Before Xiao Lizao's video call invitation came in, Jiang Zimu had just finished reading Shakespeare's sonnets, and was huddled on the sofa and excitedly ordering milk tea with his mobile phone to prepare for returning to the world.

Before he could finish it, he was dazzled by the N headlines that automatically popped up.

Seeing Xiao Lizao's name, Jiang Zimu couldn't help but be curious, searched casually, and found that the Internet was all "Xiao family world" - there were follow-up exclusives from Xiao Lizao to the beginning of connecting with local reporters from Xiao Lizao to the Dousha Hotel last night;

WB, Tieba, Station D, chickens, ducks and poultry groups and cattle and sheep lactation areas were slaughtered almost at the same time. Xiao Lizao and Dou Sha's fans either poured dirty water on each other, for fear that their master would have 0.001% sincerity in this scandal, or they called their brother Taoyuan righteous, seeing that they wanted to go offline, and first stepped on the wedding dress shop crowdfunding for their baby. The polarization of disgust and joy can be called the most puzzling song of ice and fire in the history of China Entertainment.

"We people in the jujube forest have never seen any strong winds and waves. There are always hundreds of little hooves that want to rub the heat every month, we are all used to it, everyone disperses, nothing serious. ”

"Yo, that's a big face. ”

"What? With the name Xiao Lizao, no matter how big the face is, it is a matter of course. ”

"Don't mention the owner of your family, no matter how influential Xiao Li is, it has nothing to do with you as a vicious fan. Say that Sasha is a prodigal hoof, and don't take care of her own face, look at your message to your brother, look like a chicken, not afraid of chicken coop warnings?"

"Hehe, is it because you can't get married in this life, or because your master is lonely and old in this life, that you rely on our dates, and you have to bring the two together?"

"Don't make any noise. If it's a scandal, just wait for the parties to come out to clarify or ignore it directly; if it's true, and the two of them are happy, we will calmly accept the silent blessing, why tear it up like this?"

"Jujube and Sasha were originally good friends, isn't it natural to upgrade from friendship to love? Even without the blessing of love, you are so noisy, are you so determined to embarrass the parties so much that they don't even have to be friends?"

Jiang Zimu glanced at all kinds of background information and the posts of the two fans who spit out fragrant mouths and taught each other to be people, his eyes closed, and the first reaction in his heart was a long sigh of relief.

"My life was saved!"

God knows how much Jiang Zimu has complained about "being beaten and disabled by idol fans" since he became Xiao Da idol's fake girlfriend, which is not within the scope of personal insurance.

"It's very arrogant, this scandal is not the same order of magnitude as the previous ones. If I can push the boat down the river and buckle my girlfriend's big hat on this Dou Sha, then I can be completely liberated in the future!"

Thinking about it makes people's cheekbones ascend to heaven and show their teeth to the public.

was pondering, the mobile phone shook, Jiang Zimu took it over without hesitation, and deafly, Xiao Da Aidou's phone was simply deadly.

"Hello, the user you are calling is temporarily not in the service area, please leave a message after a 'beep'. ”

"Don't make trouble!" Xiao Lizao looked at Jiang Zimu's mechanical expression on the screen, and couldn't figure out whether her understatement was due to excessive anger or ignorance.

"Boss, what do you have to say?"

"That...... Have you ...... from last night to now? What kind of mess do you see?"

Jiang Zimu shook his head in response.

"That'...... Did you receive anything outrageous...... Message?"

Still shaking his head.

"That ......"

Before Xiao Li could find the entry point of this conversation, Jiang Zimu had already tilted his head and squinted, clasped his fists with both hands, and shouted in his mouth, "Perfect combination, one heart and one mind, give birth to a noble son early, and a full house of children and grandchildren!"

"Congratulations, congratulations, I won't drink the wine, so I said...... Can you save money?"

The two of us are not very familiar with each other, far away it is said to be a fan idol, and a little closer is the employee employer, with the red tape of the elements, it can be avoided. However, the baby's blessing is still from the bottom of my heart.

