How can you be worthy of me and you, and my dedication to you, the child has given birth to two ......"

"Even if my family is so opposed, I still treat you as good as ever, busy with everything, in the end, what am I, what am I...... You can use it if you want, and if you don't need it, kick it away without any hesitation, right?"

Zhuang Ya cried, she was very uncomfortable.

Compared with the smiling face of the girl in front of him, he felt that he was so ugly.

Because this girl is herself.

When I was younger, I was a little younger.

It is equivalent to Zhuang Ya entering a time tunnel, seeing her past self, and the processing of some of her own memories, as well as the synthesis of fragmented memories.

There is no doubt that this scene is a picture of Zhuang Ya's inner brain.

And because it was the phone call before, and because of those memories, the live broadcast of this small video has long been broadcast.

(Around chapter 024 of the fourth volume of the book, it is written in flashbacks, written narratives, and then interspersed with memories!)

And then, Zhuang Ya saw another picture.

In the picture, the four dealers are at Ying's mother's house, confrontation and noisy scenes.

And those unbearable words.

(Chapter 078 or so of the fourth volume of this book is the content of the confrontation)

Zhuang Ya felt invincible and self-ashamed.

This kind of laughter at the beginning contrasts with the extreme sadness at the end, which makes Zhuang Ya feel that her head is about to explode, so that the memories and blessings that are played quickly make Zhuang Ya feel that she is sad, lamentable, and angry.

And Zhuang Ya breathed a sigh of relief and cried bitterly.

And the next two pictures made Zhuang Ya stand on end.

One is that she saw the appearance of Ying Han when he was old and mature, disgusted and insulted by a woman.

The woman was Zhuang Ya of the old queen, with white hair and some teeth falling out.

There is also a picture of the child's resentment towards himself, his resentful eyes, and how he feels that he lives in such a home.

And Zhuang Ya, the old queen, said, "If it weren't for you, because of you, would I be like this?

It makes her feel scared......

"Ah......h

......

......

Soon, Zhuang Ya woke up, and when she looked at it again, it turned out to be a dream.

But this sense of realism.

The superimposed feeling of reality and hypocrisy made Zhuang Ya feel that she could be so humble.

It feels like I'm watching a documentary about my past and the future.

It's a clear and penetrating feeling.

Everything is more obvious and painful.

Why are you so tired?

Do you need to live like this?

In fact, Zhuang Ya doesn't know how many times she tosses and dreams like this.

She can't forgive herself in reality, she gets by, and she can't live in her dreams.

It's a painful feeling.

It's like a brother's reincarnation, constantly repeating and screening, and oppressing.

She felt the bloody pain in every cell in her body.

She didn't want to think about it, and she chose to forget.

He also forgot his hunger and discomfort.

And in the next room, Ying Hanchu, who was separated by a wall, was still chatting about sao.

Zhuang Ya didn't know how long she was in a daze.

Until, as if the door of his room had been slammed, the violent kicking sounded.

Once, twice.

"How did you die...... Hurry up and cook, do you hear?" Ying Hanchu immediately twisted the door open, and roared impatiently, "What, you're pretending to be dead again, playing a bitter meat trick! Why do you still have to go up and down the tragic scene?"

Zhuang Ya looked at this man blankly, thinking about the warmth he had given in his memory.

In fact, she never knew, and she didn't understand, why, the good oath never changed, and in the end, it was because of this, because of that, it changed?

Zhuang Ya didn't speak, and she didn't want to say anything.

"Deaf, it's so hard to burn your brain?" Ying Hanchu pouted, "Then I got the food too!" By the way, what else is in the refrigerator, what do you make yourself?"

"I didn't have time to buy it, and you didn't buy it!" Zhuang Ya said lightly.

Without expression, no one knows what's going on in her heart.

Soon, Ying Hanchu turned around, and then a minute or two later, he reappeared by the door.

"Damn...... What are you doing, go quickly, go buy some food, Lao Tzu is hungry, make something simple, don't say it early, I'll order takeout, really, you can get it quickly!" Ying Hanchu was very impatient and pointed to the vegetable market next to the building.

The intention is obvious, I want Zhuang Ya to go down immediately, buy vegetables, and cook.

"Quick...... I still have to play games......" Ying Hanchu asked.

