The endurance of marriage Zhang Baotong 2018.2.16

I've heard and seen some young people divorce. They often leave because of a trivial matter or a word, without hesitation. A bride who had just been married for a month saw the launch of a new Apple phone and asked the groom for a new one. The groom said that your mobile phone was bought two months ago, and it is still new. The bride insisted that I didn't like the phone and that I would get a new one. But it costs five or six thousand yuan to change a mobile phone. The groom said that it would be good to use it for another half a year. When the bride heard this, she felt that the groom was so stingy that she refused to even buy her a mobile phone, so she immediately threw the mobile phone in front of the groom and said that it was divorce, but it was too much. And the groom thinks that the bride is too willful, so why not go on like this. So, the two went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get a divorce.

One more example. The newlyweds have a puppy at home. The bride feeds the puppies dog food every day. Dog food is fed in small bowls. That day, the bride came home a little late and asked the groom to feed the puppy. However, the groom did not wash the bowl and put the dog food in the small bowl to feed the puppy. When the bride returned, she saw that the bowl was dirty, so she started a fire. The bridegroom was angry with the bride for this little thing, and felt that she valued the puppy more than he was. When the bride saw that the groom dared to be angry with her, she said that she would leave if she couldn't. The bridegroom said that he would leave, and whoever left could not be left. As a result, the two really separated.

In this world, anyone can live with anyone, and whoever leaves can live. According to this definition and concept, divorce is really like drinking cold water. However, have we ever thought about how difficult and laborious it is to not find a partner and get married?

"Ten years of cultivation can be crossed in the same boat, and a hundred years of cultivation can be slept together", which means that the two become husband and wife. During the period, you have to talk about love, talk about marriage, buy a house and a car, and prepare for marriage. How can anyone get married because of who should wash the dishes, who should mop the floor, who did not buy gifts for whom, and who treated whose parents badly? What do you say in your wedding vows?

It's easy to leave and disperse, but what to do after that? After you leave and disperse, you have to find it again, not only will it be more difficult to find it, but it may not be better to find it again than the original one. Yesterday I saw some photos on the Internet of World War I and World War II, when the girls sent their lovers to the battlefield, kissing goodbye in the car and under the car, it can be described as a kiss of life and death, because a kiss at this time may be the last kiss. Maybe the beloved one may never come back. It was a touching scene that brought tears to our eyes. If your parting is not because of going to war, but because of a trivial matter, don't you feel rash and ridiculous?

Marriage is not just about getting from it, it's about giving and enduring. Hawking met Jane at a bar when he was 21 years old, and the two fell in love at first sight. Once, Hawking suddenly fell into a coma and was diagnosed with a rare serious illness, and the doctor told Jane that he had only two years left to live. However, Jane still resolutely married Hawking, and after 30 years together, the two fell in love with someone else, and finally ended with the sentence "I loved you, I tried my best". It is conceivable how many hardships Jane has encountered and overcome in the past 30 years in order to take care of the severely disabled Hawking.

But love is like that, once you leave a person's heart, it is very difficult to enter it again. After a period of divorce, apart from anger and resentment, what feelings and love do they have for each other. Once the flame of love is extinguished, it is difficult to rekindle it. But I don't agree with the kind of thing that says it will leave because of a little thing, and it will be separated when it is said to be scattered. Because that little thing does not mean that love is extinguished, if there is no third party intrusion and long-term separation, there is no more serious emotional damage, it is impossible to extinguish the flame of love. Otherwise, there are many couples who still miss each other after divorce, and even regret it, and many people remarry. Such a toss makes both sides lose, and it is really unnecessary.

There are many examples of how much tolerance and endurance in many families are now very fragile, even vulnerable. Because many of our newly formed family members are only children, growing up in a pampered environment, they can't stand the slightest hurt and grievance, and they don't want to make too much effort and concessions. Therefore, this kind of small boat that has not experienced strong winds and waves can easily capsize in the gutter. After all, there are very few people who can pay for marriage out of responsibility like Jane. More people want to get it from love and marriage. It should be said that marriage is about both parties taking and giving to each other. If one party gains in the marriage and the other party gives, then the marriage must be short-lived.

The reason why marriage is the grave of love is because we have a shallow understanding of love and marriage, and we do not do enough to maintain marriage and love. If we can all think more about others and less about ourselves, the relationship between marriage and love will get better and better. Recently, I watched a movie called "Marriage Proposal", in which the male protagonist falls in love with a female botanist in order to avoid bankruptcy by marrying a rich woman. The botanist was a rich young woman, but she was very poor in her ability to live, and she often spilled wine on the carpet when she drank and ate, and her whole body was covered with food. A man is very angry with a woman and grits his teeth with hatred, but he must be patient to please her and help her in order to achieve the goal of marriage. And the woman was very touched by the subtle care and help of the man, and fell in love with him deeply, and agreed to his courtship, so that he not only avoided bankruptcy, but also lived a rich life. And the woman's deep love for him made him truly fall in love with her. Although this is only a movie, it reveals the essence of love between men and women, and helping and loving each other is the true meaning of love.

The same is true in daily life, if a woman wants to be loved and cared for by a man, she must have the charm and demeanor to attract men. And if a man wants to win the warmth and favor of a woman, he must work hard. As long as both parties are moving towards goodness, the heat of love will not cool down.

When it comes to marriage, many people emphasize the need to be the right person, and the right person will make the two people step in step in life customs and opinions, and reduce differences. But the door-to-door match is not only the material door-to-door match, but also the door-to-door match, which should be the door-to-door match at the spiritual level. The spiritual and spiritual pairs are mainly reflected in the cultural level, cultural pursuit and cultural taste. When the material conditions are sufficient to meet our life needs, the tacit understanding and communication of the soul are even more important. But in real life, many phenomena are still at a very low level of culture. For example, there are many people who are not short of money, but value it above all else. In terms of bride price, one mouth costs more than 100,000 or hundreds of thousands. I can't figure out why you raise your daughter and marry your daughter, it should be for your daughter's happiness. But isn't it hurting your daughter if you ask for such a large bride price? And some women are obviously not short of money, but why do they lose when faced with the temptation of money? Why do some women not want to have children? Isn't this her vocation and obligation? With different world views, outlook on life, and values, two close people are not as good as strangers together.

We love romance and beauty, it's in our nature. But how much romance and beauty is there in a real marriage? No matter how beautiful a beauty is, she will grow old slowly. But marriage is a mirror, if you smile at it, it will smile at you, and if you cry to him, it will cry to you. How would you feel if you saw someone smiling at you all day? What would it feel if you looked at someone who was crying at you all day?

Your strengths and highlights are easily forgotten, while your weaknesses and shortcomings are clearly seen. Although the romantic and beautiful events in the movie are difficult to play out in real life, no matter at any time, we should not test the bottom line of the other person's patience, but should try to make the other person happy. Even if she makes a big mistake, we should tolerate her and forgive her, let her feel and appreciate our tolerance and open-mindedness, even if we are giving a little more now, that is what we are willing to do. And its rewards may be more than you might expect.

The face will grow old slowly, and the affection will take root in the years. Before the harvest, we must be diligent in sowing, and before we reap, we must give silently. Let love be more warm, and marriage will be less tolerant.