"Clams?" Xiao Lizao swallowed with great difficulty, "I'll follow...... News ...... of bean paste buns Did you see that?"

"It's impossible not to see it. ”

Yo, there are also exclusive nicknames for couples, this wave can be said to be as stable as Mount Tai.

Jiang Zimu shrugged, and his tone was very relaxed, "Don't want the super talk of 'red date bean paste' to be hot." The microscope girls on the Internet have pulled out the little pink of Miss Dou's debut three years ago and the interaction between the two of you in the open and in the dark, and they have also made a chronicle masterpiece. ”

"Don't you know, this time it's simply a carnival feast for the CP party, a blow to the heart of a single dog. If you continue to follow this trend, even if you and Miss Dou hold two children for three years and have a couple for five years, you don't need to worry about the name of the little doll - overnight, Datapool already has more than 800 spare names, and it also supports multiple languages. ”

Xiao Lizao accurately interpreted the black man's question mark face through the camera, his thin lips touched up and down, and his words were unusually flat, "Thank you for the father of hybrid rice, so that you people are full of food and have nothing to do." ”

Jiang Zimu ignored the other party's protest with a gun and a stick, and continued to show off his good memory with a hippie smile.

"In just a few hours, your old man and Miss Dou's ups and downs have successfully washed the entire station list of Station D. Jiang Zimu raised his head as he spoke, chattering with his fingers, "If my instantaneous memory is not wrong, as of seven minutes ago, eighty-three of the TOP100 videos with hits on station D are jujube bean paste CP, covering the top eight, and there are only four fragmented videos with other themes in the top twenty." The show of several local TV stations in Europe has also been sinicized in the shortest possible time by translators who have been temporarily borrowed. ”

Jiang Zimu shook his head and thought about the "extremely creative" translations he had glimpsed, "It's not me saying it, boss, time is tight and the task is heavy, as soon as your big melon of the century comes out, I feel sorry for those temporary wild subtitle groups at Station D." ”

"What's more, the photos you always posted on Weibo outside the big show, that is, the freshest blog post with pictures, reached 270 million comments in seven days, which has already broken the Guinness World Record set by yourself last year. ”

"And ......"

"STOP!" Xiao Lizao stretched out his hand, directly cutting off Jiang Zimu's desire to continue to show off his skills. "Since you've seen it all, then I asked you just now, why is your answer wrong?"

"Huh?" Jiang Zimu was stunned for a moment, "Are you asking about any messy and outrageous news, the matter of your relationship with Miss Dou is normal for me, what is there to make a fuss about?"

Without waiting for Xiao Li to answer, Jiang Zimu began to talk to himself again, without the slightest sense of disgust.

"Although, in the next few days, I can't continue to make money from the part-time job of pretending to be a girlfriend, but I am very pleased that you can have a stable and good-looking girlfriend, and I uphold the broad mind of an old mother. ”

"As for the follow-up cooperation between us, don't worry, I won't ask for a big price. When we do business, it's about reputation. Jiang Zimu clasped his arms to his chest and said with a smile: "I just took over a new job at a publishing house recently, and I need to translate two large volumes of medical professional books. Because I am a long-term partner, I am more recognized by my level, so their quotation is very considerable. Therefore, you put a hundred and twenty hearts, and I don't need to make up for the missing part of the money from the business of changing fortunes. ”

"Huh. "It's all at this time, are you a goddess full of money or a little money?

"Do you know what I want to do most right now?"

Jiang Zimu pursed his lips, and said in his heart, "You are from the fourth dimension, but your brain is still no bigger than a walnut, and your thinking pattern is not in the same galaxy at all, okay? Where can I guess what you want to do?

"Right now, I want to go to the bank, exchange a pool full of coins, and then press your head into it!"

"If my head is stuffed in as you wish, will the money be mine?"

"It's yours, it's all yours!" Xiao Lizao's anger was almost full, "If you really want to die inside, I will directly change the villa pool into a cemetery, and I will even give you a solid pure gold tombstone!"

