When I was in class, I felt full, and when I was on vacation, I felt empty. I don't know what my purpose in life is.

For most of the time since I was a child, I have been shrouded in pain, I have been swayed by emotions, I have been drawn by the things and things around me, I can't help myself, everything I do has no emotion, no color and no happiness.

For a while, I wondered about the meaning of life, why do we live, and what is the purpose of this cycle of death and life, life and death, and so on, and so on.

I've been thinking since junior high school, and I'm still thinking about it in high school. I don't understand why people who spend all their time working hard to achieve results just want to be comfortable in the future? Yes, this does determine the material life in the future, but is this really what you want?

Some people may wonder, who doesn't want to have a good life, unless it's a psychopath!

I don't know if anyone has discovered that even if you have a bright future, even if you have achieved your ideals, even if you have hundreds of millions of wealth, even if you have a beautiful wife who understands you or a handsome husband who understands you, even if you have won countless honors, in the end, ...... Or will die.

When death comes, it all becomes nothing. Some people may say that I only focus on enjoying the process and not caring about the result. To put it bluntly, such an idea is self-deception.

Take 10,000 steps back, let's not talk about life and death. Let's talk about what happens when you get so much. As the days go by, maybe you don't have to go to work every day, maybe you just sit in the office and play on the computer. Day after day, year after year, don't you get bored?

Do you suddenly realize that the poor days seem to be quite flavorful, and want to try it? Don't think it's impossible, in fact, this kind of mentality is common.

Because you will definitely struggle for those days, you will feel that this memory is very good, not that you like those days, but you are tired of the current days and want to try something different.

It's like someone who is tired of peace and longs for war. Especially those who love to watch the news, they are often the ones who complain about this boring or boring or monotonous life but don't know what to do.

Therefore, no matter whether you are working hard or useless, the final result is that you are gradually tired of your life, and then the successful person desperately wants to fail, and the failed person desperately wants to succeed.

In the end, both of them change directions, and the cycle repeats, just like the rotation of the earth.

To put it strangely, it seems to be an invisible game made by God. The rich envy the life of the poor, and the poor envy the life of the rich.

Even if your wife changes a dish for you every day, even if things change every day in the company, the framework remains the same.

You still have to go on day by day in an invisible, fixed format, like a machine.

Soon all this will not be able to get you to the slightest interest. In the rest of your life, you think in your heart that what you do is just killing time.

Who do people live for? I often wonder.

Some people may live for themselves, but in fact, it should be said that 90% of people live for themselves. There is no doubt that people are selfish. What fool would live for someone else?

I believe that there are, but such people are generally not stupid, but often in order to stick to a certain belief in their hearts, such people are often worthy of admiration.

But what I want to say is that I don't live for myself, I don't live for others, I live to find the meaning of my existence, that is, to find out who I live for.

After figuring it out, I slowly lost interest in everything I was supposed to be interested in this age group. This is a terrible phenomenon. Sometimes I don't even know who I am, what I'm doing, and what the point of doing it is.

The most regrettable thing in a person's life is not that he died and did not spend his money, nor did he live and his money was gone.

The most regrettable thing in a person's life is very simple, just one sentence: I can't see the picture of those who care about you after you die, who are sad for you, cry for you, and cry for you, and then you can't be resurrected to hug them, thank them, and comfort them.

You don't know anything, you don't know what happens after you die. Isn't that the most regrettable thing?

I really feel small, even if I'm really famous and recognized by everyone, even if my reputation is all over the world, I still feel small.

It's insignificant, because in the laws of life, no matter how hard you try, you can't get out of the cycle of samsara, and when death comes, everything outside your body will become ashes.

At this moment, you are the only one who has died.

Life is a wonderful thing. I've always wondered if the first cell had a clear idea of what it meant to be born, and I think it must have thought it through: to continue life forever and enjoy the beauty of the life process.

There was only one thing I didn't understand. This kind of enjoyment is only one-sided, because this kind of enjoyment can be felt by the human brain, but when that person dies, will he still feel that the process is beautiful?

No, because he's dead. This so-called enjoyment of beauty is nothing but a kind of self-consolation formed by the fear of death.

There is life and there must be death. When you are bored, don't want to do homework, don't want to have fun, it's better to think about the meaning of life with your heart.

Don't think that this is nothing to think about, people who have this kind of thinking are generally people who have not thought deeply, they live in the superficial layer, entertaining themselves or others, until they die of old age, and their lives must be meaningless and worthless.

So the true meaning of life is probably to go with the flow, the soldiers will come and block, according to their own mood, depending on the development of the situation and move forward. It is enough to have a clear conscience and not die quietly and quietly. Otherwise, it will be the greatest sorrow of life.

Diary of January 30, 2016