This is the first time Si Wei has learned about Song Ju'an's recent situation from others.

What she has always known is that even if she goes to Jishan, his job is nothing more than to go to the police to save people, but she didn't expect that her heart would be affected by his injury.

It's human nature to think about it, no matter what their relationship becomes, she hopes that his peaceful heart will not change.

This naturally has nothing to do with personal feelings, but simply hopes that everyone who is engaged in the profession of firefighting can protect themselves while saving others.

......

The first rain of the year began one night at the end of March, heralding the arrival of spring.

When I think of this time last year, it seems like it was just yesterday.

And this yesterday has slipped away with a lot of things happening.

This night, Si Wei did not sleep peacefully, perhaps because the rain was too loud, and after sleeping for more than an hour, he woke up again.

Facing the darkness of the room, there was a picture of the first meeting with Song Ju'an on the train two years ago - it rained along the way, and he restrained himself by pressing his legs.

After all, no one can share his difficulties.

In fact, the rain in Jishan came a few days later, probably in early April, which was two days of intermittent work.

At such times, leg pain is inevitable, but Song Ju'an is still very grateful.

Because this leg hurts the most at night, and in the dead of night, it is easier to hide yourself.

In addition to him, there were three people sleeping in the house.

Song Ju'an lay on his side and didn't dare to make a sound, holding the quilt pulled to his shoulder with one hand, and rubbing and pressing it with the other.

Sometimes there will be uncontrollable convulsions, and the bed board will sizzle.

"Why haven't you slept yet?" woke up when he heard the sound, Zhao Chuan asked in a low voice.

"It's okay, it's just a nightmare. "The tightness of the voice is imperceptible.

"Then hurry up and go to sleep. ”

After hearing the snoring soon, Song Ju'an slowly relaxed, adjusting his painful breathing over and over again in the dark.

His stagnant gaze fell on the opposite wall, and the bloodshot under his eyes turned red, but the pain was a little less, and more of an unusually quiet.

In fact, this pain, as long as it does not affect the police, Song Juan has long been accustomed to it and can grit his teeth to get through it, and even this has become a kind of venting for him - the venting of negative emotions.

The depressed pain in the heart will be vented in this form, whether it is the self-blame for the incident or the pain of losing a comrade-in-arms.

In other words, it's a form of self-punishment.

On May Day, the team took turns to rest, and Song Ju'an was lined up again, and as before, he was still on duty.

When others teased him, he often prevaricated on the grounds that he was too far away to go back.

The reason was reasonable, and no one asked again.

After the long holiday, Zhao Chuan returned to the team and pulled him to a place where no one was in the afternoon, mysterious and mysterious.

After confirming that there was no one around, Zhao Chuan took out a photo and brought it to his eyes, and said, "This is my sister, she is twenty-six years old this year, how does she look?"

Song Ju'an commented: "A girl with clear eyebrows and beautiful eyes. ”

Zhao Chuan was happy, looked at him and asked, "Then you think it's not bad?"

It goes without saying what that look meant.

Song Ju'an coughed lightly: "I'm poor and white, besides, I don't either..."

"It doesn't matter if you don't have any plans to get married, if you have a girlfriend, you can think about getting married slowly. Zhao Chuan interrupted him, and his attitude was very persistent.

Song Ju'an pursed his lips and secretly wondered what to say.

As soon as he looked like this, Zhao Chuan understood.

He took the photo and asked, "You don't look like you have a girlfriend, what's the matter, you dislike my sister?" I tell you, she graduated from undergraduate college and has a serious job, what are you worried about?"

After this series of cannons, Song Ju'an simply said bluntly: "I have someone I like." ”

Zhao Chuan was stunned for a moment, but he still had a glimmer of hope: "If you don't want to, you don't want to, why don't you find an excuse." ”

"I'm serious. Song Ju'an looked at him directly.

Looking at the serious eyes, Zhao Chuan really believed it, I don't know if he was unwilling or gossip, and asked again.

"Is it a crush?"

"......" Song Ju'an looked away.

