Also known as "Marriage is the Grave of Love" Zhang Baotong 2016.7.4

"God God, even if Augustus, the king of the whole world, was willing to marry me and give me all the land, I would prefer to be your lover rather than his queen. For a person'www.biquge.info s worth is not reflected in his wealth or power, the latter by luck, and by his qualities. As a woman, if she is willing to marry a rich man more than a poor man, and desires her husband's possessions more than he himself, then she is betraying herself. Of course, any woman who marries out of such a desire deserves a salary rather than gratitude, for it is clear that her heart is on his property and not on himself, and that she willingly commit herself to a richer man, if possible.

"As far as I'm concerned, our romance has brought me great joy and sweetness – a sweet feeling that has always been pleasant to me and has always haunted me. Everywhere I went, the sensation always came to me, giving me the desire to wake up and hallucinations that kept me awake.

"I beseech you to see how miserable I have been by you: sad, miserable, and without comfort, unless you give me comfort. I have your portrait in my room. I have to stop and take a look at it every time I walk past it, but I've never looked at it when I'm with you. A portrait is nothing but a silent representation of things, and if a portrait can bring so much joy to people, let alone letters. Letters have a soul, can speak, and have enough power to transmit emotions, letters have all the sparks of passion, can ignite a prairie fire, as if people are on the scene, letters have the softness and sweetness of words, and sometimes have a boldness that words do not have. I'm no longer ashamed to say that I love you forever, because I've done more than that. I hate myself even for being in love with you, I have come here and locked myself up in a prison that will never see the light of day, so that you may live in peace and serenity. Be considerate of the hardships where I love you and try not to love you. Oh my God! What is this? What is the purpose? I trembled with fear, and my heart didn't listen to me. Tears wet the letter, and it was time to end the long letter. My dear, if you really think so (if only I would like to follow you to heaven), then goodbye forever. ”

"I have given up all pleasure in obedience to your will, and I have nothing but to prove to you that I now belong to you even more than ever. Therefore, in the name of the God in which you believe, I ask you to make me feel your presence in a way that you are currently able to do - write to me and send me some words of comfort that I may receive at least some strength and will to serve God. ”

Her letters are filled with love for Abelard. This love spread through her body like a fire that cleared away the dirt, making her feel clean and holy, as if she had been baptized by a pagan world. She became a nun in order to be a slave to love, and she was a martyr of love. Love is her true religion. She even said to Abelard, "She was praised for her purity of heart and respect, and only she knew how lascivious her mind and hands were." ”

Full of tenderness and bitterness, love is her philosophy and everything to her. She hoped that her love and faith would give him comfort and feelings of love, and that he would give her more comfort and love. Because she needed his love so much.

About a month after her letter was sent, she heard from him again. He told her that when he saw her say that she loved him more than God, he was shocked and even terrified, because God is supreme, and how can he be compared to God as a mortal. She's clearly still a girl in love. This was terrible for a woman who was an abbot. He said that his castration was actually "an act of mercy by the gods." And he is now happy to be free from the entanglement of carnal desires, which are nothing more than a trouble, a burden, a direct ticket to hell.

For Abelard, who dedicated himself to the truth with loneliness and loneliness all his life, he was a fighter who longed for honor and power. Although his love affair with Eloise was frustrated and misfortune arose, his fighting spirit was not extinguished, and he regarded their suffering as a deliberate arrangement of the Lord.

But these words of obvious reproach made Eloise very sad. It makes her feel as if her love for him is getting in the way of his career and development. Let her clearly see the difference between them. Love in her heart is everything to her, she still worships her lover, sticks to the love in her heart, and can't let go of their past experiences. He worships God, treks through the arduous journey of finding God's love, and keeps confessing to God. In his heart, God is all to Him. Perhaps the hearts of their former couple are no longer aligned. This made her believe even more that his feelings for her in the past were more out of love and desire, and he had always confessed to her like this.

That night, Eloise stayed awake all night, tears of sadness soaking her pillow. Originally, she had lost the love she had so passionately longed for, but now she felt that she had lost even the little love she cherished in her heart. She thought that he now had Jesus with him and no longer needed her. After a long period of sadness, she began to slowly think about it again, and began to have a deep understanding of the person she loved: yes, he is a 54-year-old man, and he has lost his male ****, if he continues to talk about love, it seems that he will touch the scene and feel sad, so he regards the love affair and marriage between the two of them as a thing of the past, which has been completely replaced by love for God. Otherwise, he would have asked her to take him as an example and dedicate her whole body and soul to God. However, this is really difficult for her, because she is only 32 years old this year, and she is still a young woman, and she still can't let go of the joy she has lost. However, as a nun, she is not allowed to have personal feelings, as a nun, love for God comes first, she cannot love a man more than God, she must suppress her inner feelings. After that, she decided not to talk about love to him anymore. In her sorrow, she sang the sad song:

"The bride asked where her philosopher was,

???? Every word he said was blessed by God.

???? Why did he forsake her like a stranger,

???? Although she had held him tightly in her arms?"

?? This is a poem written by a contemporary poet to Abelard and Eloise to commemorate their love. And in their letters, Eloise has always been obsessed with her love for Abelard and what happened to them. As the abbess, Eloise is still reminiscing about the past years, and Abelard is repenting and confessing to God in her letters. Indeed, it is a pain to not be able to remember what you want to remember, and it is even more painful to not be able to forget what you want to forget.