this boyfriend is, she can probably guess seven or eight points.

"I'm sorry, it didn't seem to be the way I wanted it to. ”

The boy had a wound on his face and a large purple shoulder on his face, but he had a smile on his face.

"It doesn't matter why I still want to do it, or what I do. ”

Because of the senseless efforts of others, Xu Yan felt as if she owed something to others and was very irritable.

"I'm just looking at him upset, I don't mean anything else, you don't have to care. ”

"Then why did you call me here?"

This time, Xu Yan still had gel water in her hand, and she had the urge to spray this person's face.

"Don't spray me with this, I'll be blind. ”

"I called you here to say that I did it because I liked you. ”

"But don't be nervous, it's just my one-sided business, you don't have to be pressured. ”

"That's it, I'll go first, goodbye. ”

The second meeting ended with the boy leaving alone.

is very irritable, even if she returns to the bedroom, Xu Yan still can't suppress the irritability in her heart.

The first time a boy confessed to her, according to the plot, she should be more or less excited.

But she only felt very stressed and irritable in her heart.

This feeling is not so much heartwarming as an irresponsible debt.

Since then, the boy has not come to Xu Yan again.

Things seem to be really going in a good direction, and the new roommate in the second year of high school gradually took the initiative to greet her.

Whatever the purpose, Xu Yan felt that she might be grateful to him.

But the way they met for the third time was completely unexpected by her.

There is no contact information for the boy, but Xu Yan knows that he is also a member of the basketball team.

During recess, she came to the gymnasium and wanted to call him to the back door of the gymnasium during the basketball training break.

But there were already people behind the gymnasium.

It's that boy and Wang Feng.

"Xu Yan's mobile phone number, I got it for you, you owe me a meal. ”

"Don't worry, I didn't invite you to the two meals you owed last time. ”

"I said that you don't like anyone good, that Xu Yan, I don't feel good when I look at it. ”

"I'm different from you, the more difficult it is, the more interesting it is. ”

"It's almost time for the college entrance examination, don't play too much. ”

"Don't worry, I'm just like you, I've tasted it, I'll let it go. That kind of woman will be haunted for a lifetime if she wants to be serious. ”

Xu Yan, who was hiding in the corner of the gymnasium, also lost her thoughts of thanking her after hearing this.