I realized that Du Yuan had fallen asleep, broke her hand, I sat down at the desk, turned on the lamp, I picked up the pen, and wrote life and death on the paper.

Regarding death, it seems that it is not a question of whether it can be saved, but that the world cannot be kept.

And there are too many complicated things about this colorful world, and feelings and human nature are enough to make people troubled.

What's more, in this world, I sometimes feel that the pain is a kind of enjoyment, we are all here to experience this world, maybe this world is a prison, we came here to atone for the mistakes committed outside.

Some people have committed very minor sins, and they come here for a few days and then go back, and some people have committed very serious sins, and they have to go through birth, old age, sickness and death here, and finally be liberated and return to the original place.

Unconsciously, I wrote a lot on the paper, and my mood was much soothed, and I converted my emotions into words and transferred them to the paper.

The moment I put down the pen, I noticed someone next to me, I knew that it should be Du Yuan who woke up, I don't know when she came to me, and I don't know how long she watched it, I smiled, and then faced her.

"Why don't you sleep, hurry back, it's snowing, don't freeze, then you have to go to the hospital again, you don't want to stay in the hospital on Christmas Eve." ”

"I seem to know why she liked my dad in the first place, and I can understand her. ”

"Didn't you burn or didn't wake up? ”

I stroked Du Yuan's forehead, there was no fever, it should be hot, I turned down the temperature of the air conditioner a little, and then pushed Du Yuan to the side of the bed.

Watching her sit on the bed with the quilt back, I walked to the window, opened a little crack, the cold air came to my face, under the guidance of the street lamp, the snowflakes fell sparsely, and the footprints of different shades under the street lamp, I like this feeling.

I put a dress on my body, Du Yuan wrapped the quilt on me, and then looked out the window with me, and for the first time I began to seriously consider my relationship with Du Yuan.

She said she was a friend, but she seemed to be overly dependent on me, but we didn't have a clear relationship, after all, she appeared in my life, disappeared for a few months, and now came back again, no one can say what this means.

The light of a flashlight suddenly shone over, and the eyes of the community security guards and the lights in their hands were facing us at the same time, and the snowflakes drifted in, and then disappeared with the reversal of the direction of the lights.

"It's so late on a snowy day, it's so late to get up tomorrow morning to see this snow. ”

"Stay safe, don't freeze. ”

For the greeting of the security guard, Du Yuan and I looked at each other and smiled, then I closed the window and persuaded Du Yuan back to the bed, I sat down again, sorted out my thoughts, Du Yuan seemed to be unable to sleep, curled up the quilt and sat behind me and watched me.

"I seem to like you, and it's a strange feeling that from the moment I wanted to get to know you, maybe it was just an excuse. ”

"Is your dad okay?"

"His grief was short-lived, it should be said that he hid all his bad emotions, including the love he used to have for my mother, but he didn't like to go out more than before, he used to go out to find stories and inspiration, and he only locked himself in his room for the month he came back. ”

"What about you?"

"After crying, I found that it wasn't so uncomfortable, she left when I was so young, I should just hope that someone can give me motherly love, it doesn't seem to matter who this person is, but my heart still hurts, I know that she has no one to replace. ”

"Sleep, you should be too mood swinging these days, don't think about it. ”

"You haven't answered my question yet, I said I like you. ”

"I'm sorry, I have a girlfriend. ”

"Last time I was in the hospital, I heard it, you and her have broken up, right?" Du Yuan looked at my eyes, I didn't know how to answer her, I like Tang Xi, for Du Yuan, maybe I just have a good impression.

"Forget it, you don't have to answer, I'll wait for you, wait for the day you accept me. ”

"Have you forgotten what happened between your parents? Maybe I'm the same person, you know, I won't be happy, you should know when you hear it, otherwise I won't break up. ”

"But I still can't control it, you know. I understood why she married my dad like a moth to a flame, and I didn't know what to do, and I fell in love with her. ”

"Something that is destined to have no result, knowing that it can hurt, I am not a good person, at least emotionally. ”

"Then you give me a chance, how do you know if you haven't tried. ”

I turned my back to Du Yuan, and my heart was in a mess.

"I don't think your dad would agree that he should want his daughter to be happy and not repeat his own mistakes. ”

"Love has nothing to do with anything else, it's just love, I don't care. ”

I pushed Du Yuan back to the head of the bed, put her hand in the quilt, and turned off the light.

"Sleep, give me time, and give yourself time, you're not having a good time during this time, so let me think about it. We don't know each other very well, do we?

So it may just be a period of time when you can't accept her departure and think rationally. ”

What does it mean to say the word rational from my mouth, I have always been emotional to persuade others to be rational, I think it is ridiculous, but this seems to be the only reason I can refuse Du Yuan.

I went to the next room, cleaned up briefly, and then fell asleep under the covers, and I had another dream.

I dreamed of Tang Xi, Du Yuan, and Xu Qing, in the dream I was torn apart by the three of them, for the indecision of feelings, it is difficult for me to make a choice, I have always been emotional and soft-hearted, and I am unwilling to hurt others.

When I wake up in the morning, I brush my teeth with cold water to stimulate my unconscious brain.

As for last night's dream, I was a little depressed, as if no matter what I did, I could hurt others, and maybe hurt myself in the end, but I should also deserve it.

I made breakfast and fried eggs, poached eggs that my mom used to teach me, and for the first time I made them to someone other than myself.

I woke Du Yuan up, she jumped up and jumped on top of me, and the scent of her hair made me intoxicated for a moment.

"Okay, don't make a fuss, get up and eat, I'll send you back later." ”

Du Yuan suddenly put it down, sat on the bed, and began to be silent and not speak, and the sudden change in her mood caught me off guard.

"What's wrong?"

"Don't drive me away, okay, I'm scared of being alone right now, that feeling of loneliness, it's very depressing, it's very uncomfortable. ”

I don't know how to answer, it seems cruel to refuse her request, but what is it to accept.

I'm sorry Tang Xi, at that time I should really be a scumbag with overflowing feelings, not a past that I don't know how to refuse and can say.