Zhao Chuan walked around to him: "Did you confess to someone?"

“......”

"Tsk, let's talk about it, I don't tell anyone. ”

couldn't stand his verbosity, Song Ju'an replied lightly: "It's divided." ”

Zhao Chuan was a little embarrassed, so he had to pat him on the shoulder and said comfortingly: "It's very difficult for firefighters to find a suitable one these days, who can understand you, it's okay, she broke up with us, brother will help you find a better one." ”

"It's the breakup I mentioned. Song Ju'an glanced at him, then turned away lightly, and his tone was stiff.

Zhao Chuan was extremely helpless, what did he say?

"No, don't you mean that you still like her, why did you break up?"

"It's my problem. ”

Zhao Chuan raised his eyebrows: "Do you still want to get back together?"

Song Ju'an was silent again.

Zhao Chuan touched his nose, people didn't want to say it, it was obviously not good for him to ask like this.

After thinking about it, he became serious: "I don't know why you came here because you are the leader of the special service squadron, but I can see that you are hiding something here." ”

As he spoke, he pointed his heart with his index finger, "So there is a sentence I have to tell you, if you understand it, you will face it, do what we do, know what responsibility is, but treat your girlfriend not only with responsibility, but also with responsibility." ”

Probably because of listening to him talk about the truth as such a rough person, Song Ju'an suddenly laughed and said, "Got it." ”

Although he said so, he knew that many things were still a mess.

After coming to Jishan, Song Ju'an completely quit smoking, and compared to this only change, many things are still the same.

It also seems to become a needle, pierced in the most vulnerable places.

It's not that he hasn't tried to pull it out, it's that he can't get past his own level.

Therefore, he would rather live alone in the shadows than have one more person to accompany him, and he did not even want to be understood and enlightened by others, so he tried all means to punish himself.

So he left everyone behind and chose a difficult and long path, one so dark and so lonely.

And he walked for a long time, and still didn't come to the end.

Later, when Song Ju'an inadvertently remembered that day when Zhao Chuan asked him if he still wanted to get back together, he then thought of the most beautiful dream he had ever had since he came here.

In the dream he forgave himself, and she forgave him.

At the end of spring, everything is prosperous and the flowers bloom just right, which is the most beautiful time of the year.

Xu Heyan came back at the end of May, counting the days, Si Wei also understood the reason why she came back this time.

In the past few days, Song Ju'an applied to the Jishan detachment for his first departure.

It was Saturday, and Siwei accompanied Xu Heyan to Anxian County.

The weather was excellent and warm that day.

The cemetery has always been very quiet, and even when the wind blows, it is gentle and soothing, as if it is unbearable to disturb the people buried here.

Xu Heyan wore plain white clothes, held a bouquet of flowers, and walked to Zheng Zhi's tombstone step by step.

The photo on the tombstone shows him wearing a firefighting uniform, and he is smiling, so peaceful and handsome.

Facing each other in such a way is the most unimaginable thing that Xu Heyan once dared to imagine.

After a year, she has been able to face it calmly, just like now, standing quietly here and looking at him.

Si Wei stood back, remembering the feeling of stepping into this place, very subtle.

Suddenly, she thought of what Song Ju'an had said.

"I thought everything was so good that I thought that sacrifice was far away from us, as long as we were cautious enough, after all, so many dangers had been survived before. ”

"If it's a warning, why not me?"

Thinking of this, Siwei returned his gaze to Zheng Zhi's photo.

His life was forever fixed in that moment.

As for Song Ju'an, he seems to have stopped at this.

Because of this, in this matter, no one can say a word to him: It's not a big deal, it's you who are drilling the horns.

Suddenly, there was silence for a long, long time, and Siwei heard it.

"Don't worry, I'll be fine, and I'll come back to see you next year. ”

At the moment when Xu Heyan turned around, Si Wei saw relief on her face.

It is wooded and lush.

On the way out, Siwei felt that many things were getting better.

Letting go is not forgetting, but burying in the heart;

Moving forward is not a betrayal, but a way to choose to live.

