After returning home, Yan Mo sat by the window for a long time, her hands unconsciously rubbing between her lips, as if she was feeling his residual temperature. And her expression was dull, her face was full of uncertainty, and even some doubts about the authenticity of the reunion.

With his hands brushed over her shoulders and his coat still draped over her, she seemed to be sure of the truth of the matter. She didn't know how to describe her feelings.

At this moment, she is like a bird that has regained her freedom, like a prisoner who has been released from prison, an animal that has escaped the pursuit of hunters... It's nervous and happy, and it's a little thrilling.

We're reconciled! We're really back together! Yan Mo shouted in her heart, her eyes couldn't hold her smile anymore, and her face was full of joy.

She excitedly took out her diary and recorded the good mood of this moment in the pen:

You know what? Today is the happiest day I've had in years! We walked through the playground, around the trees, to the place where we first met, and you said to me, "Let's start over." At that moment, my heart beat wildly for a long time, and my whole body was so happy that I was about to fly.

Everything seems to be back to the way it was, the missed time is like a nightmare, and when I open my eyes, you are still by my side.

This time, I didn't have to be timid, I responded to you bravely, and finally, I found some of my old self. Thank you for not giving up on me, and thank you for loving me for 7 years...

Yan Mo paused, looked at the lines of words, and smiled wantonly on his face, which was the greatest joy after the reunion.

She couldn't fall asleep with excitement, tossed and turned in the bed, and finally sat up, leaned against the head of the bed, and flipped through the diary she had written before, which recorded those days without him, and the words were full of longing.

It's just that when she turned to a certain place, Yan Mo paused suddenly, "I don't like you anymore this year" The words "I don't like you anymore" carried her thoughts and ran to the college days without him.

Yan Mo said this sentence for 4 years, but unfortunately he did not complete this goal every year. Maybe I like him, it's already deep in the bone marrow, and I can't stop it.

And looking back now, those four years are like a dream.

In the first year of school

Unconsciously, Yan Mo has been in this city for a while, and she has slowly become accustomed to school life, and she is busy every day, living a simple and fulfilling life.

"Calculus is a branch of mathematics that studies the differentiation and integration of functions, as well as related concepts and applications in advanced mathematics, and is a basic discipline of mathematics, which mainly includes..."

The math teacher was talking about the definition of calculus on the podium, which looked like a high school homeroom teacher in a math class, which reminded her of something from her high school days.

In a trance, the figures of the university teacher and the high school homeroom teacher kept overlapping, giving Yan Mo the illusion of returning to the high school classroom.

"Yan Mo, what are the types of points?"

The teacher's sudden roll call made her pause, and it took a while for her to get up from her seat and subconsciously glance at her right-hand side.

When I was in high school, every time I met a math teacher to answer a question by name, Yan Mo remembered that he always subconsciously looked at Shen Siyan, and he would always put the correct answer in front of his desk.

But this time, when Yan Mo looked at her right, a stranger appeared. At that moment, Yan Mo's heart was full of loss, and a simple turn of her head made her deeply realize that she was already in college, and the person sitting next to her would no longer be him.

"Momo, the teacher is asking you to answer the types of points. Xiaoling, the head of the dormitory, reminded softly.

Yan Mo nodded, "The main types of integrals are definite integrals, indefinite integrals, and numerical integrals..."

"Very well, sit down. ”

Xiao Ling tugged at the corner of Yan Mo's clothes and said with a little concern: "Momo, what's wrong with you today? ”

"It's okay, it's just that the teacher is too boring, so I'm a little sleepy. Yan Mo casually told a little lie, and the matter came to an end.

After Yan Mo left him, he had the habit of writing a diary. After class that day, she took out her diary and wrote:

When I was in math class today, I thought of you again, I don't know if you are doing well in the United States, are you used to life over there? I miss you a little, this habit is not good, right? So I set a goal for myself, this year, I don't like you anymore.

In the second year of school

The girls' dormitory has always been a good place for gossip, one night, there was a boy outside the dormitory building who was confessing to the girl, the candle was placed in the shape of a heart, and the boy was holding flowers in his hand, and he said something to the girl with a sincere face. Yan Mo was lying on the balcony watching them as soon as she was in the dormitory.

Then someone was around them, "Promise him, promise him, promise him." ”

The girl took the rose with a shy face and nodded her head.

After a while, the dormitory manager came out and broke up the show.

Everyone said that they hadn't enjoyed it yet, and returned to their respective beds and continued to chat about the unfinished gossip.

"You say, if that girl didn't agree, so many people were there, how embarrassing that boy would be. Xiaoling said meaningfully.

Xiaoyi immediately echoed: "Yes, if you don't agree, it's really embarrassing to death." ”

"In other words, I haven't been confessed to anyone when I'm so old, and I don't think I'm good at all in this comparison. Qing'er is always so humorous and makes everyone laugh.

She coughed lightly twice, as if thinking of something, and continued, "Hey, let's talk about our first love." Satisfy my burning gossip heart. ”

"First love, I remember it was in junior high school, at that time, my friends around me were all dealing with each other, and I also thought it was quite stylish, so I followed the wind and fell in love with the top students in our class. Of course, this relationship ended in nothing, and it is really childish and ridiculous to think about it now. Xiaoyi was the most active and rushed to be the first to speak.

"My first love was in high school, but I thought he was kind of similar to my idol, he chased me, and then I was with him, but we separated when I went to college. Xiao Ling shook her head helplessly and sighed: "I am destined to have no fate with him." ”

"May I weakly ask, who is your idol?"

