Xu Jiannan understood his reaction, and whenever he thought of this incident, he probably used this way to avoid his pain. If he hadn't been in the counseling center right now, he would have just poured hard liquor, not plain water.

This is also the reason why Xu Jiannan poured him two glasses of water directly.

After drinking these two glasses of water, Cao Li slowly began to calm down a bit. His breathing was still a little unsteady, but he was obviously a lot more awake, and apologized to Xu Jianan: "I'm sorry, Doctor Xu, the way I lost my temper just now may have scared you......"

Xu Jianan shook his head: "It's okay, I hope you feel better now." ”

Cao Li sighed and said, "Alas, this is something I can't face all these years. There was a car accident that night, and she died three days later. That's right, I killed it. The person who had the accident with me was also speeding, but because I was driving under the influence of alcohol, I was judged to be fully responsible. Because I drank alcohol, the other party sat on the ground and demanded a very high compensation. My parents didn't want me to be criminally responsible, and they knew that I had just lost the girl they loved, so they were determined to save me too. At last...... I was only detained for a while before I was released. But after I released it, I felt like the whole world had changed. My world was completely ruined, and I reminded myself every day that I had killed the woman I loved the most. I wanted to marry her, love her, and take care of her for the rest of my life, but I ended her life at such a young age with my own hands. I always felt like a jerk, but I didn't get the retribution I deserved. Why didn't I die with her at the time? I don't understand. It wasn't until much later that I understood...... It turns out that letting me survive is retribution. Cao Li looked at Xu Jianan, and his eyes were never as clear and thorough as at this moment. He seems to really understand that retribution is not necessarily death, and those who survive tend to mature with more pain.

After that happened, the girl's parents didn't go crazy and blamed Cao Li, they said that the dead were gone, and the living had to live, and they let Cao Li live well. But the grief of the white-haired man to the black-haired man made the girl's parents age a lot overnight. Cao Li felt even more guilty, and living well was like a curse for him.

Cao Li's parents also spent a lot of money for him. He himself was depressed for a while, and during that time he relied on alcohol to numb his pain. But after that time, he felt that he couldn't go on like that anymore. Wouldn't it be even more of a bastard if he drank and gnawed at his old age and had nothing to do?

From that day on, he bowed his head. All the time of his chic self was buried with his girlfriend. I think he was a very stylish and handsome guy at the beginning, and he was chic and handsome every day when he went out, clean and neat. But from the moment he decided to start a "new" life, he put everything down. He began to give up fitness, exercise, gave up sports cars, suits. Every day, I ride an electric tricycle and go everywhere to deliver deliveries to people. The scorching sun tanned his skin, the hard work roughened his hands, and the unhealthy and irregular diet made him start to gain weight, and he threw away all the pride and self-esteem he once had, and completely became the most inconspicuous character in the market.

His parents thought he was mature, because he reported good news and not bad news, and the family didn't know how painful his situation was, and they felt that he was experiencing a kind of growth, and after growing up, it was time to start a family.

In Cao Li's own words, I think that at the beginning, he was near his home, and he was also the object of crazy pursuit by the girls, and he had a high vision, and no one looked down on him. But after the car accident, he completely lost hope for love and marriage. The woman he loves the most is no longer there, and whoever he marries is the same for him. His parents wanted him to get married, and he got married. If I hope he will have a child, then it will be better to have a child. Cao Li no longer has any pursuit and hope for his future life. Drinking every day is his biggest business.

He is no longer the young and vigorous young man he once was. A person who has no image, no dreams, sends dirty messages every day, is addicted to alcohol every day, and dreams of death drunk, who is willing to marry him?

However, there will always be someone who will wait for another. In a blind date introduction arranged by his parents, there was a girl who fell in love with him, who was his current wife. This woman loves him very much and is willing to tolerate everything about him. It's just that she has been married, divorced, and has had children, and the children are with her ex-husband.

