Also known as "Marriage is the Grave of Love" Zhang Baotong 2016.7.4

"I beseech you to heed what I have requested, and when I have been deceived by your presence, at least by the words you have written, and you have done much about it, give me your sweet image. Pen Fun Pavilion wWw. ｂiquge。 info I deserve more from you, do everything for you, I was only a girl, I was induced to suffer from the convent. This is not out of devotion to religion, but only because of your command. For this reason, I do not expect to receive a reward from God, because everyone knows that I have done nothing worthy of God's love. For this, in the name of God, you have given yourself. In the presence of God, I ask you, by whatever means you may have, to return to me through those comforting letters. Goodbye! my everything. ”

Soon after, Abelard wrote back. After that, they began to exchange letters frequently. Abelard's letters are more about expressing his obsession and worship for theology, but Eloise can still feel the genuine concern from Abelard between the lines. Now, God has become the bridge that perpetuates the love between two people.

Abelard finally replied. He wrote to her: "God's cricket girl, you were my earthly lover in the past, and today in Christ's kingdom, in my religious life, you are my favorite and my companion. The reason why I didn't write to you and contact you was not because I was indifferent to you, but because it would be good for both you and me, and it would cause us a lot less trouble. ”

His letter was not very long, and he was surprised that she could see his book. That book was his autobiography for the first half of his life, a spiritual redemption of his self. Through the memories and confessions of the past, he completely cut himself off from the past. He also said to her in the letter, "I hurt you, and I can't forgive myself for the rest of my life." He hoped that when he died, he would be buried in the Convent of the Holy Spirit, because it was the place where they had both put a lot of effort into it, and that they could stay with her.

Eloise held his letter in her hand and burst into tears, for seeing his letter was like seeing him again. For Eloise, love itself is a medicine, it brings peace, freedom and happiness. Even now, there are two portraits hanging in her house. One is of Jesus Christ and the other is of Abelard. She also spoke to it a lot. From this letter, she believes even more that self-sacrifice is the best expression of their love, because the higher the price, the more precious the love is obtained.

So she couldn't help but pick up the letter and quill, and while wiping away her tears, she wrote: "My dear, as the whole world knows, you must know how much you mean to me, and to know that (if you no longer love me) is the deepest betrayal and the most cruel blow to me, and I have lost you as if I had lost myself, and you know that there is nothing in the world that saddens me more than the loss of you." The greater the sorrow, the more you need comfort, as long as you can comfort me, you are the only reason for my sorrow, and only you have the strength to comfort me. Sorrow, laughter, and comfort, all of which you can bring to me, you owe me a great debt, especially since I have obeyed all your demands unconditionally, so that I have no strength against you in anything, and I have found in your commands only the strength to destroy myself. Strange to say, I have even turned my love into a kind of madness, and I have lost hope of recovery, which is exactly what I need most. As soon as you ask for it, I immediately change my clothes and thoughts, just to prove that you are the owner of both my body and my consciousness.

"God knows that I don't seek anything from you but you as a person; I don't want marriage, I don't want possessions, you know they won't bring me happiness and fulfillment, I just want you. The title of wife may be more dignified or valuable, but my preferred word is always lover, and if you agree, mistress and prostitute can too. I believe that the more I humble myself for your sake, the more I will make you happy and the less damage I will do to your reputation. In that letter to a friend, you have not forgotten our past, and you have repeated some of the reasons why I dissuaded you from having an unwise marriage. However, you didn't say anything else about me, I would rather love than marriage, and I would rather be free than bonded. God testifies that if the king is willing to marry me and let me have all that is under heaven forever, then the more precious and glorious thing for me is not to be his queen, but to be your mistress.

"Why? After we went into religion, you cut off contact with me on your own, without words, without correspondence, and I felt so forgotten and ignored. If you may, please tell me - or I will tell you what I think, and this may be what the world doubts. It's **, not friendship, it's lust, not true love, that connects you and me. So, when you are satisfied, all the appearance of feelings disappears. My dear, this is not just my personal opinion, but everyone's. I just hope that this is indeed my personal opinion, and that your false love can find a defense, so that my grief can be calmed a little.

I wish I could come up with some excuses for you to cover up the fact that you despise me. Please, listen to my plea—you can easily fulfill this little plea. I can't see you, but at least verbally (you're good at it, don't be stingy) please sweetly disguise yourself. If you are stingy with this word, it is even more pointless for me to ask you for generosity in action. Now, I feel like I should get a lot out of you, and I've always been thinking about you, and I've always been obedient to you. For me, the hard life of the convent as a young woman was not inspired by the gods, but was entirely at your command, and you can imagine the futility of my efforts if I still receive any gratitude from you. I can't expect anything in return from God, because I didn't do all this out of love for Him. I followed you when you were committed to God, in fact, I was the first to veil - maybe you thought of 'the Lord's wife'. So you first made me worship God, swore an oath, and then converted to God myself. In this respect you lack trust in me, and I swear, at that time sorrow and humiliation took possession of my heart, and God testifies, if you call, I will throw myself into hell before you without hesitation. My heart is not in my body, but in you, and now, if it is not with you, it feels like there is nowhere to live, and really, without you, my heart will not continue to exist. Now, it will say goodbye to you. The more uncertain your love is, the more you will think of me, my dear, but the more I make you feel safe with me, the more you have to endure your neglect of me. I beg you, remember all that I have done, and think how much you owe me. When I indulged in carnal pleasures with you, I wasn't sure if it was love or carnal lust that drove me, but now, our ending proves how we started. Finally, in order to obey your will, I have left all my pleasures and nothing but to prove that until now, and even more, everything I have is yours. ”