Jiang Shiyun is the most cheerful and positive client that Yuan Jia has met since she has been a consultant for so long.

At least on the surface.

Ever since the two met, she had a smile on her face, not intentionally, but with a very sincere and natural smile.

Jiang Shiyun is very talkative, and the topics of conversation between the two are not confined to her illness itself, just like two friends who haven't seen each other for a long time, chatting about many small things.

If ordinary people come into contact with her, I am afraid that they will not associate the word 'depression' with her anyway.

When she speaks, her tone is crisp and lively, and naturally exudes a strong vitality from her.

No one knew that she also had a diagnosis of severe depression in her carry-on bag.

"Mr. Yuan, have you ever traveled alone?" she asked.

Yuan Jia shook her head and poured tea on the cup in front of her.

"Thank you, I usually like to drink tea. ”

Yuan Jia's tea set is a transparent glass pot, he has a new brew of green tea, after the hot water is washed down, the shriveled tea buds seem to absorb energy, stretching out one by one, like a grass blown by the wind in spring.

The soup is bright and green, with a faint fragrance.

Jiang Shiyun stared blankly at the tea leaves fluttering in the glass pot, her eyes were a little distracted, and she smiled for a while before she smiled: "This tea is really beautiful." ”

She continued, "After graduating from high school, I went on a trip on my own. ”

"Where did you go?"

"Actually, I didn't know where to go, I bought a train ticket to Shonan, sat in a hard seat, the train went for twenty hours, I looked at the scenery outside the window, and then got off the train, and I didn't go to the lively place to see, I slowly walked in the strange city, and when I was tired, I sat on the bench on the side of the street. ”

"After walking for half a month and going to a lot of places, that was when I felt the most relaxed. ”

"The deepest impression was when I went to an orchard, and the owner took me to see his fruit trees, a large plum forest, some of which were green, some of which were flush, and some of which were ripe and red, and the red ones were very sweet, and he told me how the fruit grows and how it changes, and I was stunned. ”

"went around and around, and finally stayed in Sunan. ”

She recalled what she saw and heard at that time, and shared her feelings with Yuanjia.

"There are fruits growing all over the mountains, Mr. Yuan, can you feel the energy of life. ”

Jiang Shiyun's fantasy of life is deeper than that of ordinary people, and Yuan Jia even forgot for a while that she was a severely depressed patient, but a girl full of romance.

Yuan Jia didn't speak, he listened quietly, and he could sense the fleeting sadness in her eyes.

Jiang Shiyun smiled self-deprecatingly: "Everything is fine, only I am bad, I am a broken machine, and I can't even control my emotions." ”

"You never gave up on yourself. ”

"Well, but really...... I'm so tired, so tired......"

The formal consultation began, and Ms. Jiang talked about her past.

She didn't cry bitterly, but calmly made people can't believe it, like a bystander, and said what she had been doing all along.

Jiang Shiyun is a 25-year-old girl who grew up in the north and suffers from severe depression, severe anxiety, and moderate obsessive-compulsive disorder.

There is a family history of the disease, and the mother is bipolar disorder.

When she was in elementary school, her father was addicted to gambling and was burdened with more than 100,000 foreign debts, and her parents quarreled almost every day, and even fought hard.

"I remember it very clearly, on the day of separation, I was crying, my father was silent and didn't speak, my mother yelled at me to get out, he said okay, I got out, I chased out, crying and saying, Dad don't go, Mom pulled me back suddenly, while scolding Dad, while yelling at me to be quiet and not to make noise and not to cry. ”

"Her eyes made me feel strange and scared. ”

"At that time, I had no concept, just very scared, I came back from school and faced the empty room alone, I was very scared, I secretly called my father, there was a beeping sound on the phone, my mother found out, hit me with a hanger, I thought I was going to be killed, and I never dared to tell her about my father again. ”

"When I got to junior high school, my grades were very poor, the teacher asked my parents to sign the papers, my mother tore up my test papers, and burned the comic books and magazines on my bookshelf in front of me, I didn't cry, I took the tape and glued the test papers one by one, the teacher said, you still have the face to say that your mother refused to sign? I don't know how to answer him. ”

"I didn't dare to wear short-sleeved clothes at school because my skin was often blue and purple, and my classmates would laugh at it. ”

"The first time I learned about depression was at a parent-teacher conference in high school, and the teacher gave parents a pamphlet on psychological knowledge, but my mother didn't even read it, but I read it, and I told her that I might have depression and wanted to see a doctor. ”

She tore the page out and threw it in the trash, and asked me, "Can you use it?"

