He hugged me abruptly, his mouth was closer to my ear, and he said almost word for word: "Lin Sisi, saying it may scare you." You are the woman who makes me feel the urge to get married. I must be crazy, I must be crazy. ”

Whether he's crazy or not, I'm not sure.

But I'm pretty sure, I'm going crazy.

Over the past few days, I have been telling myself that the more heartbroken I am, the more heartbroken I will be, and all I can do is to stick to myself and never harm others. And the moment ago, I wanted to hide my past and have a crazy relationship with this man that I knew I was going to break up from the beginning.

I'm not crazy about anything!

I feel like I'm both ridiculous and selfish!

I was afraid to confess my past to him, I was afraid that I would be looked down upon by him, I was afraid that I would fall deeper into the abyss, but I forgot that the more I was silent and retreated, the more he would try to move forward, and this would only increase his pain.

He should have been the last person I wanted to hurt. But what the hell did I do!

It was in these ten seconds that I suppressed all the turbulent emotions in my heart and made a difficult decision.

Almost weak, my voice seemed to be low to the dust, and I said, "Yu Minghui, you let me go first." ”

Yu Minghui's hand clinged to it more disobediently, and he said, "No, I don't want to let it go, and I don't want to let it go." ”

I was even more powerless, and I said, "You let me go first, I have something I want to make clear to you." ”

But he was very stubborn, Yu Minghui hugged me with weight, he said: "You can also say it if you hold it, you say, I listen." ”

It's true that I've been lonely for too long, I'm really greedy, I really like this embrace that makes me sink and shake, but I'm afraid, I'm afraid he's just an ordinary man, I'm afraid he's just one of the ordinary superficial men, he's hugging me and listening to my past, he's going to be frightened and hit, and he's even thinking of me as a beast, and he's going to throw me away abruptly, and how embarrassed I should be and how much I want to go to hell right away.

So I was hopelessly stubborn, and I said, "I'll let you go first!"

Yu Minghui hesitated for a moment, and he finally let go of his hand.

He looked at me with bottomless eyes as deep as a lake, but inside they shone as bright as stars.

I was afraid to see his eyes, so I straightened my body, retracted my gaze, raised my eyebrows slightly, stabilized my emotions, and then whispered, "Let me tell you about Ding Zhanbo." ”

Yu Minghui was silent.

In the entire huge space, only Ada didn't know where the high point was, and kept throwing the ball back and forth to make a collision sound.

I took a deep breath, and then continued slowly: "When I was in high school, there was a male classmate named Ding Zhanbo in the class, he was handsome, his family was good-looking, he was very good at basketball, and what impressed me the most was that he had very good grades, he was the first in the whole grade in every exam, and I was the second. A few months before the college entrance examination, he sent me a note asking if I wanted to take the Peking University entrance examination with him. I didn't know if I could really be admitted to Peking University, but I agreed. We were hopelessly naïve, promises and sweet words always came with our mouths open, he said he loved me, he said we would get married later, and I believed whatever he said at that time. My puppy love came at a bad time, but it came crazy and recklessly. In the days after the college entrance examination, many students went out to surf the Internet all night, and some students hid in the dormitory to drink beer, and when they drank too much, they went to confess to their favorite classmates. But Ding Zhanbo asked me to set off fireworks, and he asked me to go to the Cultural Square in the middle of the night to set off fireworks. ”

Speaking of this, I glanced at Yu Minghui cautiously, only to see that his face was full of sternness, and his brows were all frowned, listening very seriously.

My fingers unconsciously curled and crumpled into a ball, and I smiled self-deprecatingly and continued: "At that time, the cultural square in Suixi was so desolate that we didn't see a single living person at two o'clock in the morning. I just thought it was romantic, but I didn't think it was dangerous. In the early hours of the morning that changed my life, under the light of those bright fireworks, Ding Zhanbo came over and wanted to kiss me, I thought that the first kiss happened in such a situation, it was worth the trip, so I closed my eyes. I just closed my eyes for a few seconds, and when I opened them, it was a nightmare. I still can't figure out why it was so late, and there were so many men who were too drunk and came running to make trouble, and they kept pulling my hands, touching me, and dragging me away. And the man who said he loved me very much, and I would marry me, he fled there at night, leaving me where I was, and leaving me to a few drunken and inhuman men. I was carried by a couple of people who drank too much and threw me down a few times, but I twisted my foot and I couldn't run at all. They carried me to an abandoned building next to the canal, and I screamed and even kowtowed and begged for mercy, but I was punched and kicked..."

Before I finished speaking, Yu Minghui suddenly pounced and stretched out his hand to cover my mouth, I was already teary-eyed, I couldn't see his expression clearly, I only heard him raise his voice and say: "Stop, stop here, don't say it again, don't say it again!"

I thought my expression must have been weird, so I just cried and smiled, and took Yu Minghui's hand off.

What broke me out was that I was finally able to see his expression.

His face was pale, as white as a cloud. After I took his hand off, he didn't know if it was habitual or subconscious, and moved it back.

It's enough to break my heart.

So, as if crazy, I continued: "I was knocked unconscious by a brick slab. When I woke up, I was covered in a quilt and my lower body was covered in blood. I remember that it rained very heavily that day, but even though it was raining heavily, even though the scene was fenced off, and even though the police were constantly maintaining order, there were still many people watching the excitement and whispering and pointing fingers. I made a splash in the county in one day. However, when others talk about me, they won't think that I, Lin Sisi, am a victim, they won't give me too much sympathy, they will only think that serious girls won't wander outside in the middle of the night, what happened to me by a few men, I deserve it, I'm toxic, and some people even rumor that I have AIDS, you have to stay away, otherwise you will be infected. I can't stop all this constant turmoil and destruction. I didn't dare to go home, my whole family didn't dare to go home again, we hid and lived like rats crossing the street. I'm not just hurting myself, I'm hurting my whole family. Yu Minghui, tell me, is a broken person like me really qualified to start a new life?"

