The results of the college entrance examination came out, not as bad as I imagined, but it also did not meet my minimum expectations, I really hope that he will go to a school one by one, but this is just my wish, some things have already come out, and there is no point in going back and denouncing the past.

Throughout my life, the college entrance examination is not the most important thing in life, among my high school classmates, there are many people who have excellent results in the college entrance examination and have been admitted to good schools. There are some high school students who are in a mess, but their later lives are harmonious and beautiful, and some of them are not good at studying, and they barely go to college or junior college, but now their careers are booming······ I know this truth, but I still can't get over this hurdle when I get to my own son, just like the so-called Marxist-Leninist flashlight, only shining on others and not on myself, and I always have some regrets in my heart.

Although I restrained my emotions, I was happy to see my unhappiness and said, "Mom, I want to have a good talk with you." ”

I also think it's okay to have an open and honest conversation with Happy because he's going to college.

That night, we made a pot of Pu'er tea, the burgundy soup shone in the light of the noble and charming color, I tried to put aside my mother's tone, and talked happily as a friend, hoping that our conversation would guide or help him in the upcoming university life.

At first, the mother and son were silent for a long time, not knowing where to start, not knowing how to turn it on to make the other party more comfortable, so they drank a few cups of tea in silence.

Eventually, the silence was broken by Happy, and he said, "Mom, I know you're not happy because I've been like this." ”

I paused and said cautiously: "I am talking to you today because I want to communicate as a friend, so I don't say anything in a way of accusation or denunciation, I just want to discuss with you why, from these things may be able to lead to differences in our views, we can discuss, but we can't be anxious, let alone lose your temper, if you promise me this, my mother can open the door to communicate with you like a friend." ”

Happy thought for a while and said, "I promise you." ”

I replied, "I'm a little unhappy because of your grades, not because of the grades themselves, but because I think you could have done better, but you seem to have been affected by something, and you didn't exert all your strength at a relatively critical time in your life, which is what makes me unhappy." I don't want to hide it from you, but when I moved the cabinet in your room that day, I saw a thick tower of letters, and although I knew it was a private letter, I read it anyway, and I'm sorry. I was not happy after reading it, and what I was worried about finally happened, and I was sad. ”

happily put the cup on the coffee table and said loudly, "Mom, how can you snoop on other people's privacy?"

Seeing that the happy mood began to go manic, I lowered my head, took a sip of tea, and only raised my head for a long time, looking happy: "I'm sorry, I know it's not good, if you can't control your emotions, otherwise our communication today will be here, this is the rule we set before we start talking." ”

Happy was silent for a while and said, "Okay, Mom, don't do this in the future." ”

I replied, "Okay." Can you talk to your mother about why you promised your mother something, but in the end something went wrong with this kind of thing, what is your mental journey?"

Happy lowered his head, rubbed his hands vigorously, and said, "Mom, do you want to hear me talk about how I have felt for so many years? Although it is not the answer to this question, I want you to know how I have felt for so many years, and the answer is here. ”

I looked at me in amazement, and I looked at me with joy. I suddenly felt that the happy person sitting opposite me was very strange, a height of one meter seven or eight, with a chubby figure, and I was short and thin on the other side, how discordant this picture was.

Happy cleared his throat and said to me: "Mom, don't be sad when you hear these words today, this is the truest thought in my heart." I nodded.

"Mom, do you know what is the happiest time I remember? It was the kindergarten days, I remember my dad taking me to the field to fly my remote pilot, I remember the teachers being very nice to me, the children were very good, and Mom, you always went out with me and never forced me to do anything. It was the happiest time in memory. If we continue to stay there, Mom, you don't transfer jobs for me to go to school, and we don't move for me to go to school! Financially speaking, we will go to school in a local school, and we don't have to spend so much money on tuition fees, and there are so many fees for tutoring, and after so many years, the cost of tuition and tutoring for renting a house is estimated to be no less than 450,000 yuan, and our family's economy has never improved; From the family point of view, you used to be very good with your father, but since you transferred jobs, do you know your mother? Your face is unhappy, I see that the relationship between you and your father is getting colder and colder, and there is also the depression in the small house, and the atmosphere at home is always filled with a tense atmosphere; seeing that you are unhappy, I always want to do better, but do you know Mom? The gap between me and them is too big, they have already learned what the teacher says, and no matter how hard I try, there is a gap between me and them. In an environment where you always feel very bad at the end, you can often feel slighted. Mom, I have low self-esteem in that environment, and although I work hard, they are both good and harder. So the six years of primary school I had a hard time, and I wondered more than once if I was a particularly stupid child, and my self-confidence was completely destroyed in this school. ”

Looking at the joyful and painful recollections, my tears have been rolling in my eyes, and those unbearable years have reappeared in front of me. I have always hated my husband's decision back then, which made those six years of life miserable, but I don't know that the most bitter thing turned out to be happy, he is the real bearer of all this pain, and it depends on my face every day because of pain in those years, and I have to bear the family atmosphere of my parents' cold war.

For so many years, I have always had a thought, that is, I was too greedy, and I said in front of Nanhai Guanyin: "I only want to have a child, may he be healthy and happy." "Yes, may he be healthy and happy. When you don't have children, how I want to have children. The sky has eyes, and finally has a child, although he was born prematurely, but he is very healthy, I did not continue to give him happiness, and kept increasing, more and more desires, almost depriving him of all happiness. What's more, what kind of physical condition was I born in that year, and all the mistakes I made back then, and the vows I made, have I forgotten them?

I was a little panicked to see that I was so reactive, and said, "Mom, don't get emotional." ”

I sighed and said to Xingxing, "Son, there are many things you don't know, and your heartfelt words are too touching to my mother." Mom and Dad made you suffer, I'm sorry. ”

Slow down today, I'll digest what you said, let's continue tomorrow, okay?

Happy poured me a glass of water and said, "Mom, there are happy ones, but the pain is more." ”