Zhuang Ya breathed a sigh of relief and said lightly, "I'm so tired today...... You don't think you cooked for me in a long time, do you remember the last time, when did you come here, what did you do!?

"Don't talk to Lao Tzu, be fast, be quick!" and then pause, and mutter, "Are you sick today, or are you confused, just talk about what you have, what are you doing? Hurry up and cook! Really, you still have to urge?"

I. (๑๑) Memory:

Yes, before Ying Hanchu didn't wait to urge twice, Zhuang Ya had already bought vegetables and cooked, and then urged, shouting that Ying Hanchu was eating, and then he ate, dropped the bowl, and it was over, most of the time, he still had to go to the computer to collect the bowl.

Then it's Zhuang Ya washing dishes, doing hygiene or something.

Zhuang Ya suddenly smiled bitterly, "Yes, how could I have treated him like this, it's so rare, it's so rare!"

But what did I think at that time?

Oh!

Zhuang Ya recalled!

At that time, I thought to myself, "Work harder, try harder, and it will be fine!"

At that time, I always felt that cooking was nothing, and I slowly got used to it, but I just wanted to do better, better, and I was afraid that I would wait for the beginning of the cold, so even if I was tired, if I really couldn't do it, I got off work too late, and I went home from overtime, Zhuang Ya would feel very sorry.

But at this point she thought why sorry, why?

Do I always think that this is what I should do? Is it just to eat and drink well, he still goes to the girl?

Zhuang Ya smiled bitterly, how could she be so humble.

Some things are really experienced, not big or small, Feng's illness, you will understand them all, understand, those so-called true or false?

Know better who is good for yourself and bad for yourself!

I also know what I should do.

Yes, at this time she seems to have woken up from a dream.

She told herself, "The past is gone, now, immediately, immediately, I am no longer my former self, I will not be my former self again, I must change, change ......"

Her voice was strong in her heart.

It's like a sudden awakening.

She wants to break out of the cocoon and be reborn.

(๑؂๑）

Zhuang Ya said to the person in front of her, "Oh, I know, needless to say, I'm so tired, I want to rest." ”

"Rest?" Ying Hanchu's eyes widened.

Yes, he had never heard Zhuang Ya speak and speak in such a manner.

It was as if he had misheard, or that there was something wrong with Zhuang Ya's brain.

Because Zhuang Ya in the past would not speak like this, absolutely not.

"Which nerve did you make a mistake today! I really don't want to get it, forget it, I don't care, you order a few delicious foods, cook me two dumplings to cushion my stomach first!" Ying Hanchu finished speaking and left.

didn't wait for Zhuang Ya to reply.

"Dumplings?" "Am I burnt out, or, you don't remember!"

II. (๑๑) Memory:

Zhuang Ya felt very ironic, for something like dumplings.

Ying Hanchu once said that if you want to eat, it's simple, buy a bag, and you need to eat it.

But Zhuang Ya always felt that it was not good for her stomach to correspond to the cold at the beginning, and she didn't want him to eat like this.

So, always, very busy, forcing myself to do this and that quickly.

At the beginning, she didn't touch the spring water, and she could conjure up two or three simple dishes in the kitchen in half an hour, from washing to cooking.

The pride of the past seems to be to see this man eating and cooking some of his own food.

And then satisfied with the look.

She used to think, "Aren't women all about grasping men's stomachs?"

These cooking, making it delicious, seems to be a matter of responsibility.

Even if she didn't get a license, she still regarded herself as a hostess and did these things that she thought she should do.

Not to mention getting the certificate later, it should be like this!

But with such enthusiasm, time goes by, but she doesn't have much enthusiasm to get the certificate.

A year, less than a year, she wanted to escape.

Whenever that happens, she feels that she doesn't understand herself.

How can it be such a child's play?

Isn't it all what you want? How could you want to leave, to separate?

So, even if it was many times, when she felt that she wanted to leave, she subconsciously told herself,

"It's rare to order everything now, is it not easy to fulfill others, now that you have the certificate, there is a result, how can you give it to others!"

Yes, at that time, her thoughts were that she was unwilling, not worth it, and she had already paid so much, naturally, cooking, even if she complained, she still did it, but sometimes she felt sad and uncomfortable.

It seems that some quarrels are more because they are married and get a certificate!