Such conditions would have seemed fantastical to him. Not to mention that he is a son, he is also a master who has grown up from a small human nature and can get anything he wants! At the beginning, so many yellow flower girls pursued frantically, and he didn't even look at it, how could he want a woman who had been married and had children? But now it is different, although his parents have repeatedly told him to think again after knowing the situation. But he still didn't care and said: "Who to marry is not married, Who to have children with is not to have children, Isn't it better to have children, I don't care." I don't have anything, if she wants to, then she will. ”

In this way, Cao Li married his current wife. Mechanical life, mechanical to do all the things that need to be done. Then, it is logical to get pregnant, give birth to a child, and bring the child together. It's just that he is numb to do all this. All he knew he was supposed to do was that. But I never felt happy.

This kind of emotion leads to the fact that after every day of work, I just want to get drunk and dream of death with my "fox friends and dog friends". Even if he doesn't have a fox friend and is alone, he can get himself drunk. Over time, alcohol dependence just happened, and it became serious. If he doesn't drink, he will be uncomfortable, uncomfortable, and psychologically irritable, and become abnormal.

It's not that he hasn't been to the hospital, stomach bleeding is already a routine for him. Although his wife persuaded him repeatedly, the two of them quarreled many times because of this, but it was useless, and no one could change his current living situation.

Xu Jiannan has been listening to Cao Li's narration and confiding. At this moment, he doesn't look like a person who has come to quit addiction, but more like a depressed, depressed, and failed middle-aged man, who wants to find someone to talk to openly. His addiction to alcohol was accompanied by depression, which was difficult to solve. Because the withdrawal reaction of alcohol dependence includes serious consequences such as depression, schizophrenia, and suicidal tendencies. What a psychiatrist or psychologist has to do is help people get through the most difficult days.

But now it seems that even if he hasn't started to quit, Cao Li's depression is already very serious, but he doesn't know it.

Xu Jiannan asked him, do you feel anything about the child? Even if there is no love in his sad marriage, but after all, the two of them conceived life, don't they have any feelings for the child?

Cao Li thought about this question for a long time, and he thought about it for a long time before he said, "I don't know if I will make you think I'm a more bastard when I say this kind of thing, but ...... I always feel that having a child with a loved one and having a child with completing a task is ...... The feeling should be different. Let's put it this way, I think I just did the work of having children, but this child, the next child, is my wife's, my father and my mother's...... Mom and Dad want grandchildren, and my wife likes children, and although she keeps saying that she is giving birth to children for me, I feel that I am doing that kind of thing for them. No one ever asked me if I needed a child, did I want a child, did I really need a child at that time? All they know is that I should have a child, and when I get married, I should have a child right away. Then you say, Dr. Xu, what should I think of the life that you have conceived in your mouth?"

These words made Xu Jiannan more sure of Cao Li's "no love". He doesn't necessarily really don't love his children, it's just that there is nothing in this world that he really loves for a long time.

Without waiting for Xu Jianan to speak, Cao Li asked in confusion: "Doctor Xu, if it were you, would you be willing to have a child with someone you don't love?"

Of course, this answer is "unwilling", but Xu Jiannan can't tell the truth so directly. She could only tell Cao Li that such a mentality was unfair to his wife and children. Since you have chosen this marriage, you should at least be responsible for this marriage, and the regret of the last time should not be extended to this marriage.

But Cao Li said: "I have no regrets in my life, and I feel that I have tried to fulfill my responsibilities." You know the stress of feeding two kids? I've had four years without a day off. It's been a long time since I knew what it was like to be 'tired'. Do you know why? I'm numb. I was like a person who had already died, dragging this body around the world...... For all the responsibilities that are pressed on me. ”

Xu Jiannan looked at Cao Li's tired eyes and hopeless attitude towards life, and felt that treating his depression problem now might be more important than quitting drinking. Many people with alcohol addiction also suffer from other mental disorders, such as depression like Cao Li, or anxiety disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, etc., which may be the cause of alcohol dependence, or may be the result of alcohol dependence, but in any case, improving the mental state will help in the treatment of alcohol dependence.