Xu Jianan knows Chen Fei's past, and she also knows what the most unrelenting shadow is hidden under her warm smile. But over the years, they have never tacitly tacitly mentioned the past that Chen Fei couldn't look back on.

Today, it was probably Cheng Tao's sudden confession that made the darkness that Chen Fei had tried to hide for a long time come to mind again. Chen Fei once said that she will not love anyone again in this life, for others and for herself.

Looking at Chen Fei's empty and distressing gaze, Xu Jianan couldn't bear to squat down and hold Chen Fei's cold and trembling hands, and comforted softly: "Fei Fei, although the past cannot be changed, it cannot change your future. You can't torture yourself with past mistakes, Fifi, it's not your fault. ”

Chen Fei looked at Xu Jiannan blankly, big tears poured out of his eyes like broken pearls, and his voice was a little hoarse: "Once some mistakes are made, they no longer deserve to be happy." I lost the right to be loved, and I lost the ability to love people. ”

Xu Jiannan frowned, looking at Chen Fei distressedly, but he couldn't say anything for a while. In the past few years, she always hopes to completely help Chen Fei get out of the trauma, but the more she faces the people she cares about the most, the more she can't completely calm and rationally treat the other party as a patient. She can talk to patients in her own consultation room, no matter how traumatic they are, and can also analyze the psychological problems and stimuli of the other party very professionally, and she can even perform hypnosis objectively and indifferently, erasing the patient's painful or fearful experience with psychological suggestion.

But she couldn't do anything to Chen Fei. She didn't want to treat her as a patient, and she didn't want to forcibly change Chen Fei anything. Xu Jianan hopes that Chen Fei came out by herself, or that there is a warmth that can warm her scarred and frozen heart.

That dark past almost ruined Chen Fei's life.

It has been said that every person who appears in life has a responsibility that has been assigned to you. Some people are there to influence you, some are there to accompany you, some are there to educate you about reality, and some are ...... Presumably for destruction.

When Chen Fei was twenty years old, she met the first and last "true love" in her life. That man was thirteen years older than Chen Fei, and his unique mature and steady charm made Chen Fei obsessed with it. At that time, Chen Fei, at the age when she was most emotional, thought that vigorous and desperate was what love should look like.

At that time, she was innocent and simple, with a simple heart, like all happy girls at the age of twenty, willing to give her youth and everything to great love. Xu Jiannan still remembers that Chen Fei's smile at that time was purer and more moving than now. She didn't have any defenses against that man, because that man was very good in all aspects, and she didn't feel the need for the other party to lie to her. And when they first got together, that man was indeed very good to her, spoiled in every way, and happy enough to make all the onlookers envious.

Every girl has had a "romantic" dream about her future lover. But God seemed to pity Chen Fei, and when she was just becoming mature, he gave her a person who could fulfill all her fantasies.

That man would send Chen Fei a delicious supper in the middle of the night, and would carefully select clothes for Chen Fei that could better set off her beauty, he said that he would give her a home, and asked Chen Fei what kind of environment she liked. Chen Fei was not a materialistic and vulgar woman, and her romantic feelings made her think about it and replied: "There are mountains, there are seas, and there are you." ”

So, that man bought a "home" for Chen Fei in a beautiful location surrounded by mountains and seas. Since then, Chen Fei has been like a canary in a cage, waiting for her lover to come home in their "home" every day, completely unaware that the most insidious and vicious conspiracy has already surrounded her.

Chen Fei once said to Xu Jianan, Jianan, I always thought that crying with joy was an exaggerated adjective, but now I deeply realize that every time I think of him, I can be so happy that I laugh and cry. I was genuinely worried about why I had such a blessing, and I was afraid that one day God would take back such luck.

At that time, Xu Jiannan was still worried about her future professional training every day, she had never seen Chen Fei's boyfriend, but seeing her so happy, she sincerely hoped that she could be happy forever.

However, the kind of romantic love that is based on mountains and seas, heaven and earth as evidence, and can be sung and cried, did not last long. Once, the man brought two friends home, and Chen Fei was happy to show the man face. That night, the man took the initiative to let Chen Fei drink a glass of wine for the first time, and he poured it himself.

A person who entrusts all his body, mind and feelings, Chen Fei is convinced. She obediently drank the drugged wine according to the man's wishes, and soon fell unconscious.

