At the beginning of her freshman year of high school, she was the third-to-last girl in her class, so not many people paid attention to her, and so did I. In fact, I don't pay attention to anyone.

Although I was ahead of her, the science I was good at by the eleventh year was gone, and my English was so poor that I was at the bottom of my class in several exams.

That's what I expected, and I thought to myself, there's nothing I can do about it.

But what is surprising is that with the passage of time, she who was originally at the bottom of the class actually made a leap forward in the exam again and again, and was suddenly included in the top three in the class.

You know, my class is one of the two key classes, and the top three means that her grade ranking must also be in the top ten!

Everyone began to pay attention to her, and the teacher also mentioned her from time to time in class, her notes, her homework was neat, elegant and fresh, she memorized everything that should be remembered, and she also remembered what she didn't need to remember.

I only got acquainted with her in my sophomore year of high school, and I sat in the front row in my freshman year, and she was in the back row, and the group was different, and there was no communication between the two at all. In my sophomore year of high school, I changed my table mate, and my roommate became my dorm director, and she was in the group next to me.

I don't know when it started, the head of the dormitory and her got acquainted, and privately even rumored that they became boyfriend and girlfriend. But I know it doesn't matter, she became his girlfriend just to push him to study.

She is so pure and lovely, her words and deeds are delicate, and when she talks to her, the piece in her heart is gentle, and it can't make people resist tough thoughts. That was my first feeling about her.

I can't help but want to take care of such a girl, just like I want to take care of the flowers, and I don't dare to show off all my behaviors in front of her, for fear of hurting her.

I even wonder how such a beautiful flower could have been born in today's environment.

I was curious, and I would interject a few words whenever the head of the dormitory talked to her. Actually, my behavior is a bit like a light bulb of jealousy. Slowly, I finally got acquainted with her.

Whenever I had a question, the first person I wanted to ask was her, and she was so helpful that no one would refuse to ask her questions.

Over time, she took on an important place in my heart: a friend to confide in.

However, the friends who can be put into my heart, it is not an exaggeration, but they are only a handful. Some people say that I am cold, but who knows that people who are cold are often fragile in their hearts?

The high coldness is just a means for them to disguise themselves and protect themselves. When I was in junior high school, I felt like I was going to cry when my teacher criticized me casually, and the same was true in high school, I was too fragile to be a boy, or did I have too much self-esteem?

I try to be as serious as possible, in fact, after so much, I've gotten used to having a cold face. Why? Because I was afraid that they would hurt me, so that I closed myself, and who knows what a weak and stoic heart is under my cold eyes!

What position did she put in her heart? Maybe it was just an ordinary male friend? A friend who could be forgotten at any time and anywhere, she had no shortage of friends, and she had much more than me.

I'm afraid to ask her questions, and sometimes, when I call her a few times, she shouldn't hear her, but yes, for some reason, I don't speak very loudly, as if I am deliberately suppressed.

This embarrassed me as a boy, asking her questions but she shouldn't, and to be honest, I was very disappointed, so I tried to avoid asking her questions. I know that she is too busy, and the head teacher gives her a lot of hope, so she is also under a lot of pressure, but usually she can't see it.

What is the force that supports this flower to take on so many responsibilities, you know, she is the kind of girl who looks weak!

So I'm afraid, I'm afraid that asking questions will have a certain emotional impact on her, I'm starting to be afraid to ask her questions, I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid!

It was a few days before my birthday, and in my self-talk, she knew that my birthday was coming. The next day, she gave me a birthday present, nothing more than some trinkets and a bookmark.

It reads: Happy birthday, I wish you a successful contract as soon as possible, and then I wish you to grow taller and become whiter or something. COUGH, GOODGOODSTUDYDAYDAYUP!

I was really touched, although I was a little helpless to be told by the girl to grow taller and whiter, but I was still very happy, because no one ever gave me a birthday gift, not even a piece of paper, and speaking of which, I haven't had a birthday for several years.

This is my most memorable year in high school, although there are occasional losses and sorrows, but she gives me the most emotion and responsibility.

But in the third year of high school, I finally started to divide classes, and I was lucky to be placed in the same class as her, but the distance between me and her widened again: I sat in the front row, she sat in the back row, and the group was different.

She had more new friends, including a boy who wasn't in our class. He sat next to her, yes, he took my place, he had a good conversation with her, and I was inferior to him compared to that, because I couldn't talk much.

Gradually, gradually, the distance between me and her grew from far to near, from near to far, and from far to near.

I finally understood that those days were gone.