A little confident, a bold sense of self.

No matter how different I am now, I am different from before, how can I give up easily, and I want to transform Ying Han's initial thoughts.

In less than a year, they have many contradictions, but Ying Hanchu always seems to be doing the same thing, and always has the opposite attitude towards many things.

They seem to be caught in a circle, not right and wrong, right and wrong, but, fundamentally, through these superficial arguments, reasoning, in fact, the truth is that they are more focused on each other.

It's like a child's rebellious mentality, the more I don't want to do anything, the kind I prefer to do.

The contradictions deepened, including the blatant chatter of SAO, and the deliberate "show-off" and temptation......

It's as if they're trying to point to each other's bottom line again and again.

Never get tired of it.

(๑๑) Reality:

But now Zhuang Ya doesn't think about anything.

She didn't want to eat either, rolled over, and wanted to close her eyes.

Although the thoughts are still very chaotic, very chaotic, many fragments of memory invade the mind.

Yes, why are you so cowardly, she asked herself.

Ask yourself.

Soon.

No, it won't.

Ying Hanchu came over again, and when he saw that he was wearing a little Zhuang Ya on his back, he became angry, "What are you doing, do you want you to cook and eat, and have you ordered that (takeout)?"

At the same time as Ying Hanchu spoke, he had already come over and pulled Zhuang Ya's clothes.

"No, nothing to eat...... No...... I'll sleep, don't bother me!" Zhuang Ya glanced at him disdainfully, and pulled back the thin mattress she covered.

That kind of look, she had never been like this!

Ying Hanchu may be treated like this for the first time, a person who was low to the dust in the past, is now so "rebellious"!

Ying Hanchu was very annoyed, pulled the futon and brought Zhuang Ya's pajamas, and shouted, "What's the matter, don't you give you a little sunshine?

Zhuang Ya glared at him, "Let go, don't go!"

Zhuang Ya said very firmly, it is an affirmative sentence, not a question sentence.

Zhuang Ya's appearance undoubtedly made Ying Hanchu very uncomfortable, as if his "authority" had been challenged.

"Don't go anything, you can go if you want to go today, you have to go if you don't want to go!!" Ying Hanchu viciously pulled Zhuang Ya's hair and dragged it out.

"Really, this time has made you feel comfortable, isn't it? Sick,,Hmph,Pretend?Even if you climb today,,You have to go cooking,Cooking!" Ying Hanchu roared, "Go cook!"

Pointing at Zhuang Ya and yelling, pointing in the direction of the kitchen outside the door.

"No, what can you do to me? I won't go today, I won't go!" Zhuang Ya's eyes widened, but her head was very clear at this time, and the cells in her whole body seemed to be fighting!

"That's not up to you!" Ying Hanchu's eyes were red at this time, and he was already blinded by hatred.

"I haven't beaten you! Do you want to find a fight, I will fulfill you, and today I will fulfill you!" Ying Hanchu said viciously.

Zhuang Ya sneered, "Yes, I take care of you and obey you, how can you be so angry, in fact, you have long wanted to beat me, did you beat me?"

Zhuang Ya was not ambiguous at all at this time, staring at what Ying Hanchu did, every word and deed.

In the past, these were things that didn't have to be thought about.

"Hmph...... Then let you see it today, let's see, otherwise, otherwise...... I don't know how to serve a man, how to take care of it, it's all the opposite, is it evil, today, today's ......" Ying Hanchu gritted his teeth and said.

I look for something outside the door of the room, too.

Zhuang Ya looked at this scene with inexplicable fear.

I don't know why, she seems to see the way her father looks to her mother.

and the crying of the mother.

Those images of the past, she saw.

Dad's chattering and unrelenting, Mom's crying and crying, and the scars on her body after being beaten.

In a way.

The more backward the place, the more there is a kind of atmosphere, as if putting a woman underground and kowtowing and begging for mercy has become a manifestation of a certain man's superiority, "status" and "ability".

In fact, the more people who have no social status, the more they like to use this way, as if women are accessories.

It is only worthy of groveling.

Zhuang Ya seemed to see the shadow of her parents at this moment.

She wanted to forget it like this, to see what step Ying Hanchu could take? How ruthless was it? She wanted to see what else this man could do?