"I don't dare to show my emotions to others, my mother won't pay attention to my emotions, and my classmates and friends don't want to listen to my worries. ”

"Sometimes I think, ah, I may not really be depressed, depression is a good person's illness, his bad is just because he is sick, but I'm different, I'm bad, so ugly, it's useless, I don't dare to show my badness to others. ”

So I tried my best to show that I was cheerful, optimistic, and became positive, and everyone around me believed me, and sometimes even myself. ”

"I don't dare to ask for love, I just need to be safe. ”

"I just want to live, I really want to, even if I don't want to open my eyes every day, I want to lie down forever, but I really want to live. ”

"I only took three books in the first college entrance examination, my mother said it was too expensive, let me restudy, went to a strange school, a boy in the class liked me, it happened that one of my roommates liked that boy, so she targeted me intentionally or unintentionally, even if I didn't have any other thoughts at all, she threw my underwear downstairs in the hallway, spit on my pillow, dirty shoes stepped on my quilt, I endured it until I finally made a move with her. ”

"Because I did it first, I endured all the grievances to admit my mistakes to her, when I was in the teaching office, the teacher asked me to call the parents, I remember that I almost cried until I fainted, there were many students outside the office door watching me cry, my mother refused to come, I couldn't speak clearly when I cried, she hung up the phone impatiently. ”

"I'm like a joke. ”

"That year, I bought a knife and cut my wrists in the dormitory. ”

"I didn't die, I was persuaded to quit by the school, my mother said that I felt ashamed when she saw me, saying that it was not easy for her to be single, so if she wanted to die, just do it, don't drag her down. ”

"I stole the money she had hidden in the cupboard, plus the thousand dollars I had saved, and I ran away from home. ”

"Teacher Yuan, I'm sorry...... Actually, I'm not going on a trip, I just don't know where I'm going......"

"I never went back, I never contacted her, she never looked for me, my original mobile phone number never changed, I stupidly expected her to call me, but she didn't, and then I couldn't stand this torture, so I changed my phone number. ”

"When I went back last year, my mother was dead, and I heard that she had been dead for two days before the village found her from the reservoir. ”

"I obviously hated her very much, but when I heard the news, I still cried a lot, the relics were all on my uncle's side, and they never contacted me, thinking that I had been missing for so long, and I was afraid that I would also die. ”

"I didn't stay long, I took the household registration book and cut it out, I changed my name, it's now, I'm a bad person, but I want to cover myself up with a name that is not bad, including usually doing this, no one knows my past, and my colleagues evaluate me as very cheerful and work hard. ”

"I can imagine my mother floating on the cold water, it makes me feel scared, I don't want to end up like her, I don't want to kill myself, even if I am very tired and painful every day, I don't dare to have the slightest thought, I am afraid that if I think together, I will no longer be able to control myself. ”

"The company is on the 28th floor, the top floor is not blocked, and my colleague took me up to blow the wind, and I can see far, far away. ”

She didn't know how much I wanted to jump at that moment, but she responded to her with a smile, yes, it's beautiful, the wind is cool. ”

"When I returned to the office, my palms were sweaty, my face was horribly pale, everyone thought I was sick, and my boss gave me leave to go back to rest. ”

"I didn't go home, I went to the nearby park, sat from the afternoon until twelve o'clock in the evening, and when I went back, the street was deserted. ”

"I subconsciously chose a dark path to walk, imagining that a gangster would come out and stab me to death, and whenever I thought about it, I couldn't help but be excited. ”

"I forgot how to walk back to the apartment. ”

"There are clutter piles in the stairwell of the apartment, there is a yellow stray cat living there, blind in one eye, it goes out during the day and comes back at night, I usually bring it some food, it is not afraid of me. ”

"I sat on the steps, there was an orange staircase lamp, touched it, felt its warmth, it was dirty, and listened to me quietly. ”

"Later, it was drugged and died in the stairwell......"

"It lives with care, it has never done anything wrong in its life, why do this to it... Why......"

Yuan Jia listened to Jiang Shiyun's story.

He hadn't been to that stairwell, the secret place of one man and one cat that was originally warm, but now it felt cold and dark to him.

Jiang Shiyun finally cried.

The crying hurts.

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(Available tonight)