It was already afternoon when Song Ju'an arrived in Anxian County, bought a bouquet of flowers and rushed to the cemetery.

When I arrived at the place, I met Zheng Yan's family, and the two elders had red eyes, but their spirits were better than a year ago.

After greeting the elders, Zheng Yan interjected: "Brother, I thought you had already come, but I thought you would leave without saying a word." ”

Song Ju'an asked, "I just got off the train, how can I conclude that I have been here?"

"When we went, there was a bouquet of flowers there, if it wasn't you, it should be..." Zheng Yan looked at his parents and didn't continue.

Song Ju'an changed the topic: "Then I'll go first, and I'll go to see my uncle and aunt later." ”

The second half of the sentence is addressed to the two elders.

Walking towards the tombstone, Song Ju'an prepared a lot of things to say.

However, when he really saw Zheng Zhi's photo, he suddenly fell into a trance.

It was too quiet between heaven and earth, and at this moment, only his heart was churning violently, and the mixed thoughts in it flashed, so fast that he couldn't grasp it.

He put down the flower, straightened up, and the person in the photo looked at him quietly.

"Everyone else has been here, and I'm here. He said, "Next year, I'll be the first to see you next year." ”

After saying that, he let out a long breath and looked up at the sky, his chest rising and falling because of the constant ventilation.

Until that momentum could no longer be suppressed, he lowered his head and saw the smiling face again, and his eyes suddenly showed pain.

"I regret it so much, you could have not used it...", and suddenly choked up at the mention of that word.

Song Ju'an stood there as if deflated, and his attitude calmed down a little when he spoke again.

"How many times have I wondered if it could have ended differently. If I hadn't promised you at the time, if I could have been a little more responsible, it wouldn't have been the way it is now. ”

"I was even thinking that if someone had to be sacrificed, it would be me!"

He repeated the word "I".

Gradually, tears welled up in his eyes.

"Tell me, what can I do to make myself feel better?" he said, "After you left, I told myself that I couldn't stop, so no matter how uncomfortable and depressed I was, I still insisted on doing my job." I thought I would be able to start over when I left the fire, but in the end I realized that I couldn't make peace of mind. ”

But no matter what he said, no one responded, just he vented to himself.

"Forget it, if you really have a spirit in the sky, give me a dream. ”

With that, he turned to leave.

After walking a few steps, he turned back again: "I'm really tired, if you have the heart, help me share the burden, as before." ”

Walking out of the cemetery, Song Ju'an had already sorted out his mind.

He went to a nearby supermarket to pick up a lot of fruits and vegetables, and went straight to Zheng's house after checking out.

rang the doorbell, and it was Zheng Yan who opened the door.

"Brother, why are you still... Eh!" Halfway through his words, he was blocked back by what Song Ju'an gave him.

Entering the house, Zheng Yan put everything away and poured another glass of water.

Before taking his seat, Song Ju'an glanced around the room and asked, "Are your parents not there?"

Zheng Yan said: "After coming back from the cemetery, they didn't come up, mainly because my mother wanted to go to the nearby park, and my father accompanied her. ”

Song Ju'an nodded, "What about you, what are you doing now?"

"There is a company that deals in firefighting products, and I cooperate with them to give lectures and spread some firefighting knowledge. Zheng Yan hung his head and said.

"Yes, I knew that your kid was not far off, marry another one as soon as possible..."

"Captain!" Zheng Yan suddenly interrupted in a deep voice.

Ignoring his mutant title, Song Ju'an chuckled: "Why are you still embarrassed?"

"I'm going to ask you why you went to Jishan, the place is so far away, and the conditions are not very good. Zheng Yan was angry and suspicious, but gradually calmed down again, and asked tentatively: "Is it because of my brother?"

Song Ju'an looked at him sideways, his expression was flat, more like a casual ask: "Who did you listen to?" ”

Zheng Yan immediately replied: "Sister Weiwei, she will accompany my sister-in-law in the afternoon... Sister He Yan came to my house. ”