Yu Minghui's face was even more astonishingly white, he sat there fixedly, he didn't pounce on me again, he didn't open his mouth to talk to me, he just sat there as silent as a log, not knowing what to think.

Obviously he is such a cold and glamorous man, obviously he is a man who is often quiet, and he is a man who used to make me feel as stable as Mount Tai, but now he is just like this, and now he is just flustered.

I really don't have the right to blame him too much, I don't have the right to ask him to become a saint, and I don't have the right to ask him to accept and tolerate my past.

But why, why, my heart hurts so much.

It was as if someone had dropped a bomb into it, igniting it mercilessly and exploding it, and the heart-rending and incomprehensible pain covered me layer after layer like an uncontrollable wave of a tsunami.

Grinning again, I reached for my tears and dropped another bomb almost to myself: "Well, I know I don't have any qualifications, I shouldn't throw this question at you." I deserve it, I'm still a scourge. My parents still want to help me get justice, and they still run for me, humbly begging for help. After almost two months of hard work, I was found to be pregnant. It seems that I have become a favorable party in the matter of collecting evidence. But overnight, my fish pond was poisoned, and my family received a warning phone call, if this is not over, the next time the poison will not be sprinkled in the fish pond, maybe one day it will be accidentally sprinkled into the water we drink. I ran to the hospital myself and got the baby out. ”

Reaching out and pressing his abdomen heavily, I said lightly: "Well, that's right, Lin Sisi, a hopelessly unlucky woman, she was pregnant with the children of those traitors, she beat the children, she made concessions and compromises to those vicious murderers, she trampled on her own pathetic dignity, and she made the smartest choice." Then she ran to Zhanjiang to earn money to help her family pay off her debts. Then even if she knew that she was not worthy, she fell madly in love with a man named Yu Minghui. Then, just ten minutes ago, she shamelessly wanted to hide her past and talk to the man named Yu Minghui about a love affair that would break up. But fortunately, she was not too bad, and she suddenly found out in her conscience that she told the man named Yu Minghui a story of her own, and asked the man named Yu Minghui to make a choice. And then she knew that this moment of her dream might be over. ”

After I stopped all the narration, Yu Minghui's response was still silent, dead silence.

The space where my voice was still echoing just now was the sound of Ada throwing the ball and hitting it.

After nearly five minutes of silence, Yu Minghui suddenly yelled at Ada and said, "Ada, you're still over! Can't you fucking be quiet!"

I automatically and consciously thought that this was his alternative eviction order to me. He's a good guy and he's taken care of my pathetic pride in such an offbeat way.

I took the ledger I brought with me like a dead heart, I put it on my lap, and I still said in an understated tone: "Yu Minghui, let's get back to business." I can't take out the money you gave me all at once for the time being, and I will return it to you as soon as possible. ”

With that, I stood up and stumbled towards the gate.

Just as I was about to touch the doorhandle, Yu Minghui suddenly grabbed my hand, his hand trembled so much, he still didn't say anything to me.

I looked back at him for no more than thirty seconds, I knew I shouldn't be so mean, but how could I be so mean.

Yes, I did smile at Yu Minghui so amorously, and I said, "Do you regret that you impulsively helped me pay off my debts without figuring out the situation?" I really don't have that much money now, if you really don't feel comfortable in your heart, I am willing to repay you first, and it will be interest. ”

With that, I shook off his hand, and I threw the little bookkeeping book haphazardly on the hallway, my fingers trembling as I unbuttoned my clothes.

Why is it that the buttons that are so easy to undo when I usually change clothes have become so difficult now?

It took me about thirty seconds to unbutton one of them, and at this moment, Yu Minghui reached over and pressed my trembling hand, and he finally spoke.

He said, "Lin Sisi, don't do this. ”

I suddenly hated him very much.

It's the kind of hatred that is particularly unreasonable and vexatious, I hate that he didn't know why he had a convulsion to help me that night, I hate that he took me away after I got drunk, I hate him for helping me block the attack of the poisonous snake, I hate him for helping me teach Wang Ma Yi a hard lesson, and I even hate him for helping me get the ring back when I was losing a loved one.

I hated almost everything he did to me.

What I hate the most is that I know deep down that my hatred must come from love. I hate him for giving me too much warmth, I hate him for making me fall in love with him, and I hate him, at this moment, saying this sentence.

Too cold and too hurtful.

Lin Sisi, you don't want to be like this.

So what else am I going to do? What else can I do?

Shaking off his hand fiercely, I smiled as if nothing had happened without shame, and I said, "Yu Minghui, you have to forgive me for my presumptuousness." It may be that my three views are not correct, I think that the best way for a woman who has nothing to repay a kind man is to make a promise. I really don't have any money right now, and I can't pay you back all at once. In that case, then you can sleep with me once as interest. If you don't feel clean, you can use a condom. If you think it's wasteful, I can pay for condoms. ”

With that, my hand that stopped on top of my clothes pulled at the buttons with brute force, and quickly and frantically tugged at those buttons all the way down.

Sure enough, it was cheap and not good, this dress that I bought for ten yuan at the clothing wholesale department of the South Railway Station, those buttons were as fragile as my broken heart, and they fell to the ground one after another, and the clothes without the support of the buttons, it swung to both sides, and most of my upper body was exposed in this way.