December 7, 2008 is supposed to be the last time I write in my diary.

Since April 21, 2005, the day I learned of my illness, I have developed the habit of keeping a diary every day to keep a little memento for myself, whether or not anyone will read it in the future.

But now, I think I'm afraid I can't do it.

Not long after I returned from Beijing, my condition began to deteriorate dramatically, and all the organs in my body were failing at an alarming rate. Yesterday, I heard from the doctor that I only have two months left to live for me at most, which means that the rehabilitation treatment plan that lasted for a whole year has completely failed.

Hehe, foreign hospitals are only good at this, and they will not hide anything from patients.

In fact, when I was in Beijing, everything was quite normal, I could run and jump, and even climbed the Great Wall Haohan Slope alone. But it's only been a few months, and I can't even get out of bed, and I don't even have the strength to press the keyboard, and for me, time may really be running out.

The bed next door had been empty since the girl was gone, and perhaps one day from now, the same would be the same.

However, this time I went back to Beijing, it was also a matter of heart, and what made me even happier was to see my sister, when I received the ring left to me by Beizizhu from my sister, my tears once again flowed without warning.

The ring is beautiful and I will always wear it.

His depression and his depravity this year made me feel a deep sense of guilt, so I decided to let him put me down completely. And the only way to get him to let go seems to be to hate, and only by making Beizi Pig hate me thoroughly can he return to his normal life trajectory. Only by making Beizi Pig hate me can he make him like other girls without worries, and this is probably the only thing I can do for him now.

Let my sister put the photos I took in the Bird's Nest into the QQ album.

Beizi Pig, you always say that we have a heart, then I firmly believe that if this is the case, then you will definitely see it.

My sister said, "You're a big fool." ”

Beizi pig, since you can't make you love me for a lifetime, then let you hate me for a lifetime. So that at least someday in the future, you will remember me, and at least you will say, "There was a girl in my life who deceived me." ”

But a month later, there was still no news from my sister, and I couldn't help but get anxious.

But there is providence in the dark, and on October 3, 2008, the 365th day after I left Beizizhu, I finally waited for my sister's call, and Beizizhu saw the photo.

In other words, the lie is not far from the goof, but Beizi Pig will never know, behind this lie, what awaits him will be another helpless deception from me......

On November 13th, it was time to come.

Beizi Pig, you want me to give you an explanation, but I really can't explain it, the only thing I can do is keep saying I'm sorry. I'm sorry Shellfish, I really don't have a choice! My health is getting worse and worse, and I don't know how long I can last it. Half a year, a month, or a week, maybe tonight.

No one can understand my loneliness, lying alone in an empty hospital room, staring at the ceiling with empty eyes, a kind of helplessness that watches life pass but is powerless to grasp. It's been a long time since I've cried, I've learned to be strong and calm over the years, but the moment I hear your voice, I still cry.

I used to like to cry in front of you, and then happily watch you scrambled to comfort me, I'm used to your pampering.

The plan has been successful, but I can't be happy, I can do everything I can to make you hate me, but I can't face my soul anyway. Sometimes I wonder if you had come to me two years ago and I could have refused with all my heart, would you and I be much better off now? I also hate why I loved you in the first place, I loved you but couldn't bring you happiness, and I hurt you so deeply now.

Six years ago, you came to my house for the first time, held my hand for the first time, hugged me in your arms for the first time, and kissed me for the first time. But I feel that your heart was stolen from Chu Chu by me, and everything is just an illusion like a mirage, so I didn't take your promise at that time seriously.

I hate Chu Chu, to be precise, jealousy, how jealousy of Chu Chu can make you fall in love easily, and I have to pay a thousand times more than her. Thinking about it now, I suddenly feel that I am really naïve and ridiculous, but in fact, you still love me after all.

November 18th, Beizi Pig, do you remember this day? This is the sixth anniversary of our beginning! Six whole years, six years have passed unconsciously, six years are a long time, and they can completely change a person.

During this day, I lay in bed thinking a lot, and my heart was full of hesitations and contradictions. Do you know that, after hearing your violent reaction on the phone that day, all of a sudden, I completely lost the courage to continue the lie. Keep asking yourself, is this really the right thing to do, is it really worth it?

Beizi pig, I think I regret it!

Perhaps two people should be honest when they love each other, rather than deceiving and concealing again and again. After thinking about it for a while, I felt that I should tell you the truth completely, and as for the outcome, maybe I don't have the energy to care about it anymore. But why, the email that was finally written did not have the courage to send it......

This morning my father asked me, "Where would you be if that day came, would you be Spain or China?"

I laughed and didn't say anything.

"China?"

I shook my head.

"Spain?"

I shook my head again.

Dad looked at me with some doubts, but there was a unique pampering of fatherly love in his eyes: "Then you say, no matter what decision you make, Dad will support you." ”

"Take me to the Aegean Sea, take me there, take me to the most beautiful place in the world...... I've watched the Aegean Sea countless times in TV dramas, and I think it should be an extremely beautiful place!

Dad, you cried, you hugged me and cried bitterly. And in my vague impression, this should be the first time you shed tears in front of your daughter. I'm sorry, Dad.

“...... When the time comes, you must call your mother, and we will go together. Ever since I was a child, I've always looked forward to one day traveling with my family......"

I just leaned on my father's broad shoulder and kept muttering to myself.

(2010.10.21 This chapter has been revised, and the whole book is finished.) )