When she woke up again, a strange sensation scared her. She couldn't tell if she was too comfortable or too uncomfortable, she was fluttering, she was delirious, she was so scared that she wanted a man to take her to the hospital.

But the man coaxed her to say that it was just a reaction after being drunk, and it would be good to get some sleep.

Chen Fei's determination of love made her still believe that the person she loved most in her life would not harm her, so she was infected with drug addiction in a daze under her not-so-clear thinking.

It wasn't until one time that Chen Fei became addicted to drugs that she realized it later...... It turns out that all this is done by the man himself. She didn't understand, and in the midst of her agony struggled, she relied on her last reason to question the man's why. But at that time, what she saw was not the gentleness of the once sworn alliance, but a cold and indifferent face.

It turned out that the man had always been addicted to drugs, and he was also trafficking. This is also the main source of his youth and promise.

But this kind of thing is like begging for a life under a knife, once there is an accident, it will be a catastrophe. He needs a scapegoat, a puppet who is desperate and willingly at his mercy. The house she bought for Chen Fei was also used as a trading location. If the East Window incident happens one day, then the place of transaction is Chen Fei's address, and the stolen money is in Chen Fei's name, and Chen Fei will bear half of his guilt, or even more than half.

But he can see that although Chen Fei is a person who values feelings and is crazy about love, he is not an irrational nymphomaniac. Once Chen Fei discovers his conspiracy, he is likely to lose his wife and soldiers. The best way is to let Chen Fei also become addicted to drugs. In this way, they are all grasshoppers on the same boat, and he will no longer worry about any accidents on Chen Fei's side.

The relationship of two or three years was like two or three thousand slaps overnight, and it hit Chen Fei in the face hard. The former vows, romantic and warm, are like fragile jokes, which are shattered to the ground in an instant.

Chen Fei was heartbroken, she gave the most sincere feelings, but she learned the most painful lesson. But at that time, Chen Fei was already addicted to drugs, and no matter how rational she was, she couldn't overcome her body's reaction. She had no choice but to beg the man to relieve her pain, but after the man's fierce appearance was revealed, Chen Fei was asked to pay more for it every time.

In those two years, Xu Jiannan hadn't seen Chen Fei, she only received a message from Chen Fei saying that she was going abroad, so she didn't pay much attention. It wasn't until one day, after Chen Fei, who had supported all his willpower, escaped from that "home", that Xu Jiannan saw Chen Fei, who was in shape. The encroachment of drug addiction made her lose her original beauty, and the whole person was horribly sick and emaciated. For a moment, Xu Jiannan didn't even believe that it was really Chen Fei in front of him.

The process of detoxification is painful, and the process of forgetting this injury is even more painful. Xu Jianan witnessed with her own eyes how Chen Fei struggled in hellish life and death, and those physical and psychological pains tortured her day and night, like a nightmare, unable to wake up.

Because of drug addiction, alcoholism, and excessive overdraft of his body in recent years, Chen Fei was weak and almost sick during that time. With medication and drug rehabilitation, Chen Fei was finally told that she might not be able to have children. And when she was recovering from drugs, she also heard others mention that people who have been addicted to drugs for a long time can never become normal people again.

She was so devastated by her "love" that she lost the will to live, and occasionally caught up with Xu Jiannan to visit her, and when she was rarely sober, she said the most words, that is: When will I die.

The torment in prison left Chen Fei physically and mentally injured. once thought that the person she loved the most in her life, but dragged her to a catastrophe. The most beautiful youth, the most blooming youth, Chen Fei crawled over step by step in hell with bitterness, blood and tears, gritting his teeth alone.

So until she successfully quit drugs, she has no way to return to the way she used to be.

Fortunately, Xu Jiannan has always been by her side and did not let her give up on herself. The passage of time can more or less take away a little haze. Even if you can't take it away, it can make it less obvious.

In this way, in the pain and torture that she couldn't tell ordinary people, Chen Fei finally came out. On the surface, at least, she was born again.

She began to take care of her health more, she set up a small shop, she started a dull business, she was willing to talk to people, she no longer ran away from everyone, and later, she was like a complete recovery, she could be humorous, she could be charming, considerate to her friends, and dedicated to her family.

With such Chen Fei, no one could have thought that she once had such a terrible past. Over time, even Xu Jiannan will occasionally forget that Chen Fei has never been really happy. She avoids emotions, as she just said herself, she feels that she has lost the qualification to be loved, and she has also lost the ability to love people.