Lovers (novella) Zhang Baotong

"The Yearning of the Heart" has finally been published. I don't care about it, it's a fine collection of prose and poetry, and in my mind it's actually a love letter to my lover. I really want to live for them and make them happy, even if I can't, but I always love them in my heart and I want them to know that I love them deeply. That's what my life is all about.

Half a year later, Huang Wenying called me and said that she had gone to the house of a relative in Xinjiang, who introduced her to the farm for 10,000 yuan, but she had to contract 50 acres of land on the farm, so that she became a regular employee of the farm and could get a salary of 3,000 yuan a month. She also said to me, I am divorced from my husband now, come here, we can live a good life together. We used to be together secretly, but now we can be together openly. I was very surprised to hear this, but I said that I had not yet retired, and that I could only be a free man if I had retired. She said then you should retire and come back. I said I would be old by then. She said I love your people, no matter how old you are, I love you. Huang Wenying's words touched me very much, she has not forgotten me and is still loving me. I hope that after I retire, I can go to her side and truly fall in love with her again.

After parting with her, I became even more lonely and sad, and I was getting older, even a little old, and felt that no one would love me anymore. Therefore, I can only pour this loneliness and sadness into writing, and pour it into the memories of my past lovers and romances. Therefore, hearing Huang Wenying say that she is still in love with me and still waiting for me, it makes me feel that I am not pessimistic and hopeless. But no matter how old I get, I will go to the place of love, because that is the source of my life and the sun.

My mother is 88 years old this year, and her biggest wish for the year is to reunite her children. So, every year over the years, I had to go back to Miluo, Hunan, to reunite with my siblings and celebrate the New Year with my mother. What surprised me was that I met Lin Yuqing, who had been separated for 40 years, and she was my lifelong sweetheart. I gave her "Heart's Longing", but I couldn't tell her that it was my love letter to her. But I really wanted to say that to her. Without that, I can't express how much I have missed and admired her for decades.

She was surprised that I was able to publish a book and serve as the deputy secretary of the street office, saying that I was the most promising person in the class. She came to my mother's house that night, chatted with me, and asked me how I had struggled and lived all these years. There are some things I can't tell her, so I opened a novella called "Sexless Marriage" that I published in the past and let her read it on the Internet. She looked at it with emotion and asked if this was a portrayal of my real life. I couldn't answer, so I said it was all made up. Because I don't want her to feel like I'm a gentleman and a decent person, but there are so many ugly and unseemly things behind the scenes. I don't want some of the negative episodes in the plot to ruin her good impression of me. Because she thought of me as a man who was orthodox and had a successful career.

In fact, a person who is orthodox and has a successful career will also have a lot of confusion and things that cannot see people, just like the unpredictable wind and clouds in the sky and the clouds and sunny days in the moon. People also have two sides, the front is the bright side, which is specially shown to others, and the negative side is the hidden and dark side, which is completely their own. Just like a woman, she wants to dress herself up in front of others. However, when I returned to my room and took off my makeup, I was dusty and tired.

In those days, we almost really became lovers, and during the day, I took her to the park for a run, went shopping, ate together, and went to the river together. On that day, we walked on the embankment of the Miluo River, watching the river flow slowly under the white clouds, all the way to the railway bridge of the Miluo River. I was reminded of that unforgettable scene when I was four years old. I asked her if you had been to the Luohe Bridge. She thought for a long time, then shook her head. I asked her again if you had ever rescued someone in the river. She remembered and said that I remember that I once went to a place with my father in a carriage, and my father talked to others, and I went out to play alone. I saw a wooden bridge over the river, so I walked from the wooden bridge to the other side of the river. However, when I came back from the other side of the river, I saw a little boy who had fallen into the river, struggling in the water. I rescued him with a stick.

I excitedly told her that the boy was me. She looked at me for a long time, and said, "Is that boy you?" She looked a little incredulous, and said Oh my God, I really didn't expect that boy to be you. I said, but I know. She said then why didn't you tell me. I said that I wanted to tell you since I saw you in Nanping, Fujian, but you are so noble and beautiful that I dare not talk to you. I even told her that I had been thinking that God had sent you to save me. She wanted me to think so, but she complained that you really should have told me sooner. I said that although I didn't tell you, I have always been deeply grateful to you and remembered it in my heart. She sighed and said, maybe the two of us really had a fate in a previous life. I think the two of us may have been destined in a previous life, but the two of us didn't become a family. This is the biggest regret of my life.

On the fourth day of the Lunar New Year, she called more than a dozen classmates to gather in a restaurant. And the owner of this restaurant is also a classmate of ours. Everyone ate and drank together, and then went to a fellow scholar who had settled in Miluo. We were there talking, nostalgic, singing, laughing. Lin Yuqing also recited one of my prose poems on the spot, which won warm applause from the students. My classmates also asked me to put out a show, and I recited a poem that I liked very much:

The bell rang again, but the classroom was empty

The desk that stole was asleep, and they all fell asleep

You say our world has begun to separate

Then gradually strange and no longer intersect

I said I'll still be yours after graduation

No matter how far you go, I'll be here for you

I wish you could come back for another lesson

I'd love to hear you sing the school song again

Hopefully you're in every city

I've got me

That's how I graduated

We're still together

That's nice

She came to my mother's house every night to discuss my books with me and to find out how I had been living over the years, just like my sister, but more concerned than my sister. Because my sister never discussed my books and works with me. She asked me this and that, as if she was interviewing me, but more like she was in a relationship with me. She is the only one who pays so much attention to my books and work, and I am filled with gratitude and love for her in my heart. Although we are both over half a hundred years old, she is still the girl in red and the young girl in my eyes and heart when I was four or fourteen, and she cares about me more than ever. I love her more than ever. In fact, love does not fade with age, but will grow deeper with mutual care and concern.

The night before I was to leave Miluo, we talked until late. She said that she said goodbye this time, and she didn't know when she would see each other again. She looked a little sad when she said this. I said I'd be back next year. She said I'd come back too. I said so we could meet again. She was going to take pictures of me with her phone, saying that she would see me often. I said don't take pictures, because my old-fashioned appearance will make you feel bad when you see it. But she still took a picture of me, saying that you are no matter how old you are, but you are still a writer, a writer I rescued from the water of the Luo River.

Early the next morning, I took a taxi to the high-speed rail station. As soon as I boarded the high-speed train and sat in my seat, I heard a message from my mobile phone. I saw that it was Lin Yuqing who sent it to me, and it said: It's good to be with you, and I'm looking forward to seeing you next year. Looking at her message, my heart fluctuated again, I wanted to tell her what I wanted to say but never said, so I sent her a message: Lin Yuqing, I want to say to you, you are the lover of my life, "Soul Longing" is my love letter to you.

2017.8.28 First draft

2017.8.31 Second draft