Everyone was embarrassed, and Qing'er's focus was really different.

"Jay Chou, he is the main theme of my entire youth. Xiao Ling's tone was full of pride.

"Momo, where is your first love?" asked Xiaoyi curiously.

So, everyone looked at Yan Mo in unison, their eyes full of anticipation.

"My first love, also in high school, it was love at first sight, and then he became my tablemate, a college bully, I revolved around him throughout high school, I feel that as long as there is a place where he is, he is happy, and even those unsolvable math problems have become interesting..."Yan Mo said, a smile rose on the corner of his mouth, about him, Yan Mo always talked endlessly.

Everyone said in unison: "What happened later?"

"Later..."Yan Mo paused, a trace of loss and pain flashed in his eyes, and he was soon hidden again, "Later, it was the same as you, and they were separated like this." ”

Everyone is still thinking about their first love, and the discussion is intense.

But Yan Mo didn't have any thoughts, she turned on the small table lamp and wrote in the diary one by one:

Today we talked about our first love, so, I think of you again. Do you talk about me with your roommates like I do? Do you think of me once in a while?

This year, if I could, I still don't want to like you anymore.

In the third year of school

"Yan Mo, this is the application form for an exchange student place between our school and Boston College. Would you like to consider going there for three months?" asked the instructor in a soliciting tone.

"Is Boston College close to Harvard?" Yan Mo took the application form and asked in a low voice.

The instructor smiled, "Just go and see." ”

"Good. I'll go. Yan Mo nodded.

Soon, Yan Mo stepped on a flight to the United States, and as soon as she got off the plane, the Boston College bus took her to the arranged dormitory.

She simply tidied up and fell asleep, because of the time difference between China and the United States, which made Yan Mo really unaccustomed to it for a while.

When visiting Boston College the next day, Yan Mo casually found an excuse and slipped away. Holding the map, I asked all the way to the entrance of Harvard.

The school in front of her was so big that she didn't find him after a long time of wandering, and she stood at the door of the lost library for an afternoon.

In the past, he always liked to go to the library and study room, why did I wait here for so long, but he didn't show up? Yan Mo's eyes were warm and wet, and tears swirled in her eyes, blurring her vision.

I don't know how long it took for her to turn around and leave lonely, absentmindedly returning to her dormitory, and falling asleep, trying to paralyze her brain nerves.

In the following period, Yan Mo would always find various reasons to convince herself. So, as soon as she was free, she ran to Harvard, and this run lasted for three months, but she never met him once.

On August 6th, Yan Mo went out early, came to the door of Harvard again, and stood for a long time, still not seeing his shadow.

She turned around gloomily, went to a cake shop on the street, picked a delicate and small cake, carefully carried it back to the dormitory, the candle lit, lit her eyes, she folded her hands, prayed sincerely, and finally said: Happy birthday.

Then, leaning over to blow out the candle, he put the cake in the cake box as it was.

That night, Yan Mo had some more words in her notebook: I finally came to your city and walked the path you might take. It was the bravest decision I've ever made since we separated.

When the three months of exchange students passed quickly, I should have gone back in a blink of an eye, but unfortunately, even in the same city, we didn't see each other again.

Happy birthday, Shen Siyan.

Also, I just made a wish that I don't like you again this year.

In the fourth year of school

The whole semester of her senior year was an internship period, and Yan Mo came to DREAM Publishing House as an intern by chance. As a result, the time in college ushered in the end of the busy internship life, and it was just a blink of an eye, and it stopped at the end.

Because of the graduation defense, Yan Mo took leave with her internship unit and returned to school, preparing for her final exam with peace of mind.

"Time is so fast, I'm going to graduate all of a sudden, and I'm going to say goodbye to the summer vacation soon. Qing'er was secretly sad on the side, her expression was indescribably weird, and she didn't know whether to cry or laugh.

"yes, you're graduating soon, what are your plans?"

Xiaoyi replied without thinking: "After graduation, I will go home, find an ordinary job, and then get married and have children." ”

Xiao Ling turned around and looked at Yan Mo, "Momo, what about you, don't you plan to go home to see? You haven't been back for a long time." ”

"Hmm, me?" Yan Mo shook his head and wrote lightly: "Let's talk about it then." ”

Yan Mo deliberately escaped from the city where she had lived for many years, because she didn't want to uncover the dusty memories again, and if she didn't think about it, she could treat it as if none of this had happened, and she always comforted herself like this.

At the graduation ceremony, the principal spoke impassionedly on the podium, but Yan Mo didn't have the heart to listen at all. When the representative of the outstanding graduates came to the stage to give a speech, Yan Mo remembered the appearance of Shen Siyan giving a speech in the auditorium when the new students were enrolled, and her thoughts drifted away again.

When I returned to the dormitory that day, my roommate was sorting out his clothes, Yan Mo was not in a hurry, and took out his notebook and wrote:

I graduated, and the four years of college were very peaceful, and the diploma was very smooth. In the past four years, I have studied very hard and worked hard to make myself better.

How have you been doing in the past four years? Have you had a new girlfriend? Will you come back after graduation? Actually, I miss you very much...

Yan Mo flipped the diary from beginning to end, which simply recorded his college days, there was no him in life, but he was everywhere in the text.

My heart fluttered with those words, and finally I picked up the pen and wrote in my diary: This year, I want to like you again. 2020/1/3

Then, she gently closed the diary, turned off the light, slowly closed her eyes, and slowly fell asleep, as if she had a sweet dream, with a smile on the corner of her mouth.