My Heaven Zhang Baotong 2018.2.18

Some say there is heaven, some say there is none. Heaven does not actually exist, because no one has ever seen it. But heaven is in everyone's heart. In James Hilton's novel "Lost Horizon", a peaceful and tranquil eternal place far away in the mountains of the East is called "Shangri-La". This is the Tibetan language of Diqing, which means "the sun and moon in the heart", and it is often imagined as a paradise on earth.

Shangri-La is considered a paradise by many because it is the closest place to heaven on earth. It is filled with the serenity of peace and the eternity and mystery that gives a sense of hope and solace for eternal life. In this way, each of us has a paradise, and heaven is hidden in the most sacred and revered place in our hearts.

The world is collapsing and rebuilding one by one, so there are always some people crying and some people laughing. It is the old people who have lost the past who are crying, but the young people who are laughing are watching the world become new. This new change allows young people to constantly see new visions and add more and more joy and hope to their lives. However, time is also losing more and more innocence, love and dreams. And these losses are fermenting in the nostalgia day by day, like a well-edited movie playing back in front of our eyes.

There is our rustic and curious childhood in heaven. When I was a child, I saw a painting at my neighbor's house. The painting shows a city surrounded by water, where people are dressed in new and beautiful clothes and have happy smiles on their faces, singing, dancing and touring the city full of palaces. At that time, our family had just moved out of the cave next to the Luohe Railway Bridge between Pucheng and Dali in Shaanxi Province, and it felt like a fairyland to see this exquisite and gorgeous city in the water. For a long time afterward, I thought this was Xianyang City, which was the impression I got from adults. I think I'm going to go there someday.

In the third grade, our engineering office moved to Miluo, Hunan Province, to build the Miluo River Railway Bridge. At that time, Miluo was just a small town, with bluestone slabs paved with bluestone slabs on the streets of one or two hundred and ten meters, and old and somewhat blackened wooden attics stood on both sides. At one end of the street is a movie theater and at the other end is a train station. From the railway station to the north, there is the Miluo River. Under the blue sky and white clouds, the Miluo River flows slowly, clear and blue, with the tranquility and mystery of a wilderness. The psychedelic sunshine evokes boundless reverie. We used to walk down this street to bathe and swim in the river, to fish, to catch frogs, to hunt water chestnuts, to pick up soft ground, to dig wild vegetables, and to pick up snails. That kind of carefree leisure and happiness gave me a lot of leisure and poetry of memories.

Before I knew it, I fell in love with a beautiful girl, and she was the prettiest girl in school. She also loved me very much. I used to go to her house to play chess with her father, and she sat silently next to me. At that time, boys and girls generally didn't talk much, so when we met, we didn't speak, but just looked at each other affectionately with our eyes. However, we only fell in love for two years, and then I went to the countryside. When I went to the countryside, she couldn't deliver it, she just hid at home and cried for a long time. The farm work in the countryside is very tiring, and every day is very long, and I have been silently thinking about her in my heart. However, when I returned home a month later, I found that her family had gone to another place with her father's transfer. As soon as we parted this time, we never saw each other again.

The place where I went to the countryside is called Ruiling, surrounded by mountains and rivers, the mountains and rivers are beautiful, and the Luojiang River flows in front of my door. I often sit by the river and play the harmonica after work to express my depression and yearning for the future. Here I met a beautiful girl whom I liked very much, but I couldn't confess to her or fall in love with her. Because I know I'm going to get out of here someday.

After that, I went to Xi'an, got the job I longed for, went to university, realized my dream of becoming a middle school teacher, and then I have been dreaming of becoming a writer. However, these seem to be all for making a living and making a name, and they are very prosaic and uninteresting. It makes me feel that people are looking for a life of ease and boredom, and that paradise full of mystery and yearning is still far away from me.

I used to meditate in the dead of night and in my loneliness: Is there a heaven on earth, where is heaven? For a long time, I doubted the existence of heaven. I even read the Bible, which is a book that soothes the soul, and the heaven in the book does not exist. However, my heart was still longing for it, and I always felt that there was a quiet and mysterious place in the distance, where there was an endless forest, and there was a small lake in the forest, and there was a small log cabin next to the small lake. Waiting for me to go over there to cultivate the land, watch the scenery and write. In fact, this place is based on Thoreau's "Walden", I imagined that I wanted to reach the highest state of life by returning to my heart, getting close to nature, and living in seclusion like Thoreau.

So, I went into the primeval forest alone, into the Qinling Mountains, and lived the most primitive life with the people in the mountains. Still, I didn't find heaven. Life in heaven is Elysium. But there is no such place in the world. I was very disappointed. So, I rarely went anywhere else since.

Later, I read some poems and some books, and I also wrote some poetic prose and realized that heaven exists. It's in our hearts and feelings. It allows you to feel the holy magnificence and beauty without having to go to Tibet, and you can feel the immortal love and romance without having to marry a beautiful woman. Our hearts and feelings are so profound and vast that they can reach anywhere we imagine. Past experiences and the yearning for reality are like dreams, which is why it is beautiful. Time glorifies everything cruel and casts a hazy veil over pain. Heaven belongs to nostalgia and yearning. It is a simple and innocent longing and ideal of nostalgia and yearning.

Now, I have long known that the fairyland-like place of my childhood is not Xianyang. And Xi'an, where I live, is many times more prosperous than Xianyang. The sight of walking in a palace-like city with beautiful clothes and a smile on his face is everywhere. But I don't think it's heaven, because heaven is more comfortable, quieter, more mysterious, more holy, and more beautiful than that.

Whether it is a kind of laughter and worry-free dream, or an intoxicating and sad love, the romantic romance and joys and sorrows will move us to tears, make us addicted, let us be intoxicated, and let us feel the splendor and richness of life.

Some people may say that this is self-deception and self-comfort, but without this self-pleasure and solace, our hearts and lives would be so boring. Aren't we watching movies, listening to music, singing, dancing and doing activities to make ourselves happy? Even if a person has no future and hope, he still has nostalgia and dreams. This is enough to make him feel the meaning and value of life. One more happiness, one less sorrow. And the feeling of heaven is solace and happiness.

In the heart of each of us, there is heaven. It is at the end of our path of beauty and mystery.