When Jiang Zimu heard this, his eyes rolled, and the words he said immediately almost didn't make Xiao Li choke to death.

"Boss, actually, if you change it to a 100-yuan bill, let alone let me stuff my head into it, I can give you a freestyle, backstroke, breaststroke, butterfly, synchronized swimming, 10-meter jump, scuba diving, etc., etc., You name it! If you can replace the 'red pool' with the 'green pool', I'll get a half-hour bikini opening dance. ”

Xiao Lizao had a dark face, didn't say a word, and ran his fingers back and forth on the end call button three thousand six hundred and fifty times, but finally failed to harden his heart.

"Boss, I wish you and Miss Dou happiness. If there's nothing to do, I'll hang up? I'm in a hurry to order milk tea takeout to replenish my physical strength to move bricks. "It's so exciting to run when you're done.

"Wait a minute!"

Xiao Li snorted early, and leaned forward again, "Don't hang up, this time, I'll hang up first! Why do you hang up on my phone every time? I Xiao Li don't want to lose face? I gave birth to a noble son early? I'll give you a sack of scarabs! I'll give you a truckload of white rabbit toffee! I'm so angry! I'm really angry!"

What about the faintly expected excitement of love before the call, or is it the pear blossom with the rain and the pitiful? No matter how bad it is, it has to be angry and white-faced? No, no, all of them.

Don't say anything about jealousy and tampering with Dou Sha's fortune, judging from Miss Jiang's various reactions at the moment, she didn't cook sheep and slaughter cattle and said that Qing was self-restraint. Looking at the unflattened look on the mobile phone screen that should eat, drink, and not put the scandal in his heart, even Xiao Lizao himself couldn't afford to be cheeky and used the excuse of "wanting to catch and indulge" to make up for it.

Jiang Zimu listened to Xiao Lizao's headless and brainless milk and fierce vomiting, and couldn't help but sigh in his heart: Why do you lose your temper again for some reason? Man, there are always a few days every month...... Why do I run into them in those days every month? Otherwise, I won't call for takeout, go downstairs to the milk tea shop to pick up and then buy two-color balls on the way? I heard that a new hot dry noodle shop has opened next door to the milk tea shop, hehehe......

"Ahh

Jiang Zimu was so frightened by Xiao Li's early drink that he waved his hand busily, "Where is it, how can there be?"

Jiang Zimu: This sentence "how can there be" is not a denial that I am distracted, but a denial that we are discussing an important topic.

"I don't care, this time I have to hang up the phone first, there is no negotiation!"

Jiang Zimu's face tilted to the side, and he pouted disdainfully: If you want to hang it, hang it, with this talking skill, you have already hung it more than two hundred times.

"Yes, yes, what a roar, you hang up first, I won't rob you. ”

As long as the deceased is willing to subjectively maintain emotional stability, I remember to buy a bouquet of chrysanthemums for you during the New Year's holidays in the future.

Xiao Li had already felt that he must have been installed with some kind of "three-minute self-confidence depletion device" in his body, and the person on the screen was both a mechanism and a criminal hand that triggered the mechanism.

"I have to show the momentum of my invincible idol in the universe, it's not a way to be led by the nose all the time. "But who called us poor donkey skills?

"Who am I? I'm Xiao Lizao! The fame is so great that the earth can't fit it. ”

"The subtle act of hanging up the phone can reflect a person's psychological state. Should I use experiential expressionism, or should I choose expressionism?"

"Or, is the essence of methodism more suitable for the current situation?" I am a successful crossover actor who has won international awards.

Just as Xiao Da Idol peeked at the portrait on the screen from time to time, while repeatedly struggling in his heart, Jiang Zimu held his arm on the other end of the phone and pinched the time, and his face began to be impatient.

"BOSS, are you hanging up?"

"Di~~~" Xiao Lizao heard the emergency alarm in his head, he didn't respond to a word, his face sank, his hand was upright, looking at the words on the mobile phone that the call ended, Xiao Lizao felt that he should have exploded on the spot.