Sure enough, there is a swallow in her name, and now I am like winter to her, shouldn't the swallow leave in winter?

Shu, is the first girl I liked, no, I can't say that, I should say that it was the first girl who made me have a strong heartbeat.

Since the second year of high school, Shu has become good friends with Yan.

Shu sat next to me in front of me, and from the first time I noticed her, I had a feeling of amazement, like, so similar, she looked a lot like a classmate of mine in junior high school, she entered the third middle school, and she only took the initiative to talk to me about science.

I don't know when I fell in love with Shu, I just thought she was good-looking, but as time went by, I slowly learned about her character: open and lively, cute and a little innocent.

Her smile attracted me, and this kind of throbbing from the depths of my heart was something I had never felt in other girls.

If the swallow is a clean and immaculate flower, then Shu is the light that combines fiery and smart, yes, she is a ball of light, a ball of light that can make my heart surging with light scattered at will.

It's the first time I want to add a girl's QQ.,The first time I cheekily asked the head of the dormitory to ask her QQ.,But it's also the first time.,She added me.,But delete me.,For several days.,My heart is gray.。

After that, I finally added her, and I vaguely described to her my affection for her, and she replied, "We can be friends."

For this answer, I am not much surprised, it is good to be friends, what girl like me who is not white and not tall?

Besides, I don't know anything, I haven't even been outside much, I've only stayed at home all day, in other words, I'm not in the same world as everyone else, no one can understand my mind, no one can guess what I'm thinking.

Shu walked into my inner world, and Yan was the same, but they didn't give me more joy and warmth at a deeper level, too, we are just classmates, why do people care about you so much?

It's just classmates, yes, classmates! At most, it's just a friend's hat on the basis of classmates! However, the so-called friends, when they intersect with each other, are like people.

I can't speak, so I'm used to silence, which doesn't mean I like silence, I don't like to greet people, but that doesn't mean that I ignore the other person if I don't say hello.

I always watched them silently from behind or in secret. Why? Seeing them laugh might make me feel a little more joyful, right? No one knows how many times I watched, because I can't remember.

The poem is the same table of the second high school student, although she is not very white, but she looks good, and her grades have been ninth, but unfortunately, or she has become relaxed when she enters a vocational school, and learning has become her weakness, which is simply a fall from the sky to the ground, and a rise from the earth to the sky.

Of course, she didn't really want to study well, and she would turn around and ask me math questions every night when she was studying on her own, and the head of the dormitory and I were always annoyed by her and couldn't do our homework.

But we're having fun, too. She didn't ask questions for a while, and I suddenly felt uncomfortable, and when I thought about it, Shi was also a good girl, although she was a little stupid, but at first glance it was quite attractive.

The most regrettable thing for me is that Shu is a general student, and she goes home in the evening, and if she also participates in evening self-study, it should add a lot of fun.

The sophomore year of high school is really a very evocative year, that year, I also met Xiao, she is Yan's good friend, but she doesn't like to talk much, she is a quiet girl, but no one would have thought that when this quiet girl speaks, how generous, how vivid, and how brave!

Her silence seemed to be somewhat similar to mine, but it was not really, and if it were me, I would not have been able to go to the podium for ten minutes and not change my face. I admire her, really. She also walked into my heart, and I could feel from the QQ chat that she was closer to me than Yan and Shu.

Senior year of high school has been a really sad year, and I'm still struggling with it.

After the class, Xiao is gone, the poem is gone, although Yan and Shu are still there, they have also become the same table. But the communication between them and me has changed from the original 1 to 0, in fact, most of me still talk to Yan the most, and Shu ...... As much as I like her.

Yes. I can now say unequivocally that I like her, and the funny thing is that I have minimal communication with her, I really don't know what to say to her, what to talk about, and for me, a guy who can't speak, this kind of ending is inevitable, right?

I am destined not to chase girls, I can't talk sweetly, I can only say a few words.

I sat at the front of the class with 44 students in four groups of 11 each, and I was tragically the first lucky one to not be at the same table. Coupled with Yan and Shu in the back, it made me feel more deeply lonely.

Yan and Shu seem to be the most lively after this shift, Yan is also infected with some of Shu's agility, occasionally I go to the toilet and see them playing in the water or jumping up and down the stairs next to them.

It's nice, they're having fun, aren't they?

......

In the midst of laughter, the past was dusty, and I looked at you in the dark and smiled, and then, the corners of my mouth gently swept a bitter arc.

Loneliness is a devil that accompanies you like a shadow, and only the strong can defeat it.

But am I strong? Who can give me the answer?

November 8, 2015 diary