Xu Yi's psychological problems are quite typical.

Many people grow up due to the lack of 'love', which leads to an insecure intimate relationship and difficulty in trusting each other 100% when they grow up.

But this question is different from the 'sense of security' that Yuan Jia helped another Miss Yang answer before, Miss Yang is overly attached to her boyfriend because of her lack of security, and even thinks that her boyfriend only likes to play games and dislikes her.

Xu Yi's lack of security led to her avoidance psychology, which is called 'avoidant attachment'

Even if your heart desires like a fire, you have an attitude of 'I don't accept' or 'I don't need it', refusing to have intimate relationships with others, so as to avoid being hurt yourself.

So she developed a deep affection for her dog, and found the feeling of security and trust that she longed for in her pet.

Not to mention Xu Yi, even for many people, getting close to the person they like is actually not an easy thing, but a very scared and nervous thing, and even sometimes, this nervousness and fear reach an unacceptable level, so they choose to stay away to escape this like.

This is also known as avoidant attachment.

Yuan Jia could feel the contradiction in Xu Yi's heart.

Encouraged by his body language and facial expressions, Xu Yi said a lot of things for a long time, so much so that in the end, he realized that he was chattering so much.

"Teacher Yuan, I'm sorry...... Am I saying it too much......"

"No, you said it very clearly, I can feel that emotion. ”

This is not just verbal talk, Xu Yi knows very well that people's emotions can communicate with each other, even if the other party doesn't say a word, some people will make people feel very cold, and some people will make people feel that he is really listening, otherwise he would not have said it for so long unconsciously.

"Whew~"

Xu Yi breathed a sigh of relief and chuckled: "I feel that after I said it, I felt a lot easier." ”

Although she is not familiar with Yuan Jia, after this communication, she inexplicably trusts Teacher Yuan, and the trust and understanding she feels from him is even stronger than the boy she likes.

Yuan Jia nodded and said: "Well, in fact, how can anyone willingly stay away from the person they like, it's nothing more than not admitting it, but I've been worried in my heart, I'm afraid that after hard work, I won't get a response, or after paying, I will be disappointed." ”

This sentence hit Xu Yi's heart, her pupils twitched, and she lowered her head.

"Being hated by someone you like is a worse thing than liking and not getting it. ”

"So I stopped chatting, no longer sharing my feelings, and even controlled myself not to think about him, and then said stiffly, 'Look, I don't really like you much.'"

Listening to Yuan Jia's words, Xu Yi had mixed feelings in his heart.

Teacher Yuan can really understand her inner feelings, and the feeling of being understood is really indescribable, as if she is suddenly able to speak in the mirror.

The more you like someone, the more you can't control yourself from staying away, and this huge contradiction is really a torment.

It's a big resemblance to social phobia, where they always think 'I'm not good enough, no one will like the real me'

Any advice that tells them 'how to love others' is empty talk to them.

Just like a person who has never eaten sugar and never knows what 'sweet' tastes like, even if he sees more descriptions of 'sweet' in books, he can't imagine what 'sweet' tastes like.

Because they have never been loved well, they naturally do not know how to love others well.

Yuanjia's psychological counseling has a very important purpose, even above all treatment methods, that is: to give clients a real experience of being 'treated well', or to make them feel 'loved', 'understood' and 'recognized'

The best treatment for social relationships is social relationship repair, which is to repair the client's cognition through a real relationship, such as a counseling relationship.

From the counseling relationship, Xu Yi is given an experience of 'being loved', 'understood' and 'recognized', which not only acts on her cognitive level of social relationships, but also acts on the emotional level, refreshing her understanding of the world.

For example, she once thought that no one would 'love me', 'understand me' and 'identify with me', but Yuanjia's warmth and tolerance gave her a new understanding of the world.

Only this real new experience can truly change Xu Yi's behavior and inner feelings.

As she said, she knows her own problems, but she can't change them, because she has never experienced such a real 'loved', 'understood' and 'recognized', like she knows that the world is beautiful from words, but she has never seen it with her own eyes, and even if she knows that it is beautiful, she can't feel what that beauty feels like.

