"Hello everyone, my name is Li Zhengzheng, and I am mentally retarded, but I was forced. ”

"Do it all over again!"

“。。。 ”

"Hello everyone, my name is Li Zhengcheng, and I am mentally retarded...."

"The host was watched by many people, and felt extremely ashamed, and the excitement value was +50"

Hello everyone, my name is Li Zhengcheng, that was a memory just now, and now it is my real inner monologue.

I'm sure you're curious about why I would do something that only the mentally handicapped do, but it's a long story to explain, and it all started from the day I was stoned to death by frozen tofu...

It was a clear, flawless morning, and I kissed goodbye to my pillow that had been lingering all night amid the endless bombardment of alarm clocks.

"Huh... A fishy smell. ”

Although I looked disgusted, I still held the curiosity mentality of figuring out how smelly the socks were, no matter how smelly they were.

"Gross... ”

I succeeded in breaking my mindset early in the morning.

With two fingers tucked the pillow into the washing machine, no longer remembering the disgusting smell, I picked up my toothbrush and hummed my favorite childhood tune to the mirror as I brushed my teeth.

"Don't look at me as just a sheep~ The cleverness of a sheep is unimaginable~ Elephant~"

I brushed my teeth quickly and began my daily self-appreciation behavior in front of the mirror.

"Hey boy, you're so fucking handsome!"

After appreciating, I looked at the alarm clock at half past eight at the head of the bed. . .

"you!"

The mentality collapsed again.

I hurriedly picked up my bag and ran all the way downstairs, riding my high-end pure bio-energy two-wheeled car, and whizzing in the direction of the school.

"Gan!"

When I was halfway through the ride, my high-end car with my sexy hips suddenly burst.

The moment I roared and crashed head-on into the tree, no, it should have been the moment I saw a couple kissing next to the tree, I was sure.

Today's water reversal...

In this way, I carried the big bag on my head, and pushed my half-discarded high-end car for a long time with the unhappy attitude of eating a mouthful of dog food.

However, just as I saw the locked school gates and Saturday on my phone screen...

My mentality collapsed again, and this time completely.

"I... ”

Seriously, if there was a dog running in front of me now, I would have walked over and patted it on the head and told him in a serious way that I finally knew what it was like to eat shit, and it was fucking uncomfortable.

The distance between my home and the school is not short, if I push the scrapped bicycle back, I am afraid that it will be night when I get home, I have no choice but to find a nearby place to repair the car, and pay a full fifty yuan of hard-earned money of working people to help my high-end car return to the top.

While waiting for the car to be repaired, I boredly flipped through the yellow calendar in my phone to see which god I had offended today.

"The spirit of heaven and the spirit of the earth, the queen mother shows her spirits, come and sign it!"

Seeing that the yellow calendar also has the function of online lottery, I couldn't help but be interested, and tried to make a shot.

"Hey, don't say it, this thing is pretty smart. ”

As the picture of the bamboo tube shook, a lot flew out of the bucket, and sure enough, the next sign was placed.

"I'll see... Don't look in the mirror today... Don't hum songs. Don't ride... Avoid tofu. ”

After reading all the signings, my face was covered with black lines.

"Nima... Dare I step on everything except tofu?"

"Come on, lad, your tires are repaired. ”

The master who repaired the car had a lewd smile on his face, and at a glance, he knew that he had earned at least forty-five out of fifty dollars of hard-earned money.

"Uh... Master, can you store the car here?"

I thought about the taboo riding on the sign, although I was bold enough not to believe this, but... Those who should be cowardly still have to be coaxed, in case something really happens, it's too late to regret it.

"Yes, you can! fifty a day!"

The master who repaired the car laughed even more arrogantly when he heard this.

"Excuse me, excuse me... ”

When I heard the master shouting for the price, I immediately pushed the cart and left, joking! Fifty yuan! Although it is not a lot of money, I am greedy for money!

"Forget it, ride back, isn't it just a draw, and you can break Lao Tzu's leg?"

In this way, I rode all the way home, turning back every two seconds and stopping every five seconds on the road, and then continued to ride after making sure that there was no danger around.

"Cut, let's just say that these feudal superstitions are unreliable, Lao Tzu is riding, don't you see it?"

Just after seeing the shadow of home, I let my guard down, slowed down and lifted my legs to get out of the car in one go, and then successfully stepped on a pile of still hot dog shit.

“。。。。 ”

At this time, I was surprisingly calm in my heart, I really didn't want to comment too much about today's encounter, anyway, I stepped on, not eating, and I didn't panic.

"The price of soy products is on sale! Soybean skin is sold at half price! Buy tofu and get slippers!"

Just as I was trying to rub off the disgusting stickiness of the soles of my shoes with my space steps, the cries of a small supermarket not far away caught my attention.

"I like it!"

I pushed the cart towards the source of the sound, and was about to buy a catty, but I remembered the words "avoid tofu" in the signature.

"Bean skin... Is it tofu?"

I was very entangled, oscillating between the fear of feudal superstition and the loyalty to the bean skin, and just as I was thinking about it and preparing to leave, I suddenly succumbed to and superstition in the wail of my stomach!

"Fuck the sign! I'm so unlucky today, I have to treat myself, I don't believe what can I do if I eat tofu skin?

In the end, I bought a whole pound of tofu skin and walked home satisfied.

"What do you do? Roll enoki mushrooms, or do you just eat bibimbap?"

Just as I was making my decision, suddenly a piercing scream came from behind me!

"Ah!!!!!!!!!!!! something has fallen!"

When I heard this, I looked up and saw that there was a square, white unidentified object on the top of the 30-story building next to me, which was falling rapidly, and it seemed that it would fall about two steps in front of me.

The girl behind me was still screaming loudly, attracting a lot of attention, and I really thought it was too noisy, so I turned around and said something to stop it.

"Sister, don't panic, you can't hit anyone, I don't believe you... ”

I had just taken a step forward to comfort the girl, but the disgusting slippery sensation instantly reduced the friction between the soles of my shoes and Mother Earth to zero.

"Nima!"

I took a few steps back and sat down on the ground, instinctively looking up when I sensed something approaching overhead.

"Tofu avoidance"

These three words popped into my mind the moment before I was smashed, because I finally saw what the hell it was that had fallen and was about to hit my head, a piece of frozen tofu that was as hard as a brick...

"Bang!"

As a dull crash echoed through my eardrums, all I wanted to know was if I would make headlines tomorrow for "slipping on dog shit and being stoned to death by frozen tofu."

“。。。。 ”

"I'm cold?"

When I came back to my senses, I found myself standing naked in a place of nothingness, surrounded by a warm white, and nothing else.

"A dead man was found on the side of the road, and the system was loaded... ”

Just when I was bewildered and overwhelmed, a strange voice suddenly came into my head.

"System!"

"Could this be the legendary Heavenly Descent System?"

I am very happy to think of this situation, and this is undoubtedly the greatest gift for me who has read countless system cool articles on weekdays!

"Hahaha, I'm going to be invincible!"

I still remember the elated madness I felt, and I regret that I didn't reject this system to the extreme, which is why I now stand in front of the public and say that I am wise.

"Not bad, yes, this system is very happy to watch the excitement, I really like you as a host more and more!"

"Don't... You don't like it ... Spare me ... ”

Now I really just want to gnaw off the scalp of this nasty sand sculpture system in my head, and I can't ask for anything else.