After dinner, Yuan Jia started today's live broadcast, and his sister and cat also sneaked into his room to be guests and watch him chat with fans.

Fans love the cute Yuan Hui and the little fat cat, and they feel that when this pair is combined, it feels super healing without talking.

The live broadcast on Friday night was more lively than usual, and under the recommendation given by the platform, Yuanjia's fan attention has exceeded 100,000.

The number of people who watch online is about 8,000 to 10,000 every day, and the popularity of the platform shows that there are hundreds of thousands.

With the [Gardenia's vest] sending a super rocket, under the broadcast of the whole site, the highest popularity once soared to one million.

There are always people who confuse the work of psychiatrists and psychological counselors, and Yuan Jia has also received a lot of counseling on serious mental illness, which is really impossible to help through words.

The process of answering psychological questions in the live broadcast room is actually a mode of chatting and talking, which is also easier for fans to accept, and they can always gain something.

"Hello Mr. Yuan, I suspect that I belong to the people-pleasing personality, I am always afraid that others will not like me, I especially care about the eyes of others, and I am also worried about the departure of my friends, now I feel more and more inferior, I feel that I am useless, sometimes I can't refuse other people's unreasonable requests, obviously I don't want to, but I'm afraid that others will hate me......"

[Gardenia boss has changed his vest again?]

[I'm like this too, a pleasing personality]

[I bring breakfast to my four sons every day, and I panic first if I don't take it with me]

[This is too humble, isn't it?]

This problem is more typical, in the interpersonal communication of modern society, everyone has a more or less 'flattering' meaning in it, but some people can grasp the 'degree', and some people have no way to refuse other people's requests at all.

For example, when taking a taxi, I am embarrassed to ignore the driver, and the driver tries his best to cooperate with the conversation no matter what he is talking about.

For example, he never loses his temper at work, helps a colleague bring a meal at noon, he is embarrassed to ask him for money without giving money, helps him make a PPT in the afternoon, and works overtime to help the manager change a copywriter in the evening.

For example, when chatting on WeChat, I feel guilty when I don't reply in seconds, and every time I speak, I carefully consider my words, delete and change, even if it is a very reasonable request, I have to match an expression to relieve my anxiety, 'XX, I am in urgent need of money because (omitting 100 words), and it is inconvenient for you to return the money I borrowed from you last time.

There are many similar things, but everyone has a different level of please.

This kind of behavior is actually a kind of internal friction, which will make you very tired, and there are two voices in your heart, one voice tells you to behave well and do what everyone expects, and the other voice tells you that I am so tired, sad, and wronged.

Seeing that many people in the live broadcast room said that they also had this problem, Yuanjia analyzed it in detail.

In fact, the most fundamental reason for this situation is that the self-worth is low, so there is an extraordinary desire for security, love, and recognition from others. ”

"Maybe you grew up in a childhood environment full of 'insecurity', such as having a father who scolded you when you disagreed, or having a mother who left you alone when she was angry, or being isolated by classmates at school because of arguments or disagreements. ”

"So in the later growth, I became extremely sensitive to the matter of 'conflict with others', and at the same time tried my best to avoid this happening, and never took the initiative to raise my own needs, for fear of bringing trouble and dissatisfaction to others. ”

"As long as this 'harmonious' and 'warm' atmosphere is maintained, the pleaser will feel safe, but again, it will consume a lot of inner energy and make you feel tired. ”

[I cried, as if I was talking about my childhood]

[Alas]

[What should I do then?]

Yuan Jia took away the little fat cat who was playing with the camera, and continued: "It takes time to change, let's not talk about the flattery in normal social interactions, today we will mainly talk about abnormal flattery." ”

"The first step you need to do is to immediately stop your abnormal flattering behavior, the rejection of the rejection, the anger of the anger, of course you will not be able to do it at the beginning, then I will teach you a way, which is to extend the feedback cycle. ”

"What does it mean, that is, before the flattering behavior happens, you first rehearse and prepare in your mind, for example, your colleague asks you to help make PPT, you don't agree immediately, you can first say, 'I'm busy now, and I'll reply to you when I'm done', which can give you time to think about it, if you finally decide to agree to help, then you must also put forward your own needs, even if it is to ask him to help bring a bottle of water, or help you like this small need in your circle of friends. ”

"Extending the feedback cycle is a very effective way to change your instinctive consent to other people's demands in the first place. ”

Yuan Jia picked up his sister who had climbed on his lap and continued, "The second step is to give yourself a psychological hint. ”

"You must be nervous and entangled before the abnormal flattering behavior happens, so at this time please tell yourself, 'My anxiety is just because of childhood trauma, I don't need to please you at all, I won't die if I don't do this', this step is left in the feedback time set aside in the previous step, repeating the hints. It's best to write it down on cardstock, carry it in your pocket, and take it out when you're uneasy. ”

[Teacher Yuan, is this kind of psychological suggestion useful]

"This is a heart anchor, when you are at peace, it is naturally useless, and when your abnormal pleasing behavior occurs, when your mind is unstable, the heart anchor will jump out to remind you. ”

[I don't understand]

[Just do it]

[What is a heart cat?]

Yuan Jia patiently popularized science to the fans, and finally said: "The third point, and the most critical point, is that you must change your own mentality and learn to give yourself meaning." ”

"The truth of social interaction is that no matter what kind of life you live, no matter how good and perfect you are, there will always be people who don't like you, and there are people who like you, just like a book, some people like it, then there must be people who don't like it, and there must be far more people who don't like it than people who like it. ”

"The character you have worked so hard to create attracts people who really like you, people who really appreciate you, and you always like your proud and confident appearance. ”

"So, be your truest self, at least ......"

"You'll like yourself more. ”

[Mr. Yuan, I like you so much!]

[Teacher Yuan is really gentle, every sentence speaks to my heart]

[Love, Love, Love]

[Rosemary's Memory: Send the Plane x1]

[It turns out that love is so difficult: send rockets x1]

[Gardenia's Vest: Send Super Rocket x1]

[The gifts are scattered, the gardenia boss is true love]

[Teacher Yuan, what is self-confidence?]

Yuan Jia saw the problem and smiled: "As the name suggests, believing in yourself is called self-confidence." ”

With more and more fans paying attention to the live broadcast room, Yuanjia's mailbox can receive a lot of letters from viewers every day, and there are all kinds of questions.

Naturally, he doesn't have so much energy to answer all the answers, and every day during the live broadcast, he will select some more typical questions and analyze them for everyone, and the audience also likes this mode of chatting and talking.

At the end of the live broadcast, fans began to brush the barrage.

[The attention has exceeded 100,000]

[Singing] x999

Yuan Jia naturally will not be untrustworthy, two days ago in the live broadcast he promised everyone that he would sing a song for every 50,000 more attention, just like engaging in hunger marketing, if you sing it every day, fans will get tired, and occasionally come to a song, everyone will feel very nice.

"Well, sing and sing, according to fairness......"

[Teacher Qiu Yuan, don't tarnish the word fairness]

[You ask the gardenia boss directly]

"Ah, then let's go to the three-point song list today! Gardenia's vest classmate, what song do you want to hear?"

Xu Nanyu on the other end of the phone was very happy, the more sour the barrage, the happier she became, like a little girl who took candy, held it high, and couldn't help but want to show off to the world.

Hmph, that's how proud ~~

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