This is the role of psychological counseling, Yuanjia's understanding and love, like a beam of light shining into the night, made her finally believe that light does exist, and undoubtedly her confidence has increased.

In the following time, Yuan Jia focused on helping Xu Yi analyze the reasons for her psychological state.

This is a process of self-exploration and self-awareness, and Xu Yi himself is also doing self-analysis, but with the help of Yuan Jia, it is obviously more objective and comprehensive.

"It's a kind of nature to be close to people or things you like, just like the family dog likes to be close to you, from birth, when we are still babies, we will want to be close to our mother, and when we leave our mother's arms, we will cry. ”

"But in the process of growing up, your parents do not respond to your needs, and even show impatience, dislike, loudly yell at you not to cry, or even start beating and scolding, then your original 'love' will not be fully satisfied, and as your self-consciousness grows, you will interpret this 'dislike' or 'don't care' for yourself."

So a bad self-perception is formed in your heart: I am not good enough, I am not worthy of love. ”

"Gradually, you begin to isolate and suppress your emotions, because this 'longing for love' emotion, once evoked, will cause you bad memories and subconsciously feel uneasy and fearful. ”

"Do you know why the fox can't eat grapes and says that grapes are sour? ”

"Actually, this is a kind of thinking pattern in your subconscious, and the subconscious will tell you: it is too painful to love this thing, I don't need it at all, it's not rare at all. ”

This is where avoidant attachment arises. ”

"Including what you just mentioned, your father died early, your mother worked outside, and she lived in a relative's house, in fact, no matter how good a relative is, you can't help but feel like being under the fence and looking at people's faces, and you don't dare to boldly express your love to your mother, because she is raising you alone, it is already very hard, you have to learn to be 'well-behaved', so you habitually suppress your emotions. ”

......

After listening to Yuan Jia's words, Xu Yi was already able to clearly recognize his psychological state.

"Accept it. ”

Yuan Jia said softly: "To appreciate the most authentic self, not to hide it." ”

"You are a very good girl, generous, calm, quick-witted, and very caring, and you are very brave. ”

This is the first time Xu Yi has been praised in person like this, and his face turned red all of a sudden, his fingers were hidden under the table, and he didn't dare to speak.

This kind of praise based on understanding and recognition is different from the superficial 'good words' she usually hears.

The same words, but when they came out of Mr. Yuan's mouth, they felt very beautiful.

"Even if your mother hasn't praised you like this, it doesn't mean that she can't see it, she may not be good at expressing it, so you must not think that you are bad and need to be hidden. ”

......

Yuanjia took Xu Yi to the balcony, it was already more than five o'clock, and the sunset dyed half of the sky red, which was very beautiful.

Ika slept lazily on the edge of the balcony, and Huihui teased her with a small leaf, giggling, and the little fat cat closed her eyes and pulled her hand with her little paws, and her long tail hung down to the side, twisting like a big caterpillar.

Xu Yi felt the sunset shining on her body, and looked at the little Lori and the little fat cat around her, feeling very warm and comfortable.

"Ika, it sleeps soundly anywhere. ”

"That's good. ”

Xu Yi stood beside Yuan Jia, looked at him sideways, and felt that Teacher Yuan was so tall.

The experience of watching the sunset together, even if it was just on the balcony, made her feel extraordinarily different, as if her heart had been opened, and she no longer suppressed herself.

"Don't avoid the beginning just because you're afraid of the end. ”

"It's like the sun is always crawling slowly from east to west. ”

"Sometimes you think you're taking a shortcut, but you're actually missing out on a lot of beautiful scenery. ”

Yuan Jia's gaze retracted from the red glow in the distance and fell on Xu Yi's face.

"So what...... Come on, Xiaoyi. ”

She can clearly feel the feelings of 'being understood', 'recognized', 'encouraged' and 'affirmed' from Teacher Yuan's eyes.

How can a person's eyes hide so many words......

"Come on, sister!"

The short Huihui jumped up and clenched her little fists like little Ultraman.

"Meow. ”

Ika also lazily lifted her eyelids and glanced at her.

The world suddenly softened.

That's nice......

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